Jonghyun P.O.V

Selfish. You're so selfish Kibum.

Why would you even think to suffer like this alone?

Didn't you know that you could depend on me? That i want you to depend on me.

I wanted to be the only one you shed tears on.

"Heh. I comment on your selfishness when im just as selfish as you. Kibum, lets be selfish together okay?"

I knew that he couldn't hear and yet that didn't stop me from uttering my words. His body had gone limp from exhaustion, probably too much emotional strain.

I made sure to be extremely gentle with him as i raised us off the floor. Walking steadily to Kibum's room i placed him on his bed.

As i watched his sleeping figure i couldn't help but long to know why. Why he insisted upon inflicting pain onto himself? Why he ran from me? I wanted to know everything and yet i couldn't begin to make any assumptions as to why.

Glancing at him again i soon realized that my glance had turned into me staring. I was taking in everything about Kibum. From his full and lucious lips to the arch in his eyebrows. His incredibly straight nose and cat like eyes. The way his hair fell and framed his face. 

He was so wonderfully crafted, like he was made out of stone. 

Before i knew it or could think better of it and stop myself my hand was already reaching out to caress Kibum's silky skin. Soft to the touch was it beneth my fingers, my touch was just ghosting over his flesh. I have a feeling that if i touched him with the wrong amout of pressure he'd crumble and fade away.

He was so surreal.

My physical interrogation lingered on Kibum's milky white cheek.

"Why? Please make it clear to me. I really don't know, so please tell me why."

Suddenly i felt a pair of cold hands wrap around my extended arm, looking up i meet eyes with Kibum.

He didn't say anything, he just turned his face into my touch and we stayed like that for a while. I watched as tears started to roll out of his precious eyes and down his heavenly cheek.

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Kibum P.O.V

I had been sleeping when i felt his feathery touch on my face. I thought that i was dreaming until i heard him speak.

"Why? Please make it clear to me. I really don't know, so please tell me why."

I knew what he was talking about. So without much thought i latched my hands to his outstretched arm and waited for him to look up.

Soon when he did, i regretted it. 

He was wearing such a sorrowful look. His eyes, his lovely brown eyes that were calm, held a series of emotions in them. I wanted to cry. Just from the sight of it.

So i turned my face into the palm of his hand and basked in his scent. As i took inhaled him i shed a couple of tears. I had done a terrible thing, id made him wear such an expression.

This only added to the tears that were escaping my already puffy eyes.

Soon a thought hit me. Did i even have a right to touch him? To keep him here like this? What reason did i have to take away his happiness for my own.

Slowly but gently i pushed away his warmth and intoxicating scent.

Chancing a glance at him i saw that he was perplexed and confused.

"Jonghyun. Im sorry. But i have to ask you to leave."

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Jonghyun P.O.V

My breathing stopped and hitched in my throat.

Kibum was telling me to leave. He wanted me out. For some reason it was hard to swallow that realization.

"Why?"

I wanted to laugh and tell Kibum to stop joking around but i knew that it was no joke, nothing about this was funny.

"Kibum why?"

My voice rose an octave as Kibum just sat there staring hard at his bedsheets, not making eye contact with me at all. Some time passed and he still didn't answer me, still didn't look.

"Am i bothering you?"

I hadn't thought of that before but maybe i was being a bother to Kibum. Maybe i was just getting in the way. Checking to varify my assumption i glanced at him only to notice that he was trembling.

His fist tightened around his bed sheets as his voice hesitantly spoke.

"Ho....how c...how could you even think that? I..I...If...its a..anyone that's a bother it's..m..me!"

Cupping his chin i turned his face so i could see his expression. The moon helped to illuminate his sadden tears.

"Kibum i don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Please explain to me first before you say these sorts of things."

I watched as Kibum's silently falling tears were wiped away and he nodded his head like a child.

"So why exactly do you want me to leave?"

"Because im nothing but trouble for you. Just because im suffering and going through a hard time doesn't mean you have to give up you're happiness to come and comfort me. Im really just a waste of time. You don't have to take pity on me anymore, ill be fine. So you don't have to co---"

"Youre right i dont have to."

