Chapter 35

"What happened between you and Hongbinnie?" Leo heard N asking Sanghyuk over the table and thought that it was best not to interrupt their talk. He had been trying to ask Hongbin the same question anyway and he was dying to know the story behind the awkward atmosphere that he felt between Hongbin and Sanghyuk. Leo was confident that the last time the two visited him, they were still in their usual peppy selves. Moreover, the string that they shared was not as thin as how Leo saw it just moments ago.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Sanghyuk denied in an instant; an obvious fake laugh following right after. "What happened to you! I'm supposed to be the one asking you that. How could you just disappear out of nowhere and not tell any of us! Do you know how difficult it had been to speak to Leo-hyung? He went all around looking for you! But... He kinda stopped a while back and got himself preoccupied with university... and his girlfriend... Milk, too! It's amazing how you returning all of a sudden made him come back to that Leo-hyung that I met." He chuckled, his shoulders somewhat relaxing, "When you were gone, he wouldn't even pay attention to us and would just stare at nothing. And –"

"Han Sanghyuk," N said, cutting him off. "Tell me what happened between you two and I'll tell you what you want to hear, okay?" A smile broke out of his face and Sanghyuk knew what that particular smile meant. Even with years gone, his N-hyung was still the same as the hyung that he was fond of from when he younger.

Sanghyuk swallowed the lump on his throat and allowed his back to fall on the backrest of his chair when he sighed, "It's complicated. It's my fault for not understanding the situation properly and now he's like that. But it won't be for long, I hope. I've been given an invitation to study overseas and I accepted it this morning. The invitation's been sitting in the house for so long anyway and I thought that it's about time that I answer them... Hongbin-hyung won't be seeing me and that's good, I guess... It will be good for him." Sanghyuk threaded his fingers through his now copper hair, still trying to get accustomed to the new haircut and colour. "It's embarrassing to admit but I was kinda Hongbin-hyung's 'girlfriend' for a while and..." He paused when he expected N to burst out laughing but the latter did not. Sanghyuk hesitated on continuing because of N's silence, but carried on anyway after he re-organised the words in his head,

"I thought that he was crushing on someone and of course I was happy about it. I wanted him to get a pretty girlfriend and about it when they get together... I told him that I will help him with dealing with the girls that were after him by 'dating' him, but I only found out that I was actually the one that he likes when Ravi-hyung helped me figure it out..." Sanghyuk played with some strands of his hair between two fingers, afraid of looking to see what kind of expression N had on his face, "The last time that we spoke, I told him that we can't be friends anymore because I can't return his feelings. I'm just afraid of hurting him any further, okay? I thought that it was the best way because I know that each time he would see me, he would be reminded that I cannot see him the same way that he sees me. So... that's why I accepted the invitation... I cannot bear to have him be like the way he is now because of me."

N nodded, acknowledging each word of Sanghyuk's story, "But aren't you just running away, Hyukkie? Hongbinnie is stronger than you think. He may be like that now but that's because you said that you couldn't be friends with him anymore not because you 'broke up' with him." He reached out from across the table to place his hand on Sanghyuk's, "In time, it would be easier for him to find someone new if you remain friends than if you run away all of a sudden. Do you understand?"

"You're not really in the position to tell me not to run away, hyung..." Sanghyuk grumbled, puffing his cheeks and then sighing. His N-hyung did have a point after all –

"You're right, I'm in no position to tell you that since I ran away myself," N shrugged, rubbing a thumb on the back of Sanghyuk's hand. "It was easy for me, but was it easy for you? Was it easy for Leo?" He shook his head. "It's always easier to run away and start anew but it is never easy to forget for those that you have left behind. It's selfish, I know... If the situation does not allow it, sometimes, there's no other way... In your case, you have plenty of options and running away should be your last one. So all I'm telling you now is that you might want to re-evaluate your decisions while you still can...You can do it. The fact that you're thinking of Hongbin's feelings says a lot and that might be one of the things that I like about you and why your sister is proud of you. You've matured, Hyuk-ah." N grinned at him. "But you would always be my child! My Hyukkie~"

Sanghyuk groaned and pulled his