It was extremely difficult for me not to think about Kim Taeyeon. Even after our session was over, she was still in my head. Even after my usual coffee before sleeping, she was still in my head. Everything that she told me that day, everything that happened those last few weeks… from how she faked an episode in order to save my career to the realization of why Dr Young misdiagnosed her were totally mind blowing for me. But nothing, nothing, could compare to what I was actually feeling.

I knew that feeling. It wasn't new to me. I know what it meant.

What was new to me was the fact that I was feeling that for Taeyeon.

I never really felt that for women. For males, sure. But for women? Never.

But there it was Kim Taeyeon, a mad female prisoner who happened to be my patient making me feel that way. Honestly, what the was happening to me?

How that could be? How come I suddenly feel this towards my patient?

How could I go against all the ethics of my career?

I don't really know. What I know though is that I need to forget that feeling. I need to bury that feeling and that thought down to the ground. I can not let myself liking Taeyeon that way. Ever.

And it's very easy to say. To do it though, that's where lies the problem. And I know it was a problem when I couldn't take my eyes off her the next day. She decided to leave her grovel, just chilling in the yard with her back against a tree. Her attention was totally focused on a bird chirping on a bench as her right hand was trying sketch it on her notepad. I was afar just watching her. Watching her hand holding the pencil, her focused expression, her hair blowing gently with the breeze, her lips…

“Crowd control to Major Hwang.” I heard someone say beside me. I blinked, looking away from Taeyeon and recognizing Yoona.

“Huh?”

“I was calling you but you didn't seem to hear.” I felt my cheeks burn.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's alright…” She quickly dismissed it with a smile. “How have you been?”

Awful. “Good.” I nodded. “Just tired enough.”

“I heard the reason why Kim was sent to the SHU… She assaulted you.”

“It was a misunderstanding.” I quickly added. “It's alright, really.”

“It's good to see her outside.” She moved her eyes from me to Taeyeon. “She seems to rather stay indoors so seeing her out here is good for a change.”

“I think she misses the sun and the grass after her week in the SHU.”

“Well, the SHU sure makes you miss things you didn't know you would.”

I chuckled. “She told me the exact same thing once.” I said remembering her words.

“Is she your favorite?” She bluntly asked making my eyes snap wide open.

“What?”

“Is she your favorite?”

“No! Yoona! You know we can't do favorites! It's unethical-

“We can't but occasionally we do anyways.” She raised her shoulders. “We can't say this to anyone, having a bias is not ethical at all, however, when you get to know them and treat them for so long sometimes it's really hard not to do it.” I lowered my eyes. I didn't know what to answer. I stood quiet.

“Is she that friend?”

“What?”

“The one you said hurtful things to...”

My heart beat extremely wild. “No! Taeyeon is not my friend!” I quickly added it. I felt my heart ache a little because I was being a ing liar. I'm denying Taeyeon as a friend when just the day before she actually saved my career.

“Favorite patient only?” She asked raising her brows suspiciously.

“She's just a patient! She is no friend of mine!” She saved my ing career and here I'm denying what she meant to me. Why? I was angry, I was nervous, I felt like anything I could say could lead people to know about my feelings towards her and I could never let them know about them. “And she is not my favorite!” I denied again. Taeyeon was my ultimate favorite. I would exchange all patients I had in my entire life for Taeyeon only. If I could, I would have sessions with her every single day because it's ing boring for me to wait a whole week till meeting her again on Mondays.

“I'm a psychologist, Tiffany, I can tell when you are lying.” I got silent. “You watch over Kim Taeyeon more than you do with you other patients. You care much enough to ask my patient about her. And not only once...” I looked down, feeling a little bit embarrassed by my behavior. She patted my back. “There's nothing extremely bad at having a favorite patient. Especially because Kim was your very first patient here at the Asylum.”

“You have a favorite?” I asked curiously.

“Jung Jessica.” She said calmly. Well if she has a favorite then it means I'm not that in trouble. “It's normal to have a favorite patient even though we are not supposed to.”

