[CONTENTID1]Chapter 25[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "The Other Side (Fireflies)" - New Heights

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"This love is catching me by surprise

Your eyes I look in a million times, a million times"

Heung Soo took a small backpack with his things in Moo Yul's trunk, but without looking at him - Heung Soo knew that he was mad, since he didn't talk to him until the end of the day. They went to where he parked his car, but Moo Yul made sure to avoid his gaze all the way.

"How..." Heung Soo mumbled wondering if he should ask. He wasn't even sure if he had the right. However, he did it anyway, "How is she?"

Moo Yul stared at him discreetly and sighed, opening the door of his car, but stopped for a few seconds without even looking back.

"I like her," he confessed, while he played with the keys in his hands, not knowing what to do with them. "Jin Ah. Since college. But I never said anything about it. And then I met you, and we started hanging out. I was not surprised when she said she liked you, you seemed like the perfect guy for her, so I gave up," he said, side-eyeing Heung Soo - that disappointed expression was still there. "She was happy, so I was okay. But if I knew..." He mumbled, but suddenly stopped what he was about to say and sighed again, opening the door. "I will not give her up again. It was so stupid of me. So, Park Heung Soo," he continued, now staring into his eyes, "You stay away from her life, from now on. Because I will not let you hurt her again," he finished and sighed one last time before finally getting into his car and closing the door, without looking back one last time.

Heung Soo watched him drive away, and turned back towards his own car. After all, he was glad - things would be hard for her now, but the fact that she had Moo Yul... It made his conscience a little lighter now.

Heung Soo had just closed his trunk when he heard someone approaching. Quickly looking back, he was able to see Nam Soon walking ahead, and he was sure that he had been there for some time. Heung Soo wished his heart hadn't started beating like this again just by the sight of him. Since when did things become like that? But he couldn't deny that whatever happened to them, he was always happy to see Nam Soon - even though part of him felt anxious and nervous around him, just the sight of Go Nam Soon would always bring some warmth into his heart. Even if it was just a tiny bit.

"Everything was falling apart, it might rip

We'll make it out, way out, leaving it all just to go to the other side"

Nam Soon stopped as soon as he spotted Heung Soo. His cheeks flushed, and he looked down, continuing his path. He was too embarrassed to talk now, and he needed some time alone to think. He hoped that Heung Soo wouldn't call him, that he wouldn't block his way and talk to him. He wished that Heung Soo hadn't held his hand when he tried to walk right past him.

"Nam Soon," he called out, and then the younger stopped walking, holding his breath. He felt Heung Soo's hand letting go of his before continuing, "Are you walking home? Do you want a ride?" He offered.

"Don't need to..." he mumbled, averting his eyes. "I want to walk today," he explained, forcing a fake smile and looking briefly at Heung Soo before turning away.

But Heung Soo needed him to stay. It was probably too selfish on his part, but what could he do? Even after everything that happened, he still needed Nam Soon. He couldn't let things change like that. He hoped that if he kept Nam Soon around, he could keep things from changing between them.

So, he caught his wrist, biting his lips and swallowing dry before Nam Soon turned around to face him again.

"You can walk later...Please?" He asked again. And how could Nam Soon deny that now? He needed to think and be alone. But how could he do that, when Heung Soo asked him like this? With him talking to him that way... Nam Soon just couldn't say no.

"Your heart, it beats, to the beat of mine

We stop in time, cause the feeling is right, it's feeling right"

They were silent for the first few minutes while Heung Soo drove to Nam Soon's house. Heung Soo wanted to say something to break the awkwardness between them but nothing came to mind. He found himself getting nervous around Nam Soon and began to wonder since when did he get so nervous around him?

"Moo Yul..." Nam Soon said in a whisper, staring out the window at his side as he said it. "Did you fight? He was acting strange," he mumbled, turning to the side to stare at Heung Soo who kept his eyes on the street.

