When the mind finally starts to believe

---

 

In a country in the fictional world by the name of Xuille (pronounce shuwielle) is where this story takes place. The country’s name goes by Nylyeos and consists of a big capital city with countless remote villages and towns. The country was large and not the richest, but the sceneries were above all beautiful. Citizens hardly ever left their home town, so the place of birth was almost always the place of death.

 

In that world a race called humans exists. Though it’s not as populated with these creatures as the earth as we know it, they’re present. The largest population of Xuille wasn’t known. Everything coexisted although not always in peace. The main reason for the citizens to stay in their hometowns was the dangers they would face in case they would leave leave its protection. An ordinary human being wouldn’t be able to face the creatures outside the borders.

 

A group of 13 children decide to sneak out of the village named Zun against the laws and rules, to explore the outer world they have never seen before. But when they return, they find out that they have no home to return to. The village as they knew it had completely vanished. The only remains were the ruins of destruction.

--------------------------

 

It was horrible, the smell was horrible. It smelt like burnt wood, flesh and most importantly, death. The sight wasn’t much better either. The fire had died except for the occasional dying flame here and there, while a black and grey blanket of dust and ash covered the ruins of what was supposed to be a well built and lively village. The sound sent shivers down one’s spine. Cold shivers that made her feel like she was about to be struck by lightning without being able to do anything about it. It was silent, if not for the occasional gust of wind. Here and there they could see wood, metal or a chunk of stone breaking and falling to the ground with an echoed thud.

 

Her breath was silent and almost seemed nonexistent. There was a bitter taste left in by the ashes lingering in the air. The smell of death made her want to puke and her eyes were left wide as her whole body had stiffened in tension, fear and realisation. Realisation that the protective embrace of her home, their home didn’t exist anymore. Her knees felt weak, almost too weak to keep her standing. Even more when she heard a few of the people beside her fall to them. The grip on her hand had tightened but felt stiff and tensed. It was strong enough to make her small bones feel like they were breaking in the hold.

 

She gulped when she couldn’t take the pain anymore. The hand around hers immediately loosened its grip, but didn’t let go. Instead it was as light as the touch of the wind grazing by her skin, but it didn’t let go. The unbearable pain she felt was not only caused by the grip on her hand. That was only a fragment, the splinter of the tree that represented the pain. How long had they been standing there motionlessly? Just staring at the horrifying sight in front of them? She didn’t know. She was sure that all of them had lost the track of time, no, the existence of time when they had noticed it. The destruction of the village they called their home.

 

For the first time since the piercing silence had fallen, the girl gathered enough courage to look around her, to look at the faces of her 12 partners in misfortune. Whereas she couldn’t feel her tears, as if they had completely disappeared, she saw more than half of them crying as silent sobs slowly broke the silence. The 12 of them still staring at the horrifying sight. The girl didn’t know what they were thinking. She couldn’t imagine how they felt. She didn’t want to. She could relate though, since unfortunately they all shared the same fate.

 

She heard a hiccup coming from one of them. It wasn’t her. In a natural reflex, her eyes sought the figure they had come from. Another knife of pain stabbed her very soul as she looked at the figure to the right from her. In between them just two others. The boy was just slightly younger than her. By a month or two. He was known as the crybaby of the group, while his fierce looks deceived one of that trait of his. The hiccup was followed by another hiccup. Then another. Soon it became a series of hiccups for about a minute, until a heart piercing cry completely broke the silence. The cry made her wince once more and tense to the core.

 

The first cry was followed by another one, this time to her left. This time her maroon eyes fell on the youngest of their group. His hands balled into tiny fists as he finally fell onto his knees, breaking down completely as he cried his heart, no, his complete soul out. More cries followed and soon enough everyone teared up, although not all of them were screaming out loud. They had all teared up.

 

Except for her. She couldn’t cry. She didn’t know why, but the tears just didn’t come. Her head just felt empty and light, while her body was heavy and her heart felt full.

 

Why?

 

It was one of the many questions in her head.

How?

 

She didn’t know. She didn’t know the answer to either of these questions. She could answer the ‘What?’ by using her senses. The when was easy. It was now. The last question that she had was the one she feared most.

