[CONTENTID1] Chapter 3[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Fix You" - Coldplay

[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed"

When you get what you want, but not what you need"

This should probably be the coldest winter since years, Nam Soon thought as he walked down the street wearing a heavy coat and a wool cap, his arms around his chest and his nose red from the cold. It was already seven in the morning, but the street was still empty - people used cars and trains more than necessary on this cold days. But Nam Soon still went on walking. He needed some exercises to keep his body warmer anyway.

It was his first day of work today - he had found a full time job at a coffee shop not so far from home. Fifteen minutes walking, the most. He didn't have many expectations, but he needed the money. It was a cozy place, and he was almost the first to arrive. It was located in the center of a commercial building, what meant that it was usually full of customers, since most workers would buy their coffee before starting their workday, specially in the winter.

Nam Soon wore his work uniform, and cleaned up the balcony where he would receive the coffee requests. Cappuccino, espresso macchiato... He was still learning the names.

It was around eight in the morning when the movement on the streets in front of the shop got heavier. Lots of businessmen wearing the same suit were walking fast holding onto their suitcase, probably running late for work. Nam Soon just sighed deeply - that would never be a life for him. He got bored just by imagining it. Not that working at a coffee shop was much better, but at least he didn't need to use much of his brain.

He had just opened the cafeteria and turned around heading to his place behind the balcony when he heard it. The first thing he recognized was that voice - it came from the outside, mixed with the other voices along the street. But, for some reason, it stood out. It took his breath away and made his heart race. After so much time... He might not even remember it if he thought about it, but his body did. His heart did.

He turned around, his head staring back at the street. Through the crowd of people walking fast on the streets, he looked for him. He opened the door, his skin brushing against the cold wind, his eyes tracing every face.

But he was nowhere to be seen. Was his mind playing tricks with him? Was this because he had been thinking a lot about him recently? But he was sure... Part of him was sure that among the heavy crowd walking down the street he heard the voice of Park Heung Soo.

"When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?"

Nam Soon walked slowly home on the end of that day. He was already convinced that he was hearing things this morning. It might be someone with a similar voice, but as he was thinking so much of him because of the pictures he had seen, he was probably mistaken. He has been dreaming of him and remembering things he thought he had already forgotten. Trivial things, like the day they rescued a puppy from the cold streets, and Heung Soo brought it home, hiding him from his mom in his room for what might be about five hours. After that, the two boys insisted so much that she ended up accepting Heung Soo to keep it. That was around fifteen years ago... Today, he might have already passed away.

Nam Soon sighed slightly, opening his apartment door and breathing in relief at the warmth of the place. He was tired. It was still early but all he wanted to do right now was to get himself a hot bath and go straight to bed.

"And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go"

It was a hot day in the middle of summer. They were sitting at the school rooftop skipping class and reading manga. The sun was hot, and even though they were lying on the shadow, it wasn't enough to avoid the hot weather.

Heung Soo had his back against the wall, his school shirt was half opened, leaving the milky skin of his collarbone exposed. Nam Soon was practically lying down at his side, his head resting against the wall while he shaked slightly, laughing at his manga.

"It's ing hot today..." Heung Soo complained, some drops of sweat making his hair wet at his neck.

Nam Soon looked at him quietly from the corner of his eyes, staring at his collarbone exposed by the opened buttons of his shirt. Slowly, his eyes went up to his neck and face. Heung Soo caught him staring, but didn't say a word.

Nam Soon remembered staring back at his manga after that, and pretending it never happened. He didn't quite understand why he felt something different when he watched his friend on that circumstances. But that was long ago, and his mind was good at playing tricks.

That's why, this time, Nam Soon didn't look away. His breath was loud, and Heung Soo was warm just like the weather. His sweat was now dripping at his forehead, but Nam Soon didn't feel disgusted - quite the contrary.

His lips traced the skin along Heung Soo's neck, and his heart beated faster at the feeling. He wanted to kiss him. Where did that urge came from?

