Monday. I felt really drowsy. I guess because I couldn’t sleep for two straight days! I was still wondering about Jonghyun and the almost kiss that might or might not have been real. I was so bothered by it, I couldn’t get proper sleep! I know for sure, I won’t be able to pay attention to my teachers today. I’m too tired to concentrate.

  I do my regular routine, not seeing Unnie. I’m starting to get used to it because Jeongmin’s starting to come over almost every day. Someday, he’s going to move in with us. I can just feel it.

  After my regular routine, I head to school where I see Ricky talking with Da Ni again. Then I see Chunji, sulking. Does he need more advice or something? I come up to him, forcing myself to smile, but I was so tired. “Hey, Chunji. What’s wrong?” There certainly was something bothering him.

  “Kimi and L. Joe are going out.”

  “What?! When?”

  “They started going out on Saturday. I never heard about it until L. Joe texted me yesterday.”

  My mouth drops. What? Whoa! I never expected that to come quickly. I should have known it would happen, but it happened pretty quickly. “Are you going to be okay?” I can see he was about to cry, but tried hard enough to not show it. His face cringes, holding back the tears.

  “I-I’ll try…” He manages to choke out, bowing his head.

  I wanted to comfort him. Poor guy. He really did like her, but apparently, not everyone’s love goes as planned. I pat his back, trying to comfort him. “It’s okay Chunji. There are other girls that you’ll meet and I bet they’ll be better than Kimi. Maybe her dating L. Joe is a sign that there’s someone else for you. Hwaiting!” Eh, okay. I’m not that great with advice, but I tried at least.

  He nods. “I guess I’ll try to move on.”

  Good. Why couldn’t I do that with Jonghyun? Why am I not able to move on just yet? I’m not even trying! I’m just letting it hit me every time it comes. My love for Jonghyun is strong, too strong to make me forget about him. I continue to pat his back. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He made the decision fast and I think he’ll regret it later.

  “I’m fine. I agree with you.” He raises his head and sees Kimi with L. Joe. His expression changes to a hurt puppy. “It’s hard,” he mutters. “Every time I see her, my heart leaps, but cringes as I remind myself that she’s with L. Joe.”

  I truly understand this situation, but it appears to be that he’s stronger than I was. Now that Unnie has a boyfriend, that was the time when I forgave her. As for Chunji… It seems like he’s accepting everything without a fight. “I’m just glad you’re not breaking down,” I try laughing to lessen the tension. It slightly does, but not all the way.

  Chunji smiles. “But I’m glad you tried helping me. Same for Changjo. I listened to both of you, but she still didn’t look at me the same way she did at L. Joe. I guess you’re right about her not being the one.” His eyes trail as his smile grew. “Anyways, do you need help on your love life?” He starts chuckling.

  I do the same and smack him on the back of his head, playfully. “Shut up…” This time I burst out laughing. I would love him to help, but this is my battle that I have to go through. I want to solve this all by myself. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “Then what do you want as a repayment? A date with Changjo?”

  I blush and hit him again. “Ha. Ha. You’re very funny, but no.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Okay. I guess not, but I will repay you somehow. Anytime and anywhere.”

  “Okay. I’ll take a mental note in my head.” I tap the side of my forehead, as if it would help me with my memory.

  Just then, the bell rang to head to class.

  “I’ll see you at lunch.” Chunji says, walking away.

  “Okay. Bye!” I too start heading to my class. Huh. I didn’t see Jonghyun. Where could he be?

  I enter the classroom a bit earlier than I expected. I head to my desk and see Da Ni’s head down. She must be tired, but I wanted to scare her to see if she was sleeping. After all, she is a deep sleeper, so if she doesn’t wake up, then she’s in a deep sleep.

  I come up to her, but stop, hearing small sobs. Oh no. Don’t tell me… Please don’t be that reason. “Da Ni.” I call her name softly and place a hand on her shoulder.

