[CONTENTID1]Chapter 11[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Collide" -  Desiree (Claire Demorest)

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

"Buried in pieces

Like some shattered glass

Now we're shattered glass"

Heung Soo didn't know why he was returning to that place. After sending him away, why was he hoping to see him again? He should have just followed his path, just as he said. However, he kept returning to that coffee shop. He kept hoping he would see a glimpse of him behind those glass windows, but when he didn't see him for long, he would go inside the cafeteria and act omnipotent, pretending he just wanted a cup of coffee. He knew he could just go somewhere else. He could just do what he was expected to do, and never go back there - yet, he always came back.

However, this morning, when he went with Moo Yul to buy a cup of black coffee, Nam Soon was not there. At first he thought he hadn't arrived yet. However, it was past eight o'clock in the morning. He should be there by now. He was always there at that time, so where was he now? Part of him was apprehensive - his heart was cold. It was as if part of him suspected what might have happened - but still, he didn't want to think about it.

Another part of him knew he shouldn't be worried. And that biggest part of him made him simply ignore it and go back to work, pretending he didn't hear Moo Yul asking him about Nam Soon - as if he would know.

He didn't know and didn't want to know. So he didn't even want to hear his name.

"Strangers and shadows

We're that desolate"

Heung Soo didn't go to the coffee shop the next morning, although he took a quick look inside when he was heading to his office. He told himself that he wasn't really worried when he didn't see Nam Soon. He thought the other might be inside taking care of the dishes, or something like that - or maybe he hadn't arrived yet. He didn't care.

He didn't care - he reminded himself of that again when Moo Yul came back to the office, telling him that Nam Soon didn't come today either. Heung Soo tried to lie to himself repeatedly that he wasn't apprehensive, yet, he spent the rest of the morning thinking about him. The office was full of work, but even that wasn't enough to keep his thoughts away from Nam Soon. Maybe something had happened? Maybe he was sick, or maybe it was something more serious, but part of him kept repeating in his head that maybe, just maybe, he took his words to heart - and maybe he wouldn't return.

Still, it might be that he was just skipping work. They used to skip school a lot back in the days. Anything would be a reason to skip class - sometimes it was a soccer game on TV, which would make them run to Nam Soon's house and watch it together. Or when the final volume of a manga was released - how could they not spend their last cents on it and read it together during school time? Even when they spent their nights talking, laughing and staying up late, and were too tired in the morning - that would also be a reason to skip class. Perhaps Nam Soon hadn't changed.

Or perhaps it was not that. He shouldn't be thinking about it, but the memories insisted on coming back.

Heung Soo had a few spare minutes in the afternoon, which to him seemed to be a good excuse to go downstairs and buy some coffee. It wasn't about Nam Soon. All he needed was a cup of coffee - that was all.

However, the first thing he looked for when he entered the coffee shop wasn't the menu to order his black coffee. Instead, he looked around, searching for the boy who was not there.

"Pain in the tear drops

Paid for with each lie

But it's meaningless beating"

It was hard to keep lying to himself when the first person he thought about when he went to bed was Nam Soon, and when he woke up the first person he thought about was still Nam Soon. Yet, he pretended that he was just buying a cup of coffee in the mornings before going to work. And now he pretended he was not anxious, though he had quietly sought out Nam Soon in that cafeteria. But this afternoon was no different, because Nam Soon was not there yet.

Heung Soo bit his lips, hoping that Nam Soon would come out of the kitchen. He was hoping that Nam Soon would not have left him again - although that was what he had asked for, wasn't it? For Nam Soon to disappear from his life. Still, how could it be so easy for Nam Soon to leave him after having seen him again? Even though Heung Soo was still mad, and even though he had not yet forgiven Nam Soon, without him, Heung Soon knew that he was even closer to realizing the truth - that he truly missed Nam Soon.

He missed him back then, and still missed him now. Because, throughout Heung Soo's life, there has never been a friend like Nam Soon. Friend. He wasn't even sure if this was the right word to describe their relationship. Because Nam Soon wasn't just an ordinary friend. Moo Yul was his friend, but he couldn't compare their friendship with the one he once had with Nam Soon. It was different with Nam Soon - Nam Soon completed him.

Back in the days, when they were still young, Nam Soon was his second family. When his life collapsed because of his mother's illness, Nam Soon was whom kept him holding on. Nam Soon was the younger brother he never had.

As for Nam Soon, Heung Soo was probably the only family he had left. For the first time since that incident, Heung Soo couldn't help but wonder how it was like for Nam Soon ... How did he spend his days these past few years? Why didn't he come back? But he still wasn't sure if he really wanted to understand his side.

"That we can't get past

We just can't get past"

Slowly, and still hesitantly, Heung Soon approached the waitress at the counter, who was delivering the coffee. He asked for the usual, and waited. He knew he should ask about Nam Soon, but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He tried his best to pay for the coffee as slowly as he could, ignoring the queue behind him - they could wait.

