this is dedicated to my horribly mean and ughish unnie humii369...it was an attempt to make her cry and get upset over a story as much as i have gotten over hers...but i feel as though ive failed...sigh...anyways...as a warning...this is only my second...well first proper...attempt to write something sad and moody!!!!so if i havent captured that essence...please let me know!!!!enjoy reading!!!!

p.s hope you liked the pic unnie!!!!

Tao

You shivered as you stepped out into the brisk chilling wind, goose bumps rising on your exposed skin. As you locked the door to your apartment, a small smile alighted on your face. You raise your ungloved fingers to your cheek, but rather than shirking away from the cold touch, you press your hand into your face. The cold makes me feel so alive. Something about it’s jolting touch is just so refreshing. Raising your fingers a little higher and sliding them under your bangs, you gingerly touch the bruise that had formed on your forehead. And it provides a soothing relief for stuff like this… With your fingers still on the bruise, you started to walk toward the elevator and when the doors opened, you brought them down to your side and joined the other people in the compartment and made your way down.

Sitting on the bus, you rest your head against the window, the cool of the glass comforting you, and you stare out looking at trees stripped of their leaves and the grey sky. I wish it would snow soon, the trees look so . It’s disconcerting. You’ve almost reached school when a dark haired boy sat down next to you. You immediately move closer to the window, trying to create as much distance as you could with him. Why this seat of all seats? There’re so many empty ones… You don’t look at him, but rather use the reflection from the window to study him. The boy was really tall and lean in stature, and judging by the bag and textbooks he carried, you deduced that he must be a student like you. There wasn’t anything that particularly stood out about him, he wore dark clothes, a hat tucked low into his face and earphones in his ears, an exact replica of most of the other university students on the bus. Finally the bus arrived at the university and you wait, sitting down, for all the students to get off first before you follow them out.

Walking into your first lecture, you find that the boy who had sat next to you on the bus was now in your seat, staring outside at the still scenery. He must be new… Though you wanted your seat back, as it was right next to the big windows of the lecture hall, you couldn’t be bothered to ask and sat in the seat directly in front of him. Class went by with you scribbling down notes and trying to keep up with the professor, and just as you started to feel restless, he finally finished and dismissed the class. Just like you had in the bus, you wait in your seat for the crowd of students to file by. Then you stood up and packed up your bag, leaving with the other stragglers.

You were out of the door when you felt a hand rest on your shoulder. Flinching, you jump forward, effectively terminating the contact. Turning around, you saw the dark haired boy, but this time you also saw his face for the first time. His face was filled with sharp lines, a pointy chin, an edgy jaw and a straight nose, but his eyes were what captured your attention. Though his bangs fell them, you could see that the general structure of his face was also present within them. His eyes were pointy, and his eyelashes being dark only helped to accentuate it. All in all, his face looked fierce and you couldn’t help but flinch again.

Shyly, he spoke. “You dropped this.”, and he held out a sheet filled with your writing.

His voice is so soft…contrary to his looks…

Taking the sheet, you bow your head thankfully. “Thank you,”, you said quietly and turned around.

Once again, the hand on your shoulder stopped you. Looking back, you saw the boy looking slightly embarrassed.

As one hand ruffled his hair slowly, he asked, “Um…I’m new here and I was…I was just wondering if maybe…you could help me to my next class?”

You wanted so badly to say no, but the helpless look on his face compelled you to agree. “Let me see your schedule.”

As he took it out, you put that sheet of notes he’d handed you into your bag. After having found it, he handed it to you shyly. Coincidentally, he had the exact same schedule as you did. This is going to be interesting, he’ll probably stick to me like glue because I’m the first one he’s met. A huge annoyance that’s going to be.

Instead of betraying your thoughts, you give a small smile. “Looks like we have the same schedule, you’ll just have to follow me then.”

“Ah, thank you!” You lead the way in silence, the atmosphere a tad awkward. Chuckling slightly, he asked, “We don’t know each others’ names yet… My name’s Huang Zitao, Tao for short.”

Couldn’t bear with the silence could he? Names…

“I’m ____.” You were about to leave it at that, but you felt like you might be coming off rude and standoffish. “Tao…doesn’t sound Korean to me.”

“Oh, that’s because I’m not Korean. I’m actually from China, I came here to study.”

Glad for the little prompt, he chattered away happily, telling you about this and that but you tuned out, letting him prattle on. You had almost reached the next lecture hall, when something he said caught your attention.

