So ..here we go again.this guy is always come and then disappear as he please.sometimes I wonder what sin that I did in my life so that this guy always find a way coming back to me.wait ….he does have a way through Luhan.is he get involved again?Oh God ..

“Well yeah .now I do.you said your name and yeah I’m fine thanks.how about you”

“I’m fine too.So umm ..the reason I’m calling is well you know I got this job at a company near where you working”

“Ohh yeah?that’s great.congratulations then”

“Thanks Am.well I was going to tell you personally when you were home last holiday but um.. I didn’t get the chance to meet you.and I was wondering if it’s okay ….if we’re hanging out again like we used to?I mean the only person that I know in that city is just you and my grandparents and our company isn’t that far from each other so you know ….”

“Like I’m your tour guide?really?haha well…… no problem”

“Yep haha cool.so we’ll keep in touch and I’ll let you know when will I get there”

   The first word that came into my mind was ..STUPID.why the hell that I need to help him?He’s a grown man he’ll be fine besides he won’t be completely alone. Why?after all these year he step into my life again.did he left something behind?no he didn’t except the scars in my heart.

   Sigh…that’s all I can do.but slowly I realize maybe this is the time to let everything go in the past or whatever it is between us it is time to move forward and leave it all behind.I’ll be the person who has the bigger heart than him and I’ll just help him and then maybe we can be friends again with no awkwardness in between.so  I decide to tell Luna about this before she assumes anything weird when she saw me hanging out with Kris again.I sit on the dining table and wait the door to be open by her and soon after I can hear voice 

“I’m home …” and I can hear she’s taking off her shoes and throwing her bag and her body on the couch

“Hey ...so how is your day?” I asked as I sat down next to her

“Tiring .I got a lot like ..a loooot and my boss nagging at me for such an unimportant and ridiculous reasons.how’s yours?”

“Mine is pretty good until that phonecall came”

“A phonecall from who?”

“from Kris…”

  The moment I mention his name Luna’s face suddenly changed.from a tired looking face turns into surprised,annoyed,and disappointed look to me.I can tell right away that she’s not happy  with the news

“Now what the is that wants from you?why is he always keeps coming back for God’s sake I just …”

“Look ..Luna I know you always been with me through all the hard times that he caused but I’m tealling you I’m just going to help him.that’s all.he said he’s going to come to this city and he got a job a company that is not far from mine so ..he’s just wants us hanging out together like we used to”

“Why would you even bother helping him?”

“Look ..I just want to be the person with a bigger heart than I’ve ever been  well yeah he did hurt  me in past he treated me so bad while I’m being so kind to him until now.but I think this is the right time  to let go of all that.just leave it all behind in the past”

“You know ..I just have this  feeling that after you help him out like this,after you know he got your ‘help’ I’m sure he’s going to disappear and you guys won’t talk to each other again”

“Even if he does,all I know right now is just help people even though you know they can’t help you back.beside you know how it feels like to be alone in a such foreign city…well I mean he’s not completely alone though”

“See?that is just another for you to not help him”

“I’ll be fine Luna don’t worry.let’s just clear everything up and leave it all behind”

“You know it’s not you that I’m worrying about.but okay I give up.everything is up to you.I have no rights to tell what to do” with both of her hands on the air as sign that she lose.   And all I do is squeezing her hands and it while giving her the best reassurance smile.I’m hoping that I made the right decisions

    Luna is not the only one who completely refuse the idea about Kris.there’s someone else who shared the same opinion which is Luhan.After I explained it with some much carefulness in choosing words I used,he’s still not convinced.all I got was

“Whatever Am.the choices is not in my hand do whatever you want.but I’m telling you I’m so damn done with a jerk like him”

   I know Kibum won’t like hear about this too but I don’t need to tell him when he’s away for business reasons.I just need to be under control and don’t let my emotions get the best of me.based on that thought,so here I am with …my kind of poison named Kris.It’s already been a week after we started hanging out together again there’s a long and unimportant text between us that last for alomost a week too,after getting off from work together.and I did feel weird.I mean who wouldn’t?crying in front of the guy you liked for years but in the end got rejected,even worst.i’m a stepping stone yeay.maybe my love life should’ve brought into a big screen.

  We went to the movies earlier then I knew something that never changes.our tastes in movies are still the same and so with music.we sing with out hearts out to Ed Sheeran’s Photograph when we heard it through the radio.Then we stopped at a somesort of outdoor café to fill our hungry belly.our conversations went normal until he’s start talking about the topic that I avoided so much …our messed up past relations

  “Look Am ..I’m pretty much sure that in your head you’re wondering if I’m feeling awkward about all this?am I that shameless? The answer is no for the awkward feeling,I mean I know you long enough.we were friends and we still are.and because I know you’re a kind person.and yes,I AM that shameless and I’m aware of that.and I’m here to explain for what I did back then.when you first confessed to me about your feelings I was don’t know what to do.I mean I’m shocked that you cried.you’re not that type of person who can cried so easily or at least that’s what I think.But ..you know what no more excuses.I’m sorry for what I did back then,I’m sorry for being an ,I’m sorry for being a coward,I’m sorry for being so immature yet clueless,I’m sorry for being stupid and hurt you twice.I’m sorry for …….everything.”

“Well ..it’s so easy for you to say sorry.huh?”