“I never had a favorite.”

“Before Kim Taeyeon?” I nodded.

“Taeyeon is different from everyone I ever came across. And she challenges me in ways I never was before. Although it's uncomfortable and even exhausting is also very refreshing...”

“That's odd.” She laughed.

I frowned my brows. “How come?”

“Well… Most doctors hate those types of patients. Have a patient like that is very stressful and they are usually uncontrollable, making us struggle with them. You being a doctor who actually likes that is very odd.” I didn't know what to think but that was how I felt. I liked being challenged by Taeyeon. “Dr Young, the one before you, hated Kim Taeyeon.” I started to feel uncomfortable.

“Taeyeon doesn't like him either.” She chuckled.

“He was a harsh doctor for sure.” I squinted. “You're not a harsh doctor… so maybe that's why she doesn't pull your leg so much.”

“It shouldn't be the other way around?” I asked, confused. “Because he was harsh she shouldn't pull his leg so much...”

She raised her shoulders. “Kim Taeyeon was very unstable under Dr Young's care. But she seems to be different with you. She seems to like you. That's really rare.”

“That's nonsense.” I tried to deny it.

“Have more faith in you as a doctor, Tiffany. You are the only Doctor I know who likes to be challenged by Kim Taeyeon. That's a good thing… it means you're not afraid of her.” My eyes got bigger.

“Stop tremblin', Doctor. It's not a good sign. It shows you are weak and that you are scared.”

“I-I'm not scared.”

“Yes, you are. I can see it. It's all in your face. Doctor Hwang is a scary bunny.” I looked towards Taeyeon, she had a pouted face as the bird was no longer on the bench. I smiled, feeling fuzzy inside. Yes, I was no longer scared. She didn't fright me at all nowadays. Funny how that actually happened.

“At the same time, I need to advise you to be careful.” Her voice called me back to my senses. “Even though she is your favorite, keep in mind that she is still an inmate.” I looked down to my feet. “And yet it is normal to care about her well-being, you should never look at her more than just your patient.”

I gulped silently, feeling numb in all my limbs. “I don't.” My voice came more for a whisper.

“Don't cross that line, Tiffany.”

“I won't.” I assured.

She nodded her head. “Well, I should be going, see you at lunch?”

“Yeah, sure.” I smiled to her but as soon as she left, it fainted away. If Yoona was suspicious about me and Taeyeon that basically means others could notice as well. I had to be even more careful not to give them the idea Taeyeon and I were friends.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to leave the yard. If I needed to show them I'm not her friend the least I could do was not to be nearby when she was outside.

~~*~~

There was a big problem happening in my life.

You see, I'm supposed to show everyone in my workplace I do not hold a favorite spot for Kim Taeyeon. And the problem is that, day by day, it just gets harder to do it so. She is constantly in my mind. Even if she is not in the yard, I can't just stop thinking about her. The distance I tried to keep from her it was basically making me miss her even more. It was driving me insane.

All I wanted was to talk to her again, see her again, giving her gummy worms again, feel her tongue on my fingers again. I never knew something so small like that could be so powerful. I mean, Taeyeon had no fault in what I was feeling. She didn't do that in order to drive me crazy, she probably doesn't even know how wrecked I am because of that simple gesture; she just the sugar on my fingers because she missed the taste, she had no dirty thoughts in mind. I had. I'm the issue here. I'm the one who was making this out of scale. I'm the wrong one.

I couldn't sleep well that night. And the night after. And the night after that. The dreams I had involving her tongue weren't suitable for a room with pink hello kitties like my own. Just to think about those dreams was enough to give me goosebumps. It was physically and mentally exhausting. Frustration was all over me as I couldn't have good nights of sleep.

One of those nights I woke up suddenly, scared by the sound of thunder, the pouring rain outside and thick water drops hitting my windows. I had the air conditioner on however it wasn't enough to cool me down. The heat was still there, down there and it was driving me insane. I didn't know what to do to stop it.