 

Who?

 

Who could do such a thing? Who was this heartless? Who could be responsible for an act like this? Who should she find to seek revenge? Who just had to steal her, their happiness?

 

The grip around her right hand had closed in again, until it once again completely hid her small hand in his. She finally tore her eyes off the maknae to be able to look up at the one beside her. Her eyes locked on his deep brown ones the taller boy stared down into hers. She could see the tremendous amount of pain with them. What was also vivid in his orbs, was the concern and worry while he looked at her. She took note of the trails of tear stains on his cheeks as they were still falling. He was scanning her eyes as if to look for something. She didn’t know what it was he was looking for. She couldn’t possibly know what he saw when he looked at her.

 

Her face was blank, completely blank. There was no emotion visible in her features. Although her body had tensed and she was stiff, he knew she felt weak, she even looked fragile. The hairs on her cheeks were standing, her jaws were clenched, but her hands and fingers were loose, while one of her hands was embraced by one of his bigger ones. Only her eyes were filled with emotion. Her eyes were enough for him to tell that she just wanted to disappear from this world. How much she just wanted to be destroyed along with their home. Because now, they had no protection from the world, they had no happiness to return to, they had no place to be weak. They were vulnerable, completely vulnerable to whatever threats and dangers they were exposed to. And they could no longer run away from it.

 

“Saehwan-ah.” He called her name.

 

It was silent enough to be a whisper, but she heard it. A slight movement of the hand he was holding was enough for him to know she had heard him. But that was all. There was no reaction other than that. The concern in his eyes was more vivid now as he stared at her. The cries in the background were slowly coming to a stop, she noticed. By the time they had completely stopped, she had stared up at him long enough that her neck was supposed to ache by now. But she didn’t feel it. And because the gaze wasn’t broken by the elder boy and she didn’t make any move to, she just kept staring.

 

“Kris?” She heard, but she kept her eyes on the boy. “Saehwannie?” The same voice spoke again.

 

Finally Kris’ gaze broke from hers so he could turn his head to the figure that had approached the two of them. His hand had landed on Kris’ shoulder and the physical contact had probably made the boy turn around. Saehwan’s maroon eyes however, were still on the side profile of Kris’ face. She had made no movement yet. Even when the figure’s hand had landed on her shoulder as well, the girl only flinched, slightly, but enough for him to notice.

 

“Saehwan?” He tried again.

 

When he got no response from her, his hand was lifted from Kris’ shoulder to move to her face. Lightly and gently, it cupped her left cheek and chin to turn her face to him. She did nothing to resist and her eyes locked on the boy shorter than Kris’. At the sight, he tensed and soon grew concerned and slightly scared. His face as well was stained with the now dried tears. His nose and eyes were red, while the rest of his face was completely pale.

 

“She’s not responding, Suho.” Saehwan heard Kris tell him.

 

“Saehwan-ah,” he tried again, soft enough to be a whisper. “Saehwan, say something.” This time it was louder and she could almost hear the desperation in his voice, the desperation she also saw in his eyes.

 

“Hyung,” She heard another familiar voice speak. The gentleness in the voice was something that always soothed her, but she could hear how broken it was now as it cracked when he spoke. “Hyung, Tao and Sehun stopped crying too.” Saehwan faintly heard him exhale. “Everyone has gathered. What do we do now?”

 

“Keep an eye on them Lay. We’ll be there soon.” Kris spoke.

 

She heard the shuffling of the sand under his feet. And slightly caught a glimpse of him behind Suho. He had turned back a bit and she noticed his gentle and concerned eyes on her. A small smile graced his lips when he turned around again to return to the gathered group. His smile made her react slightly. It was a smile that told the girl to trust them, to believe in them. But it didn’t tell her that everything was going to be okay. But she didn’t know if that bothered her.

 

“Saehwan-ah. Please.” Another tear escaped from the corner of Suho’s eye, but still only the slight twitch of her hand indicated that she had heard him.

