~~~~~~~ The psychiatrist was sat directly in front of him, however Hongbin found he couldn’t bring himself to focus on what she said any longer. The woman spoke towards Hongbin’s direction, clearly intending to give him clear instructing, however Hongbin only prayed his grandmother was listening. He prayed that she was listening well for him, since Hongbin could not bare to hear the words.

“I’m so sorry to tell you this, however I believe Hongbin has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known as OCD.” That was all it had taken. The diagnosis was the last feather that shattered his soul, sending his brain towards the floor.

The thoughts running through his brain now: Hongbin truly was more trouble than he was worth.

Deep down, Hongbin had known that something had to be seriously wrong. He had walked into this office praying that it was only a short term issue, however inside his gut Hongbin knew that wasn’t true. Something inside him was screaming that this was a problem that was not going to be easy to solve.

Then again, when was something ever simple for him? Even as a baby, Hongbin couldn’t dare to be blessed with one single simple day.

Initially it started with him getting ill, then he got the medical diagnosis, then the medications happened, more illness, before long Hongbin’s parents had been entirely bankrupt from all the trouble Hongbin had delivered them. They sent him to live with his grandmother, and she had permanently served as his care giver ever since. It didn’t stop Hongbin from getting sick all the time, nor did it stop the constant payments he needed for the hospital bills. His grandmother was getting in her old age, however she was still working herself to the bone to provide for Hongbin. Then he started acting odd. It wasn’t severe at first, however it quickly escalated. That was what had brought them here, and now there was this to add to the list of problems Hongbin had caused.

“Hongbin, Hongbin? Are you listening to me?” He hadn’t been able to register the psychiatrist’s words, not until she had shook his shoulder slightly. Only then did Hongbin look towards her and attempt to listen to what she spoke.

“Yes?”

“I understand how you must feel right now, knowing your physical condition, however this is not the end of the world. There is no cure, however this is treatable. With the right medication and behavior, OCD is livable.”

“Do you hear that Hongbin? It’s alright, you just need a little extra help. That’s it!” His grandmother spoke with a wide smile spread across her face, her eyes looking down towards her grandson as if attempting the deliver him some hope. Hongbin couldn’t be comforted as easily as her.

“Right, more medication. That’s exactly what I want, because the 6 I already take aren’t enough.” Hongbin couldn’t bear to be there any longer. He knew that the both of them only wanted to help him, however Hongbin couldn’t do it right then. Possibly later, but in that moment he didn’t want to discuss anything about the subject.

“I’ll start my way home grandma. I’ll meet you there.” Hongbin stood and walked towards the door without a second of hesitation, his footsteps oozing determination into the air. Rather than confidence, those around him only seemed to feel pity.

“Hongbin….why don’t you wait for me? We’ll leave together, alright?” His grandmother still spoke kindly towards him. Although Hongbin refused to look her direction and he was acting disrespectfully, his grandmother still spoke to him as if he was something good.

Just as he had begun, Hongbin didn’t look back. He only opened the door and retraced the path towards the front of the building.

“Hongbin! Sweetheart, you need to wear your mask or you’re going to get sick!!” His grandmother shouted towards the direction her grandson had walked, rapidly speaking her apologies and bowing towards the psychiatrist before running after the other.

Hongbin only fixated over the thought that kept repeating in his head: Just another thing to make me burdensome. ~~~~~~~

“Grandma, I promise you that I’ll be okay. I’m only going to be working for a few hours.” Hongbin held the phone closely to his ear as he waited for the bus to arrive. He had told his grandmother about these plan weeks ago, however it seems his plans had slipped her mind and the woman was now going crazy with worry over her grandson.

“Just stay at home sweetheart, for me? A festival is the worst place that you could be at.”

“I wish I could, but I need to make money too. I can’t let you pay my bills forever.” Hongbin was sure to say his words in a joking tone, a bright smile spread across his face. He knew that she couldn’t see the expression through a phone call, however he hoped that it could seep into his words. “I haven’t gotten sick in a while, and the compulsions haven’t been bad either. I’ve been taking my medications well so I will be okay.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t be in danger. What are you doing? Will there be a lot of people there?”

“I told you this once, did you forget again? It’s a small festival, and I’ll be working backstage. I’m just helping to arrange equipment for a show that they’re going to put on. You know that I’m good at organizing things.” Hongbin smiled, although his heart ached slightly. There was nothing wrong with her, however his grandmother was simply suffering from old age. Forgetting things happened quite frequently now.

Hongbin also found that his grandmother only got more persistent with time. The bus arrived and he was boarding onto to it, his grandmother continuing to argue with him in the phone. She really didn’t seem to want him to go.

“I’ll be okay, I promise. You’ve taken care of me practically my whole life, so just for today rest and let me do the work. Alright? I promise you that nothi