“I probably shouldn’t be telling anyone this, but…I’m actually a trainee for SM. I’m going to debut next year, around spring.”

An idol in the making… I’ve got to be on my guard with him from now on, I’ve enough to deal, with much less having extra stress from jealous misunderstanding fans.

Finally you reached the hall, and what had seemed like an age to you, had only taken two minutes.

“We’re here.”, you announced softly, entering the classroom just ahead of the professor and you hurried to your seat.

The rest of the day passed like that, the incessant chatter from Tao serving as background music to you. When you both boarded the bus at the end of the day, he got even more animated, talking about how this was great and it was nice meeting you, his first friend in Korea apart from his trainee ones. Smiling and nodding ever so often, you rarely put in a word or two. Finally he got off the bus, his stop being quite before yours. The moment he stepped off, you laid your head against the glass, the cold comforting the slight headache that had begun to form. Oh dear god that boy can talk…when all I want is silence.

You got home and let yourself into your dark apartment. Dropping your things on the table, you make yourself some cup ramyeon and sit in the living room, the television to a random drama that was airing. When you were finished, you disposed of the container, brushed and showered and slipped in between the cool sheets of your bed. Lying on your back, you feel the blankets slowly heat up and you stare up at the dark ceiling. Three weeks, it’s been three weeks…three blessed weeks. You fell asleep with the first genuine smile that had graced your face in the past few months.

Just as you had predicted, Tao was constantly by your side from the moment he got onto the bus in the morning till he got off it in the evening. He didn’t mind your silence and entertained you with stories about the members of the group he would be debuting with. Even though, as the month wore on and his presence soon became comfortable for you, you still flinched anytime he touched you, whether it was outright or just a slight brush of the hand. Despite the fact that you continuously told yourself to stop, that he wasn’t a stranger and he didn’t pose any danger to you, you couldn’t help the involuntary action. At first Tao hadn’t noticed this strange habit of yours, but soon you saw that he had finally become aware of it, he would frown in confusion anytime it happened.

Lying in bed one night, you reflected on the past month. Who are you been kidding ____? You thought you’d improved, gotten over it huh? Ha, in your dreams…you’re still the same scared little girl you were two months ago and you always will be. There’s nothing you can do, you’re scarred too deeply. You think one smile will make them go away? You think one person will heal them for you? Don’t delude yourself. The next morning you woke up to a soaked pillow.

On the bus that day, you looked out the window and stared off into the distance. When Tao boarded the bus, you didn’t greet him like you did customarily and you barely registered the slight shake he gave you, other than to move your shoulder away. You wandered mindlessly throughout the day, barely noticing his presence. Even Tao, who was always cheerful and talkative, was quiet as a reaction to your mood. At lunch you took out the two slices of bread you had packed in the morning, forgetting to even put anything on it, and stared at them. Your hands were on the table, and in attempt to shake you out of your stupor, Tao reached out and laid one hand over yours.

Looking at both of your hands, something inside of you snapped. “Just stop! Stop touching me and stop talking to me! Can’t you see that I don’t care? That I don’t want to be near you? Just get a life and stop bothering me!”, you yell as you get up from your seat.

Shoving your lunch and notebooks into your bag, you turn from the table and walk away quickly, leaving behind a stunned Tao in your wake. The closer you got to the bus stop, the slower your steps became and soon tears began to fall. By the time you reached the stop, your face was wet with them. You hear running steps behind you and know instinctively that Tao had chased after you. Why? Why can’t I just get over it? Why can’t I just be happy? Tao stopped just behind you, not saying anything. The bus came 10 minutes later and as you boarded, so did he, but rather than sitting beside you, he took the seat behind you. The tears still silently fell, the bleak scenery matching what you were feeling. Tao followed you all the way back to your apartment, and when you let yourself in, though he hesitated, he followed you into it too.

You drop your bag onto the table, and leaving Tao all alone, you go to the washroom. Standing in front of the sink, you stare at your reflection in the mirror. Look at how pitiful you are… Look at how weak you are… You shouldn’t even bother anymore… Turning on the tap, you wait until the flowing water became ice cold before splashing it onto your face. You are startled by the touch of the water on your face, but after overcoming the initial shock, you continue to splash your face until the tears stop flowing. Taking the towel, you dry your face off and look at your reflection again. You saw the red-rimmed eyes slightly swollen from the crying and the pale, lifeless face. Sighing, you leave the bathroom and go out to face your uninvited guest.

