I've always wondered how I'll fall in love. Is it the same as the ones I've seen with my own eyes from my own loving parents? Is it like those relationships people around me experience? The ones that end up in I do's or the ones that called it quits? Or the ones on their way to happily ever after only that a twist of fate decided to act upon them?

 

I'm not a believer of love at first sight. I think it's highly overrated. I thought I had that once. It wasn't exactly the kind of love story I would tell to my children or even my grandchildren.

 

I'd rather say love is rooted from curiosity. Just like how every discovery in science started with questions. Just like how a child learns from asking everyone and everything around them. Just like how one asks his or her own self.

 

 

It was pure curiosity.

 

 

It wasn't the complicated and hard ones. Not the ones that ask if she's in a relationship or if she's a princess in disguise or even if she's a daughter of a murderer.

 

It also wasn't about the right color of her hair or the brand of her clothes. It's not even about the perfume she used or the littlest make up she applied. It wasn't about her appearance at all.

 

 

It was just this one question.

 

 

I've always wanted to ask her.

 

 

 

"Are you happy?"

 

 

 

But it looks like I have to wait longer to hear a yes.

 

 

Or even a no.

 

 

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lines. Circles. Bended lines. Elliptic forms.

 

Water seems so kind and easy upon your eyes, calming and lending a hand. But it is never easy on the surface of an artist's canvas. It's not done with a few flicks of your fingers. It's not even taking form with the careless and spontaneous charcoal touches.

 

 

"A refill?" I looked up to those familiar orbs I've gotten used to. It wasn't exactly my favorite shade. I don't think it'll ever will be but it still draws me in every single time.

 

"Yes please." The slow pouring of coffee was pleasing to the ear nevertheless it sent an uncomfortable feeling to me for it was as if this waitress was staring blankly out in space. It made me peek at her as I could not afford another whole set of sketch pads if she ever damaged it. Or maybe even the time and patience to start all over again. "Still holding up there?"

 

She jumped up a bit as if I woke her up from her trance. "Yes. Of course, miss." She gave me a smile that looked like it could be stretched wider yet she wasn't letting it. "I'll leave you then. If you need anything, just call me."

 

 

I watched her stroll from table to table, refilling each cup and answering to each customer's needs. I've never been one to wait on someone or give them what they need. I don't think I ever find satisfaction from doing something if not for myself.

 

I gave her a one last glance. I didn't really know her let alone her name but you can never forget a pretty face. It's a shame I've never seen her in a much happier state. I took a mouthful sip from my glass and I felt the bitterness slowly forcing itself to my nerves. I shrugged it off then started to finish the requirement I have.

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you need?"

 

"Just buy me something to eat."

 

"That's why I'm asking what food?" The line inside the shop was shorter than usual. Obviously, it's late at night. "I'm getting coffee. Something from their list of pastries, maybe?"

 

"Oh! A tiramisu please!" I rolled my eyes but I can't help but smile, hearing the singsong voice in my ears. "I know you don't like it but I love it, unnie."

 

"Yeah yeah fine. Whatever." I dropped the call and stood in front of the counter, seeing the last customer exiting the shop. I outright stared at the person welcoming me. "Hi..."

 

"Good evening, miss." She seemed surprised but not that much compared to me. I saw that smile tracing the outline of her lips again. "What would you have?"

 

"The usual." She nodded and I guess that confirmed she's really the person I saw early in the morning. "And a tiramisu to go."

 

 

I kept quiet as she worked for the things I ordered. I was just watching her and I felt tired. Not because she was boring. It was because she looked too weary and I wouldn't really blame her if she gets to work for the whole day. I suddenly hope she's being treated right.

 

 

"Anything else?" I took my ordet from her.

 

"Shouldn't you be resting by now?" She raised her eyebrows and I bit my bottom lip. "I mean... I just saw you in the morning and now you're still working for the night shift. I just thought... you know..."

 

 

I puffed my cheeks to stop myself from rambling and making a bigger fool out of myself. Her soft giggles sounded in the room and it felt alien. I've never heard or saw that from her.

 

 

"That would be ₩85,000, miss." I presented the bill to her and she carefully took it from me. My eyes lingered on her wrist. I was distracted by it that I didn't notice her finishing up. "Your change."

 

"Right. Thanks." Our eyes met and somehow we stared far too long than we usually do. I took one of the most reliable things from my bag and put it on top of the counter. She eyed it for a bit and her questioning eyes searched for mine again while her hand reached to hide her other sleeve's cuff links. "It's not my business but I casually hurt myself. Not that I'm clumsy. Just use it."

 

"I'm not hurt."

 

"Doesn't mean you won't ever need a bandage." I smiled at her confused face. My eyes trailed off to her name tag. "Thanks for the hard work. Rest up well."

 

 

I exited the coffee shop. That was the first time in a long while that I acknowledged someone out of my group of friends. There's something about her that still brush even the deepest part of my brain.