 

Kris who was still holding her hand, finally made a movement since Suho arrived. He started to lift her hand carefully, as if afraid to break her. At first the girl didn’t notice as she stared into Suho’s eyes. His hand was still cupping her face and his other hand still rested on her shoulder. Soon Saehwan felt her hand move and once again every one of her muscles tensed. For the first time Kris noticed her resisting to his movement. Though Suho wasn’t touching her hand, he noticed her struggle to keep her hand in place. As if she’d lose it when it moved away from her.

 

“Saehwan.” She heard Kris speak. His voice was now clearly audibly. “What’s wrong?”

 

The rest had heard the boy speak and flocked together around them. All of them equally worried. Suho’s and Kris felt the girl slightly tremble under their touch. Suho immediately let go of her as her eyes showed so, so much pain. As if she was burning while touched by him. She took note of the pain and worry in his eyes as he slightly distanced himself from her. Kris tried again to lift her arm, but was still met with resistance.

 

“Saehwannie.” A different voice said.

 

Now free from Suho’s hands keeping her head in place, Saehwan’s eyes wearily moved to the source of the voice with a turn of her head. This was the first willing movement she made after she had found the crying Tao and Sehun and looked at Kris the moment after. Her eyes found a boy with big brown eyes and gentle facial features. Again the tear stains were evident. His doe-like eyes expressed concern as well as he approached her, while holding onto the boy beside him,Sehun. He as well looked at her, but he was also scared.

 

Soon her eyes wandered from face to face, as they circled her. Behind Luhan and Sehun, clutching to Luhan, was the mischievous trio, Chen, Baekhyun and the taller Chanyeol. Everyone had dried tears staining their faces and everyone bore a similar expression as they stared at her. Why? Was she that scary? Was she that pitiful? Why were they staring at her like that?

 

Beside Chanyeol was the shorter boy who was a few months older than her, the boy with owl-like eyes, who everyone knew as D.O. His eyes as well were similar. Beside D.O. was the boy who flashed her a smile earlier, Lay, who had his arm around Tao. Another arm around Tao belonged to Xiumin, the eldest of the group. His free arm was around the boy on his other side, Kai. His dark hair covered his eyes for the most part, but the tear stains were visible. His lower lip was bleeding slightly, probably because he bit on it too hard.

 

Another tug on Saehwan’s arm made her aware of Kris’ presence again and her eyes locked with his. She resisted again, still not knowing why. Kris hadn’t spoken again, but he had been staring all the time. The tallest among the group noticed the difference. Saehwan’s face hadn’t expressed an emotion until he tried to move her hand. When he did, she looked like a lost puppy who was about to get kidnapped. Scared, lost and lonely. He didn’t dare to talk, afraid that his voice would break and he’d cry. He couldn’t. Not when everyone was depending on a strong leader, which he bore the responsibility of.

 

“Saehwannie.” Another voice said.

 

Immediately the girl’s head turned to the left to capture Xiumin’s face. His hand had let go of Tao and Kai who were now both in Lay’s embrace  and he stepped to her. His approaching didn’t get any response from her whatsoever, except for the staring. She didn’t even mind when everyone took a few steps towards them, closing in on the four of them in the center of the circle. However when Xiumin’s hand was raised and he reached out for her, the girl tensed up again. His attention was fully on her and there was no way he would miss her expression. She looked like she was about to be hit. He stopped, his hand hovering in the hair right by her shoulder. He didn’t retreat it.

 

“Saehwan-ah, I’m not going to hurt you.” He spoke. His voice was low and the girl had noticed the trembling she knew he was trying to suppress. “What’s wrong?”

 

Again no response. A few seconds of silence passed until she slightly relaxed. Xiumin had seen this and moved his hand again. Higher this time. She observed him closely as she started to stiffen again. Every movement made her suspicious, scared. As if she didn’t know what was going to happen. As if every next second the unpredictable could hurt her, could hurt them. Soon the boy’s moving hand came to a halt on top of her head. He it in a way he knew Saehwan liked it, it was the way he always her head. He hoped that the tiny feeling of nostalgia could get a reaction out of her, other than being scared.

