It was a rainy day full of gloom. The rain tapped against my bedroom window. The only thing keeping my room lighted was my desk lamp. Other than that, my room was just as dark and gloomy as it was outside.

I felt numb. My body was numb. My mind was numb. Everything was numb. I guess I was too numb to cry. My lungs were too numb to do their job. Breathing was too hard. I had to gasp for breath.

"It's like you hardly know me at all!"

"You never show me how much you love me!"

"I hate you!"

"You don't know me at all!"

"You're never there for me when I need you!"

"I wish I never met you!"

"I don't need you! There's someone better out there for me!"

Junah's words kept attacking me. They were stabbing my head, my heart, every part of my body. They repeated and echoed in my mind. I tried to break free of their vice grip, but I just couldn't escape them.

"I understand, Junah. If you're not happy with our relationship, then I shouldn't keep you in it.

I let out a choked sob. I punched my mattress over and over again. How- Why did I say that? Why didn't I hold on to her? Why did I let Junah go?

"Ray, I'd like you to meet Kangjun. He's my new boyfriend. Kangjun, this is my friend Ray."

"Hi Ray. Junah's told me a lot about you."

I ran to the bathroom and knelt over the toilet. I felt my stomach churn and I threw up.

I remembered shaking his hand, pretending not to feel dead inside when Junah introduced me only as her 'friend' when we were so much more.

"Oh Ray, he's such a great guy. He really listens to me and understands me. I just feel so comfortable with him."

I heard Junah's happy sigh echo in my mind and I hurled again.

"It's nice to meet you, Kangjun."

A lie.

"Listen, Ray, I'm really serious about Junah. I want to know if there's anything going on between you two or if you two have been in a relationship before."

"We're just friends."

Another lie.

"Ray, Kangjun and I have decided to get married."

"I'm really happy for the both of you."

I lied that day. I didn't even try to sound happy for them. But they didn't care. I fled the restaurant. They didn't care about that either. All they cared about was each other. A few days later, I apologized to Junah. I told her that I needed some time to let everything sink in. She said she understood.

I knew she didn't.

I wondered if this is how she felt when we were dating.

I wiped the corners of my mouth and went back to my bedroom. I started throwing things, smashing picture frames against the floor, throwing anything I could get my hands on.

Junah.

Junah.

Junah.

My thoughts were only about her. I scoffed and glared at myself in the mirror.

I'm thinking about you now, Junah.

Isn't this what you wanted?

You wanted me to suffer didn't you?

I know you better than he does.

I love you more than he ever will.

Kangjun.

His name. His face. His voice. His clothes. His hair. Everything. Everything about him made so much angrier.

I reached for a small box on my dresser and threw that at my mirror. I heard the glass cracking.

I caught my breath and examined the damage around me. Shards were everywhere. Everything was in pieces. Just like our relationship, or what used to be.

I knelt to the floor, not caring about the shards stabbing my legs. Everything was numb again.

I picked up the box that I threw at the mirror and opened it. The diamond ring inside already lost its shine.

Maybe if I showed it to her, she would have stayed. 

It isn't fair having her move on so quickly. It isn't fair seeing her happier with somebody else.

Part of me knew it would happen eventually.

But it just feels so soon.