  She jumps, but kept her head down.

  “Da Ni,” I call again.

  This time, she raises her head. Her face was twisted with smeared tears. Her make-up was messed up, rubbing under her eyes, making it look like she was tired. She sniffled. “In Young…” Another sniffle. “He-he-“ She couldn’t finish what she wanted to saw before she bawled.

  I took her in my arms, already knowing what happened. “Min Jin broke up with you?” I ask, even though it was quite obvious what the answer was.

  “It’s all because of me.”

  “No it isn’t!” What the hell was she talking about? How can it be her fault? If he doesn’t love her anymore, then that’s his problem! He just lost the most perfect girl in the world! “None of it’s your fault!”

  She pulled away from me. “Yes it is! If I haven’t been with Ricky so much and postponing our date, then we would still be together! I loved him!”

  “He’s not worth it,” I say softly, knowing yelling wouldn’t help. “If he doesn’t understand about your personal space, then that’s his problem. He can’t be mad at you just because you don’t hang out with him ever single moment of your life. You need your space. It’s not your fault at all! It’s his fault for letting you go.”

  She sighs. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t right.”

  I grin. “See. Now you’re agreeing with me! That means Min Jin’s the one at fault not you.”

  “But I wish he could understand. I’m going to talk to him.” She starts standing, but I take her arm.

  No way! She’s not going to go back with him! Ricky’s a better match for her than that little bastard! “What? You’re going to go back to him! No way! That’s the stupidest thing you’ll ever do!”

  She laughs. “I’m not going to beg for him, I’m going to beat his !”

  I blink, trying to sink all of it in. “Oh,” was all I can say. Don’t I feel like an idiot…

  “Don’t worry. I’m not that stupid! I’m crying because… it’s hard to give him up just like that, but I’m going to beat his sorry for breaking up with me!” She raises a fist and sits down. “But I’m going to do that later.”

  I shake my head. Such a weird friend I have, but so loveable like Ricky. “Do whatever you want. He’s your ex, not mine.”

  Da Ni sighs. “Class is about to start. I should calm down.” She takes a couple of deep breaths that seem to be wavering. I know she wasn’t over him yet, but she too was trying like Chunji. Man, two heart breaks in one day! What else is going to happen?

  The rest of the day was normal. I ate with Jonghyun and Ricky at the roof. It seems like Jonghyun doesn’t remember Saturday on the Ferris wheel. He did talk about it, but he never mentioned about the Ferris wheel part to Ricky. Is he trying to hide something or was that the most embarrassing part of the day since he was scared of heights?

  After school, I was walking out with Ricky, telling about Da Ni and Min Jin.

  “Yeah. I heard about that,” Ricky says after I explained everything. “It’s been spreading throughout the whole school. I guess they never expected the perfect couple to break up.”

  “Perfect couple? Just because they look like one, doesn’t mean they are.”

  “True, but that’s what everyone says who doesn’t know them.”

  My eyes droop. “Do you still like her? Do you still like Da Ni?” I wonder if he too was going to move on with her someday. I hope not because they look more like a perfect couple.

  To my relief, he shook his head. “No. Why would I?”

  “It’s nothing.” I turn my head and sure enough, I see Da Ni coming out of the building, looking satisfied. She must’ve beaten the crap out of Min Jin earlier or more like yelled at him. She wasn’t much of a physical person, but a screamer. I nudge Ricky. “There she is. You should talk to her.”

  He takes a look at me and pats my head. “I hope you and Changjo can settle things soon. Ppyong~” He kisses my cheek one last time before going up to her with a huge smile plastered on his face.

  I touch that cheek and grin. Well, I hope their relationship will grow larger than mines soon, too. I take one last glance at them, seeing they’re doing fine, and head back home.

  I didn’t find Unnie home. She’s probably with her boyfriend going somewhere or something, but whatever. I head upstairs, ready to read another diary entry even though I still have homework. Eh… I’ll do it later. It can wait.