Looking down at the floor, you ask with a scratchy voice, “Would…would you like something to drink?”

Tao answered softly, “No.”

“Eat?”

“No.”

The two of you stood in your small apartment, Tao looking at you while you looked at the floor. Tears filled your eyes again, but this time in apology as you thought back to your outburst. Oh god I was horrible…but what else did you expect ____? It’s better off this way. Suddenly feeling drained, you sit down on your sofa, your knees at your chest and your chin resting on them.

“You can sit you know…especially if you’re going to stay.”

Rather than sitting on the sofa, of which there was only one, he sat cross legged on the floor opposite you so that he could see you. For the first time that day, you looked at him properly. Your blank eyes met his concerned ones and you saw that his countenance was filled with worry. You also saw the curiosity in his eyes which he was obviously trying to hide.

Might as well get this over with now…

“You’re obviously itching to ask, so just ask.”, you say reluctantly.

“I won’t if you don’t want me to.” When you didn’t say anything, he asked hesitantly, “Is…is everything okay?”

You give a bitter chuckle. “No, no it’s not but it is better.”

“It doesn’t look that way…you’ve been crying, you’ve been more aloof than normal today…and then there’s your outburst… Did something happen?”

You stayed silent. If I tell him will he understand? Will he be able to withstand from judging me? Or will he leave me like everyone else? Can I risk it? Can I risk opening my heart again and trust him? You stare into his face, contemplating what you want to do. You see the open concern he has for you, the sincerity behind the question and you can see the resolve he’d built to get to the bottom of whatever ‘this’ was. What does it matter ____? You can’t be hurt more than you’ve already been.

“Nothing’s happened, not recently at least. I’m…I’m just empty you see. Things happened and they changed me into the person I am now, a shell of a person… I can’t trust you or anyone…I’m scared all the time…I’m just lost within myself.” You look up and see confusion in Tao’s face. Guess I can’t just leave it like that can I?”

Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly. “If you’ll bear with me, I’ll tell you everything. It’ll take a while and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tell you everything…So if you want to leave now you should…”,

You avert your gaze from his, building up the courage to tell him your story simultaneously as you prepared for him to leave. When he stayed seated, you took a deep breath again. If you let it out you never know ____, maybe it’ll get better, maybe you’ll finally be able to get past it and live your life again…

“Well, this all started about a year ago, back in high school. I’d liked this guy, he was…he was cute and smart and funny and…and I just fell in love with him. Imagine my surprise when it turned out he felt the same way about me too, a dream come true right? I mean what girl doesn’t dream about her crush falling in love with her and finding her happily ever after with him right? And I was no different, I thought I was getting my happily ever after, my perfect ending. Sure I was just in high school, but I’d always loved the idea of high school sweethearts, I felt that it was just the cutest thing ever. And a fairy tale come true it was, he was just so perfect and I felt like the luckiest girl. For the last six months of high school we dated, he took me on picnics and dances and to movies, I thought it couldn’t get better. Then we applied to university and the thought of us separating scared me… I’d begun to wonder what would happen if we didn’t end up in the same schools and though the romantic side of me said that our relationship would survive any distance…the small practical side of me still doubted that. It turned out that I hadn’t needed to worry, we both got accepted into the same university and it was both our first choice and we were ecstatic. Our parents gave us permission to rent an apartment together, granted of course that there were two bedrooms…there was only so far they would go. So we spent our summer looking for a place and then moving in. It was heaven…for a little while.”

You pause here and think back to all the happy memories, all the kisses and hugs and just all the sweet things you two had done together. You smile at the memories, a faded and reminiscent smile, but no matter what had happened next, the romantic side of you still loved the start of your story with him. But it disappeared as you continued.

“I don’t know what it was, but all of a sudden he changed… Maybe it was because he didn’t have to keep up his perfect appearance anymore, at least not in our shared home, but he changed. He went from my Prince Charming to some hideous thing all in the span of a week or two. He started off first by becoming demanding. He hated when I would go meet up with my friends, and dare I meet up with my guy friends… He’d call incessantly when I was out and when I would come home, he would yell at me and demand an account of my every minute and proof of what I did. I thought this change of attitude was because all his friends had moved for university and the change of setting was unsettling for him, so I gave in to his demands. I started to meet with my friends less and less frequently until I finally stopped…stopped because I actually had no choice but to.”

You look down at your feet and trace a thin, long scar on your right food absentmindedly. Tao narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t press you.

