“Merry Christmas~!” Sun Mi said melodiously the moment she entered the coffee shop. Kai was nice enough to lend the café for the Christmas eve party that I thought of. It was the first time I would be able to spend Christmas with all the people I cherish: Sun Mi with her boyfriend Chanyeol, Suho, Kai and my co-workers from the café. Even though it was one of the nosiest Christmas Eve’s I have ever experienced, it was a good kind of noise—it was laughter.

We re-arranged the shop to fit the occasion. The round tables were put aside and a large rectangular one was brought out. Kai lit the fire place and the barbeque was set outside for Suho to cook on.

Everyone was having a good time. Presents were exchanged, kisses under the mistletoe were captured in camera and bottles of beer and paper cups were everywhere. No one even noticed that it was beginning to snow outside until I stepped out to help my brother with the barbeque. He had been there for an awful long time and I was worried that something bad had happened.

“Is everything okay?” I asked when I caught him staring at the grills.

Suho brought something out from his pocket: a folded piece of paper. “Read it,”

I didn’t know what was inside to make Suho that un-Suho. Nevertheless, I opened the letter and read through it slowly.

How long has it been since I last saw you? Five years? Six? Ten? I’ve lost count.

It’s hard for me to muster up the courage and write this for you, for both of you. I know I don’t have that much time left in this planet but I just want to say that if I ever made you think that I didn’t care for you, I’ll tell you now that I do.

Jun Myeon, appa is sorry that I didn’t give you the toys the other kids had. I’m sorry I couldn’t carry you on my back like how those kids were carried at the park. If only I’m as strong as I was before, I’d carry you now. I’m a bad father. And when I scratched your skin with the tip of my belt or the back of my palm, appa is sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to a boy so young. No, you’re not a boy anymore, you’re a man. And I’m proud of you, my son, even if you don’t take the business. You’re more important that it, you’re my son.

And Bo mi, I owe you the most. I left you while you were so young. Back then, I know you didn’t understand why appa left. I still remember in my mind that cold December night, just like this, when you shouted for me, called me to come back—You might not remember but I do—now that you’re a grown lady however, I assume that you understand why I had to leave. I was suffocating you’re mother and I loved her enough to know that leaving her was the best thing I could do for her. But I never stopped loving the two of you, you and Shin Hye.

Someday, maybe we’ll meet. You may recognize me, you may not. But I will always recognize you because you’re my children, and I love both of you.

Merry Christmas my son, my daughter.

Appa.

“That jerk,” Suho, with his head hung low, filled the silence with his sobs.

“Come here,” I took Suho in my arms and he cried endlessly. Maybe, between us, he missed our father the most. A boy needs a dad. He needs someone to play basketball with and play race cars with. I know Suho would never forgive our father completely, but just knowing that he loves us…that’s enough for us.

Once Suho had calmed down, he went back inside while I asked for permission to leave. I apologized for not being able to help up with cleaning but I wasn’t done unpacking the boxes inside my new apartment. Kai offered to drive me home but I declined. The road was slippery and my building was practically a walk away—nearer than the old one.

So I greeted them for the last time and left. I walked under the dark sky with every part of my body trembling. I quickened my pace so I could get home faster or else I’d freeze in the cold. The cold never had been my friend.

But maybe it was wrong of me to start running when the ground is nearly covered with ice. I slipped and my bag fell from my shoulders with everything inside falling out. I scrambled to put everything back so I could get off from the snow but a few steps later, a familiar husky voice said “You left your keys again,”

I stopped walking even if it’ll get colder if I did. Did I hear the voice right or was it just my hallucinations? Was it really…

I turned around, slowly. Behind the street light was a silhouette, tall and lean. And when he stepped into the light, I couldn’t move. The snow didn’t freeze me, Kris did. His smile did.

Kris closed the distance, my key dangling from his finger. He stopped centimeters away from me, his smile teasing yet innocent and his eyes as brown as I remembered them.

“Reckless girl,” He shook his head disapprovingly before placing the keys on my palm. He closed my fist and all I could feel was the warmth of his palms. “So you did move to a new place,”

“Where have you been?” I asked, unable to believe that after six months, he appeared.