Softly, he touched his wet hair behind his neck, and stared at those dark eyes inches away from him. But that was when he woke up, suddenly, and breathless.

Those kinds of dreams again. Nam Soon was going crazy. The dreams of him had slowly became more frequent since he arrived at the apartment, but he didn't give much thought at first. They were just dreams about them running around and acting just like they used to long ago. He didn't think much about it because he always dreamed of him every once in awhile.

But, since then, it's been every night. And it was getting different. He was having those thought about him - of his skin, his lips, his warmth; and he's been waking up with a bulge between his legs. Every time.

Nam Soon was old enough to know what that meant. He wanted to pretend that it was not important, that it never happened. But he never really forgot that day, since that was the first time he felt like that about someone. At that time he was ashamed to be caught staring and looked back at his manga, hoping that Heung Soo would not mention it. And he never did.

But Nam Soon never forgot. He grew up hearing that it was wrong. Two guys - of course it was wrong. That there was something wrong with him. So he faded those thoughts from his mind whenever he would remember them. Especially when Heung Soo was with him.

He didn't have the time to be much worried about them though, because soon enough, he lost him. And suddenly those thoughts were not so important anymore.

He never felt like that with any other man. And neither with a girl - well, not really. He was a 26-year-old man - of course he had already been intimate with girls. Though, he was never the one to initiate any contact with them. He was never really interested. Not physically, neither emotionally. It was never like it was with Heung Soo, and probably would never be.

"When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse"

Work started just like before the following day. It was still cold and Nam Soon was sure it was going to start snowing soon. He didn't plan to drive to work, since it was close to his home, but if the weather got too chilly he would not have any other option unless he wished to get a cold. Considering he couldn't afford to get sick and skip work just after he started it, he didn't have many options left.

The movement at this time of the morning was heavy because of the weather - all the business people that worked across the street came there to buy a hot coffee. Some of them would even have breakfast there - probably because they lived alone and didn't have much time to cook their own breakfast. Just like yesterday, Nam Soon was the one serving the coffee, cappuccinos, macchiatos, or whatever the clients would ask for. Since the line waiting for their drinks was getting big, Nam Soon tried his best to hurry up without even staring at the clients in the eyes. He just managed to receive the payment, fill the cup, and hand it to them. His boss would probably scold him for not being very polite to each of them, but Nam Soon considered that it was better than making them waste time waiting.

He wasn't ready for that. But then, he probably would never be, whatever the circumstances. He heard his laugh first - he was probably there with his coworkers, and maybe he didn't even notice him when he asked politely for his black coffee without sugar. Later, though, he certainly did. Because the smile that was once on his face when he talked to his friends suddenly disappeared.

Nam Soon had just received his money, and now stared at his black orbs, that watched him with an intense glare. He was wearing a black suit just like all the others - but Nam Soon didn't notice. He stood there, standing still, his eyes filled with emotions he kept inside. There, in front of him, was the boy he let go ten years ago. Just that the boy was now a man, and the expression he had in his face was nothing like the one he remembered and had in his memories.

"Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes"

"Nam Soon," his coworker called by his side, noticing that he stopped on his place and a large line waited behind.

"Sorry," Nam Soon mumbled, turning around to serve the coffee, trying his best not to tremble as much - he tried to disguise the fact that he had just spilled the first cup on the table, and had to serve a new one before turning around and handing it to Heung Soo. Nam Soon's eyes stared at him, but this time he didn't look back. He just turned around, joining his coworkers who waited impatiently for him, and didn't look back even once.

"Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you"

Nam Soon watched him leaving until he was completely out of sight. His heart was racing fast and his eyes started to burn as he tried to held in his unwanted tears. Why, out of all the places he could be, Heung Soo was now again so close to him? Why was he so close, but at the same time so far away?

"Can you replace me for a minute?" Nam Soon asked his coworker, and headed to the bathroom. He needed to calm down and get his thoughts back together.

He stared at his face on the mirror, his bright eyes filled with emotions as the memories of everything were running down his mind.

Park Heung Soo... It's been so long. But, after all... He seems to be all right.

"And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace"