The taxi stopped before the building. I paid the fare then made curious steps till I reached the foor of Sun Mi’s apartment door. Even from outside, Chanyeol’s prominent loud laughter—muffled by the walls—could be heard. A few more soft giggles were there but Chanyeol overpowered them all.

I rang the doorbell and Sun Mi answered the door almost immediately. She led me to her living room where Chanyeol and Tao were watching a midday comedy sitcom that I did not pay any more attention to. My eyes immediately landed on Tao’s black ones staring right at me.

He approached me as Sun Mi joined the laughing kind like man on the couch nearly dying of laughter.

The first thing I thought of was apologizing because of yesterday. “Tao. I didn’t mean to leave you suddenly yesterday it’s just that—“

“It’s okay. I didn’t come because of that,” Tao smiled.

“Then…what?” Curiosity aroused in me.

“We need to talk—“ Tao stole a glance at the couple on the couch “—somewhere private,”

So we excused ourselves—they didn’t really mind—and Tao led me out the room, hands tightly clutching mine. The way they trembled confused me. It was either that slight shake that I felt was something my drowsy mind fabricated or Tao was nervous about something. I only stared at his back as we walked farther and farther from the room until we reached the elevator shaft. It was only then did Tao once again turn to me.

Tao said nothing but only stared at me. I could not decipher what that look meant. His black eyes gazed from behind his curtain of black hair and his hands remained entwined with mine. I wanted to pull it away but something was telling me not to.

“You…wanted to say something?” I muttered to break the silence; Shifting uncomfortably with our hands linked.

 “I’m…going back…to China,” Tao said in sullen whisper. At the same time, my heart sank at the sudden news.

“What? Why?” I asked, unable to believe the situation.

“It has been almost two months since I left,” Tao explained, the grip of his hand tightening around mine. “I’ve paid our debt and I miss my family,”

I understood him completely. He lived in China. He belonged in China. As much as I want Tao forever with me here in Korea, he can’t. It’s unfair. How people I love can’t be with me forever. As much as I try to stick with Jeremy, I can’t. And now Tao is leaving too.

“So soon?” I mumbled, eyes falling to the ground.

Tao lifted my chin gently till I met eyes with him.  His face, only a fare distance away from mine, gave me a soft smile as if too assure that everything would be alright. And I know it will. I’ll just miss him so much and the thought that I’ll never see Tao again was bringing tears to my eyes.

He grazed his thumb across my cheek to wipe off that annoying tear that trailed down my cheeks. I hate being emotional. My tear ducts just can’t seem to stop producing tears, it’s annoying. I hate showing my weak side, the side where enemies can strike. Tears are the most obvious signs of weakness. As much as possible, I try to hide it. For the past few years, I’ve done a good job in crying to myself. But lately, Kris and Tao has seen too much of my crying side that I feel vulnerable.

I roughly wiped away my tears and stifled a laugh. “Um…what’s the second thing you wanted to tell me?”

“That…I’ll tell you after our date,” Tao smiled.

Date? Just the mere word caused my breath to hitch at my throat. “Huh? Date?”

Did I have any other choice but agree? As much as I wanted to stay home and rest for another busy Monday tomorrow, spending another day with Tao—probably for the last time—was a  yearn inside me that I can’t deny. I’ll miss his presence: His cologne, those dark rimmed eyes and the warm smile that rubs away any negative first impression of him. We’ve spent much time together for the past two months of his stay in the country; one more day together wouldn’t hurt.

After I went back home and washed up, changing to more proper clothes, we went on with our “date”.

“Where do you want to go?” Tao asked as we began walking from my apartment building.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. How about you?”

“Anywhere as long as I’m with you is fine,” He said simply. I broke eye contact immediately and my attention fell to the floor.

An idea came up and I roughly pulled Tao against the crowd. I wanted to show Tao Korea before he leaves. Though today wasn’t the first time Tao had been to my country, I’m positive there are a few other cultures of this land that Tao has not seen yet.

Tao stares at me inquisitively as I order ddeokbokki from a food vendor. He stares at the orange cylindrical objects with much curiosity that he asked immediately what I bought when we walked a fair distance away from the stall.

“This,” I poked a piece with the stick “Is ddeokbokki. My favorite street food,”

He bites it cautiously. Alarmed at the spiciness, Tao’s eyes widened and he groans in pain, but the male swallowed it bravely. He later stuck his tongue out while I laughed. I should’ve warned him before hand that I was going to feed him something spicy but why waste a good laugh?

After finishing the serving of deokkbokki, I eagerly erect from the wooden bench we sat on. Tao stares at me still munching away. “C’mon there are lots more street foods I want you to taste!”

