[CONTENTID1]Chapter 15[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Terrified" - Among Savages

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

It was already eleven o'clock in the morning and there was still no sign of Nam Soon. Even if Heung Soo insisted that he drank too much on empty stomach to drive right away, the youngest left as soon as Jin Ah arrived. He didn't listen to Heung Soo's words and preferred to leave the couple alone, since he had noticed that she probably came to stay with Heung Soo over night, and he didn't want to get in between them. Then nothing that Heung Soo could say would make him change his mind.

Heung Soo made him promise to send him a message as soon as he arrived home - okay, it was not really a promise, but more like a threat. However that clearly didn't work, because Nam Soon hadn't sent a message since the night before, and now he was not even answering his calls.

Was it too bad to admit that he was worried? Because Heung Soo clearly was. He had called several times already and Nam Soon still wouldn't pick it up.

He called once more while Jin Ah was making lunch, not seeming very pleased with Heung Soo's impatience.

"If something had happened you would know already, he must be asleep," She mumbled, tasting the seasoning of her food. However, that didn't make him any less worried.

"Don't know, I'll go see him," he decided, already putting on his shoes and a wearing a heavy coat that he had left in the hatstand. Jin Ah turned around, astonished.

"Seriously?" She exclaimed, a troubled expression on her face. "But the food will get cold," she exclaimed with a tone of disappointment in her voice.

"It won't take long," Heung Soo ensured, closing the door quickly behind him without giving her a second look. He didn't know why he was feeling this way. Nam Soon was probably okay, so where did that sense of guilt and worry were coming from?

"Come out, come out from wherever you are hiding

Your fear is the reason that this whole thing started"

Nam Soon had just woken up but was still lying down on his bed, his thoughts running back to Heung Soo's apartment every ten seconds. He didn't really intend to get up today. In fact, he didn't think he would feel like getting up anytime soon.

He didn't want to deal with all of this - with those feelings that had been taking place in his heart, with what he felt about Heung Soo. He didn't want to think about it nor admit, let alone accept it. He just couldn't, not after they finally got their friendship back - not after all they had been through.

Was Nam Soon in love with his best friend? He would never accept that.

With a loud sigh he rolled over his bed and stared at the ceiling as his intercom started to ring. Who could be there at a time like this?, Nam Soon thought. He tried to ignore the first calls but it wouldn't stop, so he finally gathered enough strength to finally get out of his bed.

However, when he reached the intercom, no one answered. Cursing the person who made him get up from his comfy bed, Nam Soon turned back around, intending to spend the rest of his day under his blanket.

That was if someone hadn't started to knock insistently at his door shortly afterwards.

A little relieved that he hadn't reached his bed just yet - It would be harder to get out of it after returning - he went straight to the front door, not too pleased with the interruption.

Though, he forgot any anger he could sustain when Heung Soo stared at him from the other side of the door.

"Cut me free, let it last and let it burn

Cause I'll start acting like man when I get what I've earned".

With a sleepy expression on his face and messy looking hair like he had just woken up, there was Nam Soon, staring at him as if nothing had happened, the bastard.

"Yah! You were sleeping?" Heung Soo exclaimed, the previous worry disappearing like it had never existed. Nam Soon stared back at him without understanding what Heung Soo was talking about. "Where's your phone?" Heung Soo asked, entering the apartment without waiting for an invitation.

"My room, I think," Nam Soon mumbled, heading into his room and grabbing his phone from over his bedside table. There were more than ten missed calls and a few messages with different kinds of name-callings. "It was on silent mode," he explained, and Heung Soo hit him hard on the back of his head before he could say anything else.

"Yah, what are you doing?!" Nam Soon complained, massaging his head as Heung Soo headed back to the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Home," he answered without looking back.

Nam Soon waited confused behind him wondering what he could say, but not really sure of what had just happened. Heung Soo stopped one second later in the middle of the room and turned around with a small smile on the corner of his mouth.

"Did you eat yet?," he mumbled, "Want some coffee?"

Nam Soon looked back at him and a wide smile appeared on his face. All the worries he woke up to had just disappeared. Because when Heung Soo was with him, when it was just the two of them, there was nothing for him to be worried about.

Because he couldn't think of anything else other than Heung Soo, and just his presence would make all his worries go away.

"Yeah, it has been such a long long time

I've been asleep, trying to sleep away my life"

Heung Soo was back with two cups of coffee and Nam Soon was already cooking some rice for them.

"Why are you here so early anyway?" Nam Soon asked as he served two bowls of rice for them.

"It's almost lunch time," Heung Soo muttered, accepting his bowl and sitting at the table. "I asked you to message me yesterday when you got home," he complained and Nam Soon just pouted his lips as he sat down in front of Heung Soo.

"I didn't want to disrupt you," he shrugged, taking a spoonful of rice.

"You drank too much, you shouldn't have come home alone."

"I didn't drink that much," Nam Soon whispered, "though I probably should have ate something. My head is hurting a bit."

"Serves you well, you bastard," Heung Soo grumbled, and Nam Soon grimaced at him, annoyed.

