My mind was blank as I stood in front of the door. My body felt heavy and lifeless, my head void of thoughts. This isn't my house and yet I recognised it. My heart leaped at the thought of meeting her and I could already feel a smile etched on my face. I reached out to open the door when I froze, my hand hovering in front of the handle. I was hesitating for some reason and I could feel an ominous energy engulf me. I could hear alarm bells in my mind telling me to get out of there, that this was a bad idea. I didn't even have time to pull my hand back when the door opened. I just stood there as Krystal stared at me, surprised by my visit. In that short moment, my eyes managed to capture all of her beautiful essence. Those round, brown eyes, her glowing, white skin and her long, jet-black hair. She was exuding elegance, the pure definition of perfect. I missed looking into those eyes and caressing her skin. 

Her surprise only lasted a few seconds before morphing into anger. I couldn't even react when her right hand went flying. A sharp slap right across the face. I was sent reeling a few steps backwards. I was rubbing my cheek, trying to ease the sting. I could feel the heat, my red cheek throbbing from the impact.

"Where the heck did you go?! First you choked me and then you run off screaming incoherent words?! What's gotten into you?"

" Wait....... Choke you?!"

Obviously I didn't know what she was talking about. I would never choke her, heck i would never harm her. I couldn't comprehend those words or believeing I would do such a thing, especially to Krystal. The shock of hearing those words left me speechless and this just made Krystal angrier. 

"WHY ARE YOU STAYING SILENT?! CAN YOU PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!!!"

"Is... Is it true? Did i really hurt you?"

My voice was trembling as i asked the question. I feared the answer, desperately hoping it wasn't true but her silence was enough of an answer. My eyes wandered to her neck to look for bruises or swelling. I rushed forward and hugged her, my arms wrapping around her shoulder. I buried my head on her shoulder as i apologised.

"I'm so so so sorry! I didn't mean to, I just..... just wasn't myself then. Trust me, I will never do it again. I will never hurt you intentionally, OR accidentally! you're too precious to me and i can't afford losing you so please, forgive me okay?"

I just kept apologising, trapping her in my embrace. The thought of losing her scared me. She was my cure, my antidote from this madness in my head and losing her meant losing my last shred of sanity. I was a coward who couldn't live on his own. 

We sat on the couch, both of us not talking or looking at each other. Krystal had let me in after my sudden apology and wanted to talk. Her face was flushed red after what i had said but i wasn't really paying attention to that.  I was fiddling with the buttons on my shirt as i looked at my feet. Despite the blank look on my face, my mind was flooded with thoughts. Thoughts on why I would do such a thing to Krystal or why I had no recollection of it. I would never hurt her. She was my saving grace so why would a dying man hurt their only saviour. Plus none of my close aquaintences knew about her. I was the only one who knew her here and none of her friends would do such a thing to her. Unless........

L

My hands balled up, my anger rising from the realisation. That bastard . The memories from the day before came flooding in, my memories before the takeover. Stuck in the jail cell, arguing with him, the loud ringing and then the blackout. So he was responsible for this.......

"Hey are you okay?"

Krystal noticed my stiff expression and was worried for me. She shouldn't know what's happening. i can't let her know. She might get into further trouble...... and more importanly..... I didn't want her to fear me. In my condition, I can scare her and make her run away, leaving me and that feared me more than anything else.

"Nothing.... nothing's wrong don't worry."

"NO! Don't lie to me. Something's up and you're hiding something from me!"

She rose up, clearly annoyed. 

"Tell me the truth Myungsoo.... What's happeing to you?"

"Look just calm down okay. Nothings wrong with okay? I thinks its just the stress, thats all"

I tried approaching her, my hand stretched out to grab hers but she pushed them away.

"I SAID STOP LYING! Myungsoo, please! i can't help you if you won't tell me what's happening..."

"Its better if you don't know about it..... its too much.."

"Do you not trust me? Even though I'm your girlfriend? Or am I that uncapable to you that you can't even let me help you. "

"NO! Of course I trust you! Its just...... I fear that if you knew..... things might..... might change between us..."

 A long silence filled the air, not even the sound of her breathing could be heard. The atmosphere was heavy, filled with a tension that burdened my shoulders.

"Are you..... taking those drugs again?"

"What?! NO! But I think..... I'm suffering from its withdrawal symptoms."

That was the best i could think of on the spot. When she asked about the drugs, I used that as an excuse. In a way that was the truth. I was suffering from not taking thos drugs.

"Because of these.... sypmtoms... i think its best we stay away from each other for now till i get over them. Its dangerous to be around me right now. I could turn violent anymoment so please, lets just...... have a break from each other."

I didn't know why i was saying that, but I too knew it was the truth. I had no control over L, and he could take over any time and if that happens with Krystal around, I might regret what happens. And yet, as i spoke those words, I approached her, my hands caressing her arm. I stared into her eyes, seeing the yearning in her eyes. Those brown eyes shining under the sunlight, those sinful lips just inviting me in. I couldn't stop myself. The sparks spread across my body as we kissed one more time, her lips as soft and plump as I remembered them. My started roaming her back as our kiss intensified. I didn't know why buut my self control was all but gone. I just wanted her and only her. Next thing i knew, my shirt was off and I was carrying her, My arms wrapped around her body while her legs wrap around my torso, our lips unseparable as I ferried her to her bedroom to continue our sinful act of love.