“Are you not full yet?” Tao asked, wiping his lips. “Ah wait,” He stood up and wipes my lips with his handkerchief. I didn’t get time to react and just stood there staring at his eyes that seemed concentrated on tidying up the messy child who was me.

My heart calms down to a steady beat a little later after we’ve tried a few more street foods. I personally taught Tao how to order by himself and watched amusedly at his stutters and how countless street vendors have asked him to repeat his sentence because Tao’s voice was too soft.

By the time he had mastered the art of eating each street food, our stomachs were filled to the brim and we carried heavy bellies as we ventured deeper into the city for another thing to do.

“I’m full,” Tao rubbed his stomach.

“Me too. I don’t think I’ve eaten these much food ever,”

“I never thought I spend that much either,” He sullenly looks as his already thinning wallet. It was not my fault he kept asking for seconds without inquiring first of the price.

Tao looked up from his wallet. “What do you want to do next?”

“Han Gang park?”

“Uh anywhere but there,”

I tilted my head “Why?” How can a person hate Han Gang park?

“That should be our last destination,”

The rumbling of thunder in the high heavens caused both of us to tilt our heads up. Clouds dark grey in color hovered over us with the sun hiding behind the thick cotton like floating objects. It would probably pour hard soon so we’d better finish the day before the rain falls from the sky.

Walking had brought us to a public park, filled with children and pet owners enjoying their Saturday. The place gave off a peaceful feeling amidst the busy street that a few trees have successfully hidden from view. Only a single stone path from the entrance led the two of us to a water fountain where children endlessly played.

They giggled, ran and chased one another. I couldn’t help but get lost in my thoughts, reminiscing the past and checking if I was ever that playful. If I had friends to chase or if I ever stumbled to the ground, crying endlessly at a slight bruise on the knee. Honestly, I don’t remember. Was I ever even a child? All past memories date back to when I was already in middle school because that was the time I met Sun Mi, my first every friend. Without her, I would still be bottled in my own world and continuously judge everyone around me as cold hearted and selfish beings.

There was this blurry memory that I remembered as I watched a little kid run to her father and link hands with him. I remembered walking down a path with my father, though my age was still unknown, I remember everything being undeniably huge.

I saw a little kid, the same size as me, grab her father’s hand and they walk into the shadows of the tall wilting trees. I too look at my dad’s hand and attempted to hold it but he never held my hand back. I waited for him to grasp my small fingers tightly and look down at my but he never did. Suho and I were never close to our father. I barely know him.

Drifting in my thoughts, I jumped when I heard a middle aged woman call my attention.

“Me?” I asked, looking around.

She nods and ushers me closer to her stall which said “Palm Reading”

“Let me read your palm dear,” She smiled, reaching for my hand .

“Is it free?” I asked immediately. I’m not one who believes in fortunes and horoscopes and I certainly wouldn’t spend money on it.

“For you. It’s free,” She said.

She takes my palm and I let her read it. I really don’t believe in fortune telling because it’s not at any way supported by facts. Things that happen that are parallel to the “reading” is simply coincidental in my point of view. No one can tell your future but you. At least that’s what I think. But when she spoke, I was nothing less than flabbergasted.

“You’re confused aren’t you?” She traced the lines of my palm gently. “Choosing between two things that are at equal value to you but you are not aware of it?”

What two things is she talking about? Why am I not aware of it? “Huh?”

The lady laughs slightly. “I thought so,” she continued staring at my palm and determining my “fortune”.  “You will be forced to choose soon. Terribly soon. And your answer must be ready,”

“Will I choose the right one?” I asked even if I have no clue whatsoever of this “choosing between two things”.

Before the lady could continue, Tao appeared beside me and asked me if we could go. He pulled me by the wrist and I stumbled forward as my eyes could not tear away from the palm reader. She had a satisfied smile on her face, an expression I cannot decode.

Her reading bothered me for quite some time. I was lost, left staring at space as we walked further into the park, thinking about what she told me. What would I be choosing between? And furthermore, would my choice be correct? But why are these bothering me in the first place? It’s just a wild hunch. She probably made that up and coincidentally, it struck my core. It’s all coincidence.

I shook my head and my attention fell on a paperbag  Tao had.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Oh this,” He rustled through something as he reached inside and takes out a panda plushie. “I bought it while you were having your palm read. Here, for you,”

The panda stared at me with drowsy eyes, much like Tao’s. The dark rimmed feature was another liking to the male standing beside me. If anything, they could be brothers.

“He looks like you,” I laughed, bringing the plushie near his face.

“Really?”

I nodded. “I’ll call him Taozi,”

“Peach?” Tao translates in Korean. “Why name it after me?”

I played with the panda plushie, squishing it and smelling the fabric. “So I have something to remember you by when you leave,”