I never felt so hurt in my entire life.

It was my fault.

Taeyeon could have died.

And it would have been my fault.

I could have killed my favorite patient because I couldn't say no. Because I wanted her to like me. Because I wanted her to trust me. Yet what I did was put her life in danger.

“Unnie? I'm gonna ask you a question and I really want you to tell me the truth… Have you been giving sweets to Kim Taeyeon?”

A silent tear rolled down for my eyes.

“Unnie?”

I shook my head. “I… I haven't.” What could I say? Yes? This would lead me to be fired. I can't be fired. I know I am doing wrong in denying the truth but I simply can't tell Seohyun that I gave Taeyeon candy!

“I guess inmates are smuggling in then somehow. I should inform the security about contraband.” I nodded, despite feeling awful at myself.

I refuse myself to put Taeyeon's life in danger once again and as such any other food is out of question. I will not bring candy any more. I will not bring anything anymore. No more contraband. And that will hopefully make everything be alright once again.

“You alright, unnie?”

I closed my eyes. “I… I just...didn't expect that.” Seohyun placed an arm over my shoulder.

“Don't dwell too much on worries. She's alright now.” I twisted my lips. “It's not your fault, unnie.” It is!

“I...”

“Yoona-unnie told me you've grown very fond of her...” I held my head down. “I understand you're worried. I recommend you to do some exams with her regularly to check her sugar levels up though.” I nodded my head. “Especially when she's undertaking the medication.”

“For how long will she be out of medication?”

“I will leave this to you. She's your patient after all.”

“Thank you, Seohyun.” She smiled gently.

“She's alright, unnie, so don't be down, okay?”

I tried to smile. It came rather fake looking. “Now, please excuse me, I'll notify the security the inmates are smuggling food in.” I looked away, trying not to show I was the culprit.

It's alright now.

It's alright now.

I won't bring candy again. I won't let Taeyeon have a heart attack again. It's alright now. They won't know I was the one who gave her sweets. They won't know about my secret. Everything will be alright.

A sigh came from my lips and I approached the bed.

She was on her back but her head was towards the side, facing away from me and she seemed to be wearing the white common vest from the hospital. Her heart monitor beside her showed me her heart rate was indeed normalized.

I tentatively walked closer as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake her up. I stopped when I was standing beside her bed and looking down on her as her chest rose and fell, breathing in and out through her nose softly.

I brought my hand up, resting the back of my fingers against her cheek, and the contrast of her cold skin on my heated fingers was incredible. Taeyeon turned her head to my side, grunting something. I quickly took my fingers away from her face. And then slowly, she opened up her eyes.

“Hey...” I spoke softly, as her expressive eyes locked onto mine. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget that I had given her candy. That I've caused her ill state. I was such an immoral doctor. I was a shameful doctor. She didn't reply, just yawned in my direction. “How you are feeling?”

“Cold.” She answered.

“Aircon is on, I'll turn it off. Okay?”

“No, it's alright.” She merely waved it off before I could move. “Doc?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you crying?” I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

I bit my lip while I averted my eyes from hers. “I'm sorry.” I sniffed.

“What are you sorry for?”

I gulped hard. “It's my fault. What happened to you… why it happened… it's my fault.” I whispered. I was so ashamed, my voice couldn't go higher than that. I tried to say something to fill the silence but only managed croaking sounds as each word died in my mouth. “You could have died.”

“But I didn't.”

“You could have.”

“But I didn't.”

“You could have… and it would be my fault.”

“Because I'm your responsibility?”

“No… Because I...” I sighed. “You're right about me.” I said hanging my head in embarrassing and humiliation. “I'm not a good doctor.” “I wanted to help you... yet all I did was to put your life in danger.”

“My life's is always put in danger in here. It's not your fault.” She said shaking her head. I don't know why she was trying to cheer me up. The only thing I knew though was that I was feeling miserable. If Taeyeon had died, I'd never ever forgive myself.