"Nam..." He mumbled, but stopped mid way. He was unable to mention Nam Soon's name for some reason, so he tried to sound discreet and unconcerned as he spoke to her. "That tall and skinny guy who works here ..." he whispered. He hoped she would understand only by this description - it was more than he could force himself to ask.

"Nam Soon?" She replied, and Heung Soo was glad she indeed understood. But her expression suddenly changed. "He resigned yesterday, and now I have to work double to cover his shift," she mumbled. But Heung Soo was no longer listening.

"Waiting for regret

And all the sorries and pain smash into our silhouettes"

Moo Yul arrived a little late in the office, with a coffee in his left hand and his cell phone in the other, looking a bit anxious. He looked twice at Heung Soo before he sat down.

"Heung Soo..." Moo Yul mumbled, seemingly concerned. But Heung Soo didn't take his eyes off the computer screen in front of him. He was pretending he didn't know what Moo Yul was talking about, pretending he wasn't as anxious as the other, or probably much more.

"I just asked in the cafeteria and they told me that Nam Soon resigned ..." Moo Yul whispered, as if this was bad news, and that Heung Soo should be affected by it. Indeed he was, but he couldn't stop pretending. He was glad he had asked before, so the news didn't come as a surprise.

"So ...?" Heung Soo replied as normally as he could. He knew he should be feeling this way, but he wasn't - he was worried. He missed Nam Soon. What if that was the last time he would see him?

He didn't see Moo Yul roll his eyes, but he saw him call someone with his cell phone all day. And Heung Soo pretended not to know that Moo Yul was calling Nam Soon. He pretended that he wasn't listening all the time, in case he answered. But he didn't answer. Of course he didn't. Heung Soo knew he wouldn't, and he also knew the reason for it. When he told him those words, he thought that Nam Soon wouldn't follow them. He thought that Nam Soon would remain there with him - that Nam Soon would stick around.

But was this the time, then? The moment when Nam Soon would disappear from his life again?

"All the pain fires head on

And the screams are definite"

Heung Soo still had a few things to finish when his shift ended, but he couldn't stay any longer - at least not today. He was so anxious, mad, and worried that it was killing him. This was the reason why Heung Soo drove as fast as he could to that apartment that, surprisingly, he still knew where it was. He had been there only once, and he hadn't expected to remember - but still he found it on his first attempt.

It was a small building, and not so different from the others in this area, but he knew which one. He also knew the apartment number when he rang the intercom. He didn't know why he still remembered, or even why he had memorized it before, but he did. His fingers pressed the intercom, and he felt as if his heart had skipped a beat as he waited for Nam Soon to answer - he just had to answer him.

And then, through the intercom, came a voice. "Hi?" Nam Soon asked, sounding a bit tired. Heung Soo took a deep breath as a series of questions ran through his mind. What was he doing? Why did he come all the way here? Why was he there in front of Nam Soon's building? Why?

And the most important question of all - why was he so relieved to hear his voice?

"It's me," he said. There was no need to tell him who he was. There was no need, because he knew Nam Soon would recognize his voice.

"And if we can't break this wall

Then we can't catch this fall

Is a way we can save tonight if you and i collide"

Nam Soon opened the door of his apartment, stunned. He couldn't believe his ears, and now he couldn't believe his eyes. Heung Soo was actually there, right outside his door. He thought the last time they met had been the last - but now here he was.

However, Heung Soo just stood there after the door closed behind him. He didn't say a word. There were boxes all around Nam Soon's apartment. Half of his things were inside them, and the rest was strewn all over the apartment.

Nam Soon was packing - Nam Soon was leaving.

"Heung Soo-ya ...'' Nam Soon murmured, as an indication that he should begin to speak. Why was he here? Was that really happening?

"What are you doing?" Heung Soo asked, without moving his eyes from all that mess around the apartment. His voice had a shrill tone. He knew he shouldn't be there, but he was. It was what he wanted in the first place, but at the same time it wasn't.

And, maybe, he couldn't hide it anymore.

"Cause the harder we try

The more we fall apart

We fall apart"

"I'm moving ..." Nam Soon whispered. For some reason, it seemed wrong to say that - as if he was making the wrong choice. It was as if he was running away again, just like before.

"Moving? To where?" Heung Soo grunted, but he didn't wait for Nam Soon's reply. He was furious - he was angry at himself for reaching this point, and he was mad at Nam Soon for making him reach this point - he was mad at Nam Soon because he was running away again. "Why? Why are you leaving?"

"I just ... I didn't want to get in your way anymore," Nam Soon mumbled. Now it sounded so stupid. It seemed like the only option before, but now, with Heung Soo there asking why he was doing it, he felt stupid.

"Why? Why would you quit your job? Is that how much value you give yourself, to quit your job for such a stupid reason? Are you trying to make yourself look like the victim? To make me feel like it's my fault that you quit your job?" He shrieked with cold words, though he tried his best to hide how upset he really was.

