If there was something better than having Taeyeon all good with me and with herself, was having Irene and Wendy as my patients. Wendy was such a bright and bubbly girl that it gave me a little bit of fresh air at my job. She was totally the kind of person I love taking care of and the fact she could speak English made me so excited that here and then we would talk in English just for the sake of speaking our native tongue. It was really fun to have session with her and I couldn't believe it took me so long to have this idea and have her as my patient.

Although Irene seemed a little suspicious about the whole situation, she let herself at ease when she finally met the lawyers, Kim Kibum and Lee Jinki, on Saturday. After their first encounter, Irene felt that her freedom was a possibility and that really changed her manners with me.

To help the girls further, I even added an extra session with them during the week. On Mondays, of course, I was having Taeyeon. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Irene. And on Wednesdays and Fridays, Wendy.

Not only this made me closer to those girls, but it also gave a little bit of distance from Taeyeon. The small distance we really needed. It was a healthy distance, and even if there were times where my body craved for her touch, I learned to cope with that.

Everything was running great at the Asylum and everyone seemed to feel lighter and optimistic about the place. Even the residents. Apparently, the news about Irene and Wendy having lawyers put hope in the residents' hearts and most of them decided to behave as the prospect of being free for some didn't look unachievable. Many of the residents now were having visitors from their families and friends and the officers resulted in a better behavior in general towards the inmates.

The only thing that was still not right with me, and led me to much my inner cheeks, was when I went to the Archive and found Officer Seulgi there, with her ever present Pringles can.

“Can I help you, Doctor Hwang?”

The fact the she was still there taking Yuri's place was concerning to me. It's been more than a month now that Yuri doesn't come to the Asylum. I was not really bothering to meet her because I felt like she needed some time of her own, just like how I needed from Taeyeon, but as the days go by and I hear nothing from Yuri, my concerns started to arise. It doesn't help the fact that sometimes my own mind kicks me off by reminding Taeyeon's words “She loves you, you know… Kwon Yuri.” I don't know if that was true or if Taeyeon just said that Yuri loves me so I could be away from her. She always tried to push me away when she was having a hard time dealing with her feelings. If it's true that Yuri loves me… then… What should I do? Do I talk to her? Do I avoid her? I don't really know how to cope with that. In my mind, there never were instances where Yuri and I could somehow develop feelings for each other. Especially because Yuri always searched for ual outlets whereas I was so down the hole with Taeyeon. I never really had any other feeling for Yuri except friendship and I can't bring myself to imagine me with her like girlfriends, like kissing each other or having with her. That was such a weird picture that, unconsciously, my own face disgruntled with this image.

It didn't help either that the last conversation we both had was actually an argument about Taeyeon.

Maybe we needed to solve this issue. Just like Jonghyun fought his demons and talked to Taeyeon, maybe it's time for me to talk with Yuri.

“Yes, sure. Can you give me, Kwon Yuri files, please?” I answered her question.

“Officer Kwon?” Sulgi frowned her brows. “Why do you need her files, she is not an inmate.”

I smiled. “I know. She's my friend and I need to talk to her. She's been avoiding my calls and I want to give her a visit. Could you tell me her address?”

“Oh.” Seulgi tapped her hands off to get rid of the Pringles chip's on her fingers and turned around to open the blue locker behind her. As she finished looking for it, she handed me the files. “Okay, there you go.” She said, now tapping her hands on her uniform. “Sorry for the mess, I was just eating some snacks.”

“That's okay, officer.” I dismissed, smiling. And as I searched for Yuri address, I copied to my phone. “Done. Thank you, Officer Seulgi.”

“You're welcome, Doctor.”

Now that I had Yuri's home address with me, all I needed to do was giving her a visit.

~~*~~

The moment Yuri opened the door for me, my eyes widened out. Yuri was clearly having a hard time, as her hair was all disgruntled and her face a little bit bloated. She was wearing loose moleton pants and she was clearly not giving a about her appearance. There was a strong scent of alcohol coming from her and all I could feel was pity.

“Hi.” I greeted, although my voice sounded downcast.

“Hey, Doc.” She said it back, with the same tone as mine.

“Are you alright?”

She sighed, tired. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk, Yuri.” She ran her fingers though her hair, displeased, and stepped herself at side to let me in.

“Well, you're welcome.”

I blinked and walked inside her flat. Her flat was all clean and very tidy, but it really gave me the feeling of a closed depressed place. It didn't help to find the bottles of soju on the corner, near the couch.

“Would you like one?”

“What?” I turned myself to her.

“Would you like a bottle of soju?” She offered. I shook my head.

“No.” I said, feeling bad for the woman in front of me. “Yuri, are you really alright? What happened? Why don't you go to the Asylum anymore?”