“I should have seen that things were going the wrong way, but I was so young and oh…I was so naïve! I’d heard all the stories, I’d been warned by teachers and family, I’d been taught what to do in a situation like this…but my fantasy still lived on, I still thought we were the happy, perfect couple that people envied. With more time at home, I was able to hear his abuse more often. He would order me around, wash the dishes, go make this, do that…no matter what condition I was in. And stupidly I did, I did it even though he yelled at me, calling me useless and incompetent if I happened to burn or break something, or stupid if I didn’t know how to do something.”

Tears filled your eyes and your lip quivered as the painful memories came rushing in. You wipe your eyes, willing the tears to go away.

“He…he would swear at me and…and he just completely transformed. School started and it was horrible, he became jealous all over again and even more paranoid. That’s when he became physical…it started with him gripping me too hard, bruises in the shape of his fingers would form sometimes. One of my friends happened to see and when she asked me about them I lied to her and I turned away from her. I rejected her help because I was still denying the reality of him. I wish it had just stopped with him gripping me too tightly, but then he started throwing things at me or…or…hit…hitting me… My friends kept asking me if something was wrong and when they started to suspect him, which was bound to happen, I yelled at them, telling them they knew nothing and they should stay out of my business. One by one they each dropped out of my life because I pushed them away and…and probably because they couldn’t see me the way I was…I could hardly look at myself by that time, how could they?”

You laugh sadly. I miss them…but I burned down those bridges…I did, not someone else…

“You’re probably wondering why I still stayed right? Why I didn’t just pack up my bags and leave…leave the nightmare that had become my life… Well I did, obviously, the last straw was actually three weeks before we met. He’d made me a promise…me, my parents and his parents a promise…that he would never ever ever force me to…you know…do the deed with him. I valued my ity and I wanted to wait for marriage and I thought he respected that wish, but that night three weeks before…he…he just lost it I guess. He came into my room and he woke me up, dragging me into his room. He pushed me onto his bed…and…”

You stopped and you closed your eyes tightly, the fear of that night closing your throat up and twisting your stomach into knots of disgust.

“He…he didn’t do…anything right?”, Tao asked tightly, his voice taking on a menacing tone you had never heard before.

Looking up, you gave him a smile of reassurance.

“I wouldn’t let him. I value myself more than any fantasy…and that was the night I finally stopped deluding myself and the dream world I had built up around myself came crashing down. I got up from his bed and I told him that I was leaving. He tried to stop me, he grabbed me, but filled with adrenaline I managed to fight him off. I went into my room and packed a small bag with any necessities I might need. He came in after me and upon seeing the bag, he started screaming and shouting. Picking up the glass on my dresser, he threw it at me. Luckily he hadn’t aimed well and it crashed on the floor, but the shards that went flying left me with this.”

You point to the scar on your foot, the line of white on your already pale skin.

“When that didn’t stop him, he came and slapped me, hard. I ended up banging my head on the post of my bed as I fell, but thankfully all I got from that was a huge headache that lasted a few days and a nasty bruise that lasted about 3 weeks. Angered, I hit him back and while he stood back in shock, shocked that I had finally, after all that time, stood up for myself, I took that opportunity to leave. I walked a distance to a small corner store where I was sure he wouldn’t find me and I called my parents from there. The lady working there saw the condition I was in and she helped patch me up before my parents arrived. She had wanted to call the police, but I wouldn’t let her…which I feel was a mistake now. I mean, who knows what other innocent girl he’s got within his grasp now and what he’s doing to her, but I still loved him and I couldn’t do that, leaving was hard enough and I didn’t have anymore strength left in me to talk to the police. My parents came and fetched me and brought me home. They didn’t ask me what happened, but they didn’t have to ask…the whole story was splayed out by the way I looked. His parents somehow found out what had happened, and the poor souls just couldn’t believe that their son had done something like that, they were so heartbroken and so apologetic to me… Anyways, I stayed away for two weeks and even though I knew I was safe, I kept waking up with panic attacks due to the dreams I had. My parents immediately booked me in for sessions with a psychiatrist in an attempt to help me get over it faster, and it did help. I stopped having my panic attacks and I was able to sleep through the night by the time the two weeks ended. While I was recovering, my parents had been busy transferring me here and finding an apartment for me. When they told me about it, I immediately left and though they wanted me to stay behind awhile more, I just couldn’t. I felt that if I could get on with my life sooner, the faster I would be able to forget.”

