At that time I know everything is gonna be alright and smooth.at least that’s what i think  this far.Vic and Changmin relationship getting better,Luna and Onew oppa finally getting more serious they often argue like they used to.and so with Krystal and Sulli it seems like Kai and Minho really bring a big impact  for them.i can see clearly their faces seem so bright and happy these days.and all my colleges activity doing fine.I can graduate earlier if i’m keep being a diligent one.                    

Well about Kris,i’m still don’t know how to say it.actually it was fine,we’re ack being friends and no more awkwardness but about my feelings,it really worrieds me.I just realize that i’m still have feelings for him,and it starts to grow again.how can we stay being friends while I have this kind of feeling for him?oh damn..why is this happen again ?then what about Key?I can’t hurt his feelings.Oh no..I take a deep sigh and sit down on the edge of my bed,but then I started walk back and forth while my hands on my head ruffled my hair out of frustration.but then I picked my phone and dialled Luna’s number

“Hey Am what’s up?”

“Are you busy?I think I need to tell you about something”

“No..go ahead.what is it about?”

“Umm...actually it’s about Kris”

“What about him?”

“Well..I think I haven’t really forgotten about him.like......I’m still have feelings for him”

“You...What?! I thought you’d forgotten about him”

“I know..but i was wrong.I haven’t Luna.and it grow again.what if it’s getting deeper?”

She take a deep sigh “Okay..I don’t know what to say Am,because it’s you who experiencing it.,but maybe what if you try harder to forget him?I know it won’t be easy.but  at least  that’s all you can do for now right?and act normal around him.you know what i mean right?”

“Yeah I know.I guess that’s the best options for now.okay I’ll try my best Luna.and thanks for listening to me”

“Sure..no problem that’s what bestfriends are for”

After that talk,’m trying my best  to keep a distance with him.and trying not too happy because of anything that he did or he said.and thank God he didn’t realize it.because it’s still doesn’t fully worked out,I know you can control your feelings or whatever it’s called,but that means that i can’t try it.and not so long after that,I’m getting suspicious of something,I see Kris’s social media profile,and he’s saying some kind of words that maybe it was directed to someone.I keep read another few words under that,and it also seems directed to someone.by any chance...is this for me?I mean it was written on the same days when i was with him,at the time when he reach home.and if I connect what happen between me and him that day,it all makes sense.but  it’s really for me?whatif it’s for someone else?

I keep that stupid thought for about a few days until I know the truth.I opned his profile again,I know i’m stalking,but i’m really curious.I saw a few strange conversation with him and...Jessica?!what is this all about?did she  really called him “babe” like what she wrote?what the is this?Oh God..don’t tell me...they’re dating this whole time?I can feel it that their already dating long enough.I can tell the way they talk and...I can’t believe what just I saw.did Luhan know this?I’m sure he is.he’s still close with Kris and I know he hide it from me.

“Hello?Am...can you please be patient?I’m on my way”  said Luna through the phone

“Sorry..it’s just can you get something for me?”

“I think so..what is it?”

“An anti cry medicine or antidepressants?”

“What?Hey Am..are you okay?”

“No......i’m not”

“Wait for me..i’ll be there soon okay?”

When Luna came I already sit  in the backyard,feeling betrayed,speechless,and hurt.I mean she wasthe one said no dating between us.but she’s the broke it.how can this be?everything seems like a puzzled for me,and when I try to put all the pieces together,it all makes sense.of course they getting closer,they are in the same college,in fact,in the same major too.   They have a lot of time to spend together.and then Luna came,running towards me and hugging me instantly.and it was the the time when I burst out crying.I’m trying to let out all of my frustrastion while she keep my back and keep saying

“It’s okay Am..you can cry as much as you want.just let it all out now”

It was hard to believe,but too bad t’s the truth.after I’m feeling like I’m  done crying I just went to sleep.maybe that’s waht I need for now.when I wake up the next morning,there’s a dark circle around my eyes I can’t really sleep last night.I’m sure Luhan knew it all this time.but he hide it very well from me.he should’ve told me so i didn’t felt like this.feeling  completely betrayed.and then all I know the next morning I texted him about this..

“Luhan...are you busy these days?”

“Not really...I have a pretty much time.why?”

“Can we meet?I need to talk to you about something”

“Okay..what is it?it sounds really serious”

“It is.and you’ll know when we meet later”

“Okay..I’ll come to your house this evening”

“Fine..but,bring Kris with you”

“Kris?why?is it about him?”

“Just do as I ask.okay”   

And as he said earlier,he’ll come this evening with Kris.and I’m waiting at usual place when we gather,my backyard.I keep walking back and forth,my heart beating really fast.It’s hard to stay calm.i’m nervous thinking about what am I suppose to say,and then i’m feeling angry,betrayed,hurt,jealousy,everything become one.but soon after I heard a car engine approaching to my house.and it was them.they knew i’ll be waiting here,so they just heading to the backyard as soon as they arrive

“Hey Am..how are you?it’s not usual for you to invite me like this” said Luhan

“I’m good..well yeah,there is something that I really need to ask to you.just sit down...both of you”

And they both sit down,I didn’t ask directly to Luhan about them,I just showing him a picture in my cellphone.it was a copy of Kris and Jessica conversation on the social media.