"I'd better go," Heung Soo exclaimed checking his watch and standing up with his bowl of rice still half eaten.

"Why?" Nam Soon asked without thinking too much about it, but just by the mention of her, he immediately regretted it. For this brief time he had even forgotten about her.

"Jin Ah is waiting, I said I wouldn't take long," Heung Soo explained taking the last sip of his coffee and heading for the door.

However he turned around before leaving, suddenly remembering something.

"Do you wanna do something tonight?"

"What?" Nam Soon suddenly asked, a bit startled and surprised by the sudden invitation.

"Moo Yul called us out to drink. Jin Ah is coming too."

"Oh," Nam Soon whispered, the brief excitement fading away instantly, but he tried his best not to show it. "Sure," He shrugged, getting back to finish his rice without looking at Heung Soo - because those unwanted thoughts were coming back to his mind, and he didn't need them.

He had his friend and that was enough. That should be enough.

"I grew up with sleep beyond my eyes

Yeah I grew up, trying to learn how not to cry"

Nam Soon had just finished putting on his jacket and got his car keys to head out to meet them. Honestly, he didn't really wanna go. He didn't want to admit it but he couldn't deny what he was feeling. And being in the same place with Heung Soo and his girlfriend - he wasn't sure something good could come out of it.

He knew this was something he would have to learn how to live with, but he didn't know how to yet. How could he stop those feelings in his heart? How could he pretend that everything was okay when clearly it wasn't?

The way to the bar was faster than he had expected - It was not snowing outside anymore and that made the traffic a little better.

When he arrived, Heung Soo and Moo Yul were already talking loudly inside, seated in one side of the bar. The pair waved at him when he entered. Nam Soon then noticed that, seated next to Heung Soo, was his girlfriend.

He tried his best to swallow that feeling that started to appear again. He had to make it disappear.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore, did you sleep again?" Heung Soo hissed, noticing that he was at least half an hour later than the time they had scheduled to meet.

Nam Soon wanted to reply with bad words as usual, but nothing came out of his mouth, so he just got one of the drinks that were over the table and sat down on the other side of Heung Soo.

"I said you two looked alike," Moo Yul pointed out at him and Jin Ah, since it was the first time he saw them together. Nam Soon noticed the blush on Heung Soo's cheeks.

"And I said you are crazy," Heung Soo complained and Jin Ah just left a simple smile, taking a quick look towards Nam Soon.

"Well I think that's a compliment, right?" She mumbled, apparently accepting that Nam Soon was a good looking person to be compared with.

Moo Yul looked at Nam Soon and back at her, a little bit lost.

"It was just an observation," he said, and Heung Soo rolled his eyes.

"What compliment? If she looks like him, she would be ed up," Heung Soo barked, jokingly.

"Yah, what do you mean?" Nam Soon hissed but Heung Soo just blinked lightly at him in a joking manner, his hands falling down onto Nam Soon's thighs, touching him like it was not a big deal - and supposedly it wasn't. Nam Soon used to be the touchy one before and it was never much of a big deal.

But feeling Heung Soo's hands pressing against his skin, even if it was over his pants, even if it was with no other intention - Nam Soon just didn't think this should affect him as much as it did.

He looked away, trying to shift his focus to something else. There were two guys looking at him at a table next to them, but Nam Soon didn't pay much attention. He couldn't change his mind to anything but Heung Soo.

He didn't expect his heart to beat that fast, his throat to dry or his cheeks to get that blushed.

He hated it.

He hated Heung Soo for being so touchy like that. He hated him for pulling away so fast, for touching his girlfriend cheeks in a so soft manner afterwards, and for talking so caringly to her. He hated him for having a girlfriend, and he also hated her for being his girlfriend.

And most of all, Nam Soon hated himself for feeling this way, for losing his grip with just a simple touch of his. He hated himself for forgetting that they were just friends and for feeling this way about Heung Soo.

"I need to go to the restroom," Nam Soon stood up suddenly, causing Heung Soo to stare at him in surprise for a few seconds before nodding and turning back his attention to the conversation he was having with Moo Yul.

Nam Soon tried not to pay attention to Heung Soo's arm around Jin Ah as he got up. He tried not to look again nor bother with the looks he sent her with every word she exchanged with them.

He didn't really need to go to the restroom, but he had to get away from that table as quickly as possible. He washed his face in the cold water and kept his eyes closed for a few seconds, trying to erase those feelings from his head. He couldn't keep feeling this way... he just couldn't.

"Hard night?" A voice asked him at his side, but Nam Soon didn't open his eyes to check who it was - though he felt this was the first time he heard it.

"Tell me about it..." he murmured in reply without even thinking, but then opened his eyes immediately after realizing that he had thought too loudly.

It was a man about his own age, well dressed and good-looking - Nam Soon scolded himself right after realizing that he had paid attention to it. After looking at him one more time, he realized that he was one of the guys watching him earlier.

