The Pissing Contest

THE SIREN (Completed)
INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Lena and Dona Consuelo, coming from an afternoon out of town,
entered the main door. They had just come from the designers
at the nearby city. They have with them, shopping bags,
evidence of their trip to the nearby island.

They were really surprised to see Rafael, Enzo and Paco
waiting for them. The boys readily took their heavy shopping
bags and carried them inside. Dona Consuelo and Lena then
settled and rested their tired legs by sitting on
the very comfortable sofa.

Rafael readily sat beside Lena.

RAFAEL
O Lena, ba’t hindi mo kaagad tinext
sa akin ang pagkakapili sa iyo
bilang Reyna Elena?

LENA
Pasensya ka na kasi medyo
napakabilis ng mga pangyayari,
hindi ko na naisip mag-text sa iyo.
Sobrang na-ngarag nga kami ni Lola
sa kakalibot ng siyudad para
hanapin yung store ng favorite
designer niya.

RAFAEL
Ganoon ba? Sayang nga at hindi
pala ako pwedeng maging mo.

LENA
Pwede naman, kaya lang request daw
ng mga taga-San Nicholas na si Enzo
na lang daw.

RAFAEL
So, pwede pa pala ako?

ENZO
Yun ay kung papayag ako...

RAFAEL
Pare naman...

ENZO
Handa na kasi ang isusuot kong barong.

RAFAEL
Owsss....

ENZO
Biro lang pare...Ginu-goodtime lang
kita. Pero ang totoo, I am actually
looking forward maging bahagi ng
parada for the first time sana.

RAFAEL
I guess si Lena na lang maaring
mag-decide nito. Lena, sinong gusto
mo sa aming dalawa ni Enzo ang
magiging consorte mo sa Santa Cruzan?

Lena was not prepared to answer. There’s a bit of panic on
her face.

PACO
Guys, why don’t we settle this the
manly way?!

RAFAEL
Sa anong paraan?

ENZO
Oo nga, meron ka bang mainam na
suggestion?

PACO
Saan pa kungdi sa inuman! Rafael,
ngayong magkakakilala na tayo,
mamayang gabi, let's celebrate! Inuman to the max
tayo. Ang unang gumapang sa sahig, talo!

ENZO
Ito’y katuwaan lang, ha, pareng
Rafa? Sabagay hindi pa pala kayo
nagkainuman nitong si Paco, pati na
rin sina Janna and Liz, hindi mo pa formally
na-meet.

RAFAEL
Game ako diyan, okay lang ba iyon Lena?

LENA
Bakit naman hindi?

ENZO
Sige, mag-barbecue party tayo tonight.

DONA CONSUELO
Sige, sasabihan ko si Minda na
maghanda.

With that, Dona Consuelo leaves. The four of them were left
devoid of any conversation to follow up on. IT became
really, really awkward.

ENZO
Ummm, iwan na muna namin kayo,
sasabihan namin ang mga babae
tungkol sa party.

RAFAEL
Sige.

ENZO
Paco, halika na.

PACO
Iwan muna namin kayo.

With that the two boys left, leaving Lena and Rafael.

LENA
Ano ka ba?

RAFAEL
Ano na namang ginawa ko?

LENA
Ba’t mo pinipilit ang sarili mong
maging ko, eh pumayag na nga
yung tao?

RAFAEL
Lena, sa tingin nila ako ang
boyfriend mo, hindi kaya sila
magtataka kung hindi man lang ako
mag-put-up ng kahit konting resistance?

LENA
Kakainis ka kasi, nilalagay mo ako
sa alanganin minsan.

RAFAEL
Besides that, Lena, gusto ko rin
talagang maging mo. Minsan
lang mangyari to dito sa amin na
magkaroon ng ganito kagandang Reyna
Elena, kahit sino namang lalake
ipaglalaban ang pagiging consorte mo.

LENA
Bahala ka na nga. Sana huwag naman
masyadong big deal sa kanila itong
Reyna Elena business na to.