You smile sadly. How naïve I was and how naïve I still am…I still harbor the feeling that all will get better, that all will be forgotten and that living nightmare will fade just like a regular nightmare would… Never going to find my happy ending will I?

“The first day back I thought all would be normal, but oh how wrong I was. The sight of anyone who looked even the slightest bit like him would send me into a panic attack. For about 2 days I kept trying, until I finally had enough and began to take the pills the psychiatrist had prescribed me. It helped and I was able to go to all of my classes. I then tried to stop my dependence on them by taking them only when I desperately needed them, after all I didn’t want to be reliant on them for the rest of my life. I managed to teach myself to recognize the start of an attack and methods on helping to suppress them, but as you know very well, I still haven’t been able to get adjusted to physical contact. I guess the psychological damage he had inflicted on me by physically hurting me was deeper than the pain. Last night I became frustrated at myself for having that habit, that despiteful habit of shrinking away from anyone’s touch…frustrated because I could see the hurt it caused you…you who’s been such a good friend to me…to someone who keeps quiet and barely talks or smiles or laughs…someone who kept her distance because she just can’t trust anymore… I lost all hope of getting over it last night, of ever getting past what he did to me. The frustration carried over and when you held my hand at lunch I just couldn’t stand it anymore…I couldn’t stand how I can’t just accept a sweet gesture like that… I felt it was better if I just pushed you away and stopped trying…”

Your voice faded out and you stared at your hands. I managed to do it, I let it all out…finally…but I still don’t feel any different, I don’t feel lighter or relieved and I can still feel that my heart is locked tight against anyone and everyone. Closing your eyes, you bury your face in your hands and you finally let out the tears that had been collecting since you first started. You hear movement and you feel the sofa dip slightly with the Tao’s added weight. You feel him slowly shift toward you and you feel him drape his arms around you as he pulled you into his chest. Like you expected, you flinched away and tried to pull out of his grip, but he held you to him strongly, not letting you budge an inch. Skinny as he looks, he’s still strong huh? Didn’t he say he did wushu? That must be why… But dear god can he let go of me already? As if hearing your silent plea, he released you and you quickly moved all the way to the end of the sofa. When you peeked a glance at Tao, you saw the hurt from before replaced by understanding.

“Don’t lose hope ____. I won’t let you. Trust me, I’ll make sure you’ll be able to put this horrible past behind you.”, Tao said determinedly.

You give him a tired smile, “If you do, I’ll be in your debt forever.”

Tao said nothing, but the determination hadn’t faded. “It’s late and I should be going, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

You turned and looked out the window to see that he was right, the moon had replaced the sun. “I’m sorry for keeping you so late.”

“It was my choice, but I better see you tomorrow because now that I know where you live I’ll just come and fetch you.”

Nodding, you get up and open the door for him. “Thank you for listening to me Tao…and for understanding me…”

You watched as he waited for the elevator and once he had entered, you went to look outside to watch him walk to the bus stop from your apartment. Only when the bus came did you go back in, back into the dark and empty house, the only company being your thoughts and reawakened memories.

The next day when you saw Tao, it was a bit awkward and you expected him to have altered his behavior toward you, but he was the same as always. The week ended and the weekend arrived. As per your routine, you woke up at the same time as you would during a weekday and prepared for the day. Sitting on your sofa with a cup of coffee in hand, you stare absentmindedly at the cartoon playing on the television. I wonder if Tao was actually serious about helping me? What does he think he can do for me that I haven’t been able to do for myself? At that moment your doorbell rang, and furrowing your brows, you go to answer it. I’m not expecting anyone…

On the other side of the door stood Tao, equipped with his usual hat and a backpack. “Oh, you’re dressed. That’s good, we can get going sooner now.”

Startled, you ask, “Get going where? What are you doing here so early Tao? What are you even doing here on a Saturday?”

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Ashamed, you stand aside and let him in. You offer him a cup of coffee, which he promptly declined.

“So mind telling me what is going on?”

“We’re going out, you and I.”

“I gathered as much, but where and why?”

“I told you that I was going to help you didn’t I? Well, this is how I’m going to help you. We’re going to an amusement park. If you’re finished with breakfast, go pack a bag and lets go!”

Though you were still confused, you comply. Quickly gulping down the coffee, you pack a handbag with your purse and cell phone and other small things you might need and within a half hour of Tao coming, you two were on the bus heading to the park.

