[CONTENTID1]Chapter 9[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Far Away" - Nickelback

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

"This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes"

Nam Soon just couldn't keep his hair still this night. He changed it to one side and then another, threw it back, and then back over his eyes - even without knowing why he was bothering about it so much.

He wondered if he should wear a social outfit - since it was still a business meeting. But since Moo Yul didn't tell him anything about it, he ended up wearing just some tight jeans, long sleeves, winter coat and a scarf. It was not a date, so he had no reason to worry so much about his clothes, though he was still undecided. Although he didn't really know for which company they worked at, just by the fact that they did it in a full suit already meant that they should receive a good salary. Therefore, it was expected for them to dress better than him, who was just a waiter at a coffee shop.

In the end, he gave up and arranged his hair the same way as always - he had no reason to try to get it straight; it had always been a mess anyway. He left home with his keys and his wallet - though he admitted that it didn't have much money.

In his way to the karaoke, he couldn't stop wondering... What if Heung Soo wasn't there? What if he gave up going because of him? Removing some of the snowflakes that fell on his hair, he got on the train that would take him to the station nearest to the karaoke. He shouldn't be worrying too much. Heung Soo wouldn't have invited him, even if it was against his wish, if he didn't plan to go.

Nam Soon tried to remain positive. He really hoped that he would be there, and that he would get a chance to make some progress in their relationship - or whatever he should call it.

"I'd give it all

I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up"

Nam Soon arrived thirty minutes past the scheduled time, mostly because the subway took considerably longer than he thought it would to arrive. Just a few people had arrived, and he felt relieved. Honestly, he was worried that it might seem a little strange to show up in a business meeting like that. But he shouldn't, because it appeared to be more of a friendly meeting than anything too uptight - Moo Yul was singing one pop song that was pretty famous these days, side by side with one girl that looked about his age. Seated at the right side of the room were two girls, who whispered to one another when he arrived, probably wondering who he was - at least that was what he thought they were talking about. And three more guys were drinking and talking loudly at the center of the table. They didn't seem to notice his presence.

Moo Yul just greeted him, but didn't stop singing. Though Nam Soon wasn't paying attention to him anymore - his eyes were focused on the left side of the room, where Heung Soo was sitting on a large couch. An empty bottle of soju was already disposed in front of him, while he drank half of the second one.

His eyes were looking straight into his, and Nam Soon really wished he could read his thoughts. He blinked as he approached Heung Soo, looking down at his feet - he couldn't face those eyes that intimidated him. He sensed that he kept watching until Nam Soon sat down next to him. And as soon as he did it, Heung Soo took a pack of cigarettes over the table and stood up, heading for the door.

He isn't leaving, is he? Nam Soon wouldn't let him - not now that he had just arrived. They needed to talk, even if he didn't know what else he could do instead of begging for forgiveness. As much as he knew he would probably die trying to make Heung Soo forgive him ... still, he followed him.

"Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left"

Heung Soo had just leaned his back against the wall and lit a cigarette, half of his foot was covered with snow. The cold was excruciating, but even so Nam Soon went outside after him. Heung Soo's hair, still parted on the side, was falling over his eyes as a snowflake fell over his bangs, making him shake his head to toss it away.

Nam Soon stopped a few steps behind Heung Soo, that noticed his presence when he turned his head to put his now moist hair back in place. Nam Soon pretended he didn't see him rolling his eyes after his sight.

"Didn't you stop smoking?" Nam Soon asked as he approached him. Heung Soo sighed loudly, an annoyed expression on his face.

"What do you want?" he grunted, putting the pack of cigarettes back into his pocket as he gave another puff on his cigarette.

"Heung Soo yah..." Nam Soon mumbled, his throat suddenly getting dry, making him lose his voice.

"Don't you say that you're sorry again. Don't you dare," Heung Soo barked. He didn't want to listen to it again. He didn't want him to look at him with those apologetic eyes - he didn't want his pity. Heung Soo had achieved a lot in his life, that there was no place left for Nam Soon to feel pity about him.

"Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait"

"Why do you keep showing up? Why don't you just disappear?" Heung Soo hissed, the pack of cigarettes already crumpled in his hands, his fists clenched in his pockets as if he was trying to keep steady and not hit him. Every time he faced those apologetic eyes, he felt like pulling them out. Those fake, tender and warm eyes that brought him nothing but rage. That person who destroyed every dream he once had.

Nam Soon bit his lips, looking down and then at Heung Soo again. He would listen to what he wanted to say, how many times he needed to tell it. And then, who knows, after repeating it several times ... maybe that anger would dissipate from Heung Soo's heart, at least a little?

"I didn't mean it," Nam Soon mumbled with watery eyes. He just gave up controlling his tears, because every time he saw Heung Soo, every time he stared at him with those hateful eyes... It would always be scary, just like before. It would always hurt him, no matter what happened. "I never meant to hurt you like that. That's why I'm sorry, you bastard..." Nam Soon said, the words leaving his lips without pause, afraid that he wouldn't be able to finish it - afraid of what Heung Soo would say and how he could interpret it. "I know ... it was all my fault. That's why I want to do something for you now."

"On my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance"

"What? What will you do? Give me free coffee every morning? You think that would make a difference?" He smirked with sarcasm.

"No..." Nam Soon mumbled. Heung Soo was right - It wouldn't make a difference, and he could do nothing more. Yet ... "I don't know. But I will do anything for you. Because I made a mistake, because I ruined your future ... Now that we met again, I have to do anything that is within my reach," he said. He was lost, but he was sure that he wouldn't give up now - that he had to do something for Heung Soo. Something for both of them, for this friendship that he tore apart.

"Too bad now. I told you ... It is already too late," Heung Soo replied, tossing the empty package into the bin next to him and turning to look into Nam Soon's eyes once more. "I don't need you anymore. You don't have to do anything else. Just go away, you bastard," he muttered harshly, turning his back to Nam Soon and returning to the karaoke room.

Nam Soon didn't follow him this time. He stayed there for the next twenty minutes, thinking about his words - about Heung Soo's words. That Heung Soo didn't need him anymore. That was the truth - Heung Soo moved on with his life. He was fine now, without him. But why couldn't Nam Soon leave him? Why did Nam Soon still desperately need Heung Soo?

"I wanted you to stay

Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you, I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long'"

Nam Soon went back inside some minutes later. Heung Soo didn't look back at him, instead he spent the rest of the night drinking without leaving his place - just to get more suju; and doing his best not to talk to anyone. Nam Soon knew that he should leave, but he couldn't make himself. At least he wanted to make Heung Soo stop drinking so much, but he couldn't do anything about it either. Heung Soo would be annoyed, and he probably was already doing him enough harm just by being there.

It was the end of the night already, and most of his friends had already left. Nam Soon hadn't. He couldn't take his eyes off Heung Soo, who was now sleeping with his face over the table. And Nam Soon was truly worried about him since he had drunk too much.

Moo Yul was very busy all night, paying attention to those two girls sitting in the corner of the room. It was only after they left that he finally noticed Nam Soon again. But it was not as if Nam Soon really cared.

"Can you take him home?" Moo Yul asked him, pointing at Heung Soo, who barely moved.

"I would... But I think it's better if you do it ..." Nam Soon whispered, even though his mind wanted to do the exactly opposite. Still, he knew Heung Soo wouldn't like it and he didn't even know where he lived. Moo Yul, however, was not worried about any argument that Nam Soon would give him. He gave a small smirk and picked up his cell phone, typing something that Nam Soon soon discovered was an address - probably for Heung Soo's house. Then he put his phone back in his pocket and gave one last smile to Nam Soon before leaving.

"So keep breathing

Cause I'm not leaving you anymore"

Nam Soon parked Heung Soo's car in an empty space in front of his building - he found the keys in the left pocket of his coat. Heung Soo was still sleeping soundly, so Nam Soon had to carry him all the way up to the elevator - and he was glad that Heung Soo's building had one. It was the second time Nam Soon would be taking care of a drunken Heung Soo, he noticed. He didn't mind it though, since it was probably because of him that he drank so much.

Heung Soo's apartment was definitely better than his. He had built a good life for himself, apparently - even with everything Nam Soon did to him ... and Nam Soon was glad for it. He was happy that time hadn't stopped for Heung Soo like it did for him.

He laid Heung Soo on his bed and began to take off his shoes. He was wearing uncomfortable jeans, but Nam Soon didn't think he could do anything about it. So, he just unfastened his belt and took off all his heavy clothes: his scarf and his coat. Heung Soo was a little drowsy, but it was easy to deal with him since he did everything he was asked for, with only small protests that Nam Soon couldn't really understand. He adjusted the pillow under his head and got some blankets to cover him. Heung Soo was wearing only a thin white T-shirt under all those coats, but Nam Soon figured it would be okay, since the apartment was warm.

Heung Soo fell fast asleep again, just seconds after being properly nestled in his bed. And even if Nam Soon knew he should leave, he didn't. He sat down beside him, watching him sleep. He looked comfortable, warm, yet he could see that his forehead was still slightly furrowed. It was a painful expression, and Nam Soon touched it slightly, gently adjusting the hair that fell over his eyes to the side.

"Cause you know,

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

been far away for far too long"

"Nam Soon ah," Heung Soo mumbled, startling Nam Soon, who quickly moved his hand away. Though soon he realized that he had no reason for that, since his words were not in that cold and hateful tone that he had been using ever since they met again. They were warm and gentle words that belonged to the Heung Soo from the past. A Heung Soo that apparently still existed in his dreams. But why was he dreaming about him now? Why?

He moved his hands back to the older boy's face. He wanted to hug him, to comfort him ... but even so, that was the closest gesture he could make himself to do.

"Heung Soo yah.... I'm sorry... I'm sorry to death," he whispered, apologizing once again. But It would never be enough. Nam Soon would never be able to stop apologizing for what he did. Because what he did had no way to be forgiven. He would apologize as long as Heung Soo was there to listen ... he would ask for forgiveness his entire life.

"I keep dreaming you'll be with me

And you'll never go

Believe it, Hold on to me and, never let me go"