[CONTENTID1]Chapter 4[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "the Scientist" - Coldplay

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

"Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start"

Nam Soon arrived home late that night. This turned out to be a workday that he would never be able to forget. He couldn't stop thinking about Heung Soo - the expression on his face, his eyes and the way they stared at him. Should he have said something? Would he have the chance to see him again? Those thoughts didn't leave his mind since then.

It's been so long, people would probably say, It's just a childhood friend. It's been ten years, you should forget. It's not that importante. But the thing was that after all those years, that was the first time that he felt his heart beating like this again. Park Heung Soo was never just a friend. He was the most important person in his life, and he finally met him again.

Nam Soon went to his closet and took out the pictures he had hidden inside it. That last picture they took together - he needed to put it in a frame. That feeling that resurfaced when he saw him again... didn't that mean that things between them hadn't yet come to an end? Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance for them? Or else, why would they met again, after so many years?

If he saw him again, Nam Soon would like to talk to him, but wasn't so sure if he should. Heung Soo seemed so happy before seeing him. Did Nam Soon still have any right to be part of his life again? If Heung Soo had found a better life without him, what right did he have to bring him into his life again?

"Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part"

It's been a week since that day, and Heung Soo didn't return. Nam Soon wondered if he didn't return on purpose because of him, and every time he thought about that, it would hurt inside his chest - regret, sadness, all those feelings would come together. But he didn't blame him - Heung Soo had every right to hate him. Nam Soon understood, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

It was snowing outside, just like he thought it would. He had to drive to work, and was lucky to find a place to park really close to the coffee-shop, though he ended up arriving later than when he went by walking because of the traffic.

The cafe was already open and he had to rush inside it to change to his work uniform. A small line was already forming inside, and Nam Soon didn't have any plans to look at it. But that was until he heard that laugh once again.

And there, standing in line while he talked to another boy a little shorter than him, was Park Heung Soo. This time Nam Soon had the chance to stare properly at him. He seemed a lot taller than he remembered - he was always the tallest of the two, but now he looked different. He was wearing the same black suit from before, and had his hair slightly falling over his eyes, parted on the side. He looked happy indeed - he was smiling just like before. Nam Soon ruined his life, but he managed to overcome it. Was Nam Soon now just a bad memory of his past? He wondered how his mother and sister were now. Did they hate him too? Did his mom get better?

He had already decided to pass unnoticed - head to the bathroom to change and only get out when Heung Soo had already left. He didn't want to ruin that bright mood in his face right now - he would just disappear and let Heung Soo go on with his life.

However, just when he was about to head to the bathroom, Heung Soo turned around, looking straight at his eyes. And he seemed even closer than before. Nam Soon should have left as soon as he saw him... Was his subconscious that made him take this long?

Just like the other day, the happy smile in his face disappeared. And once again those cold eyes glared at him. He could see the hate inside them - he could feel it. And then, he remembered the way he looked at him through that hospital window. And Nam Soon wished that he could just disappear once again.

"Heung Soo... " Nam Soon whispered, feeling his eyes getting watery, the remorse drowning him like a devastating wave.

The man at Heung Soo's side apparently noticed both of them, and seemed a bit lost.

"Do you know him?" he asked. Heung Soo didn't look away this time, and a dreadful smirk appeared on his lips.

"... No," he hissed, the smile leaving his face and giving place to that death glare once again. He was watching every movement the other did, but Nam Soon didn't dare respond to that. He deserved it. Everything. He didn't even have the right to cry - so he didn't. He stayed there helplessly watching as Heung Soo gave his back to him.

He deserved it. It was his own fault, Nam Soon made sure to remember himself repeatedly, as he watched Heung Soo buy his coffee and leave without looking back at even once.

He deserved it.

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,

Oh, when I rush to the start"

The snow was still falling outside when he left work. Since he arrived late, he stayed after his hour to throw away the trash and clean the place for the next day. He got the last two bags of garbage, locking the door behind him and brought them outside.

Nam Soon was heading to where he parked his car when, for some reason of fate that he would never understand, he spotted him again. He was inside a bar close to the coffee shop. At first he wanted to pass unnoticed, but then he realized that Heung Soo was there all by himself - his head was falling back and he seemed to be asleep. The waiter suddenly pinched him, making him wake up. Heung Soo looked really drunk.

And without realising, Nam Soon was already inside that bar. He stood at Heung Soo's side, and the smell of alcohol filled his nose.

"Do you know him?" the waiter suddenly asked, seaming really annoyed.

"...Yes," Nam Soon answered, without thinking twice. And the next thing he knew, he was carrying a drunk Heung Soo on his back, bringing him to his car. He said he would not interfere in his life, but why couldn't he do as he promised? Why was fate taunting them like this? Nam Soon couldn't possibly leave him there all alone. Not again.

Without thinking twice about it, he helped him get inside his car. He would leave him at his house if he knew where he lived, but in this circumstances he could only drive him to his own apartment, since Heung Soo seemed to be too drunk to tell him his address - He was so drunk that he didn't even looked like the same person that he met at the cafeteria.

