001: IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH THE REVIEWS/GRAPHICS, DO A PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ME, OR THE REVIEWER/DESIGNERS THEMSELVES. 

002: COMMENT AFTER YOU'VE PICKED UP THE REVIEW / GRAPHIC SO THAT WE KNOW. WE'RE NOT PSYCHICS.

003: POSTERS SHOULD BE USED AS THE MAIN POSTER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK AFTER PICKED UP. AFTER THAT, YOU CAN DO HOWEVER YOU PLEASE WITH IT. 

004: BOTH REVIEWS AND GRAPHICS ARE TO BE CREDITED IN YOUR FOREWORD, LINKED WITH THE BANNER below.

Title  (004/005)

 

The title was good, it really did catch my interest and it did suit the story. It’s actually quite creative. The only concern I have is, that it makes me think “Heart” is person because there’s no “The”. And also I feel as if there should be ‘The’ before “Partial”. Though I understand why you might have taken those out.

 

Description/foreword  (08/010)

 

It was a neat and clean description, yet it really did catch my eyes. It felt as if the description was separated into three different parts, it just didn’t connect. Individually they were good, but if you put them other then, they just seem a little out of place.  I like how the second part of the description talks about signs when you begin to have feelings for someone, then you gave some examples. Then in flashback scenes you showed Baekhyun showing some of those signs, which I must say it’s a nice idea, but with the whole description it’s out of place. Also at the end when it says,”Both of them were going through the, Partial Eclipse of Heart.”, it feels like the comma and “the” is out of place. If I can, I would recommend you put the comma after “through”, and/or even add “the” with the title at the end. Overall the description was quite good.

 

Characterization  (013/020)

 

I honestly can’t say much about the characters and their development because there wasn’t much about them. They all felt kind of plain. I couldn’t get to know the characters or anything like that. And I felt very annoyed by Taeyeon, she just seemed too emotional and I thought she was very annoying. And as for the other minor characters, I felt as if they had no purpose. Though I must say, I loved that you chose Jin as Tiffany’s friend because they love pink.

 

Plot  (013/020)

 

The plot was a bit cliche, with baekhyun having to leave because he had a disease but then in the end Taeyeon finding out anyways.The story did feel realistic at times, but then other times it felt bland/flavorless to me. At the beginning of the story, I could relate to Taeyeon because it is really hard to move on and forget someone you love, but as the story progressed, I just started to feel less connected to her and actually started to get a bit annoyed by her. As for the ending, it was predictable. And I love “happy endings” but to me, I felt as if a happy ending wasn’t right with this story. I would have actually liked it more if Baekhyun stayed with Sana and Taeyeon learned to eventually move on. The reason is because, in reality, people don’t always end up with their “destiny”. And there would have been more possibilities with that ending. But I did enjoy reading the story and the pacing felt right-not slow but not fast. And I do understand why you would have Baekhyun and Taeyeon end up together since it's a Baekyeon.

 

 

Writing style (010/020)

 

The writing style wasn’t anything special, it didn’t grab my emotions or make me feel anything. And I apologize, but I honestly have nothing to much to say about it. Though I did find the flashbacks with Baekhyun were very cute, and those moments when he was with Taeyeon were the cutest in my opinion.

 

Grammar  (019/020)

 

The grammar was pretty good, I only noticed a few mistakes, but that didn’t interrupt the flow of the story.

Here are some of the mistakes I noticed :

• Part 1 - “My brows knit together immediately and I looked at Chanyeol but he too looked very confused,” A common mistake people make is that they forget to adding a comma before “but”. It’s a small mistake and most people may not notice, but I just wanted to point that out. And you can simply fix it by add a comma.

• Part 1 - “The list was long in my head but when I held the pencil in my hand and grabbed my notebook” Here’s another example of forgetting the comma before “but” aha.

• Part 2 - “I noticed him inhaling strongly and I thought maybe he had run to here.” I would just like to point out that if you read the underlined part, it sounds very awkward. In the flashback scenes you use past-tense, but I think you forgot about this part. This could simply be fixed if you changed the underlined part to,”he had ran here”. So simply just changing ‘run’ to ‘ran’, and taking out ‘here’.

• Part 2 - Also I noticed that there were a lot of forgetting the comma before ‘but’, and I noticed it around 5 times.

• Part 2 - “thatseems to be tickets?” You just forgot the space between ‘that’ and ‘seems’

• Part 3 - “I kept stealing glance at him” It should be ‘glances’ instead of ‘glance’

• Part 3 - Also like in part 2 there are some forgetting the comma before ‘but’.

• Part 3 - “just few minutes before he was happy”, just add “a” between ‘just’ and ‘few’. I don’t know how to explain it, but I think you get what I mean.

Those were just some of the mistakes I noticed, I do apologize that I kept pointing out about the commas before ‘but’.

 

Personal enjoyment (003/005)

 

The story was alright and I didn't enoy it as much as I thought I would, but you still worked hard and that’s what’s important. I’m sure other people enjoyed it more than I did.

 

Total score (70/100)

 

Reviewer's advice:

 

Please don’t take this review too personally. All authors have a piece that isn’t the best, but I’m sure your writing will improve and get better. And if you would like, you can request for a beta-reader from this shop or other shops to proofread the story. Just keep writing and doing what you love.