Chapter 42

"Are you not going to blame me?" I ask my wife as I stare at her. I always hear that wives would blame their husbands and would yell saying that it was their fault that they got pregnant and had to face the pain. She is lying on the bed and I sit on a chair next to her. Her lips slowly curves into a warm smile and she lightly presses our hands together.

We are in the hospital after she was admitted right away. She was dilated 4 cm the moment we arrived at the hospital. It has been 10 hours since her water broke. According to our doctor, it will take 12 to 24 hours for a pregnant lady to give birth after her water broke. Her contraction has started and it hurts me when seeing her in pain.

"Why would I ?" She asks with a soft voice. She probably feels tired and drains out of energy after battling with the contraction just now. 

"I cannot do anything to help you. Tell me what should I do to help you to ease the pain hmm." I say while my hand is massaging her back. Our parents and our friends came to visit us and my mother in law also cooked for my wife. She also brought the food for me and both of us just had our dinner together even though my wife barely ate.

I am going to accompany my wife by staying in the hospital. I booked a comfortable ward room for my wife so that we could have our privacy and our family members and our friends did not disturb others. A first class ward to be honest.  

"You are helping me right now." 

I pout when hearing her words. To be honest, I just help her by massaging her back. I feel useless. My wife might notice that my face looks worry so she caresses my cheek with her cold hand.

"It is not your fault. We did this together. Remember that our Sheep are the prove of our love. I love you." She ends her words with I love you which I reply with the same word. I love her more.

It is early in the morning when she woke up with crying. I rush to my wife's side and I quickly hold her hand for a support. Seriously this is the only thing that I could do to help her. She is gripping on my hand tighly as she is trying to endure the contraction. Her contraction hits her making its interval of three to four minutes lasts with 45 seconds to 60 seconds. Both of us are barely sleep. 

"B-Bei" My wife calls me breathlessly. I look at her and wipes the sweat on her forehead with my bare hand before I lean my body closer to her. She then hugs me closer burying her face in the crook of my neck. She looks like she is depending her life on me. 

"I feel like d-dying. It hurts." 

My heart beats nervously when hearing that word. I am too scared of hearing that word. Really.

"No baby. You are going to be fine. Trust me." I convince my wife even though I know it will not help at all. I have never seen her in pain like what I am seeing right now. She looks tired and in so much pain. I kiss her forehead as I have her hands gripping tightly on my lap. 

"Call the nurse. Please. I feel like I want to push out our Sheep." She says and closes her eyes while biting her lips. I quickly push the button next to me, help her to lay down on the bed and in a few seconds a nurse comes into the room.

"I will check your opening, Mrs. Zhang." The nurse informs and waits until my wife's contraction ends. As soon as my wife seems relax, the nurse on duty begins to check on my wife's opening and I feel a tight grip on my hand. 

"It is 8 cm, Mrs. Zhang and we can move to labor room." 

I can see the disappointment written on her face when the nurse told us the current condition of her opening. She needs to be dilated to 10 cm before she can finally push our Sheep out.  

"Nurse, when can I push my babies out ? It hurts so much." My wife asks and starts crying. Again, my heart clenches everytime I see her crying. Guilt rushes over me.

"You are 8 cm dilated now, Mrs. Zhang and it will take a few more hours before you can finally push your babies out." The nurse tells my wife and she ignores her as she still cries.

"H-How soon is that ?"

I can hear my wife muffles and my eyes tear off from her when I notice the nurse and raise my eyebrows when she looks like she wants to talk.

"Get ready, Mr. Zhang. We will bring your wife in the labor room in a few minutes."

I thought my wife will give birth to our Sheep as soon as she entered the labor room but I was wrong. It looks worst now. She refrains herself from screaming as she needs an energy when delivering to our Sheep. We have been taught by the pre-natal classes' teachers to refrain from screaming as it would only make the mothers tired.

She is gripping my hand and the other hand is gripping on the rail of the bed. I have never let her hand go. I want to keep holding onto it. This is the least thing that I can do.

"Are you okay now?" I brave myself to ask. I know it is a stupid question but I want to ask that stupid question. She slowly opens her eyes up and looks at me with her tired face. It has been 20 hours since she had her contraction. Instead of answering my stupid question, she mouths 'water' making I stand up and take the mineral water for her to be drank.

"Do not worry, Bei. I am fine. We are strong enough." She muffles and gives a warm smile. Her face looks pale and I still find her pretty with her bare face. She keeps saying do not worry but I am too scared. I do not want to think negatively. I just hope my wife and our Sheep will have a smooth and safe delivery. That's all. 

"I am glad and happy." She once again says.

"Why ?" I ask as I caress her hair.

