The way back home, I couldn’t get my mind off of Jonghyun. We were so close to kissing, but I wanted to wait. Anyways, he doesn’t have the same feelings for me. If only I was my Unnie. Now she has a boyfriend, does that mean I have a bigger chance? I shouldn’t think this way, but I want to be greedy for Jonghyun. I want to stay with him forever. I don’t know if I can sayh that in the future, but this is the present and that’s what I want.

  Since it’s a new day, it’s time for me to read another diary entry, but first, I need to finish my homework. Stupid me for leaving Jonghyun’s house so early! I’ll either ask Da Ni or Ricky. Who’s better at Geometry? Ricky took it before, but I don’t think I can trust him… Da Ni will do. I text her and we had a whole conversation about the homework and soon we got off topic, talking about random things that popped into our head. I had to end the conversation.

  Thanks for helping me Da Ni – In Young C:

  No problem. See ya~ - Da Ni :B

  Ah! Finally done with stinking Geometry! Now I can read my diary entry!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

  May 27

  Diary Entry #4

  Dear Diary,

  I’m not exactly in a good mood unlike last time, but I feel like writing. It might help me control myself. For some reason, I feel like this will be quick and short, but I’ll try to make it long my writing…

  I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie! I hate my Unnie!

  Ok. I’m done. Want to know what happened? Of course you do! Why else would I mention it to you? Where should I start? At the beginning of the day, somewhere near this event, or where ever? I’ll agree with where ever.

  Well, let’s start at school, during lunch, when I planned everything!

  “Jonghyun-oppa!” I called out as I see him leaving the line. I had saved him a seat at one of the round tables. I’m glad no one else was sitting here or else it’ll be hard for me to say what I wanted to say.

  He waved and headed towards me. He setted his tray down and sat in front of me. “What is it?”

  I smile. I was ready to tell him! I was confident! But I had to go with my plan or else I’ll probably loose that confident. I know what I’m going to say. “After school, could you meet me at the front?” I asked him.

  He chewed on his food, thinking. I love the look he makes when he’s thinking. It’s different from others. I just don’t know how to explain it, but I love it in my own way. Other people might think it’s a normal expression, but to me, everything Jonghyun does is different.

  I wait for his answer, feeling nervous. I didn’t know what he would say! Usually he would say yes, but it’s not going to turn out that way every time! Sometimes I wish I could read his mind. Aish! How much longer did I have to wait? Not that long, it just felt like it.

  “Sure. Why?”

  “I want to tell you something.”

  “Why not now?”

  I look around. There were too many people, but I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want anybody to hear me. Sure the cafeteria is loud, but you may never know if someone was listening to you by accident. “I wanna save it. Plus it adds to the suspense.”

  He sighed. “I guess. Do whatever you want, but you better not bail on me.”

  “I won’t. Have I ever done that to you before?”

  He shook his head.

  “Then I won’t do it to you ever.”

  So that’s how I made the promise of meeting Jonghyun after school, but that’s not why I’m made at Unnie. (Obviously.) There’s still more to the story. Hm… Seems like I’m writing more than I thought. I guess writing ‘I hate my Unnie,’ worked! XP

  After school, I met Jonghyun at the gates. I was even more ready since there were barely anybody around us and the whoe day, I was thinking about what to say. I’m ready!

  “Jonghyun!” I said quite sudddenly.

  He jumps and stared at me.

  I was lost of words! His eyes captivated me. I thought I was ready! My eyes dropped to the ground. “Uhm… I… Uh… Er…” Come on! I could say it! It’s only three to four words! That’s all!

  “I-“ I try again, but nothing comes out.

  Seeing me struggle, Jonghyun places a finger to me lips. “Breath. Then say it.” He takes away his finger.

  I think that made it worse because when I breathed, it sounded like I was hypervenelating. I slowed it down to a single breath and start again. “Jonghyun, Sar-“

  *Beep! Beep!*

  (This is where Unnie takes place.)

  “In Young ah! Hurry! I have to go somewhere!” I heard Unnie called.

  Aish! She ruined everything I was about to say it! I ignore her and try again, but she honks. I glare at her. Can’t she wait?

  “I think you should go.” Jonghyun said.

  What? He’s going to let me go? Doesn’t he know what I want to say to him? I can’t argue. I just can’t argue with Jonghyun. I dropped my head. “Ok. I’ll see you later then.”

  He chuckles. “Ne. And maybe you can tell me about it tomorrow.”

  I made a weak smile. I guess… With that, I head to Unnie’s car, grumbling to myself. If Unnie didn’t come, I think I would be able to tell him how I feel, but no! She had to come at the wrong time!

  And that, Diary, is why I am made at Unnie. Yupp. Ah! I just wish she didn’t come at that time. Now I don’t think I have the courage to tell him. I’m getting tired. It’s pretty late. I’ve been working on my homework and looked through Jonghyun’s notes. They were pretty handy. I hope next year (Algebra), his notes will be just as easy to read as this.

  Well, Ppyong~

                                                             -In Young <3

________________________________________________________________________________________

  Ah… Even in the past I had trouble with Unnie. Aish. Well, I can’t show anything to Jonghyun tomorrow. It’ll be a calming day for him. I wonder if he would be happy about it or not… Oh well. This diary entry will have to be delayed. I don’t want to confess to Jonghyun just yet. Not until he has regained his full memory.

  I shut my diary and put it in the drawers. Time to rest! I lie on my bed and roll around a bit, still remembering the even earlier. I wish I made my move, but I’m glad I didn’t. Things wouldn’t be the same it I acted too quickly. I need to wait. Wait. That’s the key.

  All of a sudden, I hear a knock on my door.

  Unnie. Who else?

  “Come in!” I shout.

  And surely it was Unnie. “Hello, In Young. Are you feeling well?”

  I didn’t feel like talking to her. It felt like she’s playing with two hearts. Jonghyun and Jeongmin. I’m pretty sure she knows Jonghyun likes her because he’s always treating her nicely and they’ve been talking to each other a lot lately. As for Jeongmin, they’re going out, so it’s obvious he likes her.

  “Can we talk?”

  I shake my head.

  She still continues. “I know I haven’t mentioned Jeongmin before, but I do love him.”

  What about Jonghyun? Is he just a toy?

  “I just want to clear things up.”

  “I don’t want to hear any of it.” I say and roll on my stomach, burying my head in my pillow.

  “In Young…”

  I raise my head to say, “Leave me alone,” then I bury my head back into the pillow.

  I wait for a couple of seconds before lifting my head back up. Unnie was no longer with me, but going out. Sorry, Unnie, but I don’t feel like I can trust you anymore. It may just be us two, but to me, it feels like I’m the only one living here. I just wish I didn’t hate you this much…