However, Heung Soo didn't want to talk about it, because he didn't want to tell Nam Soon the truth and give him some false hope. Did he broke up with Jin Ah because of Nam Soon? In a way, yes. But not for the reason that Nam Soon might be fooled to think if he heard about it.

So, if Nam Soon didn't know, it would be for the best. He didn't want to disappoint him once more.

"No, nothing much," Heung Soo murmured, "Did you eat? I thought about making some ramen today... At home..." He risked those words, slightly side-eyeing Nam Soon. He could see Nam Soon biting his lips and staring to his own hands, before looking down the street again.

Nothing was going as Nam Soon had planned. He wanted to keep a distance between them, but Heung Soo wasn't letting him... on purpose. For some reason, Heung Soo wouldn't let him have his time alone.

But in a way, this might be a good thing, he thought. If he kept his mind busy, then he wouldn't have time to feel depressed. Staying with Heung Soo should make things worse, since it would remind him of everything that happened, but it didn't. Making ramen with Heung Soo didn't sound like a bad idea.

After all... Nam Soon liked him. No. Nam Soon was in love with him. So, how could staying with him be something bad? If he kept himself from thinking about everything else - about the fact that Heung Soo probably faked that drunk amnesia he had claimed, about the fact that Heung Soo had a girlfriend, and about what they did the night before - if he didn't think about those things, by being by his side... It made him happy.

So, how could he refuse to make ramen with him? After all, he has always loved Heung Soo's ramen.

"Get your heart, we will be still knowing that it's a start

With the break of the day, we'll go on searching, for the parts that were lost"

"You did it on purpose, right?" Nam Soon complained as they walked along the market pushing a shopping cart. "Because you didn't want to shop alone," he mumbled while Heung Soo grabbed some packages of ramen and tossed them inside the cart.

"Right, and I drove home just to see that I was out of ramen..." Heung Soo hissed as they moved to the vegetable section. "I forgot... my mind was..." he was saying, but stopped himself and stared at Nam Soon who still kept his eyes on him, waiting for him to complete the sentence. "I was busy." He finished and started looking for the parsley.

Nam Soon bit his lips, trying not to think about what he was about to say. But he knew what Heung Soo really meant. Probably, if he went to his own house he would be needing to go to the market as well.

"I have some things to buy, too... Since we are here," Nam Soon whispered and headed for the bath section, leaving Heung Soo to look through the vegetables himself.

Nam Soon was picking up two bottles of baby shampoo when Heung Soo approached behind him, carefully watching what he was doing.

"Why baby shampoo?" Heung Soo grunted. Now he knew exactly what was responsible for the scent that he could never get out of his mind. "Aren't you too old for that?"

Nam Soon didn't look back though and just shrugged. "Mom used to buy these for me. I've never changed it since," Nam Soon said, staring back at Heung Soo and then getting back to buy other things.

Heung Soo didn't say a word after that. He didn't even remember the last time Nam Soon's mother was mentioned. Even ten years ago, during the time they would hang out everyday, his mother had never been mentioned. Nam Soon probably always avoided it on purspose. Honestly, Heung Soo really liked that baby shampoo.

"Your heart, it beats, to the beat of mine

On top of the world, it's a love that we can't describe

We can't describe"

Nam Soon put the empty bowl of ramen back over the table, smiling happily. Heung Soo's ramen always made him happy, no matter the circumstances.

"Finished already?" Heung Soo seemed surprised, as he still had half of his bowl. "So you were hungry..." he whispered, slurping more noodles to his mouth.

"That, and also..." Nam Soon mumbled, wondering if he should say it - since Heung Soo would probably get all cocky. "Your ramen is pretty good," he decided to say. Nonetheless, an annoying Heung Soo is always better than a silent one - especially in the situation where they were at the moment. If they were silent, things would be awkward again, and Nam Soon would start to think too much about it all.

"You love my ramen," he said, smirking as he finished his bowl. "I think I should teach you. You know... Since you love to kill people with lots of pepper," he smiled sarcastically while Nam Soon sighed heavily in response.

