✍️ More than meets the eye || Review
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REVIEWER'S NOTES | I've actually read your story before you requested a review. *Wink* And I do love your type of story, so thanks for requesting me to review it! I look forward to the next book.
Title (005/005)
I was honestly impressed by the title. Though not too spectacular, it could be eye-catching. It relates to the story, so it was perfect.
description/foreword (007/010)
The description honestly got me confused. Okay, so you talk about the heroine not being the usual heroine. She wasn't breathtakingly beautiful, nor was she the usual heroine that stories would portray her to be. So, you were trying to somehow characterize your heroine in the description, it was fine. And you made her out to be a girl without a special or distinct trait. Not only that, but the way you 'described' her wasn't at all pleasing to my eyes to be honest. There were too many '?' in a line.
Instead of 'Not pretty. Special? Badass? Cute? Not her.' You can just combine them into one sentence. 'The Heroine? She's not pretty, neither is she special, badass nor cute.'
The word 'Shy' and 'Timid' is similar, so you didn't have to put them both. One is sufficient. I would write the sentence like, 'What about her being shy/timid, or her being the classical ice princess? No. She's far from being graceful and elegant.' The rest are fine, except, you can just delete the 'And definitely not strong' part. It was redundant. Either you put it together with the first sentence, or just delete it all together.
But your little description about 'them' was appropriate. So, you can leave it as it is. The rest is honestly fine. It could be eye-catching to those who are into stories with characters that have a bad past. -Like me-
The information was appropriate as well, just in case the readers get confused along the way, they can just refer back to the foreword, so it was fine.
I was honestly impressed by the title. Though not too spectacular, it could be eye-catching. It relates to the story, so it was perfect.
description/foreword (007/010)
The description honestly got me confused. Okay, so you talk about the heroine not being the usual heroine. She wasn't breathtakingly beautiful, nor was she the usual heroine that stories would portray her to be. So, you were trying to somehow characterize your heroine in the description, it was fine. And you made her out to be a girl without a special or distinct trait. Not only that, but the way you 'described' her wasn't at all pleasing to my eyes to be honest. There were too many '?' in a line.
Instead of 'Not pretty. Special? Badass? Cute? Not her.' You can just combine them into one sentence. 'The Heroine? She's not pretty, neither is she special, badass nor cute.'
The word 'Shy' and 'Timid' is similar, so you didn't have to put them both. One is sufficient. I would write the sentence like, 'What about her being shy/timid, or her being the classical ice princess? No. She's far from being graceful and elegant.' The rest are fine, except, you can just delete the 'And definitely not strong' part. It was redundant. Either you put it together with the first sentence, or just delete it all together.
But your little description about 'them' was appropriate. So, you can leave it as it is. The rest is honestly fine. It could be eye-catching to those who are into stories with characters that have a bad past. -Like me-
The information was appropriate as well, just in case the readers get confused along the way, they can just refer back to the foreword, so it was fine.
characterization (018/020)
I see each and every distinct character that all the characters have. How the past affected them and shaped them into the person they are now. Characters are the most important parts of the story, and if they're interesting, it would definitely make your story worth reading, and each of your characters are definitely interesting. They're not replicas of each other, and each of them have a distinct way of coping with their past. It was good. Although, not all their history have been revealed yet, I can see the way they're coping with it. And honestly, I'm looking forward to how the remaining members' past is. How creative you're going to make it.
Each of them have a mystery vibe surrounding them, although some, or maybe most of the mystery have been solved with their past being revealed. Especially the imperial queen's. I'm still wondering what her relationship with the heroine is, besides the fact that if one of them dies or gets hurt, the other will be affected as well. I can feel that there is something more to their past than meets the eye, like what the title says.
plot (018/020)
The pacing was good. It flows smoothly. From the prologue to how you manage to tell the past stories. And about 'The judgement'. Telling the readers that not only people with low status have it hard, but even people with the highest status have them too. It was creative, and honestly, I've never seen a story like yours too. So, it was indeed refreshing.
I see no plotholes so far, although there are some mysteries surrounding the story. I guess they'll be revealed when the time is right. As for the development, I can see the interactions between them increasing. It has been smoothsailing so far to be honest. How they started to understand each other in each chapters. The difficulties they faced in the past, and how they're trying to overcome them. So, the development was pretty well done.
However, I can see that the plot can be developed further since it was left as a cliffhanger, with the heroine suddenly being an important person in the hierarchy system. The mystery has yet to be fully unveiled, thus I couldn't give you the full score.
