The last time I saw him was that time,the time when I said that I want to broke up with him.all I heard from his friends that he seems devastated enough but he keep saying that he is fine,it’s just another broke up.and they didn’t said anything to him but they’re always there for him.Thank God he still have a really good friend beside him.and I’m here feeling completely guilty and stupid for breaking up with him.and I can’t tell him the truth ...

The truth that I keep within myself till now,it’s just because I didn’t feel something deep or something like an excitement with Kibum just like what I feel when I fell love with Kris.what a childish reason.my closest friend keep supporting me that they support any decision that I made because I’m the one whose in relationship and I should’ve known better,they do saying that it’s unfortunate that I have to broke up with a guy like Kibum,the guy that bring out another side of me that anyone never seen before.

I’m going back to my parents house,since it’s holiday and I guess this is the perfect time to calm myself down too.and then I heard that Luhan and Kris also in their home,here.it’s been a while since I saw them,after high school graduate,we’re all busy arranging our future.what a perfect time,I’m in the same place with someone that I avoid the most.and Luhan seems to know that I’m also home,because the day after I’m arrived he’s texting me for a meet up.he didn’t mention to me that he’s coming with Kris but I know he will.

“Hey..you’re home aren’t you ?”

“Yeah ..it’s been three days”

“And you keep quiet,you didn’t tell me you’re home, what a good girl”

“Why?do I have to ?you’re not even my boss or something,and also I didn’t know you’re here”

“Well,I just miss home and my girlfriend haha.it’s a holiday season anyway,come on.we should meet up,I miss my stupid friend”

“What the ..I’m not stupid.fine,how about tomorrow?you gotta tell me about your new girl”

“Definitely ..alright then,I’ll see you at our usual place,where we used to gather at highschool.remember?”

“Ohh..okay I’ll see you tomorrow”

I’m sure I’ll see him tomorrow.Oh God what am I supposed to say to him?it’s going to be so damn awkward he’s my crush in high school,I’m even confessed my feelings to him.but at that time I realize that maybe this is the time to spill out everything.I havee to put an end to this.once and for all.I’m running late and I saw Luhan waving at me and a smiling pretty girl next to him .

“I know..I know ..I’m late.stop satring at me like that Luhan”

“Just like old times..always late”

“I’m aware of that Luhan,just shut up.aren’t you going to introduce me to her?”

“Ah right..this is my one and only beautiful girl.her name is Giselle”

I reached out my hand and we shook hands and smile at  her “Hi..I’m Amber.it’s nice to meet you Giselle”

She smiled back,”It’s nice to meet you too Amber.finally he introduce me to his closest friend which is a girl so you can report to me if he’s being naughty behind my back” as she looking at Luhan with suspicious eyes

“Ah definitely.I’ll report to you” I giving her an okay sign .

“What the hell .just like what I thought.someone is going to be a spy from now”

We keep talking and laughing for a long time,Luhan told me how he met Giselle,they’re being introduce by Luhan’s sister actually,and at first he didn’t want to meet her because he wasn’t so sure about a blind dates,he think it’s old fashioned.but to his surprise,Giselle turns out to be his ideal type for girl.and that’s how they ended up dating.and at that time,I saw someone coming towards our table and I know exactly who it is ..

Luhan shouted “Kris ..over here dude”

And now he’s here,he’s hugging with Luhan and Giselle,who seems he already know well and then looking at me throwing an awkward smile and reached out his hand….we shook our hands

“Long time no see Am.how are you?”

“Well yeah .I’m fine.and you?”

“Great.I’m fine too”

Dang!an awkward silence.Luhan whispering something to Giselle and I’m 100 percent whatever it is,it’s not good

He looking at his wrist watch and Giselle starts grabbing her bag and stand up from her chair.now what the hell is he planning?how can I be bestfriend with this guy?

“Whoa ..where are you guys going?” Kris asked both of them

“We’re going to Giselle’s house,we gotta help her brother for his wedding preparation,he’s going to get married this week”

“But ..can’t you guys go later?I mean Kris just got here a few minutes ago”

“We’re sorry.but my brother is waiting for me now.”

Awesome..he’s leaving me only with Kris?well ..what  a good friend.they’re leaving me no choice but to be together with him,before they go I’m hugging Giselle and then Luhan..

“I’m so going to kill you Luhan..just wait” I whisper it to his ear

“Can’t wait for that ..”

Now,it’s just both of us.sitting facing at each other and…an awkward silence fill surrounds us.

“So ..how’s life?” I just bravely asked him

“It’s fine.well now I’m going to one of the university that I want since high school and,my parents doing fine except they’re getting older day by day haha .you ?”

“Everything is going well too.and you change your look I see”

“Ohh this?well yeah I decide it to dyed it blonde.is it bad?”and his giving me his gummy smile

“No ..you look good in blonde”

“You changed your look too Am.you’re no longer the tomboy Amber.you’re different now”

“Some things changed some things don’t.I mean,I’m no longer a high school student.”

