That night, the room was empty, as empty as his heart, as empty as his mind. He embraced himself within the sheets that had once covered her body, he didn’t had any idea why he was acting the way he did, or why he was feeling the way he felt. The whispers on his head never ceased to bother him whenever he looked at her, at her slim figure trying to ease his pain, but he just pushed her away. A self-defense mechanism, a self-destruction he had forged with his own hands.

“Jiyong, I’m here for you, you know…” She murmured as they entered the room. Jiyong had never felt so angered before, so useless and powerless, and unfortunately, she was the only one around. He took a deep breath, his eyes narrow, his heart beating fast, a strange stinging pain on his chest clouded his reasoning, probably another episode.

“Yeah, as much as you were here a month ago, right?” He said with total sarcasm, intending to inflict as much pain as he was feeling. He saw how her face distorted, and for the first time, he felt glad she did. For the first time, he found that inner desire of hurting her, of making her feel as empty as he was feeling, as empty and dark as he felt the moment she left.

“What?” She said, her face a mixture of sadness and anger. It ticked him off even more.

“Oh I’m sure you heard me,” He said, and every word his mouth spoke, his heart would stop beating, giving him a moment to repent, but his mind wouldn’t let him. It was all a fight of control within him, and obviously, his past grudges were winning, floating freely until they found their way towards her, the only person he had loved the most. “I’m sure you heard all of it, as you heard my pleas that day, begging you to stay, begging you to love me, and you still ignored them, how could you even try and be here if you left me so easily once?”

“It wasn’t easy, Jiyong, you don’t know anything!”

“I know as much, I know that I wouldn’t leave you at your weakest, but it comes so easy for you.” He said, and after he finished, a slap came to his face. The pain slightly woke him from his rage, but it wasn’t enough. Not after he found himself grabbing her neck, his hand trembling, but still, he did, putting enough force to break her trachea in a second. But she was fast, faster than him at the moment. Chaerin quickly kicked his stomach, holding his hand for support of her body, and he had to let go. He tried to grab her again, but she quickly dodge him, grabbed his arm, twisted it and kicked him harder, throwing him on the floor. He panted as he felt his lungs running out of breath.

“And that will be the last time you’ll ever touch me.” She said as she grabbed his hair and put her arm under his neck, ready to break at any moment, holding him in place on the floor. That pain on his head finally made him realize what he had done, or probably was the words she had spoken. She let go of his head, forcefully making him hit the floor with his forehead. Not long after, the door on the room made a loud noise, she had left.

The emptiness on the room was nothing compared to the emptiness he was feeling inside. The silence of the room reminded him of his most moronic movement, the coldness of the night was constantly reminding him of it. It had been on impulse, but still it wasn’t the way, he knew as much.

To feel everything so deeply was driving him crazy, to be able to finally understand a normal and humane feeling as lost or love was something new to him, and he so desperately prayed for the times when he didn’t give a care on the world to come back, to make his sorrows and pains go away. How easy it would have been to just throw everything away and continue with the mission, to risk his life in peace and not having to come back to the place that had become his home. But was it a place at all? No, he knew as much, and now his home wasn’t with him, or he wasn’t at home. No, not after his selfish acts, not after his uncontrollable rage. All those years of Anger Management gone to waste by a dark cloud of his past. It was too much, and Jiyong screamed in exasperation as the constant whispers on his head interrupted his thoughts.

“That weakness will be your downfall my boy, and if you don’t grow some balls, you will never make anything in this life!”

It had been tough, it had been almost impossible to continue, but he found a way, he became stronger, he became independent, but it wasn’t enough. He screamed again, closing his eyes as he put his hands on his ears, trying to shut the voices away. His breathing was starting to get uneven, his heart beating rapidly, his lips and throat got dry and his head started to burn. But I took that damned medicine already.

And again, after so many years, he longed for someone to come and rescue him. He was feeling weak, his breathing was slowly decreasing and he could only throw himself on the floor, trying with all his might to reach the door. It was almost impossible as he slowly was getting weaker, slowly getting out of breath. This can’t be happening now.

The door opened slowly, the lights of the hallway illuminating the dark room as the gap grew wider. He silently thank God for that opportunity of survival. The person knocked slightly while opening the door, and the voice that called him made everything stop. “Jiyong? Are you there?” She said. Jiyong tried to talk, to scream, but his voice only came out as grunts. Chaerin quickly the lights as she stepped inside. Jiyong watched as she entered, and when she finally noticed him on the floor, he saw how her face distorted, how her curious face got frightened and her hands trembled. “Jiyong!” She yelled as she ran to his side, cradling his head on her arms. “Help! Someone, please help!” She yelled again.