“Why should I? It's not like they're missing me.” She responded, bitterly.

“We are!”

“Cut the crap, Doctor! I've been talking to some officers there. They're saying the Asylum is great, with a better atmosphere, and that everyone is behaving well.”

“Well, yeah, but this not due to your absence!” I explained. “It's because it happened stuff there since your break and this made the Asylum change.” She didn't seem convinced, as she threw herself off to her couch. “Yuri, are you listening to me? What's wrong? What happened to you? Why you are you on a break?”

“I'm human too, you know.” She said, and I didn't understand what she wanted to imply with that. “I get tired of things, of people.”

“Yeah, of course. I didn't mean you weren't. I just can't understand it. You always liked working for the Asylum and you had the dream of becoming the Warden and now you're here, stuck on your couch, drinking bottles of soju and watching Netflix!”

She looked away. “I'm tired, Doc. And I just want to be alone.”

“You can talk to me, Yuri, I can help you.”

“I don't want to talk to you.”

“You can't continue like this, Yuri. That's not right.”

“What you want me to say?”

“What happened? Why did you go on a break? It was so suddenly… you didn't tell me anything…”

“I don't need to. No matter what I say, you'll always take side with that inmate.”

“What this has to do with Taeyeon?” I asked, not understanding why she was mentioning Taeyeon on that conversation.

“How are the sessions with her? Still ing her right under our noses?”

“Yuri!” I controlled my voice as I didn't want her words to affect me and made us have an argument there.

“What about the lawyers? Finally set her free?” She spit that angrily.

“The lawyers aren't working for Taeyeon's case.” I replied. That made her frown her brows.

“They aren't?”

“No. They are working for Irene and Wendy.” That made her widen her eyes, surprised.

“Why?” She asked, confused.

I sighed, not in the mood to share that Taeyeon was the one who asked for that. “Well, I've noticed that Taeyeon is not really ready to reintegrate society. Her path is long till recovery and there's a lot to be done about her inner struggles. Irene and Wendy, on the other hand, are just fine. They don't deserve to be at the Asylum at all and they behaved well for all their time being. Besides, they're just kids. They need those lawyers more than Taeyeon ever did.”

“That is actually… really nice.” She said.

“I also became their doctor as I requested Lee Soon Kyu to have them as my patients. Our meeting happen twice a week, and on Saturdays, the girls have the Lawyers visiting them.”

“...”

“The Asylum is really different. The possibility of Irene and Wendy being free seemed to please the residents as they started to behave and now the officers and inmate are in a completely different page.”

“I didn't know that...”

“Of course you didn't, you don't go there anymore.” I replied. She looked away. “I just want to understand what's going on with you. Why you are avoiding us? Why you're stuck on your couch drinking soju and watching netflix?”

She sighed, covering her face with her hands. “There was so much happening… I couldn't deal with it.”

“Was it about Soyeon?” I asked, cautiously, Soyeon was always a delicate issue with Yuri.

“No...”

“Are you sure?”

“No…” She sighed. “I don't know, Doc, I don't really feel well.”

“You can tell me what is bothering you.”

“Many things are bothering me.”

“Okay, just tell me one thing then.” I insisted.

“Soyeon.” She said, low enough.

“You said you didn't like her anymore.”

“And I don't...but…- She shook her head. “I don't know, doc, it's not so easy with me.” I looked downwards. “Soyeon is someone I can't really forget.”

“Yuri...”

“It's hard for me and I don't know why is that hard...” She confessed. “It should be easy. She was just ing . But it isn't. And there is something inside of me that is always kick her back in. It tires me. It consumes me inside out. I get so angry.” Her hand was over her eyes, and her exhaustion was evident.

“I'm sorry...”

She sighed. “I wish I could stop feeling this way. Thinking this way. But I can't. It seems like I can't really move on.”

“You're just like Taeyeon.” Those words escaped me without notice. And she scoffed, shaking her head.

“See, it's all about that inmate.”

“You really have issues with her.” I left it out as sudden realization. She looked at me, weirdly enough.

“Do you even remember what she's done to me?”

“Yes. I do. And that's why I'm saying you're just like her.” I sighed. “You are no different that Taeyeon when she was all down in her own fight to become the greatest hero.” Yuri didn't understand what I meant with that. “Always thinking that it was unfair, that it wasn't right. Always holding that feeling right to her core. That feeling that she couldn't forget. She held that feeling dear to her heart, because she believed it was the only way to deal with her past. And that this feeling would make her win in the end. That somehow, like in a game, she would have her victory in the end.”

I shook my head, calling it stupid.

Yuri continued to stare at me. “This feeling...was consuming her. Killing her inside out and everyone around her yet couldn't see it. She couldn't let it go because she thought that letting go meant to forget about it.” I looked at Yuri. “It doesn't.” I stressed. “Sometimes, letting it go, means to forgive. Sometimes, it just means to face off your own demons. And sometimes, it just means talking to people. Sincerely.”

