The waves reeled me in like a magnet. There is nothing in this world that I’d like more than the sea. How it held so many wonders, so many secrets, amazed me. Out and above it was just a sheet of blue linen covering beneath it a whole new world—a new adventure just waiting to be discovered.

How I came to love the sea is a mystery. One day, seated on the couch skimming through a book, my eyes lit up with unknown realization and I told Jeremy that I wanted to see the sea. He eyed me dumbfounded because it was a chilly November morning, the sea wouldn’t be the most comfortable place to be in. But I insisted.

“It’s cold put your shoes on,” Jeremy chased after me, carrying my sneakers on each hand. I just continued walking down the beach letting the water tickle my feet.

Jeremy eventually caught up though panting with lost breath. “Bo Mi,” he said pleading with his eyes.

He’s worried about me, I know. I understand his intentions completely but I smiled and slowly shoved away the shoes in front of me.

“I want to feel the sea on my feet,” I replied, resuming my walk. Jeremy held my wrist tightly, pulling me back. I had my eyes wide at his persistence. His brown eyes seem to me in to a world unknown every time I gaze at them.

“Wear it or else I’ll carry you,” Jeremy’s eyes were glazed with sincerity but his grin was nothing less than a tease.

Being playful has always been in my nature.

I smiled at him “Fine…if you could chase me!” Then I broke into a sprint; splashing water everywhere.

He followed closely behind—staggering to keep up with my speed. But eventually he caught me, lifting me in the air at one breath and the music of the sea was accompanied by our harmonizing laughter.

Everything was just a dream—a replay of a past scenario. I opened my eyes meeting gazes with the cream colored ceiling of the hotel room. Why did that dream have to appear? Memories that I’ve successfully locked behind bars were coming back one by one to haunt me again. I don’t want to remember him; I don’t want to love him again. Because of him I cry, I don’t like crying…just like what I’m doing now.

No one cares about me right? I can count my father’s visits on my finger tips. He was never there for me; for my birthday and especially not during the times when my world shattered before me when Jeremy left me.

“Bo Mi why are you crying? Are you in pain?” The panicked deep voice of a male startled me. I forgot all about Kris’s presence; now kneeled on the floor beside the bed, huddled closely to me.

Incapable of lifting my arms, I wiped my face on the blanket that secured me from the cold. “I’m fine,”

Who is this person, the owner of the deep eyes that I was staring into? The two of us met at a most uncanny of situations and we’ve never held a proper conversation without bickering. My father was just a figure, Jeremy left me, but who was this stranger to stay beside me when I was at my most fragile.

“You should go. I’m perfectly fine now,” Though the cough that came after that completely inversed my statement.

Kris looked at me with skepticism. “Yeah I can see that,”

“Jerk,” I snapped with my weak voice.

Kris sighed deeply. “Bo Mi I don’t want to start bickering with you again,”

A smile crept to my face. It took me much energy to smile, not that I’m not used to forcing a cheerful expression on to plaster over a darker one.

“But I like contradicting everything you say. It’s fun,” I lightly laughed before coughing again. “Try it sometime,”

He rolled his eyes but the glint of delight as he forced his lips to not curve into a grin was there.

My eyes trailed to the open window past his face. The sky was dark, with the moon shrouded with thick rain clouds. I missed the stars all of a sudden. It had been grim all afternoon, like the weather was a mirror to my state right now. 

The male beside me had taken a comfortable spot on the edge of the bed, with his back facing me while he watched the news. I tried to alter my gaze elsewhere or take another nap but my eyes would just be drawn back to Kris. He gave me the feeling of being protected, something only Su Ho and Jeremy had been capable of giving.

Though I preferred being independent, there would always be times where I rely on people that are close to me too much. I liked being in their warm embraces that made me feel safe—like life could not harm me.

I was staring at the ceiling but I could notice how Kris had been stealing glances at me. He had been doing that for a while now, pretending to be absorbed in the news. 

“Kris,” I whispered.

Kris responded a second quicker, proof that his attention was not a hundred percent on the television.

“Yeah? Do you need something?” He shifted closer to me until I was staring at his eyes instead of the ceiling.

“Do you like the sea?” I asked nonchalantly.

I saw the surprise in his eyes. Who in their right mind would suddenly ask about the sea? But Kris answered nonetheless.

“As long as there are no sharks,” Kris chuckled.

That had sparked a conversation between us. He’d ask some questions which I replied with straight to the point short answers. It was the calmest conversation I’ve had in a while, especially with a guy other than Su Ho. Before 10 had struck, Kris had found out almost half of my entire life’s story.

“I wish I had a younger brother. Someone to protect,” Kris ran his hand through his brown hair.

“I don’t know the feeling of protecting. That had always been Su Ho’s job,” I replied.

He turned his face to me, eyes glazed with wonder. “What does Su Ho do if you’re sick?”

What does he do? I’ve tried looking through my memories filed under the cabinet labeled “Su Ho” but the drawer was stuffed—filled to the brim—making it hard to pinpoint a specific action he has done. I’m not a sickly person. My immune system has never failed me when it comes to warding off viruses so there weren’t that much files labeled “When I was sick…”

All this thinking is bringing back a headache. I closed my eyes uncomfortably, something Kris immediately noticed. The creases on my forehead must have appeared.

“Get well soon Bo Mi,” Kris’s voice was a whisper I could hear so close to my face. I felt his warm lips press against my creased forehead. The heat on my face couldn’t have gone higher but it did; Color rushing to every part of my face.

That’s it. That’s what Su Ho does. The file cabinet suddenly erupted with flying pages everywhere. A single piece of paper fell in front of me. Words that said “A kiss that our father had never given” scribbled in Su Ho’s unruly writing.

I pretended to be asleep, listening to Kris walk about the room: The sound of friction against cloth as he probably slipped on his coat and his shoes tapping against the carpet floor.  I wanted to take a peek at his leaving figure but I’ve decided that I’m tired and need my sleep. A moment later the door closed and silence filled the room.

My eyelids rolled back slowly. I was lost in my thoughts, lost in my own feelings. If only I was a anything but bashful that time, I’d ask him to stay behind and keep me warm in an embrace—just like Su Ho.

The reality had struck me when I woke up late in the night. I had seated up straight without wobbling, my temperature had gone down. I looked around the room and found the digital clock beside the bed that just turned 3:30 am. Today was my last day in China…I’d never see Kris and Tao ever again.