 

It worked. Saehwan didn’t know why, but her muscles relaxed slowly. The resistance to Kris’ lifting wore off and he could move her hand. But instead of moving it up, he lowered it again and let go of it. The girl was still staring at Xiumin, who smiled at her. It was a reassuring smile. A similar smile to the one Lay had given her moments earlier. As much as she wanted to, she didn’t like it. It didn’t tell her anything, it scared her. Was everything going to be fine? She knew that no one could answer that question, because they didn’t know it themselves. They were scared of promising something, while they didn’t know if they could keep it. It scared her, it scared her so much.

 

“Saehwannie.” She heard again.

 

Her eyes again sought the owner of the husky voice. She knew who it belonged to, but she had to make sure he was there. Her eyes landed on D.O., who had been silent all the time. The boy shorter than the others was smiling slightly as well. It was barely notable, but she could see it. Xiumin’s hadn’t stopped and the more more he her head, the more relaxed. It was slow, but she did.

 

“Hwannie.” she heard Xiumin call her. He waited for her to return his gaze and when she did, he spoke again. “Please.”

 

His voice was no more than a pleading whisper. Soon the stopped and Saehwan felt herself tense up again. No more than a second later, his arms wrapped around her shorter and smaller body. Her arms were dropped to her sides as she now stared over the boy’s shoulder in his embrace. One of his hands found its way to the top of her head again and he continued to her head. She relaxed again as she gazed up at the sky. How she hated that perfectly blue sky with the few clouds drifting by lazily. Even mother nature mocked her, their misfortune.

 

“Let’s go.” She heard Suho’s voice say again.

 

Tentatively he took her hand again and Xiumin released her slowly. He took her other hand and locked it with Kris’, while he stayed behind her, close enough so that she could feel the presence. Saehwan’s eyes first sought Suho’s and he smiled at her. When she turned to her other side, she found Kris’ eyes whose hand was so careful, that he was afraid of breaking her if his grasp on her would be stronger than a light touch. She glanced at the other 9 before Kris and Suho started walking. This time she didn’t resist and walked right beside them, while Xiumin was right behind her.

 

Once the group was far enough from the ruins of the village and they had found a cave as shelter for the time being, the group could finally rest. Everyone was silent. No one dared to speak. Before anything, they had to let this sink in first. The group sat in a close circle. Everyone was right beside each other, close enough for shoulders to touch. Saehwan was right in between Kris and Xiumin, who hadn’t left her side ever since he hugged her. Suho had taken Tao in his care, while Kai was still with Lay.

 

“Guys.” Kris started.

 

No one knew how much time had passed since they arrived in the cave. But one thing was sure. They had to find something to eat before the dark. They hadn’t eaten since breakfast and not eating wouldn’t do. They had to be at strength in case something happened. Despite being only 18 years old, Kris was the perfect figure to lead. Luhan and Xiumin had long ago decided that they weren’t fit for that role, hence Kris took it upon him to play the father figure in the group, whereas Suho represented the group’s mother. It was ironic though, since Saehwan was the girl in the group. But she belonged to one of the youngest, the youngest being Sehun at age 14 one year younger than her, and wasn’t fit at all for leadership. And with 13 kids in one group one leader wouldn’t suffice.

 

Kris had made sure he gained everyone’s attention before continuing.

 

“We need to find food.”

 

There was no movement at first. Everyone just stared at first, waiting for some kind of continuation.

 

“How?” Chen was the first to speak up his mind. His voice was hoarse from crying.

 

“Where?” Chanyeol joined. The group still couldn’t get used to his voice. Being in puberty, Chanyeol’s voice had changed recently. It was even lower than Kris’.

 

“Well… We could pluck fruits and vegetables in the forest…” Lay spoke up hesitantly. He shifted in his place as he gazed at the girl in Xiumin’s embrace. “But with Saehwannie in this state…”

 

Her eyes were fixated on Lay as he spoke, she winced slightly at the mention of her name. She hadn’t moved, nor spoken, nor resisted as they walked and sat her down gently. She just went along with everything. She hadn’t changed much from the first time her unresponsive state started. Her expression was still blank, but her eyes emitted everything they had to know. Only one thing had changed in her lost and scared state. The loneliness in her eyes was less evident.

 

“I agree. Sehun and Tao aren’t in the condition to move around either.” Baekyun finally spoke up.

 

“But we need food…” D.O. sided with Kris.

 

“Though hunger is the last thing I can think about now.” Luhan commented in a whisper.

