Song For This Chapter// Hate Those Words by Xia Junsu

Tae Kwang’s POV

“Grab on!” I was close to losing my grip on the rope from the sweat accumulating onto my palms. Our hands grappled each other’s with my fingers sinking into her bruised skin, leaving red marks across her thin forearm as my grip continued to slip. She flinched from the slight pain.

“See?” I voiced through my gritted teeth. Her gaze was devoid of emotion, yet her grip on my hand was growing desperate. “Guilt? No need to feel guilt over a bastard like me.” Demented laughter spilled from my swollen bloody lips. Despite our loosening clasp, I remained incessantly sardonic.

“Hope is for ers.” I breathed, aware of the impending.

“Tae Kwang ah!” Eun Bi’s screams were in vain as my fingers slipped through hers’. The will to escape overwhelmed the capacity of gravity, leaving me to fall.

I jolted up from the nightmare, accidently pushing the empty glass of water off the bedside table in the process. My chest rapidly heaved up and down from the deep breaths I took. My hand shook as I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. My tee shirt was soaked in my own soak, clinging to my shoulders and back.

“.” I breathed, exhaling into my hands. There was no sunlight streaming in from the bottom of the curtains, so it meant that it not past five thirty in the morning yet. There was no way I could go back to sleep at this rate. “Focus, focus, focus.” I muttered to myself as I made my bed then went to the kitchen to get the supplies to clean up the broken glass.

I was picking up the larger pieces first when a thought entered my mind. The sharp edges of the glass would surely… I shook my head and hurried up. In my bathroom I splashed some cold water on my face to get rid of the grogginess from the lack of sleep. The reflection in the mirror was me with sorrow haunting my existence. I closed my eyes, taking a breath to suppress my impulses. Lately I’ve been stressed over multiple things. The fight with Joy, my latest visit to the hospital, and the lack of contact with my mother. Stress had the terrifying ability to make me more impetuous. Unfortunately today I let my impulse win by buying a pack of cigarettes.  Before heading to my first lecture I stopped by a convenience store to get a pack.

“I.D. please.” The girl at the cashier demanded and then I pulled out my driver’s license to show her before paying. I swiped my credit card and was out of there within a minute. I discarded the wrapper and opened it up to take one, but then I just put it back and drove to class.

I sat with In Ho in the Sociology lecture, deciding that it wouldn’t be wise to sit with Eun Bi or Joy. In Ho was too occupied with eating his breakfast from out of his backpack before he realized the professor left the room. I gave him a nudge in the side to alert him. He weakly laughed and then took out the plastic bowl to eat. Shaking my head at him in a joking manner, I resumed typing up the analytical assignment that we had to turn in at the end of the class.

However I ended up browsing articles online about Song Hee Yeon. My mother. I scrolled down to see airport photos of her in Incheon. It was reported that she returned from her photo-shoot in London last week. If she came back last week, then why hasn’t she called me?

Frustration was making me want to rip my hair out. I couldn’t do this anymore. The only solution for me to stop all this would be to deal with it all. I intended on calling my mom later tonight, apologizing to Joy today, and then I could schedule another appointment at the hospital. There. Everything will turn out fine.

Oh boy was I so, so wrong.

“Minhyuk. What are you doing here with Eun Bi?” My successful apology and reconciliation with Joy would swirl right down the drain if I expressed any sort of reaction toward Eun Bi and Minhyuk. The only solution I could think of in that moment was to feign nonchalance. “Joy has something she needs to tell you.” I said, directing it toward Eun Bi and ignoring Minhyuk’s presence.

Joy’s eyes went to me as Eun Bi neared our table. I stood up, leaving the girls to talk by themselves. I then approached Minhyuk, suggesting that we talked outside. He agreed and followed me outside.

“I was just about to get Eun Bi to agree to go out with me before you butted in, man!” Minhyuk slapped my shoulder, igniting the tense atmosphere between us. An agitated manner now replaced the charming demeanor that he used on Eun Bi minutes prior.  

“Feel free to be pissed at me, but Eun Bi isn’t interested in you one bit.” Knowing Eun Bi’s preferences, there