“What the hell is this?do you about this don’t you?”

He was shocked.completely shock at what he saw.he’s speechless.before he asked some kind of stupid questions while shuttering...

“Whe---re did you---u get... that?”

“Where you hid them.I knew it,you know about all of this.why are you trying to hide from me huh?why?!” I started raising my voice

“Look Am..I cared about you okay.I hae my reasons why I hide it.i really don’t want you to get hurt”

“Don’t want to me to get hurt?!you know what you just did it!thank you Luhan.I don’t need some kind of stupid reason like that.You know how I felt about him..YOU KNOW IT!what makes you think that I don’t have the right to know?huh?!TELL ME!” and I started yelling.Kris who just sit quietly all this time start standing and look at both of us after Luhan saying something with anger

“Because I knew you’ll react exactly like THIS!” and Luhan started yelling at me while his hand punching the wood table

“And yes..Kris and Jessica is DATING!feeling satisfied Am?that s what you need to hear right?”

Kris faces looking confuse,he keep looking at me and Luhan.maybe he’s trying to understand the situation.but,i’m geeting angry too see him like that,doesn’t he understand it?waah..this guy is really something..

“And you..don’t you know how hard i’ve been trying all this time  just to forget you?”

And..I didn’t realize that after yelling like that,tears already falling down on my cheeks.my tears flowed freely.and when both of them  see me they started getting panic.especially Luhan.I fell back on my chair,crying hard with my hands covering my face.and they both sitting in front of me trying to comfort me

“Oh My God..I’m so sorry Am..stop crying please?..please?It’s my fault okay.” asked Luhan

“Amber..please stop crying okay..crying won’t solve the problem” said Kris while kneeling down in front me trying to let go my palm hands that covering my face.I was crying really hard.but then I stopped,I don’t want him to see me like this.like i’m a weak and ptiful girl that chasing after him.after I calmed down,Luhan giving us space to talk

“I’ll  go for a while..so you guys can talk “

And after he leave,we both remained silent.He keeps looking at me.and then I take the courage to talk first

“So..how long have you both dating?” I asked

“It’s already three months.”

Nice..and I just knew it now.thanks for Luhan

“Ohh..I see”

“But..we’re not in the good terms right now.like there’s a big space between me and Jess”

“Congratulations for both you.i hope you going well”

Maybe that sounds too sarcastic from him.but I’m being sincere.there’s no way that he could falling in love with me.and gave a confuse look

“I’m being sincere Kris..you know when I said that I used to like you when we in highschool?That feeling..is still here Kris.I’m trying really hard all this time to make that feeling disappear.but I can’t.it’s hurting me from inside.It’s really painful.when I thought that feeling already gone,I was wrong Kris.I’m afraid it getting deeper.and it hurts me even more”

“But why Am..?”

“Because you’ll never see me the way I see you Kris.there’s no way that you could fall in love with me.you’ll never feel same way like I did. And I would never force you to feel the same way.i’m just ‘a friend’ in your eyes right?”

“Who said so?you are wrong Am..”

“What?that’s the truth.how can I possibly wrong?”

“Remember when the first time we met again?when everybody trying to fix something between us?when you shocked seeing me joining with Luhan,and Luna and you?After we meet that day,to be honest,my mind started thinking about you.and remember when Luhan keep asking you to  hangout or going somewhere?That was all my idea Am.but I didn’t have the courage to ask you by myself except when I was inviting you to my birthday”

“Wh-aat?” I can believe the words that is just coming from his mouth.no waaay.i must be heard it wrong right?it’s not possible

“And maybe it was because I started to have feelings for you Am..”

“Stop lying..don’t be ridiculous.you love Jessica right?”

He take a deep sigh first..”I do..but i don’t know Am..but I have that kind of feelings for you too..I’m feeling dilemma Am”

I was speechless.i really don’t know what to say.it’s just that everything is so sudden and it’s hard to believe.Oh my God..what the hell is going on..?

“So what are we gonna do now?keep being friends and pretending this is never happen or what?” I asked him

“Honestly...I don’t know..

I take a deep sigh.feeling a bit frustrated because I don’t know what to do either.

“Alright..We’ll figure it out later”

“Okay..I better get going it’s late and Luhan already waiting.and Amber..don’t ever cry for me like that again.i don’t deserve it.”

“Okay..be careful and goodnight Kris..”

“Am..i’m sorry about yelling at you earlier and for hiding the fact about them.hope you understand my reasons”

“Me too..and yeah,i’ll understand..”

“Goodnight Am.”

And with that they both left.It was really tough day for me.I’m so stupiiid.why am I crying in fron of hiiim?aaah stupid Ambeeer.what would he think of me?arrrrggh.while my mind still struggling like that.my phone vibrating,and it was a text from Kris..

“You’re not crying anymore don’t you?”

“No..don’t worry I’m not”

“Glad to hear that :) "

And we ended up texting again.Haah..i have no idea how to react about this later.I mean his not offiacly broke up with Jess but I just made a confession to him and he suprised me with that kind of answer.I don’t know how am I suppose to feel about this.happy?sad?dissapointed?confuse?...I don’t know.maybe I have to figure it out later