Taking care of Onew made me a little bit comfortable around him. He was nice and a lot has changed ever since. We sometimes bicker but he's more of a gentleman now but more like he calculates everything he says to me or everything he does. He seems to be so aware of everything from the way he says things or the words he use. Treating me like a fragile glass.

"You wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure"
"I'm gonna prepare some popcorn and beer"

As I prepare everything, he chooses what we will watch.

"Please don't pick any horror movies. I’ll be sleeping alone in an empty house tonight"
"Got it...but you know, you can just stay here and we'll visit your brother together tomorrow"
"That's probably not a good idea and besides, I need to check the house tonight"
"Okay sure. No problem"
"I'll just swing by tomorrow and drive you there"
"Cool"

I was watching the movie and the silence just kills me. I looked at him and I don't know why I haven't notice it, but he seems to be different and not in a good way. He looks tired and sad. Now I feel bad for rejecting his offer. Maybe he was just lonely and I was too caught up with my own emotions…. that I will fall for him and will get hurt all over again. I pressed pause and looked at him.

"Why?" he asked
"Talk to me"
"About what?"
"Anything that troubles you, I guess. I know you Onew, it may not be official but we somewhat dated and that look in your face says something is bothering you"
"I am fine. You don't have to worry. But thank you for your concern" he smiled
"Don't smile at me! I know the situation with your mom" then I remember Minho basically said not to tell anyone that I know. What a blabber mouth.
"ing choi minho!" 
"Yes he told me and before you get mad at him, let’s just stop this drama cause we both know you'll just forgive him"
"Okay fine! My mom's thinking of getting married to this guy and I don't know if I should be oppose to it or not. Of course it will be hard but I want her to be happy. It’s just that, if she's going to start another family, who will be there for me? I guess no one will. They'll eventually forget about me you know"

I held his hand and grip on it so tight. I wanted to make sure he feels it. That I am there for him

"You have me."

And when he looked at me, I felt him. The sadness in his eyes, the regret, the loneliness...I’m drawn. I can't stop looking at him then I thought of all those things that happened between us. That love that never had been freed. Why is it that every time I stare at him, I feel different, that I can’t shove my feeling off of him? Was Key right? That Onew has always been the one I secretly wanted? That he was just a cover up just for me to get over him?

He leaned forward and I know...I know he's going to kiss me and he's waiting for me to pull back but the thing is I can't. I want to because of fear, but I don’t just because I wanted to confirm what I have been feeling...that I am not over him after all this time. It’s pathetic I know but you’ve never felt what I felt towards him. You may say I’m stupid but there’s a part of me that really don’t care.

Did you ever had that one guy, your boyfriend maybe or your crush that you will always have that special feeling to? That’s Onew for me.

When his lips touched mine, I couldn’t stop. This was it. That feeling I have been missing ever since the day I said it was over. Whenever I kiss him, it feels natural, so warm and so confusing at the same time. It was like his kiss was an adventure itself

He put his weight on me and I ended up underneath him on this couch. I closed my eyes and feel every moment of it. To feel it once again. As his lips danced with mine, I touched his cheeks and I noticed, there was a single tear. He was crying… and just like that, so did I.

It went on until I came to my senses. I pushed him and sat straight. I looked at him and wiped my tears. I stood up without saying a word and stormed off. Those pent up emotions between us were like hitting me once again. I was scared...I was so scared because I know, I still love him...it has always been him.

I didn't pick him up because I was too embarrassed and partly because I don’t know what to do around him. I have been fighting with myself all night. Reminding what he had done to me and that I never wanted to go through that again.

He wrecked you, Sara.

He never said he loved you.

He left you for another girl and what are the chances he won’t do that again?

Why would you risk it if it has been safe and secure for a long time
--

It has been a week since my brother had been discharged. I haven’t talked to Onew for days and that’s because I was avoiding him. I have 2 more days left in here before I go back to Paris and finish everything and ready myself to move in here. I haven’t told anyone yet but I met some of those brilliant designers and they are all willing to help me until I can go on my own. The deal is that I need to display or sell their products in my shop.

I was okay with that! I told my brother I’m going back in 2 days’ time so he wanted to throw a sendoff party for me by the beach house.

“Hey! You just missed Onew he was just here”
“Ohh”
“He gave me some pop tarts”
“Uh huh”
“Hey Sara, are you okay?”
“Actually no...I need to talk to you”
“What's wrong, forehead”
“I kissed Onew “
“And?”
“And what? Why are you not even surprised? He already told you didn’t he?”
“Yes. I don’t understand you both. I may not be like joy who will give you good advices but hell Sara isn’t it so obvious