✍️ Ornithopter || Review
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The title evoked my curiosity. Since Ornithopter is a term I was not familiar with, I wanted to read more to find out it's meaning. Many people intrested in airplanes or the Wright Brothers would be very inquisitive to know why this title is called Ornithopter. I like this title because maybe the Ornithopter's project can bring SeKai together.
description/foreword (008/010)
The description was not very impressive and does not do justice to the story. Yes, it relates to the story, the way Nightmare is Jongin's plane. You should captitalize the N in Nightmare, or else the sentence will look like it has grammar complications. In many stories, short forwards would be very captivating and mysterious, but this one was quite a bore. From the description, I thought it would be about Sehun regreting his decision about being Sehun's friend, not both of them making a plane as enimies.
The way the characters were described were fantastic. I could really understand how Jongin and Sehun's personalities are. All characters have their own unique personas and were overall realistic. So far, since they are young, they act childish. Mr. Park was very practical in adult sense.
I enjoy the way their attitudes change slowly because of events. For example, Sehun does not like Jongin, but praise him at the right time. His way of thinking to Jongin does not change entirely. That is a great demonstration for good characterization because what many authors do by mistake is not keep the person's nature staight, making many readers confused of their psyche. One thing I look forward to most in stories is Character Development and you have done that very well.
plot (015/020)
The plot is somewhat realistic. Children's fights are practical, but ten year olds inventing planes? That seems silly, but then again, there are geniuses in this world, although this one seems a little fake. The pace is a smooth flow, maybe because there are no major events yet. I have nothing to say about this, though. This plot is not extravagant, but not lacking. Everything is 'okay', there are no plot holes. With this type of plot, you can't really do better except to add drama. Maybe let Sehun plagerize some of Jongin's ideas when he's giving out his ideas first. There is no buildup, indicating the wouldn't be anything exciting. One tip is to add more events, big events to match the of the story, but if the highest point is something not worth reading, then it would give me a sense of dissapointment. What I mean is to amplify and stretch out some major events, but when you do that, don't overstate it. Remember to not let them rival the importance of the , because the is the most crucial point to the story.
writing style (014/020)
Your writing style is very easy to understand. I can read it and visualize it in my head becaue of your descriptions. You seem to know alot about airplanes and how they worked, which makes it easier to write out. Your descriptions accompanying the dialogues are very clear, but they seem to be from a third person's point of view. If the dialogues weren't there, I would never have understand their true feelings at the moment. Paragraphs without dialogues are more descriptive of feelings then ones that have sayings. There aren't true emotion grabbing scenes, plainly because they are in a younger age group.
grammer (013/020)
Your word choices are fine, could be better. If you use a thesaurus, it would strengthen your story. Your spelling is not a major mistake, but there seems to be a lacking in comma usage and capitalization.
Some of the things wrong are:
"Can I ask you something?" Uncle Park says nervously.
If you look closely, you're missing a comma. That's the error that occurs the most.
"Kim Jongin, give me that note"
You must also add the punctuation mark before the end quote, whether it's a comma, exclamation point or a period.
You can get a beta reader or proofread your work to help the situation. I suggest getting a beta reader.
Personal enjoyment (004/005)
I don't really read SeKai, and I'm glad this is my first one. Besides the minor grammar issue, your story is great. I do not want to give you false hope or negative thoughts. I really enjoy this story. It's at a right angle of reality, and the plot is very cute. I love that they are 10 year olds fighting and this story is very entertaining to read. I'm really looking forward to next chapters.
reviewer's advice:
You should proofread your work and get a beta reader. Remember to add your details, but don't forget to keep your style of writing and don't change it (since you are already midway through the story).
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