RAFAEL
Lena, anong hindi big deal? Big
deal talaga ito sa Lolo at Lola mo.
You’ve never seen a party until
you’ve been into an Alvarez’ party.
Pag sila ang nag-handa, malaking
bagay talaga yan para sa mga tagaisla.
Pati mga politiko at mga
mayayaman sa karatig isla for sure
dadayo yan dito. Lahat ng mga
importanteng tao imbitado.

LENA
Talaga?

RAFAEL
Lena, ang mga party dito sa mansion,
are of epic proportions. Maghanda
ka na. Hindi basta-basta ang
pinasok mo, kaya naman hindi mo ako
masisi. I’d kill to be your .

LENA
Huwag naman sanang umabot sa ganoon...

Lena begins to worry. The last thing a person of her
background needs is to be into the limelight for everyone
to scrutinize. Her dream last night is still fresh from her
mind, the thought of being utterly humiliated, really made
Lena nervous for the first time. She was actually risking
blowing up her cover.

LENA
(absent-mindedly
saying out loud)
Sana walang nakakakilala sa akin...

RAFAEL
Ha? Ba’t naman ayaw mo?

LENA
Ha eh, wala lang! Nakakahiya kasi
di ba, nawala ako ng matagal, tapos
dito lang pala ako lilitaw.

RAFAEL
Ayaw mo nun may makakapag-kwento na
ng husto sa iyo nang buong-buo
tungkol sa nakalipas mo.

LENA
Oo nga naman. Tama ka.

RAFAEL
Lika na, labas muna tayo dun sa garden.

LENA
Sige.

With that the two leaves.

EXT. MANSION GARDENS - EVENING

It was now well into the night. The only ones present are
Enzo, Rafael, Paco, Liz, Janna, Lena and Tinay.

JANNA
Guys, dahan dahan lang sa drinks,
nakakarami na ata kayo.

ENZO
Ito kasing si Pareng Rafa,
chinallenge ako.

RAFAEL
Ang tagal na rin nating hindi
nagkalasingan pare, di ba?

ENZO
Oo nga naman. It’s been years.
Pero, I don’t think I have the
strength say that of five years ago.

PACO
After several shots nitong lambanog,
nag-mellow ka na sa lagay na yan, ha?

RAFAEL
Hindi ko pa talaga natatalo tong si
Enzo sa inuman. Bakal ang atay nito.

TINAY
Bakit ba napaka-importanteng matalo
mo si Kuya Enzo sa inuman?

RAFAEL
Wala lang...

LIZ
Yeah, this has really turned out to
be a pissing contest...

LENA
Anong contest?

JANNA
Pissing contest...in other words,
patayugan ng ihi.

LIZ
Right, alam mo Lena, nature na kasi
ng mga lalake to engage in contests
or feats of strength or endurance,
just to show off to other males who is
superior. It starts out even in
young males, kahit pa nung kabataan
nila,halos lahat ay contest sa kanila,
and most often it starts out sa
patayugan ng ihi ika nga!

TINAY
You mean, magpapatayugan kayo ng
ihi ngayon? Naku, gusto ko manood.

LIZ
Metaphor lang yan, Tinay.

TINAY
Anong metaphor?

LENA
Naku, Tinay, saka ko na i-explain sa iyo
kung ano ibig sabihin nyan. Halika ka na,
pumasok na tayo...pag nagpatayugan
ng ihi ang mga lalake, ayaw mong
mabasa...

TINAY
Teka, hindi ko pa rin talaga maintindihan...

LENA
Basta, halika ka na, matulog na
tayo, gabi na.

PACO
Come on, girls, maaga pa naman.

TINAY
Oo nga, Lena, maaga pa.

LENA
Basta, halika na.

Lena drags Tinay inside the house.

JANNA
Ako din guys, I don’t want to
witness any of this. It’s disgusting.

LIZ
Awww, this ought to be fun.

JANNA
Halika na, Lizzie. It’s so juvenile.

LIZ
Sige na nga. Goodnight boys, behave.

