“Are you alright, Doctor?” I heard Kim Hyoyeon's voice beside me.

“Yeah, why I wouldn't be, Officer?”

“The more you stare at that inmate the creepier it gets.”

Kim Taeyeon. No matter how many times I tell myself to back off, she's always pulling me in, drawing me closer, making me wonder what is she thinking and feeling...There was so much to know about her, yet I knew so little.

It became a routine for me to come in the mornings and study her while she was in the yard. Even if she didn't do anything else other than doodling, I was there watching her from afar, trying to catch a glimpse of who she really was.

“Just watching over my patient, Officer.” I dismissed it.

“Did you find something interesting about her?” She asked curiously.

“I found out she killed an inmate.”

“Ah, that's not news, Doc.”

“It was for me.”

“And now you are watching over her to see if she kills another inmate?” She scoffed. I finally moved my eyes away from Taeyeon, looking at the officer beside me. “She may be a maniacal, but she ain't stupid, Doc. If she injuries any other inmate she will be in lockdown.”

“Lockdown?” Didn't really understand what that means.

“The Solitary. This isn't only an Asylum but a penitentiary as well. Whenever the residents break the rules or rise a commotion, they are written shots. When those shots total five, the inmates are taken to the special house unit. Or as we call it, The SHU!”

“So she has four shots?”

She shook her head. “Not really. She went to the SHU after killing that inmate. When she got back three weeks later, she moved to Intensive Care and received a warning that if any other outburst happens, she would be headed to the SHU straight away. She hasn't got any shots yet, but as soon as she gets one, she will be in lockdown. That's why she won't really get into trouble.”

“Is the SHU that bad?” I heard about the solitary before. Normal inmates suffer a lot from being deprived of human contact.

“Well, it sure ain't wonderland.” Hyoyeon raised her shoulders. “I mean look at what happened to Jessica Jung.”

“What happened to Jessica Jung?”

“One week in the SHU, the girl started to shout 'Stress!' everytime someone touched her.” She giggled. “It was fun though. STRESS!” She said twitching her body, making fun of it.

“Where is she now?”

“Jessica? She's back to her cell. She's Krystal's older sister by the way.” She added quickly.

“How do you know that?”

“Yuri told us.”

“Us? Does Officer Kwon tell you everything?” When I said 'you' I actually meant other officers.

“I wish.” She sighed a bit discontent. “She always knows more than she tells us.”

“Really?” My curiosity got bigger.

“Well, than she tells us officers. She probably tells you everything, you are a doctor afterall.” She shrugged it off. But I wasn't really convinced. Yuri does seem to know more than she tells. “So, how has your first week been so far?” She quickly changed the subject.

“Not bad.” I nodded my head. “Still trying to fit in though.”

“Yeah, first week is tough.” She clicked her tongue. “Who do you have session with today?”

“Sulli.”

She chuckled once again. “Well, I think you are free today, Doc.” I frowned confused. “Sulli is in the solitary.” My eyes widened for a second.

“Can't the inmates have sessions while in the solitary?”

“No. They must be isolated from the outside all times.”

“How long she will be there?” I asked, curiously. Though I could understand why they must be isolated in the SHU, that could affect their progress. When a patient is in treatment, specially if their response is being favorable, the sudden halt of it may trigger anger, depression and anxiety.

“Two weeks.”

My eyes fell to the floor. It must be awful to be all alone for a couple of weeks in the SHU. I mean, yeah their cells are individuals now, but they have lunch time with other inmates as well as the recreation time in the yard. They still can talk to each other. The still see each other. In the SHU, there's no contact, not even eye contact. All there's are walls and your own head to spend the time with.

“Well, when you have only the walls and your head to spend the time with, you may find yourself enjoying things you didn't know you would.” I recalled Taeyeon's words in our first session. I wonder how Taeyeon handled it, how it really affected her. She spent three weeks there. It is quite a lot of time.

“I hope she's alright.” I mumbled to myself looking back to Taeyeon.

I heard Officer Hyoyeon sigh. “Sometimes I wonder why you doctors fancy those bastards so much.”

“What?”

“You're worried about Sulli being in the SHU.” Actually I was thinking about Taeyeon, but I remained quiet. “Other doctors feel the same about their patients. Why do you guys fancy them over us? We are normal, Doc. You are supposed to be worried about us, not those little s!”

“I don't fancy them.” I defended myself.

“Oh please, If I beat the out of that inmate you would be the first one to try stop me.”

“Why would you beat the out of her? She didn't do you any harm.”

“See? You are defending her!”

“What? No! I'm not, I'm criticizing your attitude!”

“Why? She's a maniac and I should beat her to show my authority.”

“You know she won't fight back because she would get into SHU and you are taking advantage of that!”

“Yeah, again, showing my authority.”

“You are just showing how much of an you can be!” I replied bitterly. She laughed out loud.

“I may be an but I ain't no murderer. Or thief. Or . Those inmates are all criminals, Doctor, and they must know their place here in the Asylum! You doctors make 'em feel like they own this ing place! It has to stop!”

“But violence won't really solve anything. Mind you some of those inmates have anger issues and beat the out of 'em could trigger violent responses.”

“And you know what happens next?” She asked showing a smug expression in her face.

“No. What happens next?”

“They go to the SHU!” I blinked feeling a bt uncomfortable. “They can't win, Doc. They must not win.”

“This isn't a game, Officer.”

“No, it's how the system works.” She replied back. “Don't try breaking it, Doctor.” A muffed voice came from her speakers, calling for her. “Don't get intimate with your patients, Doc.” She said as like a warning more than an advice.