My sharp tone scared Kibum into meeting my eyes. Once our eyes locked neither one of us decided to break contact and for a time there was a deathing silence.

Inhaling on a deep breath i decided to break the silence first.

"Kibum. Listen to me and listen good. Im not here with you out of pity, duty or anything that will hold me to you agianst my will. I wanted to help you. Which means im here of my own will as well right? So please don't try to push me away unless you really want me leave, and even then ill put up a fight like i am now."

I let my words sink into Kibum's mind and i was waiting for the moment of his protest but it never came.

Instead Kibum spoke in a tiny voice that i had to strain my ears to hear.

"Dont you find me disgusting?"

Without any hesitation i stated my answer.

"No. Not one bit. There's nothing about you that is disgusting."

I watched as his eyes sank and i knew that he didn't really believe me.

"Why would think i found you disgusting?Or do you want me to think of you as disgusting?"

"NO! Thats not it at all!!!"

Kibum's sudden outburst startled me, and as i watched his shocked eyes search mine i felt slightly happy about his passionate outburst.

"I just!...I just dont want you to find me disgusting or hate but i thought you would or did because of what ive done to myself and how ive been taking advantage of your kindness."

"About that Kibum. Why did you cut yourself in the first place? Did you just randomly do it?....or....."

"No the first time was an accident but then i felt the physical pain take over my emotional one and i made a choice that id rather suffer from physical than emotional. Although it didnt last and i just felt worse about myself after i had done it. The thoughts that plagued my mine were the fact that youd hate me and then youd disappear from my sight and id be all alone again."

"I see so you cut yourself to deal with your new emotions?"

I watched as Kibum stiffly nodded his head.

"In a way its my fault as well isn't it?"

As my words played over in Kibum's head i couldn't help but get taken in my his facial expressions.Then all of a sudden he turned extrememly pale.

"No. Thats not what i meant."

Nodding my head i patted Kibum's head, getting lost in his well kept hair, i continued on with the conversation.

"So is that the only reason youd think id find you disgusting? Trust me Kibum, in my mind you are far from the idea of disgusting. I doubt i could ever think of you as so. With this in mind please lean on me as much as you want, take advantage of me as much as you need. Just know im here for you okay?

I dont want you to hurt yourself for a reason like this, actually no reason is good enough to hurt yourself, but if you really feel the need then please call me right away. Let me be your blade and comfort."

In truth i wanted to be his everything.

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Kibum P.O.V

When Jonghyun put it like that i found myself feeling rather silly.

But at his words my heart warmed enomously and i couldn't help my smile.

"Thank you Jonghyun."

Truthfully i wonder where i would be without him.

Sighing to myself i knew that i would be content for the rest of my life if Jonghyun could stay by my side. Though i knew he doesn't feel the same about me, at least i can walk through life with him by my side, at least for now i can.

"Come on its time to sleep. With how many tears youve shed you have to be worn out."

I hadn't put much thought into my well being but now that Jonghyun pointed it out, i could feel my body shutting down. It didn't help the matter that i hadn't really been sleeping well for the past couple of days either.

Before i closed my eyes fully i grabbed onto Jonghyun and said the only word that came to mind.

"Stay."

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READ!!!!:

Please don't hate me too much!!!!!

I havent updated in a while...i know

But finals are finally over    (Thanks to those that wished me luck!!!:)....Love-Jong-Key...Thank you!!!!)

Im taking summer school now but only to get ahead for next year 

so ill be updating hopefully regularly

The major reason why i havent updated is because ive had a MAJOR writer's block on this story(and me others ;U )

that and when i did try to update...everything would erase itself!!! I wrote so many different versions of this chap!!!!

But anyways im back and ready to update for you guys so i thank you for ur patience!!!!! <3 U GUYS!!!! :)

Oh yeah to the people that were wondering why Kibum fainted...this chap should answer it but if you still didn't get an answer or dont understand then its because of how much his body has suffered through this emotional strain....basically hes exhausted

Anyways thank you guys so much

AIERU!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<