“I'm sorry… I won't be able to give your gummies no more.”

“Did they found out?” I just nodded.

Her eyes opened a tad wider. “Are you gonna be fired?”

I shook my head. “No. I'm fine. I told you I would stay, didn't I?” She smiled making me feel a little bit better. “I'll stay.” “The gummies though… they have to go.”

“Well, that's a bummer.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, Doc.” She reassured. “I like you better than gummy worms.” My fingers curled around the bars of her bed.

“I like you better than anything.” I said it, not giving too much thought about it.

“Better than peanut butter and jelly?”

“Better than peanut butter and jelly.” I confirmed, still whispering voices.

“Go home, Doc, you're drunk.” I chuckled. And without me noticing, my thumb started caressing her hand. The simple touch warming me up, making me feel just alright. There was an area of tranquility surrounding me. I didn't know what that meant, but I know that it happens because I'm with her.

“I'm not drunk.”

“Of course you are. No one sane enough would like me better than peanut butter and jelly.”

“You like peanut butter and jelly?” I asked curiously. It's not common for Koreans to actually like them.

“I've never eaten it.”

“So if you don't know the taste, why do you say it's crazy to like you better than peanut butter and jelly?”

“Because peanut butter and jelly is your childhood food. And your childhood was awesome, then, that makes peanut butter and jelly taste awesome.” I chuckled softly.

“Why do you say my childhood was awesome?”

“You're a doctor. That implies you're not ed up.” My heart beat faster.

“There are loads of doctors who are ed up.”

“You're not one of them. You're a good person, Doc. You have a good heart. Don't... let the asylum break it.” I gulped. “They broke Yuri. Don't let them break you either.”

That perked up my curiosity. “What happened between you and Yuri?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Then what happened to Yuri?” I asked frowning my brows.

“It's not me who answers this question.” My eyes opened a tad wider in surprise for her reply. I kinda felt Taeyeon actually knows it. They seemed to be close before, but now they treat each other like enemies… something must have happened. And Taeyeon doesn't want to say.

The thing was that Taeyeon was actually being respectful towards Yuri. She could have told me but she didn't. She's there, reminding me that I shouldn't know personal information from someone else. I did this to Taeyeon herself, when I accused her of killing Dr. Young when she hadn't. I promised her I wouldn't take other peoples' words as true. I promised her I would talk to her before anything else.

And here I am, doing the same old thing with Yuri instead. It's not nice. It's not ethical. I shouldn't be that immoral. Taeyeon was being far more ethical than me. Funny thing. The infamous inmate is better than the doctor.

“You alright, Doc?”

“Yes… I'm alright.” I dismissed her worries. “Are you still cold?”

“No.” She answered closing her eyes and yawning again. “I'm just tired.”

“Take a rest then.” “I'll leave you for a while, ok?” She hummed an OK. I sighed, still caressing her hand with my thumb.

“I'm sorry, Taeyeon… I'm sorry… for what I've done.” I said to myself, still feeling miserable for my ignorance. “I promise I won't do the same mistake again.” She didn't answer me and that just told she had fallen asleep once again. “I'm really sorry...” And then, feeling my heart beat faster than ever, I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. It was a daring move, but it actually made me feel better. I wasn't doing that out of ual desire or anything, I was doing that out of a genuine feeling of sorrow and compassion as well as a reinforcement to her – and I myself – that we'll be alright. I did it out of hope she could forgive for my mistake, out of  hope she won't suffer anything like that again. It was a short kiss but it turned out to have a lot of meaning.

I wiped my lone tear and left her room, not before adjusting the temperature of the aircon a few degrees higher in case she gets cold again.

~~*~~

“How is Kim Taeyeon?” I heard Yoona ask me suddenly. I was with her for a break in the cafeteria and after talking about random stuff, Taeyeon inhabited my thoughts on the other side of my brain,– making me not paying much attention to what Yoona was saying. Only when I heard Yoona mention Taeyeon's name, I came back to