"I am happy that our Sheep will be born today. I do not need to go for caesarean." She says giving me a tired smile. To think that, according to our doctor if she has yet to give birth by tomorrow, she needs to go for caesarean. I caress her hair as one of my hands is caressing our Sheep. I can feel the contraction and the movement as if they cannot wait to be out.

10 minutes later

"Mrs. Zhang, take a deep breath and try to push your babies out. One, two, three. Push." Doctor Kang who is in green robe and a mask covering instructs my wife. My wife bites on her lips as she tries to push one of our babies out. She barely uses her voice and the only thing I hear is her groans.

"One more time. One, two three. Push." She counts it again and I love how she encourages my wife to do better.

"You are doing great, Mrs. Zhang. Just a little bit and we can hear your baby's cries."

"B-Bei, I cannot do this." My wife says breathlessly making I hold her hand tightly as if I do not want to let it go. I lean closer to her and drop a kiss on the forehead. We have a nurse helping us to caress my wife's tummy.

"No, baby. You can do this hmm ? I am here and I know you are strong." I say wiping of the sweat that appears on her forehead with my bare hand. It scares me a lot when I already see her crying.

"One more time Mrs. Zhang. One, two, three. Push." Our doctor counts and my wife tries her best to push one of our Sheep.

"A little bit more. We can see the head of your baby! Keep going, Mommy!" Doctor Kang cheers on my wife. 

When hearing that our doctor could see the head of our Sheep, my wife breathlessly counts and pushes while holding my hand tightly. She is bitting on her lips as she tries her best to push one of our Sheep out.

For seconds I regret getting her pregnant when I need to see her in this state. She is suffering because of me. Her grips on my hand tighten as she tries for the nth times.  

Finally, the baby's cries is heard for the first time and I swear it is louder that make me crying too. Heavy and tired breath can be heard from my wife as soon as she succesfully pushes one of our Sheep. 

"Congratulations! It is a boy!" Doctor Kang announces and everybody in the labor room cheer with excitement. I can hear my wife's small gasp when Doctor Kang places our baby on top of her chest for skin to skin.

Call me biased because he is our son but I am going to say he is the cutest baby I have ever seen. Still covered in blood, my wife and I do not hesitate to kiss our son.

"You have done great, baby. Look. He is so beautiful. Thank you very much." I whisper to my wife as I hug my little family before our son is returned to the nurse who is waiting to be cleaned. She brings our baby boy to Doctor Kang and I lift my head from looking at my wife when I hear our Doctor calls me.

"Do you want to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Zhang ?" She asks me to which I look at my wife and she gives me a weak nod and a weak smile encouraging me to do it. I then release my hand from my wife's hand and stand beside our Doctor as she teaches me how to cut the umbilical cord. A smile appears on my face as soon as I have succesfully cut the umbilical cord. Our son's umbilical cord to be exact.

I look at my wife in worry when hearing her groans which make me quickly return to her side getting ready for the second baby to be pushed out. From the corner of my eyes, the nurse has taken our son from Doctor Kang so that the doctor could get ready for the second baby.

It does not take such a long time for the second baby to be born. We have been blessed with a baby girl this time which makes a pair of twins. The interval taken for our baby girl to be born after her brother was only 3 minutes.

Just like our baby boy, I had the chance to cut the umbilical cord for the second time. It was such an honor for me to cut them by myself. As soon as the doctor hands our baby girl to her assistant, I quickly stand beside my wife again and hold her cold hand.

"Thank you very much, baby. You did great. They are so beautiful. We are parents now. I love you." I say to my wife when she looks at me tiredly and in that state she still tries her best to give me a smile.

She looks freaking tired. She did her best and I am proud of my wife. She is strong so do our Sheep. 24 hours battling with her life just to give birth to angels. 

Our moment has been interrupted when Doctor Kang informs my wife that she needs to deliver the placenta too.

For the nth times, she tries her best to deliver the placenta this time. I do not know what happened but I heard a sudden whoosh and my wife's heavy breath. I am terrified the moment I witness a huge amount of blood flooding out nearly soaked Doctor Kang's green rob.

"Oh my God." Doctor Kang says and I can sense panic in her tone and everyone is running in the labor room.

I turn to my wife and I swear my heart stops beating for a while when I see her unstable breathing and she looks dying. She is arching her back repeatedly while breathing heavily.

'B-Baby." I call her but the next thing I know, her hand is loosened from my grip. She closes her eyes and a long "beep" sound from the monitor next to us  is heard. I know this sound. This beep sound is familiar. I am not stupid. I watch dramas too. 

