Chapter 61

It had been a very long day and it was only a little over 3 in the morning when the filming for the drama ended. Even so, no matter how many activities Jaehwan had on his schedule, his thoughts would always come to disturb him, nagging at him to search for answers that he did not have. N had not yet returned to his parents' house nor had he heard anything about his text mate. A sigh escaped his lips at the thought of Wonsik; it was unexpected – how his text mate called him without any warning just after they had parted ways the other night. What surprised him more, however, was hearing the latter's drunken slurred words and his poor efforts at holding back his tears. Eventually, there was another voice on the other end – a stranger – spoke to him and informed him about Wonsik's location. Jaehwan did not know what came over him that he immediately dropped all that he was currently doing to rush over to the address that was given to him. It took a lot of time to return to where he met up with Wonsik earlier on and finding him again after searching for another half an hour.

By the time that Jaehwan reached him, the stranger that was with his text mate was already itching to leave. With a brief exchange of greetings, the lady left soon after, and again, it was just the two of them left by themselves. Wonsik recognised him right away after Jaehwan shook his shoulder gently to catch his attention. The latter had said, pointing a finger at him, "It's youuuu! The one who left me!" What followed after that was something that the idol would not ever want to remember again, but had no choice in the matter. It was only his beloved Jordan shoes that got stained with vomit after all. He regretfully abandoned his then late favourite shoes and walked around with just his socks. They were more than enough for him to be able to take Wonsik home anyway. And of course, before he went ahead and took him home by taxi, he tidied up all of his text mate's mess and never missed wiping his face clean.

Wonsik clung to the idol the entire taxi ride home and Jaehwan inevitably heard all sorts of confession from him. He always tried to get him to relax and fall asleep on his shoulder as he thought that it would reduce the chances of any more vomiting or unwanted confessions. Jaehwan did not want to take advantage of him that way, especially because he knew that Wonsik would later on regret his actions and admit that he did not mean to say the things that he did. His text mate had always been that type, he figured out only through years of messaging one another –

Jaehwan suddenly felt his phone vibrating and when he took it out of his pocket, he saw that Sanghyuk just sent him a couple of text messages. He was not really expecting an answer when he messaged him just a little while ago, but he still felt somewhat better that he could talk to someone even for mere minutes. Sanghyuk had told him, 'Binnie-hyung's phone got confiscated,' 'I gave him a temporary phone though,' 'Here's his number...' and after that, a line of numbers was listed down. 'Did the filming just end?'

Jaehwan's lips curled into a smile. 'Thanks, Hyukkie^^' He typed in, 'Yeah, filming just ended... So tiring,' and also, 'Why are you still awake? Shouldn't you be sleeping!!'

It did not take long before another message appeared on his screen, 'Then why were you texting me at this time~'

'Because I have no other free time,' the idol thought but did not write down to send. What he replied though was, 'Sorry... I just have a lot of things in my mind right now... I'm worried about N-hyung...' He chewed on his lip at his lie. Sure, he truly was worried about N, but just before he actually thought of him as an excuse, there was his text mate's health that he was curious about. Just the thought of his own actions and words made Jaehwan feel guilty and ashamed since he, himself, could not believe how easily he could forget about N when everyone had been concerned about him ever since he left. Not to mention, his parents were also getting agitated at not hearing anything from N when he promised to return –

Sanghyuk took a little longer this time around, 'I'm worried about him too... I trust him, but if your parents are expecting him and he hasn't showed up... Doesn't that just make you feel anxious? Like maybe something happened to him? Or... Although I don't want to think about it... Perhaps he left all of us, including you... Hyung, I found some documents from his bag just before he left. He said that he was leaving...'

'That's what he told me too...' Jaehwan answered back, letting out a deep sigh afterwards. 'I shouldn't have taken back the phone... I should have made him keep it... Now, we don't even know where to find him or where to start. I...' He paused for a while, 'I feel bad that I've kept him away from you all this time...'

'I'm sure that you had your reasons and N-hyung probably told you not to say a word,' the younger of the two said. 'Yeah, it was upsetting to find out about it at first, but you know... It already happened and he was back. But then now, he's gone again. I wouldn't want to force you into telling me his whereabouts if ever you do know. Just know that you don't have to go through such great lengths... lying and all... to hide him. But if you really don't know then... I guess the only thing that we both could hope now is that he's in a good condition.' And while Jaehwan was already writing his next message, another line of text appeared, 'I'm tempted to look for him too because I miss him already. Strangely...'

The idol then erased all of what he was typing before and keyed in a new answer. However, another notification from an unknown number popped up on the top of his screen. He pressed it and it opened up the message: 'Ken-hyung, this is Hongbin. Hyuk just texted me the situation. What's up? Did N-hyung return yet?' Jaehwan heaved a sigh and again, he briefed Hongbin on the fact that N had not come back yet.

'It's okay to admit that you miss him,' he firstly sent to Sanghyuk. And secondly, after receiving: 'I'm getting really worried... His letter sounded like he was saying his last goodbyes. Did you get the same feeling when you last spoke to him?' from Hongbin, Jaehwan took some time to look back on his last moments with N. The entire time, he always had thoughts that he would be seeing N again because the latter promised his parents to visit them whenever he could. The idol knew that it would be difficult for N to make empty promises to them especially since he always told him that he felt that he owed Jaehwan's parents a lot. N would be a very heartless person to leave even Jaehwan's parents hanging – what Hongbin was currently telling him actually opened his eyes to different possibilities. His imagination started to run wild and he was beginning to feel less exhausted due to his anxiety that was now keeping him wide-awake.

'I don't know,' Jaehwan responded, unconsciously whispering the same words under his breath. 'My parents are on the edge too. They're worried about him. Trust me, Hongbin... I don't know where he is this time around and I'm scared...'

It took a little wait before Hongbin's next message arrived: 'Yeah... I believe you, hyung. By the way, did you need something? Since you asked Hyuk for my number and all.'

And then, it was followed by Sanghyuk's replies: 'It'll be really embarrassing to admit something like that especially around him!' and 'Hyung...? I want to ask you something before I sleep.'

Comparing the two, Jaehwan came to the conclusion that it was much easier to ask Sanghyuk what he wanted to talk about rather than to think of ways to ask Hongbin how Wonsik was holding up. He sent to Sanghyuk: 'Sure, go ahead so you can sleep.' After that, he read over Hongbin's messages again before he took a deep breath and typed in, 'About your brother... How is he?' The idol reviewed his current draft and over his bottom lip. And when he thought about erasing it, Hongbin's new message popped up: 'Is this about him...? Ravi talked about you a lot when he came home yesterday...'

Jaehwan's heart skipped a beat and he immediately pressed the backspace on the keyboard to delete all of what he had written before as Hongbin's messages kept appearing in his screen: 'He was mostly apologetic though... About not telling you. I know that I don't really have the right to tell you not to feel angry for what he did, but I just wish that you'd forgive him. He's lost too many people in his life and I'm sure that he'll miss you a lot when you don't text him... I'm lacking a lot as his brother and even if I keep e