________________________________________________________________________

  June 23

  Diary Entry #7

  Dear Diary,

  … I’m sorry… I… I don’t know what to say today… I… I can’t really write anything. Actually, I don’t feel like writing today… Sorry…

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  June 23… It was that day… I skip to the next entry and read it.

________________________________________________________________________

  June 24

  Diary Entry #8

  Dear Diary,

  I’m sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t in a good mood. Umma and Appa… They’re gone. Gone forever. They died in a car accident yesterday because of a driver who was speeding and tried beating a red light. I can’t blame him though. Maybe he was in a hurry to get to somewhere or maybe an emergency happened to him, too… Strange how I’m not mad at him. Why? I’m mad at myself for not being there, for not dying with them. It’s only me who I’m mad at, not anyone else.

  It’s a weird feeling when someone dies. It feels like there’s a gap in your heart. It feels like there’s someone you still have to wait for at the table before you eat. It feels… Strange. I can’t explain it in words.

  When I found out they died in the hospital, I bawled into tears. I was waiting for them at home, wanting to know when they’ll come back, but they never did. Unnie wasn’t around either. Do you want to know why? She drove to the hospital right whenever she had the chance, but didn’t want to tell me until she came back. I couldn’t believe it. I was thinking it was all a lie, but it wasn’t. They never came back at all and now the funeral will be in three days. It’s going to be tough now that’s its going to be us two alone in the house.

  Jonghyun even came over, but I didn’t leave my room, so he came in instead, knocking before coming in. He sat next to me as I lay there, face planted on my pillow. “Yah… Kwenchana?” He asked.

  I roll, getting even closer. I wasn’t in the mood, so I had no burst of emotions as I made contact with him. I just plainly shook my head.

  He smoothes my hair, sends sparks throughout my body but I didn’t react. “I’m sorry about your lost.” All of a sudden, he grabs my arm, pulls me up, and takes me in a hug.

  I didn’t know what came over me, but I started sobbing, burying my head into his shoulder. I didn’t care if I wetted his shirt. I was too sad to think about ruining it.

  He squeezes me tighter, whispering, “Cry all you want. I won’t tell you to stop. Cry all you want.”

  By those words, I cried even more, squeezing him, too. I cried like that for a few more minutes before letting him go, my tears all gone. I wipe away the ones that stained my cheeks and forced a smile. “Kamsamnida, Jonghyun for being here.”

  He, too smiles. “It’s nothing. I here for you, so if you want to cry more, I’m free.”

  I playfully punched him. “I’m not going to cry anymore until the funeral. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

  “That’s good because I hate worrying.”

  I laugh, shaking my head, but it fades. “Anyways, thank you again.”

  “It’s nothing, Dongsaeng.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer.

  This time, I reacted, smiling like crazy, but my blushing never came. I just smiled and close my eyes, somehow falling asleep.

  When I woke up, he was gone and I was under my covers, sleeping peacefully. So now, a day later, I’m writing in you diary, explaining why I didn’t write yesterday. I hope you understand. C: Ppyong~

                                                            -In Young <3

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  I read that diary entry a couple of times. I remember that event clearly. I hated that day and I still do, but I’ve moved on. I can’t just be stuck in the past, getting angry for nothing.

  As I closed my diary, it slipped through my hands and slid almost under my bed. I try picking it up, but accidentally caused it to go in deeper. I crouched on the floor, picked it up, and found that same old shoebox. I wonder what was inside.

  I placed my diary on top of my bed and reach for the shoebox. My hand grabs onto it and pulls it out. It was dusty and smelled of old cardboard. In a strange way, I don’t remember what I had in here. I don’t even remember putting this under my bed. Slowly, I take off the top off and found Jonghyun’s old notebooks he gave to me. Omo! There’s the Geometry notebook! Perfect!

  I take it out and notice something was about to slip. I flip to that page and found a folded up loose paper.