✍️ Baby Romance || Review
Roses' Shop ArchiveREMINDERS
001: IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH THE REVIEWS/GRAPHICS, DO A PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ME, OR THE REVIEWER/DESIGNERS THEMSELVES.
002: COMMENT AFTER YOU'VE PICKED UP THE REVIEW / GRAPHIC SO THAT WE KNOW. WE'RE NOT PSYCHICS.
003: POSTERS SHOULD BE USED AS THE MAIN POSTER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK AFTER PICKED UP. AFTER THAT, YOU CAN DO HOWEVER YOU PLEASE WITH IT.
004: BOTH REVIEWS AND GRAPHICS ARE TO BE CREDITED IN YOUR FOREWORD, LINKED WITH THE BANNER.
REVIEWER'S NOTES | Very cute side story of the series.
Title (005/005)
It’s a cute title that suits the story and matches the main story.
description/foreword (000/010)
I cringe every time I see a description that is an excerpt from the chapter. I get that this is a side story from the main story and you have several followers who will immediately read this after reading the main story but as much as you want to give an insight to your story, save the excerpt for your forward. The description is a place to grab readers’ attention and keep it. You have a limited amount of characters to say to passing readers why they should read the story.
characterization (010/020)
Obviously since this is a side story to the main story, you probably have already developed Baekhyun’s and Taeyeon’s character in the main story. However I would add a bit more characterization on how this event may have changed the both of them as a couple and as parents. From what I believe, if this event hadn’t changed them, it wouldn’t have struck you to make a separate side story for it.
plot (010/020)
It’s cute. Really, it’s an adorable plot but you go too quickly when you’re developing it. You need to stop and pause for a second because you’re jumping too quickly from scene to scene. It makes the one shot seem really, really short and unsatisfying. Also the ‘fight scene’ between the Baekhyun and Taeyeon that escalated would have really upset Baekho if you’re suggesting he gets worried when his father says he wish Taeyeon looked like a member of SNSD.
writing style (005/020)
It’s a cute title that suits the story and matches the main story.
description/foreword (000/010)
I cringe every time I see a description that is an excerpt from the chapter. I get that this is a side story from the main story and you have several followers who will immediately read this after reading the main story but as much as you want to give an insight to your story, save the excerpt for your forward. The description is a place to grab readers’ attention and keep it. You have a limited amount of characters to say to passing readers why they should read the story.
characterization (010/020)
Obviously since this is a side story to the main story, you probably have already developed Baekhyun’s and Taeyeon’s character in the main story. However I would add a bit more characterization on how this event may have changed the both of them as a couple and as parents. From what I believe, if this event hadn’t changed them, it wouldn’t have struck you to make a separate side story for it.
plot (010/020)
It’s cute. Really, it’s an adorable plot but you go too quickly when you’re developing it. You need to stop and pause for a second because you’re jumping too quickly from scene to scene. It makes the one shot seem really, really short and unsatisfying. Also the ‘fight scene’ between the Baekhyun and Taeyeon that escalated would have really upset Baekho if you’re suggesting he gets worried when his father says he wish Taeyeon looked like a member of SNSD.
writing style (005/020)
Your writing style is extremely basic. Your use of Korean terms, like “oppa”, is a little too much. I understand if it is an occasional use of the terms like maybe once or twice throughout the chapter but you seem to use these terms for like every other word. As a result, you sound like an extremely, over-excited fan girl which loses the sophistication of the story.
In addition your spacing between what the characters are saying make the story look crowded. For example: "Why don't I have a boyfriend yet?" Hyoyeon grunted, feeling bittersweet, "I mean! I'm the prettiest of y'all!" Hyoyeon claimed making everyone mad- in a funny manner. There were snickers. "Hyoyeon-ah, having confidence is good but there should be basis for it." It was Sunny who spoke this time. Everyone was having fun teasing each other.” I would suggest modifications like this: "Why don't I have a boyfriend yet?" Hyoyeon grunted with a hint of bitterness in her tone, "I mean I'm the prettiest of all of you!"[Press Enter] "Hyoyeon-ah, having confidence is good but there should be a basis for it,” Sunny said. [Press Enter] Every one snickered as they watched Sunny tease Hyoyeon. It was always fun to see Hyoyeon’s diva-ness cross with Sunny’s sarcasm…”
grammer (010/020)
There’s nothing really wrong with your grammar except that it’s extremely basic. You use short simple sentences that on average have like five to seven words in them. You should try to combine more sentences instead of constantly shortening them and also use more sophisticated words. Remember your audience isn’t a bunch of eight year olds (Are there eight-year-olds on this site?).
Personal enjoyment (003/005)
I loved this short story. It’s simple and sweet which is always refreshing to see. However, the use of terms and format took away some points of enjoyment.
total score (043/100)
reviewer's advice:
Watch your formatting and always double chack that it continues through the whol story. Also don't forget how you originally made your characters out to be.
grammer (010/020)
There’s nothing really wrong with your grammar except that it’s extremely basic. You use short simple sentences that on average have like five to seven words in them. You should try to combine more sentences instead of constantly shortening them and also use more sophisticated words. Remember your audience isn’t a bunch of eight year olds (Are there eight-year-olds on this site?).
Personal enjoyment (003/005)
I loved this short story. It’s simple and sweet which is always refreshing to see. However, the use of terms and format took away some points of enjoyment.
total score (043/100)
reviewer's advice:
Watch your formatting and always double chack that it continues through the whol story. Also don't forget how you originally made your characters out to be.
layout designed and coded by flamzfox at Cerulean Themes
Comments