"Yah, that was one time. You can stop complaining now or you'll starve next time you sleep at my house," Nam Soon hissed pointing the chopsticks at him.

Heung Soo just laughed, as he added the rest of the ramen to his mouth. He was trying pretty hard right now. It was as if nothing had changed, but both knew that this wasn't really the truth. Heung Soo was barely able to stand his fast heartbeats. His eyes wouldn't go away from Nam Soon's lips, from his hands, and honestly everything about him. The look in his eyes, the way he smiled, his messy hair that fit him perfectly - just everything about Nam Soon caught his attention and made his heart race in response. Everything reminded him of the night before and each time he would have to control the urge to touch him again. Because even though he thought about doing it, the act of actually getting into it ... made it impossible. He just couldn't.

Would this feeling ever go away somehow? Would there be a day where they would be able to talk and act normally about all this? Just stay as good friends?

"And we hold each other through the darkest days

Don't, let our fire, burn away"

"I'll be going," Nam Soon said, putting the last bowl over the dish rack after he finished cleaning everything. He usually wouldn't clean because he wanted to, but today was quite different. Nevertheless Heung Soo did cook the ramen.

"You can stay if you want..." Heung Soo whispered really low, but Nam Soon noticed that he wasn't sure about what he said himself.

"I'd better go," Nam Soon replied, walking to the door and putting on his shoes. "See you tomorrow," he whispered, carrying the market bags with his things in both of his hands.

"I'll give you a ride," Heung Soo offered, promptly stepping forward to get his car keys. But Nam Soon was already shaking his head.

"Don't need to," he said, forcing a smile. "It's not like my house is that far, I can take a bus and I'll be there in twenty minutes. It's fine."

"There's your game too, I should give it back to you. And these bags are heavy."

"I can take the game another day and it's not heavy, what are you thinking of me?" Nam Soon mumbled and apparently Heung Soo gave up. It was clear that they abused too much of their luck today. If Nam Soon stayed more, he was sure things would start to get awkward, and the fact that it was already night time only made things worse.

He was not really sure of what was going on in Heung Soo's mind, but he could try to guess. If only things could go back to the way they were... Was it still possible? It was hard enough to control his feelings before. But now, after having so much of him, when he could still remember his body, the sounds he made in pleasure... Things like that just wouldn't go away from his mind that easily. Nam Soon didn't think he could forget.

So, how could he possibly act as before around him, as if nothing had happened? But if things could go back... Wouldn't Nam Soon do it all over again if he had the chance?

...

The door closed between them. Heung Soo sighed and looked at it for a few seconds before turning around and heading back to his room. He went to his desk where he had recently added another photo with Nam Soon. It was an old picture of them back in their school days. He grabbed it and stared at it.

If they stayed together... If Heung Soo accepted it, and they got together as lovers... Then, how would it be?

"We'll make it out, out, leaving it all just to go to the other side

Held it together, tight grip"

Nam Soon arrived home about forty minutes later. He dropped the market bags over the table and headed to the bathroom to get ready to sleep when his phone surprisingly began to ring.

It was Joon Hee calling and that surprised him, since he usually just texted him.

"Hi?" Nam Soon picked up already in the bathroom.

He intended to go to sleep but apparently he would not be able to go to bed early today. It's been some time since they met, and as Joon Hee was passing by his house, he decided to invite him for a drink.

He had no plans to tell Yoon Jae about what was going on between him and Heung Soo, but Joon Hee seemed to be a more reliable person. Maybe it would be a good thing to talk to him and get everything off his chest. It might be easier to bear if he could share his feelings with someone... So he would try.

"Cross the seas chasing down our dreams like, fireflies

We're feeling oh so high, high, high, high"

Joon Hee was already waiting at the bar near Nam Soon's apartment when he arrived. Nam Soon smiled at him before noticing that Yoon Jae really wasn't there after all - Joon Hee said that his boyfriend would work late tonight, so since he was driving near Nam Soon's apartment he decided to stop by and meet him.