“So how exactly is the amusement park going to help me get over my fears? Get me to trust again?”, you ask curiously.

Answering evasively, Tao only said, “You’ll see.”

You arrive at the park and since it was the weekend, it was jam packed with people. While Tao bought the tickets, you waiting near the entrance and every time someone brushed past you, you flinched, which was quite often. So far it’s Tao 0 and me 1, I don’t see the point in this… Tao came back and you enter the park. You spent the day riding every ride possible, screaming until your throat became sore. When you two had stopped for lunch, you realized that you were laughing, and actually laughing, not the fake one you were used to giving. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, though it’s not helping me with the touching thing… Just as the day was about to end, Tao dragged you to the haunted house.

“You know, this thing doesn’t really affect me right? I don’t get scared easily anymore.”

“Really? How come?”, Tao asked shocked.

You give him a crooked smile. “Why should monsters in the dark be scary? It’s the ones that hide in plain sight that are more terrifying…”

A look of understanding passed Tao’s face. “I see…but we’re still going in.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you follow him into the haunted house. To your surprise, Tao was shrieking and jumping at everything that popped out, a reaction that you hadn’t expected at all. When you two exited, Tao was still jittery and you were dying of laughter.

“Why would you make us go in there when you’re scared of ghosts? Oh god, that was just so funny!”, you clutched your stomach as you kept laughing.

Giving you a dirty look, Tao said, “Enjoying my pain are we?” You just kept laughing as you remembered Tao hiding behind your back. “I thought it’d be nice if you knew my weakness when I know yours…”

That comment stopped your laughter in its tracks. You stare at him seriously and you saw pure sincerity. “But, why?”

“I don’t know…I just thought it would be nice…”

“Oh…”

“We should go home, I’ll drop you off.”

The bus ride was spent teasing Tao about his reactions in the haunted house, but though you were making light of his actions, you were deeply touched. Think maybe you’ve finally got your smile and laugh back ____? I think maybe I have.

The next weekend was the same, Tao showed up at your doorstep unexpectedly, a picnic basket in hand. His excuse, to enjoy the unnaturally warm autumn day. The two of you had a wonderful picnic, playing Frisbee and swinging on the swings, and at the end of the day, lying down on the grass to watch the sky change colors.

The weekend after that, he took you to meet his fellow trainees, who had apparently been warned not to touch you because they kept their distance. You watched them interact with Tao, who was one of the youngest except for two others. You found them really pleasant, they were able to make you laugh just like Tao and overall they were just really friendly.

When the first snow fell, Tao and you went back to the park you had had your picnic in and walked through it, enjoying the pure white of the snow covering the grass and hanging off the trees. A couple of snow fights erupted and many snow angels disrupted the smoothness of the snow. When the cold got too much that both of you were shivering and teeth were chattering away nonstop, you led Tao into your favorite coffee shop and bought two hot chocolates, with marshmallows. When Tao asked you about them, you insisted that it was the only way that hot chocolate could be had.

You didn’t realize the effect these excursions had on you.. Without you knowing, you had been able to drop the protective barrier you kept over your heart and you had began to trust Tao implicitly. You couldn’t wait for the weekends to come now because you couldn’t wait to spend time with Tao. You eagerly awaited the holidays, hoping that every day would be like the Saturdays that you now held dear. Break finally came and you weren’t disappointed. Somehow Tao managed to find and plan something different for each day.

The day before Christmas, Tao decided to bring you shopping. Good thing he decided to come here, I still have some gifts left to buy… When you entered the shopping mall, Tao left you at the food court saying he had an urgent call to make. As you sat waiting for him, you spot a familiar face. It was one of your friends from high school. You watched her out of the corner of your eye and saw that she was meeting up with yet another one of your friends. You kept looking and watched the group grow in size until you realized your entire gang was there, except for you. I miss them… If only I hadn’t been so stupid I would be a part of that group now, laughing and talking while doing our last minute shopping… If only I could turn back time. As you continued to stare at them longingly, you were shocked to find that they seemed to be headed in your direction and you were still in disbelief when they stood in front of you.

“Hey ____.”, one of them said.

“Hi…”, you answer back uncertainly.

“…How’ve you been?”, the same friend asked.

“Good, good…you?”

All of them replied, a chorus of fine’s and good’s and great’s ringing from their mouths.

Your composure finally broke down, and with tears falling, you gave them a huge hug, which they returned and soon all of you had become a mess of tears and constant hugs.

