TITLE  (002/005)

Your title is blunt and straight-forward, bringing the theme of the story out immediately. It is suitable for drama-type stories like yours usually, but I would suggest one that could express something instead of just outright stating 'Oh, your mom is married to a famous idol.' My answer would be, "So what?" There's got to be more than this. Change the title a little, and maybe you could get more readers. Also, from your 'characters', I saw that the couple is your OC and TOP. Because your story isn't very developed yet, I couldn't comment on the title for sure, but if you stick with the storyline as OC x idol, then I suggest you change the title because people would assume it's her mother and not her dating/being in love with TOP. 

DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD  (006/010)

Putting your grammar aside, I would like to say the description was pretty well-written, if not slightly confusing compared to the rest of the story. Hopefully, you would explain why Jihye was embarrased by her mother's boyfriend and set to become more famous in the story, because I couldn't really understand her thoughts right now. Also, as stated before, your description was misleading because it could cause the reader to think that her mother was dating TOP and she sets out to find her 'fated one'. The end. It's a little strange normally to have your mother's boyfriend suddenly dating you, no? It was also stated clearly in your foreword that TOP was to be her stepdad, so why did they suddenly end up together? Last thingI knocked one or two points off because of your grammar. 

CHARACTERIZATION  (014/020)

From the first chapter, I could see that Jihye was a very head-strong and stubborn girl that loved and cared about her mother a lot, and your language made her stand out, which was really well done. However, I'm not sure about the characterization of her mother. Even though she seemed relatively normal, there was just something...off from her. How could someone from a chain of luxury hotels, as you mentioned, or maybe that was something you made up (anyways) be invited to an event like a fashion show? There was literally no connection except Jihye being a model, which made some sense. From the way you wrote about the owner of the shop greeting Youngmi, I could see that she had visited the place a lot, and also the paparazzi that followed her showed that she might be a lot more. 

Next, on TOP. I'm not sure what to think, honestly. I could see that you're not basing him off the real TOP, because there was quite a large gap between their personalities. For one, I'm sure that the real TOP would not have been sheepish when meeting Youngmi, since he had always been known for his charisma. 

I also noticed you potraying Minwoo's and TOP's personalities as similar, since they both introduced themselves to the women, which was of course fine, but what they said was very similar, and I hope you could change that. 

PLOT  (013/020)

Since your story is still in its beginning stages, I couldn't determine for sure how it would turn out. However, I could say such type stories were widely common, but yours had one special factor in it - the mysterious background of the mother and who she was. 

There were a lot of plot holes right now, and if you read it over once by yourself, I think you could spot some of them. 

Your flow was a little fast, like you were rushing. Everything you described flew by so fast, the reader barely had time to absorb what you wrote before jumping to another part. As I said, there were a lot of questions, so try talking about them more.

More background information was needed as well, for example about why Jihye could become a socialite and why Youngmi was invited to a Gala.

WRITING STYLE (014/020)

I'm not sure what kind of writing style you have, but you're definitely the kind that rushes everything and tried to cram everything in one chapter. Here's a piece of advice: don't do it. Go through the story slowly, like you're taking a walk instead of running on a track. Give time for your readers to digest what you had written and move onto a next topic. 

Also, when I read your story everything felt out of place and messy. Your sentences seemed to go on and on, never stopping at the appropriate places. Try arranging everything neatly, and add more description. 

GRAMMER  (012/020)

Even though your vocabulary was quite good, there were quite a few grammar mistakes in this story. Sorry if I sound like a grammar Nazi, but I'll list everything. 

First off, your tenses didn't change much throughout the story, which was a really good thing that most writers (including myself) often exclude. Hats off to you. 

Next, there were various typos throughout the story, like these:

 - 'Staes' to 'States' (Description) 

 - 'undeinably' to 'undeniably' (Description)

 - 'uncontrolablly' to 'uncontrollably' (Foreword)

Just to name a few. 

Then, there were the problem of prepositions. In the description, the divorce was not from her parents, it's of her parents. Chapter 2, the designer gave his thanks to the people, not for. If you want to use 'for', fine, use it to describe the designer thanking his models for their hard work. 

After that was your punctuation. I couldn't stress the importance of punctuation enough. There were plenty of places were you should end the sentence but didn't, instead starting on a new idea that had absolutely no connection to the original. Remember; full stops were used to finish a topic and to start on another, commas were for pauses, and use semi-colons as well if you want to when describing two things that have connections with each other but were slightly different; e.g.: I was looking at him, staring; it was as if he noticed the weight of my gaze, and turned around. (I'm not flouncing my writing around, sorry if you thought that was the case) Here's a piece of advice for you; try reading your story out loud, and you'll know where to place punctuation and where not to. 

And then there's still your arrangement of words. In your foreword, there was a phrase: '...come to the scene of my mother bruised someway somehwere on her body.' It's like proofreading; sometimes you have to add words, sometimes you have to cross off words, and sometimes you have to correct words. In this case, it could be changed to this: '...come to the scene of my mother being bruised in someway, with the flowering bruises blooming somewhere on her body.' (It's a little overboard, sorry...XD) As I said, add more description so everything would seem more complete. 

Mistakes like these can often be avoided with the use of Microsoft Word or a good beta-reader. Try finding one that could proofread your stroy if you need one. 

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT (002/005)

Personally, I've never liked these kind of stories since they're cliche and predictable, but the extra element of adding her mother in was actually clever since readers would be curious to know more about the mother. However, there is a potential future for your story, so work hard on it!


TOTAL SCORE (063/100)


REVIEWER'S ADVICE:

Again, please read the story over and aloud if you want to correct the grammar and flow.. Best of luck to you :)