"How are you doing? It's been a while," he told Nam Soon, offering him a can of beer when he sat next to him.

"Yes, it's been some time... and some things happened, so..." Nam Soon said, filling a glass with beer and drinking it in one go.

"What happened?" Joon Hee asked, ordering some crispy chicken from the waiter.

"Ah.." Nam Soon mumbled, looking around. But no one seemed to be paying attention to them now. "Heung Soo... Between us..." Nam Soon bit his lips, without knowing what to say. Joon Hee stared at him, curiously.

"Did something happen between you two?" He asked and Nam Soon nodded, blushing at the memories of last night that were still really vivid in his mind.

"Really? Wow. But that's cool. I mean, you like him right?" He whispered, and Nam Soon nodded once more.

"I do, but..." Nam Soon sighed, taking another sip of beer. "Heung Soo... He said he doesn't remember," Nam Soon covered his face with his hands, sighing once more. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with all of this."

"Do you think he is being honest?" Joon Hee asked and Nam Soon shook his head, biting his lips.

"No. But... What should I do? If things go on like this, I really don't know..."

"If you think it's hurting too much... You should go out with us more and get it out of your head for a bit. Just message us, we are always free when you need us," Joon Hee smiled at him and Nam Soon nodded as the waiter came with the crispy chicken dish.

"Thanks... But you know, I don't think I can stay away from him..." Nam Soon whispered as he grabbed a piece of chicken.

"Well... Will you talk to him about it then?" Joon Hee asked but Nam Soon shook his head.

"I can't. If he says he doesn't remember, how can I? Yet..." Nam Soon sighed. "To stay away from him... I just can't. It hurts to stay with him and pretend nothing happened... But to not see him anymore... I know it would be much worse," Nam Soon mumbled and Joon Hee nodded, serving him more beer.

"I understand. But you know, if you are feeling hurt... Anytime, call me," he said, smiling at him. "There's not much we can do about it, but we can help you if you need a friend to talk to, or just someone to go out and have some fun with."

"A feeling like the weight of the world is lifted,

Nothing that we can't overcome, we'll make it"

Heung Soo was sitting on his bed with an photo album while he looked through his old photos. He took them out of the closet and arranged them on this album a few days ago.

There were even some pictures he didn't remember seeing before. Seeing them smiling like that... It was impossible not to think about it. If they hadn't fought... If they hadn't stayed ten years apart from each other... What would have happened? Would he have to deal with the same things he was dealing with now? Or rather, when he was younger and still discovering himself ... Maybe things were going to happen differently? Perhaps they would have stayed together... Or maybe by staying together they would have broken up and never talked to each other again? If they got together now... Things like this could happen too, right? If it did.. How would he live, then?

And what about his sister? He couldn't even start to think about how disappointed she would be if she found out. He was old enough to have his own life, but still he wanted her to keep being proud of him.

Maybe that was all an excuse. Excuses he was making to justify the reason why he lied to Nam Soon - excuses because he couldn't admit that he was being a coward. Yet, it was true that if they got together, the chance of everything ending was there. If they broke up... would they be friends again? If he lost him again because of that... He couldn't even think about it.

By being just his friend, he knew that this would never happen. If he was his friend and only that... Then they would never have to break apart.

So, even if that was all an excuse.. He really meant it.

Because he couldn't lose Nam Soon. And, because he couldn't lose him, they could never be more than friends. Even if it was an excuse, it was a true one. Besides the fact that he couldn't live with a man, this was even more important. To preserve his friendship with Nam Soon. To ensure that they wouldn't be apart anymore.

He closed the photo book and lay on his bed, closing his eyes - closing his eyes for what would be another night thinking about him. Another night filled with Nam Soon and everything about him that he would never be able to forget.

"This love is catching me by surprise

Reach out to find, all the feelings inside of you

The feelings you hold inside"

[/CONTENTID3][CONTENTID4]