He smiled discreetly with the corner of his mouth and walked away without another word. Nam Soon sighed, watching his own reflection in the mirror, and if he didn't know better he would think it was the face of someone just about to cry.

Nam Soon probably stayed a few more seconds watching his image in front of him, trying not to think about them and all that he should not be thinking, until he finally took a last breath and dried his face quickly before returning to that table.

"Cause I'm terrified and I'm ruined by this mess

Cause I needed you more then I needed what was best"

The night went on really fast but at the same time really slowly. Every minute that he had to watch Heung Soo with her seemed like a lifetime, while every time Heung Soo touched him - those innocent touches that were driving him crazy - seemed like half a second as he froze in time.

"Jin Ah?" Heung Soo mumbled as his girlfriend took a nap at his side, leaning on his shoulder. Nam Soon didn't even notice the moment when she passed out and apparently neither did Heung Soo.

"You should take her home," Moo Yul said looking a bit worried. Maybe more than necessary - at least in Nam Soon's eyes.

Heung Soo didn't answer and only helped her get to her feet while she mumbled something incomprehensive. She'd probably had too much to drink.

"We'll be going," Heung Soo said goodbye to Nam Soon, putting his hands in his pockets and taking out his credit card. He knew that this meant Moo Yul would be going too, since apparently he and Jin Ah lived in the same apartment complex and Heung Soo had given both of them a ride there. "Can you pay for me? I don't wanna wait for the bill," Heung Soo explained and Nam Soon just nodded back at him. "The password is my mom's birthday. You remember, right?" Heung Soo asked in a whisper, a bit unsure, but Nam Soon did remember.

The last time they visited her was on her birthday. Heung Soo baked a cake with Nam Soon - even though she couldn't eat it. They managed to bring it inside the hospital and it tasted really bad. But that made her laugh more than she had in a long time, so Heung Soo was glad they did it. Nam Soon remembered it because that was the last time he saw her alive.

He was ready to stand up and go pay the bill to leave, but after watching Jin Ah clinging on to Heung Soo and the careful way he treated her - seeing how well he took care of her - he just wanted to sit down and drink a bit more.

Maybe Heung Soo was right. Maybe he needed a girlfriend. But why couldn't he get interested in any girl? He looked around him, but no girl caught his eyes at all. Thinking back of the girls he had been with in the past, he'd never really felt anything for them.

There was one classmate that confessed to him during his school days, back when he didn't have Heung Soo by his side anymore. He felt bad for her and just kissed her outside of school. It was just awkward, and nothing special like people said first kisses were supposed to be. He never expected anything from this relationship anyway, and ended up breaking up with her.

A few years later he met a co-worker who talked with him a bit. That was after he was done with his school years. There was no confession this time, they just ended up sleeping together after a business party. He was just supposed to give her a ride home, but she invited him in. That time it was not as bad as it was before, but still it was nothing special. It happened again a couple times, but she eventually moved to another town and they never spoke again. Nam Soon didn't really miss her.

Back then he was so lost, without worrying about anything and living with his guilty that he never really wanted to meet someone special. Was it because he already had Heung Soo in his heart? Or was it because he wasn't looking for the right person?

"Cause I'm terrified and I'm ruined by this mess

Cause I needed you more than I needed to be blessed"

After all this, even though he couldn't nor wanted to accept it, it was hard to deny that he was attracted to Heung Soo. But was it just him? He went out with girls before because he grew up knowing that this was what he was supposed to do, but it was never something that took his breath away. It was never as it was with Heung Soo, like on that day on the rooftop. Not like he felt every time he touched him.

Did this mean that Nam Soon was attracted to guys? Did that make him gay?

He took a long sip of his drink and stared at the other people sitting at the bar. However just the thought of it - the thought of him being gay, of being attracted to guys, that made him sick.

The possibility of that being the truth... It was horrible. He didn't want it. He couldn't be - he couldn't accept that.

"But I'm terrified and I'm running so fast

I'm gonna get away, no slipping through the cracks"

"Are you drinking alone here?" Nam Soon heard someone asking at his side, but before looking at him he recognized the same voice that talked to him in the bathroom just a few hours ago.

"My friend just left," Nam Soon murmured without any will to continue the conversation, but the man didn't look like he was about to leave and just sat at his side without asking for permission.

"I'm sorry, I saw you before with your friends," he whispered trying to find the right words. "I just thought that maybe you needed someone to talk to."

Nam Soon frowned, a little bit surprised. What could he a actually want to talk about?

"I mean, you seem upset..." He explained, and Nam Soon suddenly noticed the tears that had previously formed in his eyes. He didn't notice them before. But, before he could say anything else, someone else called him at his side.

"Yoon Jae¹?" Another boy who was also around his age, just a little bit shorter, joined them. This time, he noticed it was the other guy who was staring at him a few hours ago.

"This is Joon Hee¹," the guy at Nam Soon's side, who apparently was called Yoon Jae, explained as the other boy sat down next to him. "He's my boyfriend".

"Doubt, doubt reaches out of it's coffin

Grabbing at whatever you thought you had forgotten"