 

 

 

Her name...

 

 

 

Jisoo... was it?

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you lonely?"

 

 

Funny how I already know the person just by the voice when I barely cared who it was days before.

 

 

"Why do you ask?" My cup was then filled with my usual choice of drink.

 

"You seem to draw heavy dark things."

 

 

I looked at her then at my new landscape. A desert with the sun setting made me use different shades of orange. A color that if too bright can sometimes be irritating to the eyes. I'd describe it as vivid but she dared to say otherwise.

 

 

I turned my eyes back to her again. "But this is colorful."

 

"It just gives off that feel. Doesn't really make me feel happy. Kinda bit sadder..."

 

"How do you even differentiate them? They're relative to each individual, Jisoo-ssi." I chuckled and continued to shade some parts a little darker. "What do you know about happiness? Care to share?"

 

"Not much. Just that you'll only know it was happiness when you're sad." I stopped and stared at her.

 

"Tricky words. You're right though. Sometimes it's easier to be wallowed up in sadness and remorse than embrace happiness."

 

"Why is that?"

 

"I don't know. People fear a lot of things. Even the ones that make them smile and laugh." I looked away before her eyes drilled into my soul or the other way around. "That's actually what people usually run away from."

 

"Why?"

 

I smiled at her again as this was probably the longest conversation we ever had. "Because a side of them tells they don't deserve it. And they'll believe it so they'll settle for less."

 

 

I'd like to believe she enjoyed the talking. I pretty much favor it over anything else in this coffee shop. It was the most interesting thing of the day. But just like usual, she'll leave me hanging and waiting around for the next time she'll come back.

 

 

 

I might be drinking coffee like water though.

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

"I think you forgot this." I saw the ID placed on my table.

 

 

 

'Left this' is more like it.

 

 

 

"Thank you, Jisoo-ssi. Thank god someone remembered to give it back." She only replied in a nod while I was out here pulling my best gummy smile.

 

 

She and was about to walk away again and I couldn't bear it if she really didn't care to at least know me. Here I am dying to know her, doing stupid clumsy things and acting like I never did before, while she's just doing her thing. Working till her shoulders slump or till her slow tired footsteps echo throughout the room.

 

 

"It's Jennie, by the way. And I d-don't know about you but I'd really like t-to take y-you somewhere else..." She turned around with wide eyes. I realized how that must have sound weird and creepy. Like a ert or a kidnapper. And damn why do I have to stammer? "My treat."

 

She tilted her head and her eyes focused on mine. I swear the stars shine brighter this night. "Cup of coffee?"

 

"Yes! I mean--" Geez, Kim Jennie, do better! "Can we please get dinner? I think I'm tired of drinking the same bitter thing every time."

 

 

There was a moment of silence between us and maybe it was better if she rejected the idea. Maybe she wasn't really someone I should spend my time with. Maybe it was better if we were both off without each other.

 

 

"I don't know about you but I'm craving chicken."

 

"Sounds like a plan." Her smiles have this ripple effect on me. A small gesture but it's infecting me before I even know I was doing the same thing.

 

"Do you mind if I just finish my shift?"

 

"Yeah of course. I don't mind waiting. Take your time."

 

She squinted her eyes yet a teasing smile was playing on her lips. "You do realize I'm up to 9 o'clock?"

 

"And Korea has a long list of best selling chicken restaurants to choose from. It should take time to find the best one."

 

 

She bursted out laughing while dodging her head away from me. She then shook her head and walked back to the counter. I started scrolling through my phone, my fingers trembling slightly from overworking my nerves just to talk to Kim Jisoo who's now in the other end of the room.

 

I received a message and I bit my lip from smiling all too wide.

 

 

 

"I actually remember more than I let on. -Jisoo"

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

"If you were something or someone else, what would you be?"

 

"I'd be a bird."

 

"You know I think that's actually possible if you eat too much chicken."

 

"You know I thought of you as that smart lady with her preference for the obvious things but I'm wrong."

 

"Obvious things? What are those?" I nudged her leg with mine as we both curled up on the ground with the river as our view. "Were you actually paying attention to me?"

 

"I'd have to be blind to not notice you, Jennie. My eyes know all too well if it's you." There was cool breeze whizzing and passing through us but I think my face felt rather hot by her words.

 

I cleared my throat. "So why a bird? Don't tell me because you want to fly."

 

"Why not? Don't you want to be free and not be tied down?"

 

"Birds tend to be tied down too. Or caged is more like it."

 

 

She kept silent and I wonder if cat got her tongue. I gazed at her and saw how melancholy took over her eyes. As if we weren't just joking around seconds ago.

 

 

"You're right. They are." She faced me and tried a smile. "How about you? What do you want to be?"

 

"Your friend."

 

"You wanna be a bird too?"

 

"Maybe." She waited for me to continue and I looked down realizing how cheesy my next words would sound. I wouldn't say it if I knew more fitting words for my thoughts though. "Something who'll take flight with you. Or maybe someone who'll just let you go and watch you soar high."