Kris looked up “Hmmm,” They flickered back to me and he continued “Everywhere. I’ve been busy,”

“You weren’t calling. I tried texting you but you never replied, do you know how worried I was w—“ Warmth cut me off. My freezing lips were met with comfortable warmth from Kris’ lips and I welcomed that warmth. He kissed me softly, deeply and I couldn’t be any more happier than I was at that moment. My heart had gone crazy inside my chest and it was the only thing I heard, it was probably loud enough for Kris to hear as well.

We caught our breaths when our lips parted. I didn’t push him, I didn’t get angry at him nor did I hurt him physically. Because everything was in place again, everything was where it was supposed to be.

I unlocked the doors to me home and the heater welcomed us both. Kris went ahead, looking at every part of my apartment while I took off my coat and scarf.

“Nice place you got,” Kris commented when I had caught up with him on the living room.

“Suho found it for me,” I said.

Suddenly, Kris grabbed my hands. He entwined his fingers with mine and I couldn’t help but stare at how perfect our hands seemed together. Apparently, Kris noticed this too. He gave me an “I told you so” smile that could’ve made my heart skip a beat if it weren’t beating so uncontrollably already.

It was weird at first. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost two years now and it took some time to get used to. But when I laid my head against his chest as we watched the television, nothing could’ve been more perfect. Even when it was nearly zero degrees outside, my whole body felt warm with Kris’ being so close to me. And I couldn’t sleep even if I was tired. I didn’t want to close my eyes and realizing that everything was just a dream.

“Can you promise me three things?” Kris ran his hand along my arm which tickled me terribly but I managed to keep my laughter in.

“No,”

“I’m serious,”

I looked up “Fine, what are those three promises?”

“One, promise that you won’t listen to the voices around you; especially the crude ones,” Kris said with sincerity in his eyes that it made me nervous.

“Can I talk back to those voices?”

Kris laughed, his gummy smile appearing between his two small lips. “If you want to,”

He continued. “Two, don’t let anyone else do this,” Kris planted a quick peck on my lips.

“Does accidental count?”

“What?” Kris’ eyes widened but immediately relaxed when I laughed. However, I couldn’t stop noticing how bothered Kris looked. The way he looked at me meant something that I didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. And it seems like he didn’t want me to notice either as he leaned in again and kissed me, longer and gentler this time.

He pouted when I pulled away. “What’s the third one?”

Strands of my hair were carefully tucked behind my ear. He tidied up my hair like a mother to a little child who doesn’t know how to comb her hair. And when he was satisfied with whatever he wanted to do, Kris whispered closely.

“Third, when the time comes, I want you to not believe anything that leaves my lips,” He said…no…he begged. And though I had no clue as to what that meant, I agreed.  

He gave me a kiss on the forehead before I positioned myself comfortably on his chest again. I didn’t let the last promise bother me any longer for the sole reason that Kris asked me to not think about it for now. Also, I was fighting with my eyelids in a battle to keep me awake.

“Go to sleep,” Kris mumbled to the top of my head.

“No. You’re not sleeping yet right?” I pouted.

I heard him chuckle. “Good…morning Bo Mi. Merry Christmas,”

I let my eye lids fall, finally, and let exhaustion win over me. When I wake up anyway, he’d be there. Kris will not leave me because he’s right, he’s not Jeremy. Let us make our own mistakes in the future but what’s more important is now. Relationships shouldn’t be filled with what if’s and I thought’s, people stress to much about what happens tomorrow that they forget today.

So, I’ll spend my every day with Kris as if it were, not my last, but my first.

First kiss.

First date.

First love.

“Merry Christmas Kris,”

The end finally~~~~~ I'm so happy that this fic turned out better than how I thought it would be. And even though I'm the slowest updated in the history of the world, there were still those that stayed with me till the very end. I'm very thankful to those people who commented, subscribed, and showed their love for this fic. I'll write more fics in the future to improve my writing skill but till then

bye~