Continue keeping the story at a constant pace. Good job with the plot.
writing style (020/020)
Nothing much to comment here. I like how your describe everything with fine details, it was intriguing to be honest. It definitely intrigued me. Emotion-grabbing descriptions of how the characters feel. I look for stories with the writing style like yours. I honestly love it, since it would be easier to picture the scene when it is described with great details.
grammer (016/020)
I spotted little grammar mistakes to be honest. However, there were enough to actually make me point them out while I was reading. It wasn't unnoticeable despite it being little. The tenses used were inconsistent as well, although slight. There were redundant words and wrong use of adjectives as well, but don't worry, they are mistakes that are commonly made. It is understandable.
Examples:
Prologue, Paragraph 4: ...a 15 year old boy had been whipped tohis death...
Prologue, Paragraph 5: I signalledto one of them with a soft nod of my head.
Prologue, Paragraph 11: ....werenow down (brought) to their knees.
Prologue, Paragraph 16: my eyes stillfixed (fixated) on the ground.
These were all the small mistakes that I found in your prologue. I didn't point out the tenses though.
Anyway, the words used were a appropriate. Not too fancy neither was it too simple, so good job in that aspect.
I see each and every distinct character that all the characters have. How the past affected them and shaped them into the person they are now. Characters are the most important parts of the story, and if they're interesting, it would definitely make your story worth reading, and each of your characters are definitely interesting. They're not replicas of each other, and each of them have a distinct way of coping with their past. It was good. Although, not all their history have been revealed yet, I can see the way they're coping with it. And honestly, I'm looking forward to how the remaining members' past is. How creative you're going to make it.
Each of them have a mystery vibe surrounding them, although some, or maybe most of the mystery have been solved with their past being revealed. Especially the imperial queen's. I'm still wondering what her relationship with the heroine is, besides the fact that if one of them dies or gets hurt, the other will be affected as well. I can feel that there is something more to their past than meets the eye, like what the title says.
plot (018/020)
The pacing was good. It flows smoothly. From the prologue to how you manage to tell the past stories. And about 'The judgement'. Telling the readers that not only people with low status have it hard, but even people with the highest status have them too. It was creative, and honestly, I've never seen a story like yours too. So, it was indeed refreshing.
I see no plotholes so far, although there are some mysteries surrounding the story. I guess they'll be revealed when the time is right. As for the development, I can see the interactions between them increasing. It has been smoothsailing so far to be honest. How they started to understand each other in each chapters. The difficulties they faced in the past, and how they're trying to overcome them. So, the development was pretty well done.
However, I can see that the plot can be developed further since it was left as a cliffhanger, with the heroine suddenly being an important person in the hierarchy system. The mystery has yet to be fully unveiled, thus I couldn't give you the full score.
Continue keeping the story at a constant pace. Good job with the plot.
writing style (020/020)
Nothing much to comment here. I like how your describe everything with fine details, it was intriguing to be honest. It definitely intrigued me. Emotion-grabbing descriptions of how the characters feel. I look for stories with the writing style like yours. I honestly love it, since it would be easier to picture the scene when it is described with great details.
grammer (016/020)
I spotted little grammar mistakes to be honest. However, there were enough to actually make me point them out while I was reading. It wasn't unnoticeable despite it being little. The tenses used were inconsistent as well, although slight. There were redundant words and wrong use of adjectives as well, but don't worry, they are mistakes that are commonly made. It is understandable.
Examples:
Prologue, Paragraph 4: ...a 15 year old boy had been whipped to
Prologue, Paragraph 5: I signalled
Prologue, Paragraph 11: ....were
Prologue, Paragraph 16: my eyes still
These were all the small mistakes that I found in your prologue. I didn't point out the tenses though.
Anyway, the words used were a appropriate. Not too fancy neither was it too simple, so good job in that aspect.
Personal enjoyment (005/005)
What can I say? I love these kind of fantasy stories. Your story had always gotten me on the edge, craving for more. Especially when it's still not the end yet. There are still so much mysteries that has yet to be solved.
total score (089/100)
reviewer's advice:
Get a beta-reader to correct your grammatical errors. I see a lot of potential in your story.
What can I say? I love these kind of fantasy stories. Your story had always gotten me on the edge, craving for more. Especially when it's still not the end yet. There are still so much mysteries that has yet to be solved.
total score (089/100)
reviewer's advice:
Get a beta-reader to correct your grammatical errors. I see a lot of potential in your story.
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