Chapter 38

Hakyeon felt shivers down his spine when his little body could no longer endure the cold weather. It was raining relentlessly and he knew that there would be no one in his house because everyone else would either be at work or in school. He did not want to go home. If anything, he was scared to go back to that place where he would be welcomed by constant nagging instead of a towel or a hot chocolate drink. Hakyeon envied the other kids in his school; he always heard that their parents would treat them when they get some kind of achievement, read them bedtime stories before they fall asleep and also that they get at least a kiss goodbye when they leave their house to go to school. Hakyeon did not understand what he had done wrong or why he had to be treated differently at home and in school.

His mother would be just like any other mother if they were around other people or if she was in a somewhat calm mood. However, once she gets a swig of alcohol or if she and his stepfather have some kind of dispute, the whole house would be in utter chaos. His family did not originally act like that from what Hakyeon could remember, but that past was long gone and Hakyeon already moved past reminiscing something that could not be brought back.

It was also true that Hakyeon's parents valued his older siblings more than him even long before the incident happened and he accepted that – he liked seeing his sisters smiling when they get pampered because they looked beautiful when they do. Hakyeon tried smiling in front of the mirror himself but only felt sorry for himself the more he tried testing out different angles or different ways to smile. He did not feel beautiful at all because he was different. He did not want to be different with his older sisters but it remained as a fact that he could not do anything about it. Still, he tried his best to imitate them, to smile just like them and it was what got him the attention that he sought in school.

The so-called 'friendship' that he believed he shared with some kids was just Hakyeon's silly delusion to save himself from feeling down. He had to be happy or he would get harassed and asked for reasons as to why he felt the way he did. How would he be able to explain it? With just how his older sisters are, he knew that he would get teased as soon as he told them that he felt unhappy. Why? Because Hakyeon would always be smiling – smiling even when it was exhausting to pretend.

He persuaded himself,

'A little lie would not hurt.'

'I am not hurting anybody...'

'I am fine...'

Hakyeon halted as soon as he heard mewls from behind their school's building. He always stayed around his school because there was no other place that he could stay at and wait. Hakyeon sometimes helped the teachers clean up or the gardener with the flowers at the school's garden as he loved helping others. Curious, he tried to figure out the source of the noise. But as soon as he found out where they were all coming from, he stopped at his tracks. It was that scary looking new student that recently joined his class making a shelter for the little kittens and also playing with them. The scary looking new student had put his umbrella above the cardboard box shelter and a small smile tugged at his lips when one of the kittens snuggled closer to his leg.

"He's not scary at all..." Hakyeon whispered to himself as he watched, all intents of looking for a shed from the rain gone.

Hakyeon knew then that he wanted to speak to that scary looking new student. It made him happy seeing the other boy in the classroom because ever since he saw him at that time, he could no longer erase the heartwarming memory out of his head. Hakyeon was giddy that no one else knew about the other side – the 'cute' side – of that scary looking new student. This is because everyone else already established that he was not one to mess with based solely on the way he looks. 'If only they knew~' Hakyeon thought proudly.

And finally, after that, he approached the scary looking new student, much to everyone's surprise. "Hello...?" Hakyeon greeted after he tapped the boy's shoulder and lowered himself down so that he was not towering over him and blocking the light. "How are you doing? I haven't talked to you before and I don't really know your name so I was hoping to get my answers today by finally talking to you." Hakyeon also introduced himself and everything, "My name is Cha Hakyeon but everyone finds it easier to call me N. Nice to meet you...?" He asked what the scary looking new student's name was and only after a few nudges and prodding did he get a soft reply,

"Taekwoon..."

Hakyeon loved the way that the boy's name rolled on his tongue. But also felt then that calling him 'Leo' would fit him more. It was so easy to say just like how his self-given nickname, N. He did not really remember the reason why he preferred to be addressed as 'N' but he definitely favoured it over the plain, old, boring, 'Hakyeon.' Being 'N' made him into a person who loved to smile, was friends with everyone and was excited most of the time. Hakyeon loved N and preferred him over 'Hakyeon' for many reasons. 'N' was his beautiful mask that believed that he was adored by everyone when really, it was all just in his foolish imagination –

"It's stupid," Leo muttered as he flipped through their class textbook.

"What is?" N chirped a reply, clearly not paying attention to their lesson. He saw his 'friend' rolling his eyes before he answered that the name 'N' was stupid. Hakyeon was offended; he gasped and nearly stood up from his seat. But if it were not for their teacher walking by their seats, he really would have demanded Leo for an answer.

The first time that Hakyeon heard from someone that they liked his skin was when Leo tried to keep their friendship. He already had his mind made up and he was genuinely ready to let Leo go because of their differences. Only from the few days of hanging out with his 'friend,' others have already gossiped about comparisons between the two of them and it was making him uncomfortable with each second passing – 'N' never heard of