Jiyong tried to smile as he slowly felt himself being dragged into a darkness he had almost grown used to. He wanted to tell her so many things, to apologize in so many ways, but he could only grunt and cough. The sour taste of blood invaded his mouth, and he started to choke on it. Chaerin shrieked as he started to choke, feeling light headed. He felt his body being moved to the side, and just then, he could finally cough, and a mouthful of blood oozed out of his mouth, making it easier to breath. He took a deep breath as the blood stopped oozing out, burning his throat.

“My God Jiyong, what’s happening to you?!” Chaerin said as she assisted him, slowly sitting him up. He could almost picture himself on his mind, pale, lips a shade of blue, his eyes hollow and disoriented, and maybe his mouth stained with fresh blood. It was almost hilarious his situation. He had seen people dying while choking on their own blood, he had been the cause of it in most of the times, but he never thought he would be one of them, almost dying as he choked on his own blood. He smiled as he shook his head, his breathing still uneven, but it was easier to do so now. Not too long after he coughed the blood, people started running into the room, and he, he was still unable to talk.

“What happened?” Bom said as she examined him. James was getting ready with his own First Aid Kit, and Seunghyun was looking at him with a perplexed face.

“I don’t know, I got in and he was on the floor, coughing out blood.” Chaerin said, her voice panicked.

“Coughing out blood? Why would he?” James said as he knelt at Jiyong’s side, slightly straightening him.

“I…” Jiyong started saying, his voice low and hoarse. Everyone stopped talking, all of them looking at him as he made an inhuman effort to talk. “It’s… getting… worst…” He managed to say as another round of coughs filled with blood came. Chaerin shrieked again and Bom stepped aside as he vomited blood. James quickly grabbed his forehead, now helping him maintain his neck extended so he wouldn’t choke on it. As Jiyong stopped coughing, James tried sitting him up, and just then, Jiyong noticed his deep blue eyes widening in pure horror.

“That’s a lung collapsing!” James yelled.

“We have to take him to a hospital!” Chaerin yelled, she was losing it, Jiyong could tell. He shook his head again, and tried to lift an arm, but he was too weak, he couldn’t even do that small gesture. When he tried to stand up, he fell again on the floor, still coughing.

“Don’t… take me…” He said between coughs.

“Youngbae!” Seunghyun yelled on the door and quickly went over to Jiyong and grabbed his right arm. Youngbae entered the room, his eyes wide in shock.

“What happened?!” He said.

“Come help me, we have to take him to a hospital.” Seunghyun said, but before he could finish his sentence, he was already on Jiyong’s left side, helping him up. When they stood him up, Jiyong flinched and whimpered as he felt a stinging pain on his lower chest. Everyone froze, and for a moment, he could see Chaerin’s eyes turning white on its cavity.

“He’s bleeding!” Chaerin yelled. James quickly went over him and ripped his white shirt. Jiyong tried to look down, only to see, in fact, his chest bleeding.

“When did this happened? My God, was that Dami?” James said, and Jiyong could only shrug, the lack of oxygen was making him so dizzy he couldn’t see properly, or think. James shook his head, “Hurry, he’ll die! That’s a flail chest, he’ll die without the proper treatment!” James said and everyone started running.

Jiyong felt like dying with every abrupt movement of his body, but he had to endure it. The worst part was when they got him into the car. As he rested his back on the seat, he tried to remember when and where Dami had inflicted him that wound, everything happened so fast he couldn’t quite register what had happened that night. After they got back, he fought with Chaerin, and not long after, she left, and when he tried to sleep, he found himself almost dying, and now he realized he had been wounded and nobody had noticed until now. His life was sure bizarre.

Fear had never been an option on her life, it was that kind of weight that slowed you down and drowned you until you died. Fear was something she had never thought possible on her life, until now. The epitome of horror was plastered on Jiyong’s face, his hollow eyes, his pale skin, his blue-ish lips, and his stained skin. She had never felt fear, until she had him on his arms, coughing out blood, almost unable to breathe. She had a taste of what horror could be like, of that terrible feeling invading her inner body until it made her powerless, unable to move, unable to breathe or think.

It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to her, and now, his motionless body sat on the back of the car, the beating of his heart slowly decreasing, the breathing so uneven it shouldn’t be called breathing at all. She continued to press her index finger to his throat, praying and begging the greater power for him to survive, to be just fine. She silently cried on his side, James driving fast as Seunghyun and Youngbae talked and talked, but she couldn’t hear any of them. She sobbed silently on Jiyong’s side as his pulse got slower, almost unable to be found.

