Xiumin feels terrible because his cousin doesnt like to talk about this things. He pretty much would like to leave the past in the past. And it should be like that. . .is just that this is serious.
The café in wich they meet is close to the organization, Luhan requested Xiumin to be near. They havent talk about anything else yet, that will come later.
Xouho comes wearing a chocolate brown coat and thick glasses. His gray hair stylished. He looks older than Xiumin and the older cousin doesnt like that, the way that he looks, so frail.
The doctor offers him a smile anyway.
"Gege"
"Hey welcome welcome"
"Hows the baby?", he sais and pats his belly.
"Is fine, moving a lot these days"
"Just like the appa. Or so Kyungsoo tells me"
"Ah, yes".
"What was that you wanted to talk about?"
"Uhm. . .is about White Tree". The doctors face goes paled.
"Baekhyun, Boixan, Kim Boixan. Have you heard of him?"
"Yes, former slave, wrote a book"
"Yeah that one. . .he wants to take Chanyeol to Korea, he thinks he had something to do with it. . ."
"He is right. . ."
"No, it was his family, just like ours. . ."
"Have you lost your memory? Chanyeol wasnt a criminal like his dad, but he didnt exactly gave a about anything else that was beyond his nose".
"I think that change when he got Baekhyun"
"How can you be sure?"
"Well, he went mad over it"
"Whatever, what do we have to do with that? I wont testify in his favour. I dont even know him that well"
"No, is not that. Boixan, he thinks that. . .I. . .have something to do with it too. He is been talking to Luhan and. . .I, he wants proof of the Parks in the White Tree tragedy. I wanted to know of you remember such proof. Proof that I didnt sing anything. Did we burnt all?". The doctor looks away.
"I. . .I dont wanna have anything to do with this. . ."
"I know, but I dont wanna go to jail because my father was a ert".
"I. . .have pictures'.
"What? Pictures of what? I mean: the pictures?"
"Yes, of the books"
"What?!"
"Before burning them, I took pictures of the books, remember?"
"What? You kept them? Why you never told me?"
"It was just in case. But. . ."
"But?"
"Kyungsoo thinks that his sister die there"
"So?"
"So what do you think is gonna happen if he founds out that all this time I had the lodges of the people that was there? When he founds out that I with held police evidence?"
"What difference it makes? It was our parents, they are already dead, we almost die to save his life and those of many. That must count for something", the doctor shoock his head.
--------
Doctor Zhou watches the limp figure of Chanyeol on the park, siting on a bench, looking away at nothing. He wonders how did this happen? They were making some progress and sudenly.  . .He sighs.
"Chanyeol is time for our session", the pacient just looks at him. He sits by his side. "Its a nice day".
"Since I came, Ive been called many things. I had a mission and I didnt care because people didnt understand. But now, Im wondering if I really am a monster, scumbag, a criminal. At the time I was given Baekhy it was normal, it was normal for people like my family to have a. . .ual servant. I didnt like the idea and when my parents introduced me to him I felt uncomfortable. I took him though. Was it wrong? If I said no he would have a pretty terrible future, and yet he seems to think that he had a pretty terrible past. Baekhyun was the only person that knew me well, knew all my secrets, I trusted him. . .with my life and I would give my life for him. But now I think, I think that I was so so happy that I never saw that he wasnt. What can I do now? He was so angry, Im thinking that he has all the right to kill me. That if he never felt my love then whats there for me to do? If going to jail would make him happy, Ill turn myself in. I know since the other day that I dont have a reason to keep living, a jail cell is as good as any home for me".
The pain in his voice was as strong as the clarity of his words. The doctor knew how this was called and what kind of situation his pacient was going through, but he couldnt help to think that, at the end of the day, Chanyeol was dying of love.
"But, this is a kind of end for your mission. Why can there be any other plans for your future?", Chanyeol smiled looking at the horizon.
"I planned to. . .I know I dont have money anymore, but I saw that fisher men make good money and that people are free to build a house by the see. Is not very luxurious but it could be something. A start for him and me, later we could have one or two babies. . .live a quiet life, maybe he would have to work too. Those were my plans. What would I plan now?"
"Getting better and healing is not a plan anymore?"
"I wanted to be a man for him"
"Dont you wanna be a man for yourself?"
"Myself? Maybe Im just a monster"
"Youve made some mistakes, big ones, but you are here to get better. Life gave you another chance", he paused. "Maybe theres someone out there that likes houses by the sea and would like to have your two kids", and maybe saying something like that wasnt correct.
"Do you know anyone who would?", Chanyeol asked and looked at the doctor in such a deep way that he felt intimidated, exposed. The pacient held his look until the doctor looked away. "Thats what I thought. Look doctor, maybe there is such person but what good would I do to them, why anyone would want to go to jail to visit someone. Think about it: Im not worth it. . .also I cant love anybody, anymore".
------
At times like this a drink is always welcome. Its the second thing doctor Mi does after going back home. He sits in his living room couch, drinks and thinks. "I cant love anybody, anymore". He doesnt really want to know why the words hurt so much.
To love somebody, what was that? He heard those words before, "I cant love anybody, anymore". Is what his ex said after their son die and he was asking for the divorce. He apologized and the doctor understood. But life had gonne differently for the both of them, his ex did love again, was love and had a new family. That wasnt the doctors destiny.

He gulped some of his drink.

Chanyeols last words werent a question, so the doctor didnt answer with words, but he promised his pacient in his heart that he was going to help him no matter what and that he was going to...love him like he already was. He had a house and didnt need anymore, he was a father once, he doesnt need more babies. Is sad and stupid, maybe even one of the conditions that he himself treats, but he was gonna stay like this. Theres nothing else that he needs. Just this, the talks in the park, the truths of Chanyeol, thats all. He already knows what it is to have it all, why ask for more?

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A/N: till the last days of march I will try to update and/or finish as much stories as I can. After that I will move to another country so I dont know when, or if, I can comeback to this account. Thank your for undestanding and for waiting for me.