✍️ Under The Same Sky || Review
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Title (003/005)
So far , the title has absolute no relations to the story. Although this is a very fresh but cliche title, it does not do the plot well. When you read the title only, there would be a certain fluff and romantic feel, not thriller, serial killer, etc. However, it's very unique and eyecatching. Nice title.
description/foreword (007/010)
The description was pretty messy. The three events were pretty much all over the place. Maybe, you should have kept one section, or event, and the other two would be placed the beginning of the first two chapters. Also, the description really made no sense to the story. I didn't read anything about her brother(?) so far, so that was pretty misleading. It pretty much excites the reader, wondering what had happened and such, but the three events had little relations. You should remove the "You! I never thought that you could be the one..." section because it doesn't really help with the story's description. It's a little too long for my eyes, but maybe it's because of the font.
So far , the title has absolute no relations to the story. Although this is a very fresh but cliche title, it does not do the plot well. When you read the title only, there would be a certain fluff and romantic feel, not thriller, serial killer, etc. However, it's very unique and eyecatching. Nice title.
description/foreword (007/010)
The description was pretty messy. The three events were pretty much all over the place. Maybe, you should have kept one section, or event, and the other two would be placed the beginning of the first two chapters. Also, the description really made no sense to the story. I didn't read anything about her brother(?) so far, so that was pretty misleading. It pretty much excites the reader, wondering what had happened and such, but the three events had little relations. You should remove the "You! I never thought that you could be the one..." section because it doesn't really help with the story's description. It's a little too long for my eyes, but maybe it's because of the font.
characterization (014/020)
The characterization was too vague, but that was really understandable because the readers aren't supposed to know everything about the characters, except for Jae Hwa. I see her character change throughout the story, and that she is different with different character interactions. The story does not really show her feelings, only what she does and how she sees things. It seems more like an omniscient point of view instead of first person. You should focus more on feelings of the character, Jae Hwa, instead of her actions. About Jongin, Suho, and Baekhyun, they all have suspicious characters, mostly Jongin because well...he's always leaving. It's somewhat unrealistic because Jae Hwa never really question him for 'going back to the studio' almost all the time. In short words, your characters lack feelings, and that is one main thing you should work on. Character development is something I really anticipated for, especially in first person POV, but this really didn't reach my expectations.
plot (015/020)
The plot is somewhat unrealistic. Two / three guys after one girl. It's not rather practical. The flow is pretty smooth sailing, and the characters are getting to know each other, great. There aren't any plotholes so far, but the plot is somewhat cliche. Many boys falling for a girl -and even hurting each other- is a little overused. I see the small complications in the story, for example Suho and Kai, which really amp up this story. The details, however, were pretty much vague. There were little descriptions on almost everything. This seems like your throwing details off a rooftop. Almost all paragraphs and sentences scatter everywhere and none of them stick together. Ther aren't many adjectives and that makes it harder to visualize. I have hope for things would unviel pretty nicely, and keep on with this flow. Many authors may get too excited and reveal everything too early, which is pretty messy.
writing style (013/020)
This style of writing isn't what I call emotion grabbing. From the angst in this story, the tension isn't enough. There needs to be more details that can help me visualize the story. Most of this story is me making up the settings, not you explaining what the set looks like. The choice of words were rather plain. Reading this was like reading a textbook, plain and unintresting. Everything was mostly vague, nothing was really pressed onto detail. You should explain things more, rather than making readers make things up as they go.
grammer (018/020)
The choice of words were rather plain. There weren't very much higher level wordings, which makes the story seem low. Commas, periods, and quotation points were all at the right places. Something I enjoy is that you do not switch tenses occaionally, from past to present.
Personal enjoyment (002/005)
Great story. The idea of this was nice, but it seems you don't really know how to put it down in words. The story is not face pace, but your lack of details make it seem like it is.
The characterization was too vague, but that was really understandable because the readers aren't supposed to know everything about the characters, except for Jae Hwa. I see her character change throughout the story, and that she is different with different character interactions. The story does not really show her feelings, only what she does and how she sees things. It seems more like an omniscient point of view instead of first person. You should focus more on feelings of the character, Jae Hwa, instead of her actions. About Jongin, Suho, and Baekhyun, they all have suspicious characters, mostly Jongin because well...he's always leaving. It's somewhat unrealistic because Jae Hwa never really question him for 'going back to the studio' almost all the time. In short words, your characters lack feelings, and that is one main thing you should work on. Character development is something I really anticipated for, especially in first person POV, but this really didn't reach my expectations.
plot (015/020)
The plot is somewhat unrealistic. Two / three guys after one girl. It's not rather practical. The flow is pretty smooth sailing, and the characters are getting to know each other, great. There aren't any plotholes so far, but the plot is somewhat cliche. Many boys falling for a girl -and even hurting each other- is a little overused. I see the small complications in the story, for example Suho and Kai, which really amp up this story. The details, however, were pretty much vague. There were little descriptions on almost everything. This seems like your throwing details off a rooftop. Almost all paragraphs and sentences scatter everywhere and none of them stick together. Ther aren't many adjectives and that makes it harder to visualize. I have hope for things would unviel pretty nicely, and keep on with this flow. Many authors may get too excited and reveal everything too early, which is pretty messy.
writing style (013/020)
This style of writing isn't what I call emotion grabbing. From the angst in this story, the tension isn't enough. There needs to be more details that can help me visualize the story. Most of this story is me making up the settings, not you explaining what the set looks like. The choice of words were rather plain. Reading this was like reading a textbook, plain and unintresting. Everything was mostly vague, nothing was really pressed onto detail. You should explain things more, rather than making readers make things up as they go.
grammer (018/020)
The choice of words were rather plain. There weren't very much higher level wordings, which makes the story seem low. Commas, periods, and quotation points were all at the right places. Something I enjoy is that you do not switch tenses occaionally, from past to present.
Personal enjoyment (002/005)
Great story. The idea of this was nice, but it seems you don't really know how to put it down in words. The story is not face pace, but your lack of details make it seem like it is.
total score (072/100)
reviewer's advice:
I think you should work more on explaining the details and adding the suspense. To be honest, I would have enjoyed it more if not for the font and gigantic size. Also, remember to add more first-class words.
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