Chapter 15

N stopped coming to Leo and Hongbin's school ever since the day that N wore a skirt. The next time that Leo saw Hongbin after his lifelong friend caused uproar, the boy only had a straight face and he had not mentioned the incident at all. It was his job to clean the mess and clear things up. He needed to explain where the student council president's extra school uniform went and who the international student was. Leo has not mentioned anything about the incident too and thought that it was best left as it is.

So, as an alternative, it was agreed between the two that they meet by the train station every after school. It was N's idea and of course, his lifelong friend had no choice but to tag along with it. Otherwise, it might trigger N to lie again about the stupidest and littlest things. "You'll know when I'm lying, Leo. If you catch me lying, you can pinch me," his lifelong friend told him and so he did (for no other reason but to ). N yelped and hit him automatically. "How dare you, Jung Leo?"

But his lifelong friend just tried to bite back his laughs. Leo earned another set of slices on the neck and small cute punches on the arm. "Answer me, Leo –"

"If you answer my question first," Leo interrupted him.

"What is it?" N asked; his eyebrows furrowed.

"Why do you lie?" 

Silence embraced them for a while until N started to walk away, shaking his head. He could not possibly answer that question and even if he does, Leo would not understand. No one would ever understand what he had been through. It was pointless to talk about it because he would end up lying all over again and that meant losing his long-term friendship with Leo. He was the only one left after all. Nobody would want him and even if it was true that he forced Leo to be his friend in the first place, if possible, he would like that their 'friendship' would remain for a little longer –

"N!" Leo called out to him. But because the other was absorbed in his thoughts, he did not hear him at all. N just wanted to leave. He did not want it to end so soon. They have barely been out together ever since Leo came back and if he were to open his annoying mouth again then... He would not be able to even apologise and say goodbye. N would not show his real tears in front of him, but surely, he would be wandering off somewhere and hide until he deems that it's okay to come out and be back to being 'N' again. He was not weak. N was the most cheerful kid out there: bright smiles, cute laughs, and above all, a kind, welcoming personality. He had lied a lot about himself that he did not even know who he was anymore. When was even the last time that he had cried without having an audience? – Ah. That's right – when he was alone at the dark inside Leo's bathroom and there were also those times when he felt like he was losing everyone –

"Answer me," Leo said firmly, forcing N to face him.

"I don't want to lie to you, Leo. Don't force an answer out of me. Please..." His lifelong friend begged softly, his head hanging low.

"Why would you lie?" Leo asked him, unable to believe what he was hearing.

Again, N was answered with a question. He pursed his lips, and then he in a breath. "I want this to last longer..." He confessed. Leo raised an eyebrow so he continued to explain, "This – our 'friendship.' It's born out of my lies and it still is a lie up until now. What do you really know about me, Leo? Who is N? Who is Cha Hakyeon? It doesn't really matter because we are lifelong friends now and you're there. I know that this wouldn't last forever so let me at least make the best out of it before I –"

"Disappear again?" Leo hissed, "Why do you keep pushing me away? You –"

"You wouldn't understand –"

"Then make me understand!" Leo grabbed his lifelong friend's shoulders and forced him to look at him properly.

"Please... Leo, wait a bit longer..." N said in a hushed voice that was even softer than Leo's.

"You're not leaving so what exactly am I waiting for?" Leo was already growing impatient. For each time that he would meet N, he did not receive any answer. Instead, his mind would get filled with a whole lot of new questions on top of the already existing ones.

N would not meet his gaze and only looked down at his own hands. Not long after, he sighed, "Seohyun... I'm waiting for Seohyun..."

"Seohyun?" Leo scoffed. "What makes you think that –"

"I know, Leo. I know. It's pathetic. But if I lose you, I don't mind how everyone else would treat me after. It wasn't long. But I loved every second of this lie with you... It made me feel like someone actually cares when everyone really hates me and talks about me behind my back. You wouldn't have to pretend anymore... I'll be letting you go..." N slowly let his lifelong fr