"I don't know why....I'm the one who survived...and he's the one who died."

Her voice had gone shaky, as she pinched her palm to keep from crying.

"You mean you don't remember anyhing else? Nothing at all? Just that?" Chanyeol asked. She responded with a nod. The room was silent. Everyone was immersed in their own thoughts, confused as to how this came to happen.

Everything was white. White walls, white sheets, white clothes. 

They had told her about it after a while. In fact, the first words that came put of after waking up, were, "Where is Kai?"

All of them seemed to be fgrieved about it, though she suspected that any of them werent used to death by now. She didn't say anything to either of the numerous doctors that came in and out of the hospital ward, let alone her parents.

When anyone asked her a question, she would either nod or shake her head, nothing else.

She had been experiencing nightmares again. The events of the earlier night kept playing over and over again like a bad dream. Each time it reached the moment where she had closed her eyes, she saw something more.

He had woken up.

Which was why she so desperately believed that he was alive. The doctors told her that he was dead, but that gave her less than enough reason to actually believe what they were saying.

"Why do you always look like you're daydreaming? He's dead, accept it."

She finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine. I'll accept it. But answer just one question."

"What?"

"What happened after he woke up?"

"What do you mean? He never woke up."

When she had been discharged, she had asked her parents where his grave was. All she received in return was a brief explanation of why they couldn't tell her anything.

She had spent something close to three months in her room, locked up. And came out once or twice, to eat. Even that happened rarely, and they were worried sick.

So one day, a police officer came to her door, and told her that he had something to show her.

She had vivid memories of it. He was just.....lying there. He hasn't moved at all. His expressionless face was covered in dirt. And the blood.

The blood nearly drove her mad.

She had begged the officer to let her see his grave at least once. She had cried and cried. Her eyes were puffy and red, she had gotten terribly skinny, and she always looked like her mind was somewhere else.

She had gotten herself back up on her own feet eventually, yes. She had dyed her hair, gotten herself darker clothing. And just gone back to what she was like before she met him.

In hopes that maybe, just maybe, she would meet him again.

Until she let go of him completely. After that, she didnt flinch, not even a little bit, when anyone asked her about him. She just answered, regardless of what the other person would say later.

She had studied hard, and gotten herself first place in the entire school, thinking of it as yet another task to be accomplished. She had made friends, too, but had never told either of them about it.

She always thought it was better it it was kept a secret.

"Don't you think its weird for that man to be there in the first place? You remember his face, right?" Baekhyun asked.

"Well, thank you for stating something so obvious that I nearly fell asleep just now." Tao fake yawned. Baekhyun lightly punched his arm.

"Of course I do." Seyoung said.

"You all know what I'm thinking, right?" Sehun said, his stare directing everyone.

" Why don't you draw him the way you remember? It just might work." Chanyeol said.

"I guess." Seyoung said.

Jongin had been silent through all of this, and to be honest, he didn't know if he had to say anything at all. 

When it was getting late, everyone wished each other goodnight and left for their rooms. Jongin had gone last, he was still too busy thinking about everything that had happened.

Her words kept repeating themselves.

He  had seen the way her eyes had showed pain. And how she had stopped herself from crying, even when it was like an empty void. For once, they didn't show anything but loneliness and pain.

He had felt sad when he had seen the pictures on her phone.

It had struck him that all those times she had been angrier than she should have been, she might have seen Kai standing there instead.

And when she had kissed him, she might have seen Kai instead of him.

He mentally slapped himself for thinking that she had actually liked him. After all, she had resented him with all her might.

He was the one who had loved her first.

He was the one who had selfishly wanted her for himself anyway.

It all seemed like a bad dream. One he didn't want to remember at all. Not one bit. Would he have felt different right now if he hasn't met her? Would he have avoided the stinging pain in his heart if he hadn't fallen for her?

He didn't know the answer, or rather, didn't want to hear it.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The next day, she seemed perfectly fine. 

Jongin had seen her in class, and wanted to talk to her, but Taekwang had beat him to it.

There went any courage he had gathered up the previous night at all.

He sat  in his seat, both furious and sad. For some reason, he really couldn't look at them when he would put his nhand around the other's waist when walking down the corridors. 

And when she seemed so happy whenever he was talking to him.

"Jongin?" He heard her voice, and looked up. She was standing in front of his locker. The smile was earlier had disappeared.

She really must hate me, he thought.

"What?"

"Is something bothering you?"

"You can stop." He said, his voice quiet.

"Stop what?"

"Pretending that you like me. I'm fine with it." He slammed his locker hard enough to tear the walls down, and left, without saying anything to her.

She exhaled sharply, and followed him out.

"Who said I pretended?" 

He looked at her.

"Isn't it obvious? I look like your boyfriend. There's no other reason why you'd like me."

And he went on his way.

"You're really selfish, you know that?" She responded after moments. Loud enough for him to hear, but he just continued walking.