But he wasn't doing a good job of hiding his feelings. Nam Soon noticed that his eyes were red - he could see that Heung Soo was upset because he was leaving, but he didn't know what he should think about it. He didn't mean to make Heung Soo feel at fault - none of this was Heung Soo's fault.

"I have savings. I didn't want to make you feel guilty because you're not," the younger boy said, looking down at the floor, and then back to Heung Soo.

Heung Soo rolled his eyes, mad at himself for the tears that were b in his eyes. He was mad because he could no longer lie to himself, but he was especially furious over the ing pride he could not leave.

He grabbed Nam Soon's collar, meeting his eyes - looking deep into those brown eyes and hoping he did not have to say that. Hoping that Nam Soon could read his mind so he wouldn't have to say it.

"I never meant for you to leave," Heung Soo whispered. His words sounded mad, but their meaning didn't. That was the truth, not only for the situation now, but also for that time when he was still in the hospital - he never meant for Nam Soon to leave. Nam Soon should never have left.

"Can we really apologize?

When all our words collide"

"Why did you leave?" Heung Soo's words were filled with resentment. Nam Soon didn't know if Heung Soo was talking about the present, or whether he was talking about the past. Perhaps it was both?

"I ..." He didn't know what to say. Now that Heung Soo was there to listen, he lost his words. The truth was he wasn't expecting this - he would never expected this. Heung Soo was supposed to hate him, but then, why was he asking him that now?

"You thought I'd be okay?" Heung Soo muttered. He did not know why he was saying all this. He never planned on saying all this, but now that he was here, he did not think he could do any different. "But I'm not okay. I've never been okay," Heung Soo's words were not only filled with resentment - but Nam Soon could also notice the sadness in them. He wondered how much Heung Soo had been through. How much Nam Soon had hurt him. "Ever since you've been gone, I've never been okay ..."

Nam Soon was speechless, and lost it. He didn't care because now he was already a crying mess. His heart was aching - it was aching with regret. So much regret because he knew he was at fault. The notion of how much Heung Soo suffered because of him kept going through his mind.

"When I lost football, where were you? When my mother was gone, where were you?" Heung Soo's words faltered, as his eyes brimmed with tears that began to drip down his face. Those words that had been stuck inside him for so long - he was finally able to say them. The words he had hidden even from himself. "When I lost my way, where were you?"

Nam Soon closed his eyes, his hands now touching Heung Soo's, that still held on the collar of his shirt - but he didn't notice. It didn't matter.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't want to see me again, that you'd send me away," Nam Soon whispered, biting his lips. He now realized just how stupid he was. How could he run away like that? If he hadn't run, things would probably be different now. Their lives in the last ten years could have been different. Perhaps he and Heung Soo would still be friends? Perhaps they would have gone to the same college? Maybe they would be working together and living together, and perhaps his life wouldn't have been so lonely.

"Guess we're crashing down, down, down

Yeah we're crashing' down, down, down"

"So you ran away?" Heung Soo whispered. Nam Soon knew what he was thinking because now it was clear - the things that weren't there before, were now clear as ever. "What's the difference between letting go, or being let go of? Did it change anything? The result, wasn't it the same?" Heung Soo muttered.

No, It wasn't the same. If Nam Soon hadn't left that time, the result wouldn't be the same as it was now. He knew now that Heung Soo would have forgiven him. He wouldn't have been let go of.

Instead he let go. So, ten years later, this was the result of his choice - because now he realised it was his choice. He could have chosen a different path, but instead he ran away. And even after ten years, after all he did, here was Heung Soo, still crying because of him.

Because, as always, Heung Soo had always been the most affectionate one. Heung Soo was always there to look after him.

"It's a war we can't stop

And we've lost before it stops"

"Do you know what I've been through all this time?" Heung Soo mumbled, releasing the grip on Nam Soon's T-shirt. He finally let go of him, and his hands fell down to his sides. He closed his eyes as tears streamed down his face. After saying all this, he felt as if a huge weight had finally been taken from his back - a weight he never thought would go away.

"I'm sorry. It was my mistake. I'm sorry ..." Nam Soon begged, watching the tears stream from Heung Soo's eyes - because, after all, there he was, crying for Nam Soon.

This time, he wouldn't leave. This time he would stay there, and nothing would ever change his mind. If Heung Soo ended up sending him away, he wouldn't listen anymore. This had always been his place, anyway.

After wiping the tears from his eyes, he wrapped his arms around Heung Soo, hugging him tightly. His head moved forward, resting on Heung Soo's shoulder, while the tears he had just dried streamed down his face again.

Heung Soo didn't return the hug, but he didn't push either. He stayed there, and Nam Soon didn't let go.

"And we'll die with this heart beat

Can we recognize"

"I'm sorry,'' Nam Soon repeated in a low voice, but he knew Heung Soo heard him. "I'm not leaving again. Even if you want me to, I'll just stay here,'' he whispered, tightening his grip on the other boy.

He wouldn't leave. And Heung Soo wouldn't ask him to leave. They were finally where they should have always been - alongside who they should never have left.

"Now we fell through this ground

To the greats standing in"