When I think about it now, I didn't realize that one week holiday was going to be momentous. My life was about to change.

A lot.

We finished dinner quite late that night. Yuri, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, and YoonA were thoroughly wasted. Sunny and Tiffany weren't wasted because they are always quite a good drinker but they were obviously in the verge of becoming plastered. The instant we got to the hotel, everyone immediately passed out, clustered in the living room like a bunch of fresh-caught tuna. Seohyun who wasn't drinking at all (obviously) managed to do her night routine before bidding good bye to Jessica and I.

Jessica and I were left alone. Jessica was drinking earlied but had to stop because she was being teased about her crush. She hadn't stop pouting ever since. To be honest it was cute despite the fact that her face was very somber. 

Jessica sat at the dining table, her face was red and gleaming. Strange how I recalled that her face was sort of glowing, radiating a brigh flourescent light. I walked towards her and grab a vacant sit next to her. 

I remember that my heart was beating rapidly and I felt like someone was molding a yeast inside my stomach. Why was I always so uneasy when I had to talk to her? That's what I thought at that time. I'm such a pea-brained I couldn't figure out why. 

"You don't look alright," I started the conversation. My guts tell me I had to initiate the conversation. Thank you guts.

I won't ever forget the moment she started to cry. No. Crying is oversimplifying the fact. She was close to grieving.

I panicked but instinctively pulled her into my arms and hugged her very tight. Very, very tight. I clenched my teeth trying to subdued the flowing soreness that permeated in my body because it seems like Jessica was hurting. Hurting very bad. Seeing her hurt definitely triggered a tremendous effect on me. It was as if somewhere within my heart, someone's stabbing it over and over. It was agonizing. Who thought that I would ever react this way to her? It was a different kind of reaction and effect compared to seeing other members cried. It was deeper...and how did I put it into words? I wasn't happy at all to see her sad, that's it. 

I wondered what could put her into a deep state of agony? Was it because the others were bullying her about her crush?

The moment was forever registered to my head and heart. An undeniable evidence of Jessica's contradictory nick name. She is not Ice Princess; She's a Warm Princess. 

I held her very long until she gained her composure. We didn't let go of each other, she was holding me tightly as well. 

I put on a courage to asked again,"Were you upset because the others tease you about your crush?"

She didn't say anything for a moment. I was about to give up.

But then I heard her talking, in a very faint voice. 

"Ever heard of a saying 'Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love' ", she said something in English that I wasn't able to understand. All I could think of that she gets a million times more attractive when she talks in English.

"Hm....no. I don't understand what you are saying. Sorry," I her soft hair and rest my chin on top of her head. I was being bold but it was almost an instinct for me to act that way. I wanted to give her comfort and I wanted to snuggle her close although I can't really say anything to make her stop crying. I wish I was like Tiffany who could always gives a word of wisdom, or like Yuri who always able to pull of a jokes to make her laugh.I wish I could do anything. Anything. Anything to stop her from being tormented like this.

I could hear she giggled a little upon my confusion.

"It means it's hurtful when you like someone very much but they never notice you back"

A jolt of pain rushed upon my whole body again. I swallowed bitterly before asking her another questions. She was very secretive and I always thought I wasn't close enough with her to ask about personal matters. But being left out about her dating news and crushes makes me want to punch the wall. After all, I already feel comfortable enough to open up to her if she ever asks me about personal matters in return.

"Are you crushing on someone who doesn't notice you back?", I carefully asked. 

"Yes. Sad isn't it?", she smiled but it was a heartbreaking smile. I wanted to kiss her. 

What.

Was I thinking clearly.

Yes.

I wanted to kiss her. 

I am definitely attracted to her. Correction. I've been crushing hard but I brushed it off because I was scared to be greeted by rejection. 

"Taenggo?" she looked up at me with a questioning look on her face. 

I was brought back to the moment and immediately answered her,"Yes. Sica. It is very sad"

"Are you okay?" she asked me again. Was it obvious that I wasn't happy with the fact she's bawling over her crush in my embrace.

"Sure. Go on with your story"

She hesitated upon seeing my somber expression. She must've think I'm bored or sleepy so I initiated another question. 

I wanted to know what kind of person could make her cry like this,"How long have you like him...", she interrupted my question and said,"Her. It's her", I was bewildered. I was correct about it earlier then, she does like a girl. 

"O..okay. So how long have you been liking her?", I stammered. If only I knew how easy it was to make her opened up to me. 

She twiddled her slender fingers and said,"Two years"

"Why?"

"Why what, Taengoo?" 

"Why do you like her I mean"

"I adore her. Very much. I adore everything about her", her eyes turned bright when she talked about it. 

Another jolt of pain. I wasn't sure if I should continue our little chat. I felt a rush of nauseous feeling and bitter taste in my mouth. 

I let go of my embrace and Sica stared back at me with a bewildered look. 

And then our eyes met.

Until now, I didn't understand what took hold of me at that time. But upon seeing her eyes, filled with unfamiliarity yet it feels like I've been yearning for that stare for quite some time. I would never forget the feeling of being able to felt every miniscule of atoms in my body and noticing all the details her face. And I realized that I love it. I loved every tiny details on her delicate face.

That night,

I admitted a defeat and surrendered to my feeling.

"Are you okay Taengoo?", she placed her hand in my face and brushed it softly.

I nodded and next thing I knew I knowingly placed both of my hand in her face. Head tilted, face grew closer and closer until there was only a few inches between us.

So close that I could smell the champagne we had earlier.

So close that I could hear her uneven breath. 

I closed the distance between our face slowly and closed my eyes as my lips brushed her warm lips. 

I kissed Jessica Jung Sooyeon.

And I wanted more.