"...Nam Soon ah?" Heung Soo had his eyes half open. How much did he really drink, to be talking to him like that? "Nam Soon ah.. Is that you?" he whispered, his eyes staring at him. His expression wasn't even close to the one he had in the morning. He was acting just like the old Heung Soo. But Nam Soon knew that was not the real Heung Soo anymore - he knew that he was saying those things because of his state. However, it did affect him.

"Where have you been?... Nam Soon ah," he mumbled, falling to the side and forcing Nam Soon to place his right hand into the back of his neck to keep him from hitting the door, while he bit his lips with strength to control his tears after hearing him. He was drunk, but those words came full of recentness.

Where had he been? Heung Soo had been waiting for him? At the night, in that hospital... Had Heung Soo waited for him?

"Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start"

Heung Soo was already asleep again when he arrived, and Nam Soon had to carry him on his back all the way up to his apartment.

Slowly, he dropped him over his bed and untied his shoes, leaving him with his socks. He probably should take off his belt too, but only opened it.

Why was he drinking alone? Did his coworkers just leave him there drunk? Or did he go there all by himself? At least now he seemed to be really asleep. And, even knowing that he had no right to do what he did, Nam Soon was glad that he was there to help him. He would never leave him alone - those words popped up in his mind, without giving him time to properly think about them.

Nam Soon sighed. Heung Soo would probably kill him if he heard that. What right he had to say that now? Didn't he leave him alone during all this time? He should have gone to that room. He should have stayed and heard what Heung Soo had to say. He should have let him beat him even if he said he didn't want to see him anymore. He should have at least given him the chance to do it.

But he was a coward. So, what right did he have to say that now? He bit his lips, and covered him with a few blankets, making sure that he was warm and comfortable, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

He would stay by his side if he could. He would be there all night if he could. But, now, he didn't think he had any right. It has been ten years - not ten months... not three years. Ten years. If Heung Soo said that they were now just strangers, Nam Soon wouldn't be able to argue about it. What did he know about Heung Soo's life now? Was he happy? What was his job? And what about his family? Had he made a new family? Was he... was he in love with someone now? Nam Soon didn't know.

The Park Heung Soo of today... he knew nothing about him.

"I had to find you, tell you I need you

And tell you I set you apart"

Nam Soon woke up early the following day. In fact, he could barely sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Heung Soo in the other room. How would he react when he woke up? Had he made the right choice by bringing him home? Those thought ran through his mind during the whole night - about his life, his feelings... their past.

Nam Soon decided to cook some rice for when Heung Soo woke up. He didn't know how to react... Why was he doing this? He had promised that he would stay out of his life, but he just couldn't. He knew he was being selfish, but still... Nam Soon missed him. He really missed him. Was this a second chance life was giving him? If so... shouldn't he grab that chance? A chance to do what he should have done ten years ago. Or was it too late?

He knew it was. He knew, yet, how could he just give up like that?

"Questions of science, science and progress

Could not speak as loud as my heart."

He heard some steps coming from his room and suddenly the door opened. And he felt like his heart had stopped beating. He knew Heung Soo was watching him from behind. What should he do? What should he say?

"You're up? I'm making some breakfast, you must be hungry. Does your head hurt?" Nam Soon said all at once, trying to sound casual, but with no courage to look back.

There was no response. But then, he heard the steps again and had to look back. Heung Soo had his back to him as he headed to the front door.

Nam Soon followed him halfway. He wasn't thinking anymore about what was right and what he had the right to do or not.

"Heung Soo-ya..." he whispered, and Heung Soo stopped midway. It followed some seconds of a dreadful silence, until he finally spoke.

" off, you bastard," he hissed, continuing his way through the door without looking back. But before he could close it behind him, Nam Soon gave a step ahead.

"I'm sorry," he said loud and clear. He was really sorry - he was sorry to death

I'm sorry.

"Do you think you are my friend?" Heung Soo mumbled, turning around and staring into his eyes with that deadly glare again. "You dare?" he hissed. Nam Soon didn't know what to say. He knew his eyes would get watery again, he knew that Heung Soo hated him. He knew it... but to hear those words coming from his mouth... It was the first time.

It was the fear of hearing those words that made him unable to return to that hospital room. Heung Soo was always the one who cared the most. Even though he would swear at him sometimes in the past, it was always joking - Heung Soo was never cold with him before. For things to get at this point, it only proved how much everything had changed. But Heung Soo had all the right in the world to talk to Nam Soon like that. It would be impossible for things to go back to the way they were before, after everything.

"Don't let me see your face ever again," he said at last, finally turning around and closing the door behind him. He didn't look back at him again.

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry.

You don't know how lovely you are"

It was over. Nam Soon should already know that - it's been over since ten years ago. But why... why did part of him didn't feel like it was? Why was a part of him never able to accept it? Even after all those years, part of Nam Soon was always waiting for Heung Soo. It couldn't be over. He knew that it was his fault, that he had no right to talk to Heung Soo again and that there was no way back. But still... he needed him. Heung Soo was, is, and always would be his life.

But Heung Soo didn't need him anymore. Heung Soo moved on with his life, and Nam Soon had to learn to accept it - he had to accept that ten years ago was when things ended for them.

There was no more Park Heung Soo and Go Nam Soon.

"I'm going back to the start."