 

“Guys. It’s not about being hungry. We need food and water to survive.” Kris stated in a slightly louder tone now.

 

Everyone stiffened, including Saehwan. Kris noticed that he had been quite harsh with his words and glanced at Suho with a look seeking help. He just nodded in understanding.

 

“Come one everyone. I know it’s hard and that everyone is tired, but sitting around won’t do. We need to make a plan.” He coaxed the group.

 

After exchanging glances everyone finally agreed with nods to each other.

 

“Okay. Let’s make groups.” Kris suggested. “We’ll make three groups. One group will stay here to make a fire, other group will search for edible plants and the last group will look for water.”

 

Everyone was hesitant at the splitting of the groups. They shifted around exchanging glances with mixed expressions. Saehwan in Xiumin’s embrace had started to tremble violently. Xiumin only noticed after hearing a sound coming from her.

 

“I will go with Kai, Chanyeol and Lay to find water. Suho will take D.O., Chen, Baekyun and Luhan. Xiumin will stay here with Tao, Sehun and Saehwㅡ”

 

“ㅡNO!”

 

The sudden shout had startled everyone. Twelve pairs of eyes landed on the only girl in the group after she had shouted. Saehwan’s knees had been pulled up and she had shifted herself backwards. Her eyes were filled with fear as she looked at the group, but mainly at Kris. She was no longer beside him but moved more and more to the back, until she was met with the rock wall of the cave. Even then she tried to crawl back, as she was trying to go through the wall.

 

“Saehwan-ah, what’s wrong?” Xiumin asked her. He had turned around to her when she slapped away his arm and was met with her gaze. He froze in place after locking eyes with her. Her expression sent the fear straight to him as if he could feel her in pain. He was scared. Not for himself but for her. She was shaking her head rapidly as she realised she couldn’t go through the wall. Her hands went straight to her head and clasped her shoulder length locks.

 

“No.” She whimpered. “No no no no.”

 

“Noona?” Sehun called for her, his eyes glistening with tears as he was on the brink of crying too.

 

She found his eyes as well. Sehun as the youngest of the group, wasn’t used to this side of her. He had rarely seen Saehwan  cry or panic. There was even sweat dripping. When Kris took a step closer to her she let out a yelp. He halted when he heard it. He was hurt by the fact that Xiumin could approach her, but he as the one Saehwan always clung to, couldn’t. Why?

 

“Saehwan, what’s wrong?” Finally Baekyun had rosen from his seat and stepped to her.

 

Saehwan had noticed this and froze in place, not letting out even one sound as she shivered violently. She stared at Baekyun who approached her in a pace she didn’t like. But was there a pace she was okay with? She didn’t know. Once he reached her, Baekyun crouched in front of her. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket. Gently he dabbed her face to wipe away the sweat.

 

“Saewhan-ah. We’re here. We’re not  going anywhere.” He assured her. “Hwannie, trust us. We would never leave you.”

 

Baekhyun’s words made Kris realise why she was acting this way. He stood up and approached her again. Saehwan tensed again and the grip on her hair tightened. Chen and Chanyeol approached the girl as well as they crouched in front of her. The rest followed soon after. Kris’ hands were placed on top of the fists her hair was in. He them soothingly and pried them open. After taking her hands in his he made her look in her eyes.

 

“Saehwan-ah, listen carefully to me.” He started. Baekhyun rose from his place to switch places with Kris. He crouched in front of her looking at her in the eye with a soft, but stern look. “Even thoughㅡ” He was interrupted by a yelp and her fists clasped around his fingers. “Even though they’re gone, even though the village is gone… We will never leave you, Saehwan.” The elder boy felt her hands shiver in his and watched her eyes widen. “They are gone Saehwan. But we’re still here. We’re right beside you.”

 

“Kris-hyung, this is too harsh on heㅡ” Chanyeol stopped talking when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head slightly to see the owner, Chen, lightly shaking his head at him. The boy fell silent and replaced his gaze on her with a sigh.

 

“Hwannie, we’re here.” Luhan coaxed. “We’re not going anywhere.”