“What about Jess?” I’m carefully asked

“Despite we often broke up and then get back together again,We’re still good though,and she’s choosing design as her major,she really interested in fashion I guess.but can we just not talk about her?”

And then I just blurted out ..

“You know,the truth is I’m really mad at Luhan for hiding the fact that you and Jess dating.he think I didn’t know that.but I do and I keep quiet about it..he’s a good friend so I’m just going to believe that he’s hiding it for a good reason,because he know that after all this time my feelings for you hasn’t change.do you know how hard it is me fell in love with you?how hard to get over you over this past year?how hard for me when you know that I like you but you just keep quiet and acted like you don’t know?do you know how it feels like? and the tears starts to rolling down my cheeks .I cried…in front of the guy that I liked for years,I covered my face with my palms

“It’s…..suffocating” and I keep crying and he’s getting panic.he move over and squatting down in front of me and hold my wrist that covering my face.

“Please Am ..don’t cry.please don’t cry” he keep saying that over and over.I realized that I shouldn’t cry and how embarrassing crying in public.after a few minutes finally I stop crying and calm myself down and he just keep ..staring at me

“Would you stop staring me?I’m sorry for  being embarrassing”

“I’m sorry.and no,it’s not embarrassing.don’t cry Am .I don’t deserve your tears”

“You can forget everything that I said to you before,I just want to express my feelings to you.I’m relieved now.I know that you’ll never see me the way I see you.and I don’t want to force it either.you can’t tell someone to love you”

“Who says so?” he asked

I’m surprised.”What?”

“Who says that I never see you like the way you see me?I don’t know since when,but I have a feelings for you too Am”

“Stop joking.we both know that’s is not possible”

“Do I look like I’m joking to you?”

I’m stunned ..no,I can’t believe this,no way …

“Do you remember the last time I saw you,the reunion party?I was the one who asking for a help to Luhan,to ask you come along with us .I didn’t know that you would come.because I heard that you’re in Hongkong.and do you remember the after party?when we’re going to beach in early morning running along the shore with suit and dress?yelling,half drunk,I was the one behind all of that,I planned it,and your birthday the next day I hold the cake for you because of I want to nobody told me to do so,I never knew that since that you suddenly showed up like that,the very next day I keep thinking about you.but I don’t have the courage to reach to you first”

He made me totally speechless.I’d never think about that..he really full of surprise..

“You …what?are you lose your mind?what about Jess?you still with her aren’t you ?”

“Yeah ..it’s true but actually our relationship is not good right now.I don’t think it’s gonna last’

All I can do is sighing,”Now ..what are we going to do?just pretend that all of this is never happen,right?”

All he can say is ..”I really don’t know Am…”

Oh God ..what am I gonna do with this guy.I don’t know what to do either .and we’re both stay quiet until …

“Just..we can act normal though.I don’t really think that we should act like nothing happen”

“Okay ..if you want it that way”

“Alright ..don’t cry for me again Amber.I don’t deserve it.and also …actually this is the first time that a girl crying in front me”

“Ah it’s so embarrassing.I bet I look so ugly when I cried”

“Haha ..don;t worry .you’re not.can you lend me your phone?”

I took it out from my bag “My phone?for what?”

“Don’t worry,I won’t do anything bad”

I gave it to him,and he pressing numbers and  it turns out calling his number

“Now..you have my number .so I can contact you from now on” and I just smiled

“Come on let’s go,it’s already late,I’ll drive you home’

   Along the way I’m the one who keep staring at her,he’s still the same Kris that I know,that tall body,the jawline,that gummy smile,except that blonde hair.I’m still cannot believe that the guy that I like for years like me too.it feels like a dream though before he realize that I’m staring at him,I quickly look away.

“We’re here.thanks for driving me home Kris drive safely …goodnight”

“You welcome Am.goodnight” once again he’s giving me his gummy smile

I entered my room,took off my clothes and throwing my body to the bed and I heard a beep from my phone.I got a text,from……Kris?

“Once again don’t cry Am .. you should get some rest,I’m home by the way”

“I knooowww that.how many times would you say that?I won’t .”

“Hehee..yeah right,okay I’ll let you sleep.have a nice dream Am “

“You too Kris…bye~”

   I’m staring at my phone screen,God is this really happening?he really have feelings for me too all this time?I’m still cannot believe it.I mean,I should be happy right?it’s not an requirted love.but why do I didn’t feel anything?please tell me that this is not a bad sign of anything …

 Hello to all my subscribers and readers,I'm terribly sorry that it took a really long time for me to update this story.in my country being an university student is really making you busy almost everyday,and in my place, I don't have any internet connection,so it's kinda difficult 

so here I'm alone(#lonelyandsingle) at coffeshop looking for a wifi haha.I hope you keep reading this story 

please leave comments and subscribe as well .

Thank you ...^^