She sighed, her eyes closed. “C'mon...tell me what is bothering you.” I approached her, taking her hand. I sat on edge of the couch, and she gulped, taking all her might in.

“Meeting Soyeon that day… I don't know, it hit me hard.” She started saying, and I was glad she finally decided to talk to me. “Everything was a mess. Kim started to anger me, and then there was Soyeon saying those things, and I don't know... it was pissing me off.” I was silent, listening to her struggles. “I thought that maybe having a few days off could help me with that.”

“And soon those days off became weeks. But that is not really helping. There's something growing inside of me...that makes me angry and tired and…” She shook her head. “Unquiet. Uneasy.”

“...”

“And then, there's you with Taeyeon.” My heart didn't fool me when it decided to beat faster when I heard her say it. “ing Taeyeon...”

“Yuri...”

“I knew it, you know. I knew it was doomed to happen it again. Seeing you meeting with that inmate… I knew it was just a matter of time.”

I gulped. “I'm sorry.”

“But I thought that… I could stop it, you know. From happening again. It seemed my life happens in a deja vu kinda of thing. Goes on circles with no end, hurting me with the stuff that hurt me before.”

I respected her line of thought in silence. “You don't know how many times before… I let her starve in the SHU.” My heart beat faster. “How many times I instructed the officers to make her life miserable, so she couldn't have a day of sun.”

“And then you came here. And I knew. I knew that you were what she'd always looked for. For the very first session you had with her, I knew what she had in mind.”

“Did you listen to that session?” I asked, more curious than anything. I already knew that Yuri listened to the tapes, so there wasn't reason to be mad with her at that point.

“Of course I did. I listen to every session she has with her doctors.”

“Why?”

“I want to know what she talks about, how she behaves, what she thinks, the things she does...why does she do what she does...”

That was a little weird. Given that Yuri hates Taeyeon, why would she surround herself with the thing she hates the most?

“And I knew it.”

“Knew what?” I asked.

“That she's waited all this time for you. For a doctor like you. A doctor that could get her outta here. And she knew you were her chance. Probably her only chance. And I… I didn't want to her to have her chance.”

“Yuri...”

“She ruined everything for me. My girlfriend, my relationship, my dream...” I didn't bother to defend Taeyeon. “Yet… she was there, achieving her girlfriends, relationships and dreams. It was so different from me. It seemed like everything was working just fine for her. Yet I was there, picking up broken pieces of a that never loved me in the first place.”

I closed my eyes. “So I tried to stop her from having those. If I couldn't have that in my life, that inmate surely couldn't be the one getting it. But I knew it would be futile. It was just a matter of time for you to fall for her.”

“I didn't really mean it.” I said, sincere. “For a moment, I was attracted to her by her mind. I don't know, I've always been ed up in the head.” I said it, shaking my head. “I always liked those sort of people. Taeyeon was the first person I met that was like that. And it was so… exciting for me. I was challenged by the minute with her and I felt like we're playing a race game. I had never felt this way before but it was… thrilling. Having Taeyeon there with me made me believe that all my career choices were worth it. It was...” I closed my hand. “Surreal. And I could feel myself… slowly… falling for her. But I couldn't escape. I didn't want to escape. There was this thing inside of me… telling me to carry on, to keep up with her. Have you ever felt this sort of thing?”

“Yes.” She answered.

“I didn't even notice… when I was falling myself deeply in love with her. It was so suddenly… so unintentional… so…spontaneous. And I never felt this way before.”

“It must be nice.” She said, making me look at her. “To feel this way about people.”

“It is not.” I retorted. “It's tiresome, and it breaks you down in little pieces. It's not healthy.” She chuckled.

“Do you still feel it was worth it?” She called my attention back with that question. “Do you think it was worth it to do all you've done for her?”

That took me a while to answer. “Yes. I think it was.”

“Even if she takes only for granted?”

“She doesn't need to take as anything else other that.” I said, true to my feelings. “I started doing it because I wanted to help her. She didn't ask me for those. Just because I started helping her, doesn't mean she owes me stuff. Or that she must reciprocate everything I did. All I ever wanted her to give me was her trust. Her truth. Her real self. Because no matter how many times she tells me jokes or throw those sarcastic remarks off, I knew whom I had been love with wasn't her Joker persona, it was Taeyeon. The Taeyeon behind that mask. The one I found on the rain one day. The one that didn't me want to leave because she didn't want to feel abandoned again. The one that cried because she finally met her long lost sister. The one that kissed me because she couldn't translate her feelings into words.” “That's the Taeyeon I love. And that Taeyeon is everything but a murderer.”