✍️ Once In Your Life || Review
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REVIEWER'S NOTES | Good story in need of improvementllis.
Title (000/005)
description/foreword (005/010)
characterization (010/020)
I’m giving you half points because I see you’re trying to develop your characters. However you need to work more on the characterizations. You have this tendency to sort of hint the characterizations but then you completely go awol and start talking about the scenery. I wish you would emphasize more on Wren’s and Baekhyun’s character. Express more of their feelings and give a more outside perspective of their surroundings like Chanyeol.
plot (010/020)
Your plot is cliché. I apologize for saying this but for me I have read a very wide variety of fanfics and I can’t even begin to tell you how many stories have this plotline. I took a couple points off for that and the way you developed the beginning of the story. Was Baekhyun in an accident? Was he stabbed? Was he hit by a car and has amnesia? Was Wren his girlfriend/best friend/sister? Why is Chanyeol angry (because usually in a logical point of view Wren wouldn’t usually be blamed even if she was the one who tried to commit suicide unless of course Chanyeol hated Wren before…)? Otherwise, I think you’re doing okay with developing it.
writing style (010/020)
There’s nothing I do not like more than when stories are not consistent in formats. First of all, you begin in the first person view and then you switch to second person and then third. I would suggest you pick a certain format and keep it. It’s both distracting and confusing trying to keep up with the track of story and the point of view. Second is a more personal opinion. The whole centering thing, what’s up with that? I mean I understand if you’re flashing back into time or something but to do it for the whole story seems awkward…
grammer (020/020)
From what I saw, you either are extremely good at grammar or have an excellent beta-reader. This is a rare treat for me to read a story with perfect grammar.
Personal enjoyment (003/005)
I love Exo stories, especially ones I haven’t read before. Your story is different and improving but it’s just not my type of story. However for Baekhyun readers, I would suggest checking this out!
total score (058/100)
reviewer's advice:
I would sit down and think about your story. Plan it out on how you want to develop the characters. It may seem cumbersome now but it makes writing easier later.
I feel like your title really is an off title to use for this kind of story. First “Once in Your Life” is a bit cliché. For me, I honestly always think this is like the beginning of a sentence. I’ve seen this kind of format used so many times before that it really bores me. I will say this though it’s interesting but just not enough to attract the readers’ eyes. Try something unique like using an old fashion word or something that gives the “Come and read me now!” feel.
description/foreword (005/010)
Your description is okay but I wouldn’t put so much spaces. If you notice when you look up your story, all readers see are “He has always believed. Fairytales, legends, spells- WISHES” AFF only allows about 62-63 characters for first glance description so use this as an advantage. Think of it as an advertisement to your story. What do you want to say about your story that gives the readers a reason to read this? Once you grab the reader’s attention use your forward to expand more of your reasoning.
characterization (010/020)
I’m giving you half points because I see you’re trying to develop your characters. However you need to work more on the characterizations. You have this tendency to sort of hint the characterizations but then you completely go awol and start talking about the scenery. I wish you would emphasize more on Wren’s and Baekhyun’s character. Express more of their feelings and give a more outside perspective of their surroundings like Chanyeol.
plot (010/020)
Your plot is cliché. I apologize for saying this but for me I have read a very wide variety of fanfics and I can’t even begin to tell you how many stories have this plotline. I took a couple points off for that and the way you developed the beginning of the story. Was Baekhyun in an accident? Was he stabbed? Was he hit by a car and has amnesia? Was Wren his girlfriend/best friend/sister? Why is Chanyeol angry (because usually in a logical point of view Wren wouldn’t usually be blamed even if she was the one who tried to commit suicide unless of course Chanyeol hated Wren before…)? Otherwise, I think you’re doing okay with developing it.
writing style (010/020)
There’s nothing I do not like more than when stories are not consistent in formats. First of all, you begin in the first person view and then you switch to second person and then third. I would suggest you pick a certain format and keep it. It’s both distracting and confusing trying to keep up with the track of story and the point of view. Second is a more personal opinion. The whole centering thing, what’s up with that? I mean I understand if you’re flashing back into time or something but to do it for the whole story seems awkward…
grammer (020/020)
From what I saw, you either are extremely good at grammar or have an excellent beta-reader. This is a rare treat for me to read a story with perfect grammar.
Personal enjoyment (003/005)
I love Exo stories, especially ones I haven’t read before. Your story is different and improving but it’s just not my type of story. However for Baekhyun readers, I would suggest checking this out!
total score (058/100)
reviewer's advice:
I would sit down and think about your story. Plan it out on how you want to develop the characters. It may seem cumbersome now but it makes writing easier later.
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