“I missed you guys so much! I’m…I’m so sorry, I really am… I can’t believe what an idiot I was pushing you guys away… I’m so sorry!”

“We’re just glad to see you’re okay now ____, really, you have no idea how worried we were. But we didn’t know what to do, but it’s so good to see you now.”

With another group hug, your friends and you stopped crying and sat down.

“Before we even do anything else, I just want to know, how’d you guys know to find me here?” You already had an idea, but you wanted to hear it confirmed.

“Oh, some guy called us up last week and told us to come here if we wanted to see you again. What was his name again? I wonder how he got our numbers too…”

“His name was Tao.”, one of your friends said.

I thought so, how much sweeter can he get?

 

Your friends and you spent the entire day catching up on each others lives and you even felt comfortable enough to give them an abridged version of what had happened to you. That of course elicited more tears, but the overall atmosphere was one of joy and happiness. A little bit of shopping was also done and when the time came to part, plans were made for another meeting in the near future.

On the bus home, you recollected the memories of your friends and you in high school and about the meeting today. If it wasn’t for Tao this wouldn’t have been possible. How does he know just what to do? He’s like my little miracle, my angel on earth…

Lying in bed that night, you think about the last two and a half months and everything you had done with Tao. Suddenly you sit upright on your bed.

“We hugged, my friends and I hugged…and I initiated it…”, you whisper to yourself amazed.

Suddenly you start to think back to your meetings with Tao, and even just the normal school days. You start to remember every time that Tao held your hands, every time he touched you, every single one. He’s helped me like he said he would… I didn’t even notice him touching me anymore, notice anyone touching me… I didn’t flinch and move away, rather I leaned into them, when he held my hands I held them back… I…I can’t believe it, I’ve got my trust back… You fall back in relief, in utter joy at the realization.

As you continue thinking about Tao, you begin thinking about your excursions. If I think about it carefully, it was like a date every time… He replaced all my tarnished memories with happier ones… So that’s what he meant by trusting him…that’s the solution he came up with… In order for me to forget I had to recreate happy memories and I couldn’t do that without his help…

“Tao came through for me. He cared enough for me to help me rebuild my life.”, you whisper to yourself. “He’s become my happily ever after that I thought would never come again. He’s my everything now, he’s become my Prince Charming, actually, even more… I love him.”, you declared.

You fell asleep as your romantic self again, just like a year ago. Except the starring role in your dreams now belonged to another.

The next day was Christmas and though you desperately wished to see Tao, you were spending it with your family as he was spending his with his adopted family. Your parents saw the evident change in you and the smiles that graced their faces were brighter and bigger than any you’d seen before. When your mother asked what had happened, you spilled everything to her, including that you love him. Your mother just hugged you.

While you were going up to your old bedroom, you hear them whispering in the living room. Creeping down, you listen into their conversation.

“Oh you’ve no idea how happy I am yeobo.”, your mother exclaimed to your father. “She’s finally happy and she’s become that darling dreaming child that she was before. You should hear her go on about this Tao of hers, he sounds just amazing. The things he did for her…I couldn’t ask for anymore…”

You leave them to themselves and head up. Snuggling into your bed, you wait for tomorrow’s arrival with anticipation, sleep coming to you with difficulty.

The next day, Tao called you and told you to dress warmly and to pack for an overnight trip and to be ready by 3 in the afternoon. Curious as to where you were going, you were ready on the dot. You rode the bus to the KTX station and then took a train that headed to Busan.

“Are we going to the beach Tao?”, you ask excitedly.

“Yup, and we’re going to watch the sunset and rise too.”

Your eyes sparkled with delight and, more importantly, vibrant life. On the train, you two exchanged gifts. You had gotten Tao a horror movie as a joke and had made him a scarf because you had noticed that he didn’t have one. Though the scarf was slightly weird, it had been your first time knitting after all, he loved it, though he did return the horror movie to you. Opening your gift up, you find a gorgeous necklace and a silver locket hanging from it. Opening it, you find the date you and Tao had met engraved on one side and hope on the other.

“That’s to remind you to never lose hope, after all you can never say never right?”

“…Tao…that’s beautiful…I…I just don’t know what to say…”, you turn to him, your eyes shining with tears.

“You don’t have to say anything, but uh…it would be nice if you didn’t cry…”

You hit him playfully, “They’re tears of happiness you idiot…I’m just so happy…” You quickly put on the necklace, enjoying the cool feel of the metal against your skin. “You know what I realized the day before yesterday Tao?”, you ask nonchalantly.

