"JungAh?" Heejun softly called out as he stared at me with eyes filled with apprehension.

“Heejun?” My eyes widened.

I desperately wanted to explain myself, just make excuses for myself but as I thought about the lies I made up, I had to do something. I stared helplessly into Heejun’s eyes as he stared listlessly at me before he spoke. 

"Is it true? Is it really true?" Heejun asked as he nervously raked a hand over his hair, crestfallen eyes showing the disappointment. 

One by one, Heejun's walls were crumbling as he stared at us, a myriad of emotions messily clumped into the hospital ward. 

“What?” 

“Are you two really together?” Heejun silently said, making me afraid. 

How calm and collected he seemed on the outside but his eyes gave him away. I wanted him to lash out at me, for just telling his lies but the way he looked at me, was just a deep plot of darkness, a world of confusion.

I nodded slowly, before motioning to Daehyun to go out of the ward which he did after doubtfully raising his eyebrows up.

“How far have you two gone? Do you love him?” 

I averted my gaze to the calendar that was perched on the calendar and there, the circled number—8 July, the last day of our deal, the day I finally confessed. 

“I think I do.” I murmured.

“You don’t just think, all right! I have been just stupidly hanging around you for these few months and now, you find some other rascal to be with. Even so, behind my back! Do you expect me to believe you?” 

I swallowed the lump that had somehow formed in my throat and bit on my lips and could only gaze at my shoes that were covered with cut grass—grass that symbolised the fun Daehyun and I had in the hospital garden. The simplicity of somewhat subtle Mother Nature that made me overwhelmed with guilt because of our feelings but even the subtlest simplicity made remembrance to the wrong I did. And I decided, to not clear the grass on my shoe secretly , but instead, clean it off with pride and honesty. That meant that today, I had to make things clear to Heejun.

“I am sorry.” I mumbled, contrary to the feelings I had dwelled upon inside. 

“Stop doing that! You just make me soft-hearted again! Make me hate you, please!” Heejun said, exasperated. 

“I am sorry for not telling you.” I said a little louder. 

“Did you ever love me? I just want to make sure that we had a story, that at least, I wasn’t that foolish.” Heejun grabbed my arm as he shook it roughly.

No.

But I was afraid to say that, the way Heejun was trembling from the emotional state he was in now frightened me and I was hopeless.

“Answer me, all right?” Heejun succumbed to a whisper.

“Did you?” 

“N-no.” 

Heejun gave a loud chortle, letting a tear trickle down his cheeks but he was way too involved in his thoughts to wipe it away.

“Then why did you date me?” 

“I was selfish. I wanted to show my mum that I could live better off in London than in Korean. I used you.” 

Heejun scoffed, before crumbling onto the ground, letting out a loud and antagonising sob as he used his shirt to muffle them.

I stood by the bed, only able to look at him, not even daring to touch him. 

“I appreciate it. I was trying to make myself like you because you are such a good man but I couldn’t.” I murmured. 

“Do you know how much I love you? I even… that was the first time… the first time I brought a girl to my house. The first time, yet you do this kinda to me. It would have been fine if you had downright rejected me in the first place. It would hurt, but not this much. What am I gonna tell my parents about you now?” Heejun said in a harsh whisper, too infuriated to even talk. 

“I guess it’s the end of us, huh? There’s nothing I can do to just make you the tiniest bit attracted to me right?” Heejun gave a little laugh as another tear rolled down his cheek.

“I am sorry.” 

“I thought sorrys did help but now, they don’t anymore.” Heejun tried to nonchalantly shrug before he walked out of the ward, leaving me to stand speechless and guilty by the bed. 

—————

“I find myself disgusting. I ruined everyone.” I sighed as I tossed a rock into the river with Daehyun lying down on my lap. 

“It’s fine to feel that way sometimes too just like what I felt with my mother but now that I think about it, there’s no use. With these people gone from our lives, we just have to make the most out of it.” Daehyun reasoned, as he caressed my cheeks, trying to comfort me after the incident with Heejun. 

I slowly nodded,” I guess that’s life but I owe Heejun a lot.” 

“Me too. I wouldn’t have gotten you without him.” Daehyun smiled.

“Hey!” I lighty chided Daehyun as I gently hit his arm.

“Kidding, kidding.” Daehyun chuckled.

“By the way, did your Dad come visit you?” I asked, watching Daehyun’s cheerful disposition fade away, crestfallen.

“No.” 

“If he does, you had better not be rude to him. Remember what I told you?” 

“Yes mother.” 

I am gonna try end it in 2 chaps