"B-baby wake up. Baby please. Don't leave me. Oh my God. Wake up." I try to call her as I shake my wife's body lightly and lighly taps on her cheek to wake her up. She is just sleeping right ? She will be fine, am I right ? But, everyone is panic and I swear the situation in the labor room right now is scary. 

"Doctor Kang, the patient --" The assistant nurse informs and Doctor Kang is fast enough to cut her with her instruction.

"Mask! Get the extra blood! Patient is losing so much blood!"

Hearing the doctor's command, the nurse then takes a mask and puts it over my wife's face. The other nurses are busy running to get the extra blood and are getting ready for blood transfusion. She turns to me and speaks.

"Mr. Zhang, let me escourt you outside." She says and I shake my head. I cannot think at all. More like I do not want to leave my wife alone. 

"N-No. My w-wife." I shake my head but the nurse already starts to drag me outside. Once we get outside, I try to follow the nurse back but she stops me.

"Mr. Zhang, Doctor Kang is trying her best. Please wait." With that, she shuts the door making I collapse on the floor.

I do not care if people seeing me in this condition. I know I look like a mess with my wet face.

I feel a lump in my throat when a bunch of doctors and nurses entering the labor room and I swear it looks like an emergency situation.

"Oh God."

"Yixing!" 

I do not have an energy to lift my head when I hear my mother's voice echoing through the outside of the labor room.

It has been two hours since I waited outside of the labor room but no news from Doctor Kang about my wife.

I have dried out of tears and I do not even care the way I look in front of our family members.

"Why are you here? Where's Dabin?" My mother asks and all of them are waiting for me to answer.

"Yixing, is there anything happen to Dabin?" This time my mother in law asks me to which I brave myself to look at her. I start to cry again and nod my head as the tears keep streaming down wetting my face.

"my goodness." She muffles and my father in law needs to hold on her when she looks like she wants to collapse. My father in law then brings her to sit on one of the chairs.

"Yeobo. Our daughter." She cries and I hold my mother in law's hand before I speak.

"Eomma. I-I am s-sorry."

"It is not your fault, Yixing. Let's hope everything goes smoothly." She assures me by patting my hand. 

As in cue, the door of the labor room swung open making I jolt up from my seat followed by our parents.

"Doctor Kang, h-how's my wife?" I ask even though I know something is not right by seeing the look on her face. I hardly swallow my own saliva.

"Your wife is having post partum hemorrhage. It took us nearly two hours to stop the bleeding and fortunately we have managed to stop it and give her blood transfusion. The estimated blood loss is 8 pints of blood." She explains but I want to know about my wife's condition. Just about I want to ask, my mother beats me. 

"How's my daughter in law? "

I notice the changes in Doctor Kang's expression when my mother asks about my wife. She gives me a look that make me scared. 

"Mr. Zhang, I am sorry. We have tried our best but your wife is still unconscious right now. She was put into induce coma --"

I do not hear the further explanation from Doctor Kang when my mother in law once again wants to collapse. Luckily my father in law holds her so that she will not collapse on the floor.

The word comma really frightens me. I cannot open my mouth at all and Doctor Kang excuses herself after patting my shoulder and gives us space with the unexpected news.

I feel like my world is getting dark as I sit on the chair while holding my head. The door of the labor room once again swung open making our family members gasp when seeing two nurses are bringing our Sheep out.

"Yixing, hold your babies." My mother says and is holding one of the babies for me to cradle. I know this is going to be rude but I do not care.

I shake my head and weakly speak.

"I don't want. They made my wife coma." 

I keep crying even though our Sheep are now crying. Probably begging for attention.

"Zhang Yixing." I keep quiet when my father's stern voice calls my full name. Am I wrong? They have made my wife unconscious and have made her into induce coma. Dabin also had a hard time during her pregnancy.

"Yixing, please. They did not do anything wrong. Look! They are crying too probably feeling the sadness." My mother in law says and I look at the wailing babies begging for attention.

"Dabin must be sad if she knows you don't want to hold your babies when she has worked hard to deliver these little angels." Mama says and guilt rushes over as I remember how hard it was for my wife to endure the pain.

"I am sorry, Sheep. Daddy is sorry."

After three days, our Sheep are allowed to leave the hospital. My wife is still unconscious. During that time I mostly spent my time in the hospital. I even sleep in the same room of my wife to take care of her.

I do not hesitate to bring our Sheep into my wife's ward. Who knows it might help her to regain conscious. They will stop crying as soon as I put them each on their Mommy's side. As if they know she is their Mommy.

We have decided that our mothers will take turn taking care of Dabin at night. At first they volunteer to take care of our Sheep but I assure them I will be fine.

It is not I do not want to take care of my wife but I want to take care of our Sheep by myself. I do not want to