She heard the tires screeching as James stopped the car, and in less than a second, Youngbae had pulled Jiyong out of the car. Chaerin followed them, like a zombie, like a walking dead following the source of her life. She felt drained, unable to move, unable to speak or think as Jiyong’s motionless body entered the E.R. She could see nurses running to aid him, quickly putting him on a metal stretcher and getting him inside the building. She stopped at the door, unable to take one more step, afraid that if she did, she would break down and cry endless rivers in the middle of the E.R. She kept looking inside, as Jiyong’s body disappeared through a pair of blue doors. Her breath got caught on , and with an almost inhuman effort, she stepped aside, resting her back on the wall, embracing herself as she fought the hot tears that were threatening to fall from her cheeks.

James was the first one to exit, his shirt stained with blood, fresh scarlet blood. He only stood in front of Chaerin, and she smiled, it was so fake, so forced, but she smiled. She could almost feel the hollowness of her soul plastered on her face, but she still smiled. But she knew James knew better, but he stood there, his arms on his side, his composure comfortable as he looked at her, his deep blue eyes boring into hers. The blonde hair falling over his face, giving him an eerie feeling of darkness, of danger. He looked like danger, his white t-shirt stained, his face sweaty and his eyes dark.

“Chae, it’s ok to scream now.” James murmured. Chaerin smiled again and straightened herself, looking at him. She could feel empty, completely drained, as if the only thing holding her together was the flesh that covered her bones, and she still smiled.

“Scream for what?” She said, her voice a bit shaky, but she swallowed hard and cleared .

“You don’t have to be strong with me.” He said. Chaerin shrugged and walked to the side, looking towards the city lights of Seoul. It was starting to itch at the back of , the feeling of lack of oxygen was starting to make it almost impossible for her to breath, but she still smiled, avoiding the torrent of feelings that were slowly surfacing.

“Don’t be a fool James, I’m not being strong for you. This is me,” And she had to stop, a sob was trying to make its way out of her chest. She took a deep breath and smiled wider. “This is me James, this is what I do.”

“No, it’s not, you know better than that.”

“It is me, I’m strong, and if I have to see the man I love die, then I’ll carry him with my own two hands,” she continued to say, now her strength was failing, and she started to shake. “If I have to bury him I’ll do it, because this is what I do.”

“Chaerin…”

“This is what I was trained for, there’s no feeling within us, there’s only strength and power. The will to kill and do as told, this is what we do.”

“You know that’s not what you do.” James tried to reason, and she could tell he was trying to make her lose all the pain on her chest, but she just couldn’t.

“I do. I’ve hurt him, I punched him and strangled him. I almost killed him, I left him alone, and suffering God knows what. I barely know him, yet I’ve been hurting him so much…” She finally let go, and the tears escaped her eyes as if a river had gone out of its banks. James quickly grabbed her as she lost her balance, and she held onto him as if her life depended on it, sobbing hard as she tried to breathe, as she tried to let go all the pain she was holding inside. “I’ve hurt him so much, yet I can’t let go. I left once, and it was suicide, I was killing myself, and now… Now he’s dying!”

“He’ll be okay Chaerin. Listen to me babe,” James grabbed her face on both his hands, holding her in place as he kissed her forehead. “Honey, he will be okay, he’s strong, he had overcome so many things, endure so many pains, he’ll not die just like this.”

“What if… What if this is it? What if I have to let go? I can’t live without him James, I don’t want to live without him. He’s everything… he’s everything…” Chaerin sobbed, and James started crying too.

“Don’t let go, he will need you babe, we all need you.”

“There is no meaning if he dies… there’s nothing else if he dies…”

“There is, there’s still out hope, our freedom.” James said. Chaerin let go as she stared at him, her face dark in pain.

“No, there is no freedom.”

Gily's Notes: I don't know... I've been feeling so gloomy lately...

I'm trying to update fast, but I have a lot of finals, I'm graduating from college this June (cheers) and... it's hectic in here xD

I was going to write next chapter today but my charger decided to die and my laptop is out of batery. I already ordered one, so let's sit and wait until it arrives. I'm.deeply sorry my dears!! I'm dying here without my laptop! .

On a side note, I have this AWESOME idea of a new story with Skydragon, (Obviously will start when I'm done with Collision) and... well, if I like it I'll post it and you guys tell me about it xD

Happy Reading ~

Gily ♥