~~~~During times like these Taekwoon, when Taekwoon felt so helpless and alone, he honestly didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it. Everything and everyone would tell him, do something……anything to start helping yourself feel a little better. They didn’t get that that was the issue, he couldn’t do anything.

He feels lonely, yet he’s only alone because he forces himself to be. He likes the idea of talking to people in his head too much, but in person it’s terrifying and he can’t help but sprint away as fast as possible. It wasn’t like he would just make that feeling vanish, but how the hell was he supposed to overcome loneliness when he hates the cure?

It’s impossible to not feel worthless, when you can’t even control your own brain. When you feel like 80% of your actions are things that you have not decided, it’s hard to feel as if you’re contributing anything. Especially when you know you’re the only one to blame. It’s not that no one else has tried, it’s that you are doing this to yourself.

He found himself feeling that way a lot recently, largely in part to the fact that Taekwoon had been spending nearly all of his time within his own head. It was just easier to endure pain there than it was to endure it in the outside world.

His life had become uncontrollable, his own state too unstable to escape. Those fake ‘therapy’ sessions had ruined any tiny spec of control that he had, and his Aunt seemed beyond help. This was the only thing that he knew how to do, so that’s what he did. Taekwoon retreated into his own head, allowed his body to unconscionably just sit there and only spent time with himself. The rest of the world had just gotten too scary.

This moment he was glad that he had done so. Taekwoon was thinking of how useless he felt in his head, while he Aunt was yelling at him attempting to get him to do anything.

“Taekwoon! It has been weeks now, you can’t remain like this forever. I will not spoon feed you and guide you through basic needs every day of your life! You need to snap out of it.”

To no surprise, this didn’t work. His Aunt sighed, taking a moment to watch as her nephew stared blankly into a black abyss before she begun to pull her phone out.

Taekwoon hadn’t suspected she would call this person, but the idea of seeing them again made him want to sob. He knew no reason for this call, it wasn’t his scheduled time to be tortured until tomorrow.

“Hello, I would like to speak to the person that is currently treating Jung Taekwoon please.”

“Hello, yes I would just like to ask if I could sit in on Taekwoon’s appointment tomorrow. His condition has not improved and I need to make sure that nothing there is doing this to him so I can take the appropriate actions.”

“Excuse me? It’s perfectly in my rights to request this if it’s for my nephew’s safety. I could get permission from any other office?”

This continued for a while, but it seems they weren’t going to accept her request. Why would they? Then she would realize they had lied to her and she would witness what they have been doing.

 Taekwoon wanted more than anything for today to not end, but it did. The next day came and his Aunt helped him walk towards the front desk. The moment he entered, Taekwoon was sure to dissociate far away from this place. He already felt weak in the knees, the mere sight of the receptionist triggering his body’s flight response.

Today his Aunt and his ‘therapist’ didn’t speak many words. His Aunt simply helped him sit down and then left, or so Taekwoon thought.

Taekwoon remained unresponsive as that day’s hour of abuse begun. The doors were locked, the people poking at him as their head spoke as many trigging things that she could possibly imagine. Anything to get Taekwoon to react poorly. She had her people touch Taekwoon certain places no one should have to endure, knowing Taekwoon’s disorder would not let him stand that.

It didn’t, but this was also not the first time they had done this. Today ended differently though, right as they starting reaching down between his legs someone broke the door open. Taekwoon jumped a mile, sprinting across the room in a heartbeat.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY NEPHEW?!?!”

“Mrs. Min, what are you doing in here? You’re not allowed in this room right now.”

“I’M ALLOWED WHEREEVER THE HELL I WANT TO BE!! I AM TAKING HIM OUT, NOW!! HE WILL NEVER STEP NEAR THIS FACILITY AGAIN AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOOSE ANY SORT OF LISCENE THAT YOU HAVE!!”

Taekwoon had never seen her so angry before, but he didn’t like the loud noises. He didn’t like the amount of people in this room, it felt like people were staring and his and feeling him. He wanted to fold into himself.

His Aunt did not try to touch him, however Taekwoon walked out on his own. It was the first thing he had done of his own volition in a long time.

He did so now because it was finally over. His Aunt had come to her senses, and it would get better. He wouldn’t but things wouldn’t be as unbearable any longer. He didn’t know how he knew that, he just did. ~~~~

Taekwoon was aware that he had been acting strangely. He was also aware that his friends could tell, their eyes started to follow him down the hallways. They weren’t critical glances, more concerned than anything else.

It wasn’t like he was sick and doing badly or anything. Sure the new addition of Hongbin’s grandmother was a work in progress, but he was getting better with her. He still couldn’t speak very well, but he could stand beside her and shake her hand and such. He was the same as he had been when they moved in together. Taekwoon surely needed his breaks, but he still liked it here and he could handle it.

What he couldn’t handle, was the date that had been approaching. He had started acting oddly when he realized it, in the upcoming days was the anniversary of his mother’s death. He had been so preoccupied with Sanghyuk and problems with Jaehwan and arguments with Hakyeon that it had slipped his mind of what day it was.

The day was fast approaching, tomorrow in fact. The majority of him didn’t really want it to come. H