“Amber..i’m really--…”

“It’s really okay Kris..I’ve forgive you.it’s all in the past right?people make mistakes,and you never knew what I’ve been through after that and even if I told you,what’s the point?. it’s time to learn to let  go.I mean we both have moved on so .let’s just open a new chapter on our own. I guess that’s the best way for both of us”

“Thank you..for accepting my apologies.I mean it”

“Yeah .you welcome but it’ll be better if we don’t talk about this again.this is awkward”

He laughed “Really?okay ..sure”

  And that was the last time I saw him.and I still remembered it clearly.somehow we’re just drifted apart from each other.he rarely text me and I didn’t want to start it first because all I was thinking ‘what should I say’ or ‘What if he think that I’m not over him?or I’m hittin’ on him which is absolutely no.little did I know that I was used to his presence,the ring on my phone,the unimportant and non-sense chat.so maybe he’s busy with work or else ...like he already find a new girl because the last I know he already broke up with Jess.

  I wasn’t supposed to exactly know why they broke up but someone leaked the information to me.of course it’s none other than Luhan.how come I forgot the best birthday “gift” that he gave me.it was a a few conversation screen shot between him and Kris.and it turns out that Jess is cheating on him with 2 guys at once.so KARMA does exist.Luhan said he knew who’s the best for him and yet he still choose the not so good option and I shouldn’t get close to him.and maybe that’s just another reason he moved out here.and to be honest yes I was happy and literally cracking up the moment I saw the picture,so at least he could understand the pain that I’ve been through.But umm…I guess I was stupid enough that I couldn’t read him.instead I sat on my bed looking at my phone screen wondering what happen …

“It’s really rare to see you at home on the weekend like this” and I see Luna standing in front of my door with her arms folded waking me up from my reverie

“I just don’t have any plans tonight plus Kibum is out of town”

“Don’t try to fool me.I notice you usually went out with Kris on the weekend.and then suddenly he stop coming it’s been like three weeks.does he got a new ‘toy’ already and forget you?”

“Human being is not a toy Luna.and yes I think he does but I don’t know.I just kind of hate that I’m used to his presence so it makes me think about him”

“See?I knew it.there’s no use in helping,he’s just another ungrateful bastards.the problem is just you are way too kind”

“I know ..and that is the lamest part ever.But you---- "And I get cut off with another questions

“Is it just me or you and Kibum ..like there’s something off right now.but well it’s just a guts..”

“Damn.are you a mind reader or something?”

    And thanks to her,I gotta re-live my memories a few weeks ago before Kibum went out of town.We were on our usual date we’re walking hands on hands together feeling the breeze at the end of the pier and then he just something out of the blue ..

“What do you think if we’re take a break for a while?”

“What?Do you want us to take a break?why?”

“Well ..I think it’s just you’re a bit distracted.like there’s someone else in the back  of your mind and your heart as well”

“No ..there’s no one”

He just smiled looking at my confused face before the tucked my hair behind my ears.”Yes there is.it’s just you didn’t realize it.you’re too blunt too notice”

“So ..I’m going away for a week .my office has set me somekind of business trip.we’ll see ..if we’re on the same page okay ?”

And that was my last conversation .I haven’t talked to him lately,I did tried to call him but it seems like he’s really busy with his work.Is it Kris that he’s talking about?I seriously am never think about him.but I don’t know maybe …I didn’t realize it all the signs.

“You can so be damn clueless sometimes Amber”

“Are you thinking the same just like Kibum?Oh God Luna ..I didn’t----“

“The more you denied it the more it’s true.You did think about him sometimes and you did it unconcius so maybe that’s why you don’t even realize it yourself.You know how hard you fall that guy and I don’t think it will fade away that easy.especially when you tried to move on and he came like nothing’s wrong and easily say sorry to you?That doesn’t work for me that way”

“I don’t know okay …maybe I did”

“It’s okay.it’s not a crime to be in loved so deeply.even though you know they’re obviously not a good choice.we’re just humans ..”

She’s good in reading people.especially me.or am I being the one can be easily read?anyway maybe they both were right.I did …unconsciously.and speaking of the devil,I got a text from him asking where I am?how am I doing?what am I up to?but come to think of it he really honest about one thing .that he is SHAMELESS.and I don’t know why I’m still talking to him .maybe it’s because I think if we treated people good and they didn’t treated us the same way then the problem is with them not me.and if someone only came to you because they need something from you well that’s the ty part of life,that; human nature I think.

  And here we go again.I spend some more time with him again.like our usual,movies,eating,go for a drive or taking a stroll at the park or the bridge.He told me what he was doing when he was “disappear” and Luna was right,after he broke up with Jess,moved to the same city with me,soon after he found a girlfriend.Her name was Caroline but somehow they broke up ..

“Now that you’re single you cameback looking for me” I said sarcasticly

“No ..that’s not it.You don’t know how she was like.she’s so possive,jealousy,and I think it safe to say that she’s a gold digger.she asking me to buy her this and that,and plus she’s so clingy.and I can’t satnd it anymore.”

“Wow ..lucky you”

“I mean it Am .it’s not like I intendedly cut off our communications but it’s just if she knew that we’ll go out together,and you know talk to each often.she’ll get the wrong idea and she might making you her ultimate enemy”

“Seriously that’s just so ……..I don’t know.low maybe I mean I’m not that kind of a girl and I am sure I’ll never be one.but well if that’s it I got it”

After being friends for so many years suddenly I realize that we never take a picture together.like just the both of us,I did with Luhan but not with Kris.maybe because the whole awkwardness thing.So we decide to took one,and post it on our social media .even though I know my social media will be fulled with a lot of nagging and complaints from my friends or other people that might think there;s something between us which is clearly not.But who cares?It’s my social media I can post whatever I want.

 And as expected I see a lot of complaint and nangging from Luna until Vic.but then I saw a comment from someone that I completely don’t know who she is.until I pay attention to this username,it was Caroline,Kris’s recently ex girlfriend.oh well the comments was rude as hell

So ..you’re the cheap girl who steal my man huh?I wonder what he looks from you?

Okay ..Now what the heck is going on?!

Enjoyyy and well I need to inform this story is coming to an end ..

XO