 

 

Jisoo looked away and rubbed her eyes. She said dust got into her eyes and I'll accept that if she didn't want me to question why she's crying. We're friends but not that close enough. There are secrets we still kept from each other and I think she got the upper hand with that.

 

Sometimes I know her. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I look for her. Sometimes she does. Sometimes we're friends. Sometimes we're not.

 

 

 

And this is one of those times when it feels like we're not.

 

 

 

I took her hand in both of mine and our eyes stared at what became our entertwined fingers. "You're cold."

 

"It's okay. I feel warm beside you." She leaned her head onto my shoulder. "Thank you, Jennie."

 

"For what? I didn't do anything."

 

"For making me feel free. And that's more than I ever ask for."

 

 

 

This is one of those times when it felt like we're not just friends.

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I find the quiet corners enjoying the same way people feel for their slumber. Comfortable. Warm. Relieving.

 

Sometimes I find books exciting and an entry to a whole new dimension when same old things drag you down. Whenever you get weary, it's a plausible escape. It couldn't really bring you into the storyline but it'll at least make you a part of something who actually needs you to live on.

 

 

"You asked me out, but you're on the floor reading all on your own?"

 

"You're the one who wanted to visit a book store. I suggested an amusement park." I felt her presence beside me, her body curling up and eyes staring right at me. I shook my head a bit. "You have your own definition of fun, Jisoo."

 

"Yet you came along for the ride."

 

 

I stared back at her for a moment.

 

Sometimes it feels like conversing with a poet. Words effortlessly coming forth from her. A piece of art in all forms and context.

 

I wonder if she was drawn out on a canvas, on a simple piece of paper, with colors mixing from different shades and unique spectrum. It was almost unfair how she's so goddamn perfect compared to everthing around her. Like she was the odd one out. She may be painted in grayscale with vivid colors surrounding her and she'll still stand out in a positive way.

 

 

 

Even without trying, her simple self makes her my center of attention.

 

 

 

"Why do you like to stare at me so much?" I didn't miss the teasing chuckle from her words.

 

"Because you're beautiful." I simply said as if it has already became a common fact worldwide.

 

"Yes, thank you. I know I have an attractive face."

 

 

I looked back at her again, orbs meeting from brown to black.

 

 

"That's just a factor." She blinked at me and I don't know if she'll get it. It's not just her face. It's more than that and what it'll ever be. "You are beautiful."

 

 

I went back to reading before she saw my flushed face. It was definitely not easy to drop praise and appreciation to her when my heart comes along with it. Bit by bit till it's all up to her hands to tuck it into her pocket taking it everywhere or to drop it like it's a hot iron burning her each second. Or to just put it in a safe and keep it lock forever.

 

 

"What are you doing?" I saw her closing her eyes with her face still facing mine. It was a mean sight to look at as I'm close to my own definition of Aphrodite.

 

"Picturing you." She smiled and that's what it takes to have me staring at her heart shaped lips. "So if I ever shut my eyes, I'll still see you."

 

 

I can't explain why her words pulled a trigger in me. Why it made jump on this chance accidentally given to me. Why it made me lean in and close the gap between us.

 

It felt soft but it was warm more than anything. She's got this first love's kiss that makes me deny the call to pull away. It affected me in ways I couldn't put into words because I'd probably be losing all the things I could use to describe it. And in the way of doing so, I fear that I would lose her first before I can even glimpse into a dictionary that could help. That she won't even grant me the chance to confess before she's out of this made up fantasy I set for us.

 

 

"Jisoo... I--"

 

"Now if I close my eyes... I'd feel something more in the darkness." She leaned her back on the wall and just stayed that way with her eyes closed. "Thank you, Jennie."

 

 

Jisoo never takes me for granted. She makes me realize that almost every time. But there's also this sinking feeling inside me whenever I hear words of gratitude from her.

 

 

 

And I guess people who knows all about being a good friend and nothing more than that can relate.

 

 

 

 

 

=  =  =  =  =

 

 

 

 

 

"Jisoo... Jisoo! Yah!" I grabbed her thin wrist and it surprised me the state of it. It was thinner than the last time I touched it. "Talk to me. Where were you? Why weren't you answering my calls? Do you know how worried I was?"

 

"I received them. I know." She said it as if the soul giving life to her was out forcefully. She was wincing even when my grasp on her wasn't harsh. Bruises on her skin were evident yet she tried to hide it.

 

 

It wasn't the Jisoo I've been with. It wasn't the Jisoo who finally smiles with her perfect shaped lips and makes me follow through. It wasn't the Jisoo who started cracking up jokes out of nowhere but it was again the woman ignoring every fun thing in the world as if she didn't deserve to be part of it. It wasn't the Jisoo I liked.

 

 

 

But it was still the Jisoo I've grown to love.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter