[CONTENTID1] Chapter 1[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Life Without You" - Stanfour

[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

"Oh this is life without you

Learning how to miss you

I guess I need to know, how it feels like"

Autumn was still beginning, but the wind was already colder than it should be. Go Nam Soon wasn't wearing appropriate clothes for the weather, so he couldn't be more relieved when he finally reached home, bringing up the last box with his belongings.

He had just moved to his new apartment in the center of Seoul. It was a small place, but it was all he could afford. He would start his new life in this new city, and hoped things would get better now, as much as possible. It had been a month since his father passed away. - he still wondered if he would had moved otherwise, but was sure he wouldn't. Go Nam Soon hadn't done much of his life. He lived the past ten years in a small town, barely graduated high school, and had never been into college. His grades were usually bad, not that he was a delinquent, but rather because he never paid much attention to school, sleeping in more than half of the classes. It was still a surprise that he managed to graduate.

And in the next three years after graduation he had a couple of part-time jobs in different places - a restaurant, a gas station, and a comic book store. He also completed his two years of mandatory military service, although this had never been a problem since he didn't have anyone waiting for him at home. He went because he had to, but it was never hard to leave - his father wasn't even there to say goodbye when he left, and neither to greet him when he came back. However, Nam Soon didn't bother about that anymore. It had always been like that since he was a child, so he was already used to it.

A year after he came back from the army his life just continued from where it had been left. Part-time job after part-time job. He lived his life just like that - without paying much attention to his future. He just lived and didn't care. And he wasn't even sure why he decided to move to the capital, because he still didn't care about what would be of his life. He just kept on living, without any aspirations or dreams, when, suddenly, his father suffered a car accident and stayed in coma for three months, until he passed away.

In ten years, he didn't have any friends - but Nam Soon didn't look for them either. People approached him, his classmates were usually nice to him, and sometimes he wouldn't feel totally alone. But those didn't leave a mark. They appeared and soon vanished, becoming only reminiscences in his memory of his days at school. People who made him favors, people he helped, people who hurt him. However, after six years, he barely remembered any of them.

"All I need is someone right here beside me

Oh now I can see"

There was only one person that never really left his mind. One person that was always there in his memories, in his thoughts. That person who, once, a long time ago, used to be the most important in his life. At that time where he still had dreams. But somehow those dreams also vanished long ago.

Nam Soon didn't have anyone else in his life anymore. That's why he had no reasons to continue on living in his old town, and, out of nowhere, he ended up moving to Seoul, where he found this small apartment, near the center of the city.

"This is life without you

Don't know who to turn to"

He didn't have many stuff to bring, however, he couldn't bring it all alone. So he payed a moving company to haul his furniture, and just now finished bringing all the packed boxes from the truck up to his apartment.

He opened the first box, and found a lot of old stuff - a box with old photographs and books that he gave up throwing away just because he was too lazy to do it.

The first photograph was from his parents, taken long ago - before his mother died and his father started drinking. In the second photo, Nam Soon was riding a bicycle with a large smile on his face, and wearing just one shoe on his feets, the other one he had thrown away, insisting it was too ugly for him.

He set them aside, and found another photo right below them. Like it was waiting to be seen - to be remembered.

"Didn't want to make a mess

Didn't want to feel again

This heart has had enough"

Nam Soon was hugging another boy and both of them were laughing. It was his seventh birthday and Nam Soon had given him a soccer ball. That was when he first started playing it. Nam Soon lost all the matches, while the other always made the best scores.

The next picture was taken on the day they first met - they were beginning elementary school. None of them remembered anymore, but it was a cold winter day and the snow fell delicately over the rooftop.

It was their first day of school. Nam Soon was making a scene because he didn't want to go - he wanted to stay home playing his video game.

Meanwhile, the older boy had just said goodbye to his mom and watched as the younger one cried out loud. When Nam Soon finally let go, he followed him until they reached the same classroom.

All the other classmates didn't address them properly - perhaps because they were the tallest, and, even with those skinny legs, they looked older than them.

At the beginning he was a really friendly kid. He just wanted to find someone to play, and Heung Soo was the only one that didn't mind sitting next to him.

He smiled at Nam Soon and waved.

"Hi, I'm Park Heung Soo," he introduced himself in a trembling voice, still shuffling on his own childish way of talking.

"I'm Go Nam Soon," he answered.

At that time, neither of them knew what a friend really meant. They were just happy to find someone of the same height to play with.

Go Nam Soon and Park Heung Soo became friends before they could even understand the meaning of that word.

"How I need to hear you?

Hear you so softly, hear you say anything?"

Kids tend to make friends easily. They just play once and then that's it, suddenly they are friends. Heung Soo and Nam Soon met that day, and they had been glued to each other since then. If you saw Go Nam Soon, there would be Park Heung Soo right behind him. They didn't stick with other kids, though. Perhaps because they were the tallest in their classroom, the others were still afraid to get close.

It was together that they started to learn the meaning of breaking rules. Nam Soon was always the mastermind behind everything, but Heung Soo would always follow him eagerly.

Nam Soon had recently turned ten years old when his mother passed away. Heung Soo was too young to understand and to know how to comfort someone in that situation, and Nam Soon had just understood the meaning of death - that he would never see his mother again.

That day, Heung Soo's mother made cakes and candies, and rented lots and lots of anime to make him feel better, since his father hadn't returned home since the funeral. Nam Soon didn't understand, but Heung Soo's mother knew that he was drinking.

One week from that was when the violance began. Slowly, Nam Soon's childhood was taken away from him, and as always, Heung Soo followed along. They were eleven, but started acting like adults - and this time it was no longer because of their height.

A year later, his father was barely at home most of the days - and the ones he wasn't were usually the best. Heung Soo would hang out at his house, where they would spend the afternoon reading mangas, eating and drinking anything different that Nam Soon could find - the alcohol only started at thirteen, along with the cigarettes.

At eleven was the year that Heung Soo started to take soccer seriously. He practiced four times a week, and Nam Soon watched him play until nightfall. They would go back home together and read manga until they were too tired that they could barely keep their eyes open.

Heung Soo never really became part of the gang - he just followed Nam Soon. So the day Nam Soon got into one, he was there watching everything closely.

They were thirteen by that time. Nam Soon never told him, but Heung Soo knew that when he broke those guys and kicked them until they were incapable of running way, Nam Soon was just returning the violence he received at home. So Heung Soo would let him - only until he realized that Nam Soon was going too far, then he would stop him. Heung Soo had made a promise - that he would keep him from doing anything that would land him in jail. And he really intended to keep that promise.

As more Nam Soon would get lost in the gang, the more Heung Soo would be into soccer. That didn't mean it was breaking them apart. It didn't matter if they followed a different path - at the end of the day, it was always Park Heung Soo and Go Nam Soon.

"All I want is someone to tell me I'm crazy

it just might save me"

That year, Heung Soo's mother got sick - it was cancer, they said. Slowly, his family was getting lost in debts with hospital bills. But Heung Soo wasn't worried - he would find a way. He would become a professional soccer player, and pay off every debt they had. He promised that to his sister.

Heung Soo never showed his weakness, but he never needed to, because Nam Soon just knew. "She will get better tomorrow," Nam Soon would always tell him. However, she didn't get better. They were fifteen years old, and she was already hospitalized.

At that age, Nam Soon was bolder than ever, getting himself into trouble practically everyday. When Heung Soo wasn't too busy with soccer, he would make sure to be around in order to take Nam Soon out of bigger troubles.

However, this week was special. It was the final games of the season, and Heung Soo had trained hard for it. He planned to impress someone and get a place in one of the best schools of Seoul to play soccer. Nam Soon hadn't thought much of it - at that time, he never did. He was there though, cheering for him, watching every game Heung Soo would play until the very end.

Heung Soo never had the time to tell him - he never really planned to tell him, in fact. But that last goal, in his very last game, was for Nam Soon. Every time he was playing for him. It wasn't fun if Nam Soon wasn't there cheering for him. However, Nam Soon never knew that. Everything ended before he had the chance to tell him.

Heung Soo got a call from his coach two days later, telling him that he had the chance to go to Seoul - it was the first step towards his dream. At that moment, Heung Soo celebrated. He didn't think of anything else, he didn't think about Nam Soon. That night he was too happy to think about it. That's why, when he happily told Nam Soon the news, he didn't notice the worry - the sadness and hurt in his friend's eyes. If he had been a little more attentive that day, he might have noticed it.

It took a week for him to let the euphoria run out and the details closer to him began to surface. However, at that point, Nam Soon didn't plan to let his weakness show up. He was happy for him - he should be happy for him. This had always been Heung Soo's dream. As a friend, he should be happy for him.

But Heung Soo slowly started to get worried. How would his life in Seoul be like? How would life here in Gyeonggi-do stay?

How would be his life without Go Nam Soon?

There, in Seoul, would be no Nam Soon to watch his games, no Nam Soon to stay until night talking about his last goal. There would be no one to cheer for him - there would be no Nam Soon to be there with him.

"Every single tear you shared

well it kills me"

Before that, Nam Soon never really thought about a life without Heung Soo - he always knew that this was Heung Soo's dream, but he had never really thought about the consequences of it.

He took Heung Soo for granted, but now he would leave. Heung Soo was going away, and Nam Soon would have to learn how to live without him. He didn't even know if this was right - to depend this much on him. Why did he ever think it would be both of them together forever?

"Didn't want to say goodbye

Didn't want to see you cry

And look what i've done"

But he had never questioned it. Heung Soo was just always there. He didn't even have the time to think about it - about what his life with him meant. About the reason he was so attached to him - more than he had ever been to anyone else.

But now, Nam Soon would have to learn. He would have to accept the fact that Heung Soo was leaving, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

How would it be... A life without Park Heung Soo?

"Didn't want to make a mess

Broke your heart and i confess:

I'm the guilty one!"

It never crossed his mind, however, how serious that would be - a life of guilt, in which he took from his friend the most important thing in his life.

However, Go Nam Soon never knew that at that time, the most important thing in Heung Soo's life wasn't really soccer.

"Everything I know, says goodbye,

So goodbye"