She went back to her room, and he to his. Neither of them were in a good mood right now, and didn't think of doing anything at all, as they lay on their beds, staring at the ceiling.

Days passed without either of them speaking to each other. Seyoung got busy with her friends, and Jongin with his.

It was finally the outing day, but Seyoung didn't go. She stayed back and finished the history project  due in two weeks. She was alone once again.

And that got her thinking, when she noticed the writing in her notebook. One page was pasted onto the back cover of her notebook, and was written in blurry handwriting.

See you soon.

She sighed, crumpling the paper in her hand before throwing it in the bin. She had gotten notes like that everyday, in her locker, her desk, and even her regular seat at the library.

She hasn't seen anybody in EXO except for her brother, Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Luhan. They were very friendly and seemed to text her every now and then.

Which she appreciated.

Ring ring.

"Hello?" She pressed the phone against her ear.

"Did you do something to Jongin? He's messed up right now and he's even trying to punch me! Seriously, did you two fight or something?" An annoyed Sehun replied. She could hear Chanyeol screaming like a schoolgirl in the background.

"Anyway, we're taking him back. Go talk to him, will you?" He said.

"Fine." She said before hanging up.

She went over to his room twenty minutes, dressed black to the brim with a black hoodie, black skinny jeans, completely black sneakers, and a black snapback. She had tucked her hair under the cap.

She knocked on his door, gently.

No answer.

She knocked again.

No answer.

"Are you there, Jongin?" She asked.

No answer still.

So she sat down , her head leaning against the wall.

"If that's it." She said.

She was waiting for him to appear someway or another, and was almost asleep when she heard the door  open. She stood up as if on cue.

He was still wearing the uniform, but the shirt had been untucked and his tie was loosened. He was going somewhere, and hadn't heard her when she had first called his name.

She decided to follow him, and was more than surprised when she realized that they were heading towards her own room.

He knocked on her door. Her hands were balled into fists, and she was wondering what he was up to.

"Ya! Oh Seyoung! Open the door!" His voice was slurry,a and it almost sounded like he was having a hard time speaking.

She was about to go and talk.

"Are you really doing this?" 

But she stopped.

"Do you even know how betrayed I feel?"

She was quiet. He was slowly banging on the door.

"Don't you think you could have told me earlier?!"

She felt something sink inside of her.

"IM GOING CRAZY HATING MYSELF AISH!"

Tears slowly streamed his face as he stopped banging on the door. He slowly backed away from it, one step at a time.

"Fine. Ignore me. It's better this way." He nodded. And turned around to leave.

He went back to his room, and she followed behind. Maybe she was too cowardly to talk. Maybe she was convinced that she would be better ignored.

He had reached his room, when she , without thinking, stepped in front of him. He seemed to not see her at first, and passed her by, almost.

Then he recognized her. He blinked several times. She didn't disappear.

"Oh. It's really you, Oh Seyoung." He said.

"Listen, I think we need to-" She was stopped mid sentence as he pulled her into a hug. 

"Don't go away. Just stay here for a while." He said, just loud enough for her to hear. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours. 

With each passing second, she wanted to stay with her face buried in his chest until the end of time. And with each passing moment, he wanted to hold her in his arms until he died.

"Stop saying that I like you because you look like Kai. Do you even know how different the two of you are from each other, you idiot?" She smiled.

"I like you because you're Kim Jongin. Don't ever do that again. I'm not that evil. And I really like you. I really do."

They pulled apart, and Jongin had a smile on his face. 

"You meant it?"

"Of course I did."

"You like me?"

He was still standing there like a confused little kid.

"Yes, silly. How many times do I have to tell you?" She laughed.

"I thought you hated me."

"To be honest, I did, at first. But you're better than that. You're far from being hatable, and you proved it to me, didn't you?" She said.

"So, can I ask you something, then?" He said.

"Ask away." 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" 

Silence.

He suddenly felt stupid for asking her that.

"Uh...sorry..I'll just...go.." He began heading for his room.

"Yes."

That made him stop in his tracks. 

He turned around, but before he could say anything, she had gone. He entered his room, smiling like an idiot. So it wasn't that way after all.

She took out her phone the moment she reached her room, closing th3 door behind her. She took a deep breath, and pressed 1on her speed dial.

"Jackson Wang."

"He asked me out."

"WHAT?! REALLY? HE DID? Wait, what did you say?"

"I said yes. What else was I supposed to say?"

"Excellent! We need to celebrate! I'm almost done with everything here, should I go over to celebrate soon?"

"I guess? Yah, don't tell anyone."

"Okay, your majesty." 

She could see him roll his eyes. Laughing, she said that they'll probably meet up soon.

They talked for hours that night, until both of them were too sleepy to talk anymore.

"Bye. Goodnight."

"Take care. Night."

It was nice to be able to talk about your feelings with someone freely. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.