RAFAEL
Party poopers.

LIZ
Curiously lang, ano ba ang cause
ba’t kayo nagkakaganyan? Pag may
nanalo sa inyo, ano ang prize?

Nobody answered. The girls were looking at Enzo and Rafael
for confirmation but both just shrugged their shoulders.

JANNA
Let’s go na, Liz.

The girls leave. Paco continues to pour drinks for the two.

PACO
Guys, I’m really tired. I think
I’ve had enough.

RAFAEL
Di ba pare, ikaw nag-aya, pare?

PACO
Ang tagal niyong matumbang dalawa,
eh. Antok na ko.

ENZO
Pare, that means dalawa na lang tayo.

RAFAEL
Oo nga pare. I'm not ready to go to sleep yet.

PACO
Sige, pero referee na lang ako.

ENZO
Sige pare, tanggero ka na lang.

PACO
That I‘ll do.

RAFAEL
Ang tagal na nga pala nating hindi
nag-gaganito, pare.

ENZO
May katagalan na nga pare.

RAFAEL
OO nga eh, times like these, naaalala ko si Rosario
Madlang-awa!

PACO
Rosario? Madlang-awa?

ENZO
Ha ha ha. Oo, nga pala pare,
naaalala ko rin siya minsan. Saan na nga ba
iyon ngayon?

RAFAEL
Huling rinig ko kay Aling Bebang,
nasa Maynila na, apat na ang anak.

ENZO
Putik! Ganon ba?! Apat na? Ang bilis!

PACO
Sandali lang, mga pare ko. Sino si
Rosario Madlang-awa?

ENZO
Ikaw na magkwento, pareng Rafa.

RAFAEL
Ganito kasi yun, Paco. Si Rosario
ay dating pinakamagandang babae dito
sa buong isla. Siya ang
pinapantasya ng lahat ng kalalakihan
dito. Bata pa kami noon.
Alam mo na, puberty, plus raging hormones...
Siya’y biyente anyos noon,
kami naman ni Enzo, kinse.

ENZO
Hindi pare, katorse pa lang.

RAFAEL
Oo nga pala. Tama. Katorse. So, nung
summer na iyon, na-in-love kaming
dalawa ni Enzo kay Rosario.
Sobrang tinamaan kaming pareho na
umabot sa nag-away kami.

PACO
Nag-away dahil sa iisang babae? How classic!

ENZO
Call it that way, pare, pero kung
nakita mo si Rosario nuong araw,
makikipag-away ka din.

PACO
So, anong nangyari?

RAFAEL
Ayun, minsan, nag-usap kami ng
masinsinan nitong si Enzo.
Napagkasunduan naming iisa lang sa
amin ang pwedeng manligaw kay Rosario.

PACO
So, anong ginawa niyo?

ENZO
Ayun, nag-duelo kami.

RAFAEL
Ha ha ha. Nahihiya ako sa sarili ko
pag-naalala ko ang nangyari sa 'tin dati.
Batang-isip pa talaga tayo noon!

PACO
Anong klaseng duelo?

RAFAEL
Ayun, nagpalayuan kami ng langoy.
Kung sino ang makapaglangoy ng
pinakamalayo, siya yung panalo. Siya
ang karapat-dapat na manligaw kay Rosario.
Yung talo, back off muna.

PACO
Sinong nanalo?

RAFAEL
Sino pa, kundi si Enzo!

ENZO
Talagang trinabaho ko ang paglangoy
nuon pare. Kahit maubos na ang hininga
ko hindi pa rin ako tumigil. Pero
you were a worthy opponent, pareng Rafa. It
wasn’t an easy job.

RAFAEL
Thanks pare. Hindi nga ako
makapaniwala na nagawa natin iyon.
Cheers pare!

All three took another shot of lambanog.

PACO
So anong nangyari sa panliligaw mo
kay Rosario?

RAFAEL
Ano pa? May nakakatakas bang babae
kay Enzo?