 

Her eyes were still on Kris, but she heard Luhan loud and clearly. Suho then crouched beside her and made Saehwan face him once again by cupping the left side of her face and turn it to him.

 

“Listen to me carefully Saehwan-ah.” He eyes were soft, filled with concern, but he had to make her realise it, believe it. She wasn’t able to cope with the destruction of their homes. He finally understood as well. “The village is gone Saehwan. Our parents, our friends, even the pets… They’re gone. But you’re not alone. We are not alone. We have each other. You have us. And we have you.”

 

“We need each other, noona.” This time it was Kai. He sounded desperate, he was trying to convince himself as well.

 

“We need you too Saehwannie.” Tao spoke up with his hoarse voice.

 

“Saehwan-ah, we’re family right?” Chen asked her. “Right?”

 

“Saehwan-ah, you already know it right? You need to accept it. You need to live.” D.O. spoke.

 

“You’re not alone, pabo.” Kris spoke as he nudged her.

 

“We are…” Suho started and paused for a second. “One.” The other 11 joined.

 

“O-op-oppa-a.” Her was no more than a whisper at first. But it was the first time they had heard her voice since the scene of their destructed homes. “S-suho-oppa.”

 

Staring at the scene, while shivering the whole time, Saehwan finally let a tear escape. It was one lonely tear at first. Then another joined. More and more dropped until she was finally crying out loud. She screamed, thrashed and cried for hours and hours. First in Kris’ arms, then in Xiumin’s and soon everyone had their turn as Saehwan cried out her in their arms. Tao and Sehun cried along when she was in theirs. Even Baekyun and Suho whimpered when she trembled in their arms like a frail porcelain doll. The realisation that her village was gone, had finally hit the girl’s mind and her body reacted to it. The realisation that she still had a home, was joined soon after as she cried in the arms of the friends who were like family to her. No they were family. Her mind finally started to believe that, it just took her longer than expected.

 

After crying, they finally proceeded to finding food. They were tired, but the urge to survive was stronger. Saehwan was still weak after her late outburst, maybe even weaker than before, but she had emptied her heart and very soul. Everyone worried less now that they knew that she had accepted their cruel and lonely fate, but they gave each other the strength to move on.

 

~One year later~

 

“Yah! Saehwan! Stop jumping around like that and give me back my fruits!” A male voice roared. He was angry all right as he chased the girl who jumped from tree to tree. He was on the ground as climbing wasn’t one of his best skills. But the petite and fast girl, was one of the best in their group in it. The best beingㅡ

A squeel was heard when the girl finally came to a halt, but only because she plummeted to the ground. Below her was already someone to catch her. Head first she was dropped to the ground from the at least 5 meter high branch she had stepped on. The squirrel that jumped on the branch at the same time had caught her off guard. The big fruit was still in her hand when she fell and a grin spread across her face when she knew that there was someone to catch her. Saehwan spread her arms and the man below her stared at her in surprise but spread his arms as well. He stumbled backwards by the force, but managed to break the maroon eyed girl’s fall.

 

“Ow.” Saehwan whined as was pulled up by her arm.

 

The girl looked up at a not so pleased Kris who had a firm grip on her. “How many times have I told y ㅡ”

 

“Hyung!” Chanyeol shouted as he ran to her panting violently. “Did you… Did you catch her?”

 

When he noticed said girl on the floor, the boy scowled.

 

“Noona…” Sehun groaned. “You’re heavy.”

 

Kris let out a sigh when he pulled the girl from the boy underneath her. She carefully retreated by taking a step backwards as soon as Kris let go of her arm. The others joined one by one and soon the 12 boys were standing in a row, looking at her. Their expressions were mixed. Some were proud and excited that their joke somehow worked out and were grinning, others were stern and concerned that the girl was bringing herself and others in danger and could start scolding her any second.

 

Without hesitation the girl ran to the twelve as they circled around her, giving her no chance of escape. They realised that she didn’t plan to in the first place when they joined her into a group hug. From the center of the hug she pointed her thumb into the air, trying to reach as far as she could.

 

“We are!” She started.

 

“One!” The boys joined as they mirrored her action.

 

---

 

Name: Saenan

Country: The Netherlands

Age: 20

Title of one shot:  When the mind starts to believe