Chapter 22

"My sister..." N started, forcing his lifelong friend to come to his senses and pay attention to what he was saying. "My father... My father left us – my real father. My mother remarried so I don't know where he is now... But ever since then, she hasn't been the same. And my sisters hated me. Do you know why...? It's because I'm stupid, Leo-yah... I'm such a stupid person... They said that I was liar... They told me that because I lie, people didn't like me... That because of me... She got hurt... I –"

Leo curled his body slightly just so he could spoon N and pull him closer to him. "You're not making any sense right now..." He mumbled on N's back and he earned himself a shudder from the latter.

N cleared his throat and scooted back a little to meet his lifelong friend's warmth. "It... It was one night. My sister and I were by ourselves at home. And I don't know... I-I don't know what happened but I woke up and found out that we were getting robbed. I-I hid inside a closet a-and saw my sister a-and the robber. T-Then they came home – my family. M-My mother locked me in. S-She was so angry a-and told me to reflect on my actions. T-That because of me, my sister got stabbed by the robber a-and all I did was watch and hide. I-I was so scared, Leo... I-I didn't know w-what to do! I... I t-thought I was –"

Leo linked their hands together, giving his lifelong friend's hand squeezes to calm him down. One part of him was doubtful about N's story. But another part of him believed that there was no way N could be lying this time around because the story seemed to be the cause for his extreme fear of the darkness and small closed spaces. So instead, he sung to his lifelong friend – the only thing he knew to do. He ignored for a moment the fact that his breath might smell bad or that he was in an awkward position on the bed, because to him, it was more important to help calm N down before anything else.

And when he finished with the last line, all he heard was N's ragged breathing and sniffles. "I-I'm not lying this time, Leo-yah..." His lifelong friend stammered as if he had read exactly what was on Leo's mind. "I... I really wanted to... t-to die until... until I saw you... I thought that I wanted you to t-take care of me too... T-That you're not a bad person... I-It could have been anyone... I thought back then... Anyone would do. I just didn't want to be alone. T-To feel alone and I... I forced you, didn't I? A-And the... And the lies began then... I wanted to be someone that you wouldn't throw away a-and I wanted you to be p-proud of me. I wanted the best for you... wanted you to be known... wanted you to be famous just so I know that I am doing something in return of you being next to me... D-Did you know why the girls were head over heels in love with you? I... I'd tell them about great things about you... A-And I don't even know if I've made things up about some of them because I just... I just wanted them to think that Jung Taekwoon is a great person..."

N swallowed and wiped his own warm tears away. "I-I... I had to live on lies... I had to be smiling so you wouldn't know. I-I was glad to be a laughing stock if that meant that they'd love you... I wanted them to see that you're great... That I'm not... That I'm nothing more than someone who is leeching on you because everyone hated me... My skin colour, my accent... My everything... My everything... And I kept on lying and lying and lying because that's what they call me anyway – a liar. A-And because I was a liar... I c-couldn't help myself from lying to you too... I thought that if you found out about me, my family, you wouldn't want to be with me anymore... that you would hate me for lying. W-When you were asking... I was so scared and tried to cover everything up with more lies but... But... In the end, I thought... that if you leave me then I should understand. T-That I should let you be mad and leave and forget about me. I-I thought then that I would just start all over again and pretend that others like me and stay with them... P-Pretend that we are friends even if they talk about me when I turn my back. At that point... It didn't matter to me... I... I don't even know who I am... I don't know who Cha Hakyeon is... I don't know... I don't know..."

The room stayed in silence for a long while after N spoke up. Leo had thought of things that he wanted to say but somehow could not voice them out. He only held N still, humming next to his ear and hoping that the shaking would cease. Naturally, it eventually does and N was back to apologising. He probably had run out of tears to cry or he just did not know how he would be able to deal with the problem at hand: what should I say to Leo now? –

"Don't say anything anymore..." Leo grumbled, distracting him from thinking too much. It was not harsh and neither was it irritated. It was more like, 'I understand so stop hurting. I don't hate you.'

N managed a faint laugh even after all that, "I won't..."

"Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday our Leo-hyung~ Happy Birthday to you~"

Leo almost hanged up the phone from how noisy the two were from the other line. His lifelong friend, however, giggled at how Leo reacted and asked him not to be rude to the people who were greeting him. So Leo listened for a while, "Leo-hyung, I want to give you something," Hongbin chirped. "But I'm still grounded... So I was thinking of making Won – Ravi," he corrected himself, "To give it to you instead."

"Ravi?" N whispered, curious. He leaned closer to Le