Jonghyun P.O.V

A reason. 

There has to be a reason.

Though my mind wouldn't allow me to process any as to why Kibum would do that to himself. Did he hate himself? Was this because of his returning feelings?

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Why would Kibum want to...to....hurt himself?

As i stood outside the bathroom door i was engulfed in pure frustration. The frustration buliding from the fact that i couldn't understand why.

I wasn't sure how long i had stayed outside that bathroom door, waiting for Kibum to open it. Waiting for him to explain himself, for him to clear up all the misunderstandings and assumptions i had running through my mind. But he never did. 

Trying a different tactic i called out to him.

"Kibum."

For a second i was thrown off. The person who called out Kibum's name had a very shaky voice, almost as if theyd been crying, the voice also sounded somewhat desperate.

Thats when i came to realize that it was indeed my voice that sounded like i had been strangled. This was also something i couldn't wrap my mind around. I couldn't figure out why my cheeks were all wet. Why my eyes stung and my vision blurred.

I knew i was crying but i wasn't too sure as to why. 

Just like i wasn't too sure why my heart felt like it was being trampled on by a thousand horses. Why each inhale, a new cut, new stomp, was inflicted to my living organ that soon felt like it was dying.

Throughout all this i still couldn't reason with myself that Kibum wasn't going to answer. I had been calling his name throughout the painful gasps of breath and yet he never came.

The sound on the other side of the bathroom was deathly quiet. And for a while i became frantic with worry that he was dead. However i soon realized that i had his cutting tool. So he was just ignoring me.

He didn't want me to confront him?

With my mind made up i took heavy steps away from the bathroom and Kibum, with each each step i took i felt pieces of me being scattered away. By the time i was at the front door I knew that i had no heart left.

................................................................................................

Kibum P.O.V

I uncovered my ears long enough to hear the retreating footsteps of Jonghyun. 

I had lasted through his soul torchering cries as he called out to me. Oh how badly i wanted to open the door like he had begged of me. But i knew that if i were to open the door to Jonghyun i would lose myself, i would want to lose myself in him.

But that would mean me sacrificing Jonghyun's happiness for my own. And deep down i knew that he would be disgusted with me, grossed out by me even, if i were to appear infront of him.

He would put on a smile and pretend to be okay for me. Knowing all this just made everyting worse. I knew that Jonghyun could never love me the way i did him, but the scary reality of him not even being able to be my friend torchered me even more. Though i knew that he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after this.

And so i stayed in the bathroom, curled up in the bath tub. I let out a soft cry that held a chuckle to it. I only laughed at how ironic it all was. Minho wanted me to stay away from Jonghyun for the better and yet, as much as i hadn't planned on doing it, i was. I was staying away from Jonghyun so that he wouldn't have to see my shame and be dragged down along with me. Seeing as how this was my burden to bear.

Even though i knew this i still wondered why did i felt so retched and horrible. I felt the worse kind of sickness you could ever imagine.

And as i was understanding my heart's woes i again became aware of the retreating footsteps of Jonghyun.

With each step he took i knew that he was getting further and further away from me.

However i dared not bring my body to chase after him, this is what is for the best. Jonghyun leaving means that i...i won't have to see the disappointment in his lovely brown eyes. 

Even though i told myself this, i couldn't help but shoot up and out the bathroom as i heard my front door slam agianst its hendges rather harshly.

As quickly as i could, on my unstable legs, i made my way to the front door.

It was closed, and Jonghyun was nowhere in sight. 

"J...Jonghyun."

I wanted to open that door and call out to him, but it seemed as though i was too weak, the door that would led me to Jonghyun is now closed and i was too weak and discouraged to even attempt to open it. I knew that even if i tried i wouldn't succeed. 

And so the only thing i could do now was cry. 

I wasn't too sure how i got onto the hardwood floor but as i laid on the cool wood i felt my body give up. I felt cold, hallow, I felt as though i was stoic again.

"Jonghyun."

Even though i was balled up on the floor with tears streaming down my face i couldn't bring myself to believe he was gone.

"J...J...ong....hyun."

It was getting harder to speak. The affect my wailing sobs have on my  convulsing body is rather painful. My throat burned with each uneven inhale and exhale of i took, as shudders raked my body it soon became very difficult to focus.

Maybe thats what i needed was sleep. I needed a good nights rest. That way i wouldn't have to face the reality so soon. I wouldn't have to deal with anything at all.

Slowly crawling up into a standing position i was headed back down toward the hardwood floor as i toppled over when a pair of masculine arms curled around my fragile body.

This warm embrace belonged to no one other than him. The man of my dreams and the one i couldn't have. Even though i admitted this to my self i didn't care at that moment.

Turning in Jonghyun's warmth so that i was facing him i threw myself around his neck and cried. I let out all of my fear and depression as Jonghyun allowed me to cling to him.

While he was patting my back i made sure to inhale as much of him as i could, with his spicy scent that intoxicated my nose i knew i would have to stop this before i got too deep but i already understood that it was too damn late.

I was completely and frighteningly in love with Jonghyun. Not only was i infatuated with him but i craved him as well.

"You came back."

"I never left."

Those were the last words i heard from him when i ruined the party by blanking out.I tried to hang on i really did but the darkness was too strong and i succumbed to it.

.................................................................................................................

SO SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSO SOOORY FOR THIS SHORT UPDATE BUT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING t_t T.T

sorry this is short and sort of crappy but finals is here and damnit im struggling

wish me luck plz cause i really am having a hard time

but dont worry i wont let u guys down!..i hope lol

anyway enjoy the read!

comment subscribe...both are EXTREMELY appreciated!!

AISHTIERU!!!!!! >.<