PACO
You mean, nagka-girlfriend ka ng 20
years old nung ikaw 14 pa lang? Wow!

ENZO
Yeah, pare, she was something. She
was my first!

PACO
You mean...your first?

ENZO
Oo.

RAFAEL
And she was my first too.

PACO
Ha? Siya din?

RAFAEL
Ha ha ha. Yeah, a month after ni
Enzo. Don’t be shocked Paco,
anything goes dito sa probinsya.

ENZO
Oo nga, pare. I think she gave
every other kid in this town their
first time.

PACO
I thought I was advanced na for my age!

RAFAEL
Inom pa, mga pare! Here’s to Rosario!

ENZO
Rosario, nasaan ka man! Salamat sa
memories!

RAFAEL
Cheers!

The boys downed another shot.

PACO
Hindi ba kayo nag-away pagkatapos nun?

RAFAEL
Medyo nagkatampuhan, kaya lang narealize
namin na our friendship is
more important.

ENZO
Kaya nga we made a pact never to
fight over a girl again.

PACO
Was that pact, ever kept?

RAFAEL
Ummm...Sometimes...

ENZO
All I can say is, All is fair in love and war, pare.

RAFAEL
Right!

EXT. MANSION’S GARDENS - EVENING - A FEW HOURS LATER

The boys are now almost in a drunken stupor. Paco is still
doing the shots for the other two, who is still bent into
out-drinking the other one.

RAFAEL
Alam mo, pare, you are unfair.

ENZO
Bakit naman, pare?

PACO
This is interesting...

RAFAEL
Alam mo na kung ano ang pinag-uusapan
natin.

ENZO
Ano yun pare? Di ko alam.

RAFAEL
That’s the typical you, pare. You
just take everything you want.

ENZO
Ano na naman ang nagawa ko?!

RAFAEL
You know who I’m talking about.
You want her too. And you
have a freaking girlfriend, pare!

ENZO
I wasn’t doing anything!

RAFAEL
But, you are planning to...I know...

PACO
Sandali pare, ano ba ang pinaguusapan
natin. I’m lost...

RAFAEL
Akin si Lena, pare.

ENZO
Bakit, hindi pa ba? Di ba girlfriend
mo na siya?

RAFAEL
Kaya nga! You need to back off...

PACO
Ahhhh...Okay...si Lena pala.

ENZO
Is this about sa pagiging ko sa kanya?

RAFAEL
Basta, pare. Stop whatever it is
your thinking about her, pare. I
saw her first, binabalaan na kita,
walang sulutan ng girlfriend.

ENZO
Pare naman, sa tagal nating
magkakilala pinag-iisipan mo pa rin
akon nang ganyan? I’m upset!

RAFAEL
I just want to make it clear pare.
She’s mine. Come to think of it...in
all honesty, I do want to be her !
So this is partly about that. Pero, in
general, you need to let her be...

ENZO
Is this what it is? Sige, ikaw na
ang niya. Ang akin lang
pare, hindi ko naman pinagsiksikan
ang sarili ko sa pagiging
niya. Ako daw ang pinili ng taong
bayan.

RAFAEL
You could’ve refused, pare.

ENZO
Kung alam ko lang na ganoon pala
ang naramdaman mo, di sana hindi ko
na lang tinanggap.

PACO
Guys, before kayo mag-away ng
tuluyan. There is a way to settle this.

RAFAEL
Ano yun?

PACO
Akong bahala...

CUT TO:

INT. LENA’S BEDROOM - SAME TIME

Lena and Tinay are peering over their window, observing the
scenes below. The gardens are right below Lena’s window.

TINAY
Parang nag-aaway na si Rafa at Kuya.

LENA
Oo nga! Ano kaya ang nangyayari?

TINAY
Grabe naman tong dalawa, ayan o
mukhang nagtatalo na.

LENA
Ano kaya ang pinagtatalunan nila?

TINAY
Nagtaka ka pa?

LENA
Ano nga?

TINAY
Sino pa, e di ikaw!