“Hmm?”

“Well…I realized that I don’t run from people now… I hugged my friends and I didn’t feel as though my skin was going to curl up and fall off.”

“That’s good. So it worked didn’t it? I told you to trust me.”, Tao exclaimed, obviously happy that you were over your fear of touching others.

“Yes it did, but I wasn’t finished. I also realized that you’ve been holding my hand without me knowing…don’t you think that was kind of taking advantage of me? I mean I was utterly clueless the entire time… Why’d you do it Tao?”

I’m not confessing unless I can have some hope that he returns my feelings. No matter how much I trust him and how thankful I am to him for helping to open me up again, him rejecting me will just break my heart.

He colored and stuttered, “Uh…I don’t know… It was just natural?”

“Hand holding isn’t natural for friends…it’s more of a boyfriend girlfriend thing.”

There, it’s out, now depending on what he says I’ll choose my course of action.

“…I don’t know what to say…”

“Do you like me Tao?”, you ask straightforwardly.

Startled, he turned and stared at you. “Do you like me ____?”

Narrowing your eyes, you say back firmly, “You answer the question first, then I will.”

“You can do it too you know, there’s nothing saying I have to…”, Tao evaded.

Gritting your teeth, you try to explain carefully, “Tao, even though you’ve helped me a lot, I cannot lay my heart bare for you just like that…so please, please just answer the question.”

Please say yes…please say yes…please say yes…

“Fine.” Taking a deep breath, he sighs out, “Yes, yes I like you.”

Though his eyes had dropped while he said this, he had raised them up at the end and he stared straight at you. Shocked, you stare back. He said yes…he actually said yes… You see the love that you couldn’t before shining deeply and brightly. How could I have missed it? How clueless could I have been? It’s so obvious…

“So, it’s your turn now.”, Tao asked and though his eyes were confident, his voice wavered.

You nodded your head. “I do too Tao, I do too. You’ve managed to piece me back together and you gave me the fairytale I’ve always wanted and you kept on giving and helping even though there I was, a clueless fool and I just…I just love you so much.”

This time it was Tao’s turn to be shocked, his eyes had widened and he was speechless. Smiling at how adorable he looked, much like one of the pandas in the zoo he had taken you to, you reached over and hugged him. It was the first time you had initiated contact and though there you were hugging him tightly, he raised his hands up tentatively and laid them against you lightly.

Leaning back, you give him a slight frown. “You know, you can hug me properly right? I’m not going to run away from you this time…Where’s the strength you showed me back when I first told you? Or can you only touch me while I don’t know hmm?”, you scolded teasingly.

Grinning, Tao held you closely to him, yours and his arms enveloped around each other tightly.

When you reached Busan and you were sitting and watching the sunset, you ask Tao, “So, you’ve been taking me on dates without asking me out huh? The nerve of you, are you that confident about yourself?”

Tao let out an embarrassed chuckle. “So you figured it out. I didn’t want to scare you away…”

“Yeah I figured it out, took a while but it suddenly struck me odd how everything we did was so couple like… Well, now you aren’t going to scare me away.”

“You want me to ask you out when we’re already out?”, he asked startled.

“Of course, we’ve only seen the sunset you know. And by the by, we should be getting back to the room you rented, it’s dark now, plus, if we’re going to see the sunrise tomorrow we need to sleep.”

Helping you up, Tao asked you, “Do I seriously have to ask?” You nodded in reply and the two of you walked to the vacation houses set up along the beach. “Fine… Will you watch the sunrise with me tomorrow morning ____?”

“Hmm…let me think about. I was tricked into coming here on a date, do I really want to see the sunrise?”

Tao stared at you in disbelief and you laughed. “Of course I will you dolt! We’re already here after all.”, you tease.

Shaking his head, he threw his hands up into the air in resignation. “Girls…I shouldn’t have gotten involved.”

“Oh you know you love me you big panda.”, you poke him, smiling.

I think it’s time to trash high school sweethearts…I like this story better!

so howd you find it everyone????did i manage to be moody????...and yes i did revert back to my sappy self at the end but i just couldnt leave it without a happy ending!!!!anyways...leave me a comment about what you think!!!!

also...if you guys have any requests please just leave it in the comments or message me!!!!ive got a myungsoo and gikwang oneshot lined up...so expect those soon!!!!