“I won't.” I assured myself.

She nodded her head. “Go home, Doctor. There's no much for you to do here.” She said before leaving the spot she was and heading to wherever she was needed.

My eyes moved back to Taeyeon, and they widened when her brown eyes met mine. Her gaze was so intense, my heart beat a little faster quite frightened by it. She's watching me too.

Yeah, I should totally go home.

~~*~~

“Hello, Miss Kim.” I greeted her with a smile as she entered my office for our second formal session. She greeted me back with a nod, sitting on the chair right across of me.

“How is it going, Doctor Hwang?” Officer Byun Baekhyun asked me with a genuine smile. Lee Sungmin wasn't with him that time.

“All good, Officer. Where's Mr. Lee?”

“Day off.” I nodded my head. “You want us to leave?”

“Yes, please.”

The two officers didn't take long to leave my office and wait outside.

“What's up, Doc? Enjoying your stay so far?” She asked me showing her pretensious smirk after the two men went out. I know from where she was coming with this.

Despite Resident Kim taking me as rookie, my first week went good overall. I didn't manage to have a session with my other patient because she was in the Solitary or how it was called by the officers, the SHU. Apparently, she got herself in a fight with another inmate and to “cool off” Ho Sung send the girl to be lockdown. So my first week was Taeyeon and Irene only. It was indeed a good week, not too stressful.

“Yeah, So far so good.” I nodded.

“See, I told you... Wonderland.” She smirked.

“Where do you stand in this? The Mad Hatter?”

“I don't know, why don't you tell me... Alice?” She grinned hard.

“Cheshire cat.” I replied back after seeing her grin. It really was the character she resembled the most. Mysterious, always grinning and making me wander why she intrigued me so much.

“Well, at least I'm not that crackhead blue centipede.” I laughed along, feeling much more comfortable. I waited for a couple of seconds before pressing the button on the record machine, officially starting our session.

“Doctor Stephanie Hwang, Psychotherapist, interview #3. Resident: Kim Taeyeon.”

“How was your weekend, Miss Kim?” I asked, my voice just interested.

“Remarkable, Doc. I've been to the central park and after that, I watched a movie with a couple of friends, there was no popcorn though, what an audicity, right?”

“No need to use sarcasm here, Miss Kim.”

“The need to use sarcasm is always there, Doctor.”

I blinked at that thinking if that was really a condition of hers. I really wish I could understand her mind. That I could read what she is thinking or how she is feeling. She is always pulling this facade of hers. The funny Kim Taeyeon, the sarcastic Kim Taeyeon... I don't really know what is real or what is a lie about her.

But I was determined to know her better, what was her real personality.

So I decided to bring with me the Rorsharch Test. Although it's been debatable over the years of how accurate is the test, it's been helpful to me. I don't think it's the most reliable test ever but I was able to find personality traits in most of the kids I treated in my last job when undertaking them to the test.

Maybe I could find a trait in Taeyeon as well.

The test consists of 10 cards and in each card inkblots forms a particular image. The patient must say what is the first thing that comes to mind when seeing the card. It's a simple test with no right or wrong answer.

“Okay, Miss Kim, I have some cards here...” I begun speaking softly, grabbing the cards from my bag and organizing them in proper order. “And what I want you to do is to tell me what do you see in these cards.”

I raised my head confused when I heard her laughing. The iconic old-lady laughters echoing in the office.

“You know, toots...I really thought the sessions where you want to talk about my childhood was a waste of time, but this... THIS – And she leaned forward, pointing to the cards I was holding - “totally takes the cake!” She continued laughing. “Thank you, Doc! You never fail to amuse me with your rookiness.”

“I knew you won't take that seriously.”

“Who would take that seriously?” She mocked still laughing.

“C'mon, Taeyeon...” The name slipped off from my lips completely. I don't really know why nor how, it just came out. It sounded right to call her like that. Irene was happy about me calling her by her common name, maybe Taeyeon wouldn't mind as well. Plus, there were so many Kims around here, calling her Taeyeon would make my life easier.

“Oooh, getting intimate, aren't we, toots? How should I call you? Stephanie? Steph? Phanie? Fany? Fanny!” She shouted quite joyful. “Do you know what a fanny is?” My nostrils dilated.

“Stop it!” I demanded.

“Feisty fanny.” She laughed out.

“You won't call me Fanny!”

“Why not? It's an awesome name!” She leaned backward, grinning even harder. “It's a name that puts a smile on my face! It makes me think there's someone here I can relate to.”

I frowned confused. “Why you can relate to someone called Fanny?” I get mad at myself for saying that out loud. Jesus, Tiffany, why don't you just shut up?

“Shh, it's a secret, Doc.” She whispered, still smirking. I shook my head, trying to not let her get into me.

“Okay, let's begin.” I said showing her the first card of the set. “Just tell me... what do you see?”

“Are you really serious?” She raised one of her brows, not believing I would really do that.

“I'm always serious.”

“I could give you the wrong answer, you know that right?”

“There is no right or wrong here, Miss Kim.” And really there wasn't. What we look for is how those images actually translate to the patient and how makes them feel.

“A unicorn. It has wings, what's the name of a unicorn with wings? Pegasus-corn? Alicorn? Yeah, an Alicorn.”

“That's not a valid answer.”

“You said there was no right or wrong here. Why are you treating me differently?”

“You are not telling me what you really see, you're just shrugging off. That's why is not a valid answer. Look at the card and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.”

“Well, apparently imagination is a no her