THANK YOU TO THOSE THAT WISHED ME A HAPPY BDAY!!!! I LUV YOU GUYS AND ALSO DONT BE SHY TO COMMENT I LUV TO READ THEM EVEN IF THEYRE FROM THE SAME READER!!!!

AIERU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>.<

Kibum P.O.V

As i paused to take a breath i kept going over the scene that had, for many countless nights, kept me awake. The image of my beloved little brother's body, as he got in the way of the knife that was meant for me, sprawled out on the cold tile floor in an unflattering manner.

Him smothered in his own blood as he locked eyes with me one last time. 

I hadn't realized that i was sobbing until i felt the familiar wetness cascade down my face.

The retched pain was becoming unbearable as the sick imaged replayed in my mind. Over and over again i watched as sweet Dae-Ho launched himself to save me.Only to come to a bitter end.

The intensifying pain was clawing at my insides. Making it harder for me to breath. Gasping for air i looked around the room, needing an escape. I had to get away from these memories, these feelings.

"Dont."

Freezing on the spot i recognized the voice as belonging to Taemin's. Turning my gaze towards him i watched as silent tears streamed down his face.

"Please...just...don't. Its time to grow up Kibum and remember. Its time for you to stop running away. We all had to deal with the lost of Dae-Ho. Each and every one of us. All his teachers, friends and family, we mourned for him."

"I...i mourned for him t----"

"DONT!"

This time Onew decided to speak up. 

"Dont you say you mourned for him as well. You ran away from it all. You hid behind your protective mind and waited for the pain to end. And when it didn't you stopped caring all together. You stopped showing any signs of emotions, as if you were the dead one. You became a walking corpse leaving us to worry about. Down right SELFISH!!!"

Was i really that unfair? Had i really been so inconsiderate of everyone else?But..but thats not what i meant it was just that, that was----

"His way of dealing with it."

The gruffness of the voice that spoke behind me sent chills running down my spine.

"Did any of you ever care to think that maybe this was Kibum's way of dealing with the lost of his beloved brother? Sure he may have forgotten him but the fact that he even held on to so much as a thought about Dae-Ho meant that he had never really erased him from his memory. Dont you think that Dae-Ho knew that too?

Or why else would he hold onto hope each and every time? He knew that his brother hadn't actually forgotten his existance which was enough to make him hold onto hope that one day it would all come rushing back but this time hopefully it would be permant. I think youre all disrespecting Dae-Ho's memory with this blame game.

You guys just make him sound weak and desperate for hanging onto the thought of Kibum remembering. Truthfully Dae-Ho was the only strong out of all you guys. Everyone else gave up on Kibum while Dae-Ho still held on knowing that Kibum would remember one day. He sacrificed himself for Kibum, his one and only brother, knowing the consequences of his actions. So at least have some respect for Dae-Ho's feelings in all this."

After Jonghyun's little speech the room fell into a questioning silence.

"I don't know if what Jonghyun is saying could be true or not but, i forgot because i couldn't take the pain. I couldn't take waking up each day knowing that i was the cause of my little brother's death. That i had hurt him to the very end. The agony of it all was unbearable. It hurt so much. Each breath i took ran through my body setting fire to my limbs and so i chose to forget, it is true that it might have been cowardly to do so but forgetting Dae-Ho was really how i dealt with his lost. I felt that i didn't have the right to remember him."

On exhaling i felt more tears run down my already soaked face.

"Is it really true? That we were actually the ones to give up on you? Did you really believe that you weren't worth remembering him?"

The understanding of Onew's voice caught me off guard as i nodded my head to give him clarification.

Inhaling i revealed in the bone raddling pain that swept through me. 

"I know that i cant run away anymore and so ill deal with this pain within me, that i should have dealt with long ago.I know it will take some time but ill get over the aching and move on with my life. I cant say itll be easy. Lord knows itll be one of the hardest things that ill ever have to do but i want to remember Dae-Ho the right way.

I want to be able to think about him without all the pain and overwhelming guilt crashing down on me. Ill take the bearable load but i dont want it to be suffocating."

Having my mind made up i looked into Onew and Taemin's eyes and found what i was looking for. Courage. Their eyes shown with unnerving courage and i couldn't help but to be grateful towards them.

......................................................................................................................................

Jonghyun P.O.V

I couldn't help but think about how frustrated i was at the moment.

Shock and agony were the only faces that i had seen on Kibum and i was starting to get annoyed. I wanted more of his emotions to be shown. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as his heartfelt journey came to an end.

I wanted him to be able to unlock his box of feelings right now. Though i knew i was being selfish i couldn't help it. I longed for Kibum's many expressions.

I thought that this would have helped him to show more emotions. In truth it did but it didn't help him with all. 

There had to be something or hell maybe even someone that could help him become his own self.

"Hey Kibum do you want to be able to express again."

Without thinking i spoke and heard the room fall dead silent.

Ignoring the other two i looked straight into Kibum's eyes.I could see hints of excitement playing around in there. But i didn't want them in there. I wanted them out here in the open.

Nodding his head i smiled.

Making up my mind to take him to a friend of mines that just might be able to help.

................................................................................................................................................

Okay so ive finally updated!!! YAY!

Hope that this is worth your read

hopefully you guys can figure out who exactly is Jonghyuns 'friend'

heheheh

anyway plz plz plz comment and subscribe

AIERU!!!!!!!!!!!>.<