Actually I did know.

I may have pink hello kitties in my room for decoration but I wasn't that innocent. I knew how I could stop it. The problem was that if I did it, it meant I was going over the ethics of my career. It meant I was recognizing that feeling as a legitimate one. Touching myself thinking about my female criminal patient? What the , Tiffany? How low can you get?

So, NO. I wouldn't do it. I couldn't do it. My fingers won't touch that spot. No matter how much it throbbed, begging for touching, I would keep my fingers away from it.

~~*~~

“My God, what happened to you?” Yuri asked upon seeing my face when I entered the basement. I was looking miserable. All those sleepless nights really took its toll on me and now I was the closest being to a zombie. My brain was dumb and my eyes had bags underneath it that even with make up they were still visible.

“Had trouble sleeping.” I said yawning. I crossed my arms over my chest in order warm up a little. It was still raining outside and the whole building was a bit chilly.

“Dude, you look like you came from a war zone.” She joked. I just shook my head. “Morning, Doc. How can I help you?”

“I was wondering if you have access to all residents' files.” I said trying to not make it sound as an affirmative.

“Sure I do.” She said proudly.

“So that means all written reports and interview tapes, right?” She nodded her head. “Could I borrow a few samples of Taeyeon's tapes with her last doctor.” I was interested to know how harsh Dr. Young was. Maybe I could understand why Taeyeon and Irene don't like him after all.

“Oh, Okay.” She grabbed one key from the thousands she had on her key-chain and opened a metallic door I swear I've never noticed it was there in the first place. It's not that it was a secret door, it just that in my head, that copper metal thing would never be a door leading to the largest room of that facility. I felt like I entered the FBI General Archive… my God, that place was huge! Tons of aisles filled with boxes and drawers and papers.

I was walking besides her in awe with the size of that room.

“So… how you've been, Doc?”

“Good.” I confirmed. “And you?”

“Same old.” She shrugged her shoulders. “How is going with your patients?” I felt like she wanted to mean something else with that but I wasn't entirely sure of what that else was.

“Pretty fine.”

“I heard the reason why Kim was sent to the SHU.” Of course she would know.

“It's alright, really.”

“Is she your favorite?” She asked and I felt like having heart attack. Was that so obvious? Really?

“She's not my favorite. I don't know know where you got that from...” I tried to dismiss it.

“You call her by her first name...”

“I call Irene by her first name as well.”

“No, you don't. Irene first name is Juhyun.”

“She asked me to call Irene.”

“Kim never asked you to call her Taeyeon...” I started to feel uncomfortable.

“I don't get what you're trying to mean...”

“I've told you before… to not get close to her. She is dangerous. But you seem not to listen to me.”

“I listened to you. I stopped going to her cell. I only see her on Mondays now.”

“You've visited her when she was in the SHU.” I clenched my fists.

“Yes, I did. I was worried, Ho Sung increased her dose and I just went there to check if she was alright. It's no big deal.”

“Hyoyeon told me you left the cell in tears.” I stopped walking. She did the same. “Doc… listen to me...You're getting way too intimate.”

“No, I'm not.” I denied.

“No one leaves a cell in tears unless something emotionally happened.” I felt my heart miss a bit. “I know you care about her. She's your patient after all. Not only that, she was the very first patient you met here. Some doctors held those people in soft places in their hearts. Victoria cares about Jung Soojung a lot more than she cares about Amber Liu for this particular reason. But Victoria doesn't leave Jung's cell in tears. She doesn't even go there unless extremely necessary.” I felt all my limbs getting numb. Again.

“Taeyeon is not my favorite!” I denied again.

“Then don't call her Taeyeon.” I felt my stomach burn. “Call her inmate, patient, ing … I don't care, just don't call her Taeyeon. Calling her by her first name only makes you intimate.”

“We are not intimate! I call her Taeyeon because th