LENA
Malay ba naman natin kung ano ang
pinag-aawayan nila. Babaan kaya
natin sila? Baka magkagulo pa sila nang tuluyan.

TINAY
Huwag na. Matatanda na ang mga iyan.
Masaya na yung ganito.
Observe ka na lang.

CUT TO:

EXT. MANSION GARDENS - SAME TIME

Paco returns to the gardens carrying two steel balls, more
like shotput balls, which usually serve as Dona Consuelo's garden displays.

ENZO
Ano naman yan?

PACO
Kung patayugan din lang ng ihi, ito
na lang.

RAFAEL
I get it, you want us to throw it
as far as we can.

PACO
Oo,pare, kung sino ang may pinakamalayong
tapon mula dito, siya ang ni
Lena.

ENZO
I don’t like it, that’s juvenile.

RAFAEL
Bakit pare, takot ka?

ENZO
Ako pa? Kelan ba ako nag-back-out sa challenge?

RAFAEL
Remember pare, as with noon kay
Rosario, whoever loses has to back off.

ENZO
Call...

PACO
The game is officially on!!! Yeah!!!

Enzo and Paco prepares. They both stood up
and are now stretching and flexing
their muscles.

PACO
Okay, who starts?

ENZO
Ako muna.

Paco hands Enzo one of the lawn display balls.

Enzo first took several deep breaths. He then hoists the
heavy ball by his shoulder, and with one great heave, the steel
sphere flew and fell almost twenty meters from where they are! A heavy thud is heard as the steel ball
makes contact with the soft ground.

CUT TO:

INT. LENA’S BEDROOM -SAME TIME

Lena and Tinay are still
awake and are very much engrossed
with what is happening downstairs.

TINAY
Oh my God, ba’t may ganyan? Anong
ginagawa nila?

LENA
Ha ha ha. Ito na yata ang
patayugan ng ihi na sinasabi nila,
ayan nagco-contest na.

TINAY
Yan lang? Palayuan ng tapon? Ay
naku, naghintay pa naman ako ng napakatagal,
tapos yan lang.

LENA
Eto na si Rafael, siya na ang
hahagis ng bola.

TINAY
Ewan ko sa iyo. Basta ako
matutulog na lang ako. Sinayang ko
ang oras ko, kainis!

LENA
Sandali, tingnan natin kung sino
ang mananalo!!!

CUT TO:

EXT. MANSION GARDENS - SAME TIME

Paco and Enzo are now cheering the latter’s very good throw.

PACO
Pare, kahit lasing ka, ang layo pa
rin ah.

RAFAEL
I must say pare, "that" is impressive.

ENZO
Finally, my several months in the gym paid off.

RAFAEL
Kala ko ba di ka interesado? Why give it your best?

ENZO
You can call it, inspired, pare.
Besides, a challenge is a challenge.
Your turn, pare.

RAFAEL
It’ll be tough to beat.

ENZO
O ano, ipapa-plantsa ko na ba ang barong ko?

Rafael doesn’t respond. He meanwhile picks up the sphere.
He took several deep breaths too. With a bit of a run, he
throws the ball into the opposite direction...

The ball lands on a small slope, but it did not stay still, instead it kept rolling,
rolling away at least thirty meters before it rested on the
fire wall of the mansion.

Enzo and Paco are in shock. Meanwhile, Rafael has the look
of triumph on his face. He sat down and drank his shot.

PACO
Now, that is far!

RAFAEL
Look’s like I won pare, now back off!

ENZO
I don’t know what to say...that was
cheating! Of course it will roll
away, it fell on a slope! That’s
unfair!

RAFAEL
All’s fair in love and war, di ba pare?

Enzo and Paco remained stunned.

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Comments

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Dailycommenter 98 streak #1
I am trying to find an old story on here but I cannot remember the title so I am going through all the story links I found this sounds interesting and has a nice description Will read soon
summer-star
#2
Visiting old fics!
summer-star
#3
Visiting old fics!
hyojungx
#4
Greaaaaaat